Oklahoma City Times-Journal (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 292, Ed. 1 Sunday, September 6, 1891 Page: 4 of 4
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GETTING INTO * MAMMOCK.
FnnnT for thr Onlooker*, but No Fan for
th. Kat Man.
[ ROMANCE OF THE DESERT.
i How H. Marrl.d HI. rrl.ort t th. Othrr
KimI of tho Wirt.
It tii iii back yard oo Carroll
atreet. Brooklyn, anil the hour was
auudown, bays M. Quail in the Kvenmg
World. ...
A hammock wa Buspeuded between
two poala.
Such birds a tliey have in Brooklyn
were singing their i.weetest snugs pre-
paratory to socking their gentle roosts,
and the yellow faces of I lie big sun-
flowei B carried grim of pleasure us a
fat man. smoking a cigar, made his
appearance.
He had come out to lie in the liaui
mock and commune with nature as
•he scut the sun to rest and bade the
banana peddlors cease their racket.
Ho proceeded to bUBinoss by backing
up to the hammock, soiling it with
both hands behind him. and drawing
it under him.
llo sat down on the ground. He
wouldn't believo it was tho ground at
first, but after fooling all around he
finally became convinced and got up.
Something was ssid about a locality
way. way off, which had no railroad or
steamboat connection, but his words
were not addressed to any one in par-
ticular.
This time he sidled up to tho ham-
mock and held it so as to roll in on his
right Bide. His motives were entirely
honorable, but there's a hcai> of differ-
ence between running a coal yard and
getting into a hammock, lie didn't
roll in. For some unexplained reason
the machinery skipped a cog just then,
and he woke up on the broad side of
his back with the hammock swinging
over hint.
This timo he delivered quite a
lengthy address on Halifax aud Texas
— how to get there—manners aud cus-
toms—cost of liviug,etc. He appeared
to ho considerably discouraged, but
after awhile ho hraced up for another
effort He spread his anus right and
left, got a firm hold of the hammock,
and thou hopped a frisky little hop
with the firm intention of landing
somew here.
He landed. His head hit the ground
first, aud then, by a sort of graduated
scale, the rest of his body came down
till his heels got there and jarred the
earth for thirty feet around, lie was
very quiet for a couple of minutes.
The two or three cats looking over tho
feuce couldu't bo sure whether he was
dead or quietly enjoyiug a good thing.
By ami by a whoop Lroko the still-
ness of evoning. It came from the fat
man. Thou the earth trembled. It
was the fat man getting up. There
was a long-handled shovel resting
peacefully agaiust the feuce, and ho
rushed for it aud brought it down
"kerswat!" on the hammock—and then
turned and fetched the fence an awful
"kerthump!"—aud then knocked the
whole face olf a big suiiliciwer, and
when ho hail finished and disappeared
into tho house those who looked down
into the back yard turned pale and
whispered to each other that the euu
was not yet. _
CLEVER DIAMOND SMUGGLING.
(Taa Whirl, Wan Mmlo of a Hkyo T.rrlar lo
Cluat Undo Ham.
■•Talking about smuggling reminds
me of a trick 1 saw resorted to by a
passenger ou one of the big ocean
steamships a couple of years ago,"
said a loquacious commercial traveler
to a Jewelers' Weekly man. "You
know tlioro is a duly ou diamonds, and
one of the passengers had three large
rtn several thousand dollars,
Btonus, wortu w. i" ...........— •---.
which ho had purchased iu London.
The problem of "how to evade paying
duty Oil tho stones worried liiui con-
siderably. but at Inst lie ovolveil a plan
anil a few days before tho steamer ar-
rived iu New York he procoedud to
execute it.
•. The chief ollicer had a littlo Skyo-
lerrier, and the passenger after con-
siderable eoaxiug induced him to sell
Hie dog. As soon as tho smuggler
gained possession of the aniinal he
tied him up and gave liiiu notbiug to
rat until just before wo were to go
aahorc. He then procured some fat
meat from the cook, and cutting off a
piece a little larger than a walnut
made a hole in it. into which he
placed one of the diamonds.
"A dog will generally bolt a piece of
fat without chewiug it and, of course,
a diamond will go down with it. The
hungry dog swallowed tho meat, as his
owner expected he would, and iu a
short time the tlireo diamonds were
safely stowed away in his interior.
The diamond smuggler had 110 dilfi
cully In evading the vigilance of tho
custom-house officials, and ivas soon
on his way up-lowu. loadiug the dog
by a string.
"1 met hi 111 again 111 a few days
afterward and asked liiiu how he re-
covered the stouea. 'Easily enough,'
he replied. As soon as 1 got home I
shot the dog and found the diamonds
after a short search. Of course, I was
sorry lor the dog, but dogs are cheap
and the tariff on stones is high, and I
never allow sympathy to interfere with
business.'"
Hiding Had Tastes.
A strong solution of extract of lic-
orice destroys the disagreeable taste of
aloes. Peppermint wator disguises the
nauseous taste of Kpsoui salts. Milk
is a good abater of the bitter taste of
Peruvian bark, and cloves that of seu-
11a. I'astor oil cannot be tasted if
beaten and thoroughly mixed with
the white of an egg- Auother method
of covering the nauseous taste of cas-
tor or cod liver oils is to put a table-
spoonful of Blralnod orange juice in a
wine glass, pour the oil into the center
of tho juice, then squeeze a few drops
of lemon juice upon the oil aud rub
some of the juice ou the edge ol the
glass.
It is said that the five leading hotels
at Saratoga take in an aggregate of
t'2.000,000 a month during the busy
neasoll.
Take an Air llatli.
Telegraph operators usually make
warm friends with each other with 110
other means of communication than
the inscusato wire, and more than once
friendships, thus made have lasted lor
years without either person having so
much as had a glimpse of tho other's
features, it Is not often, however,
that a courtship is carried on under
such circumstances, but a pretty little
romance comes from the desert which
had for ils sequel tho recent registra-
tion at a prominent hotel of "J. J
Stauabury and wife, Jackson Springs,
Cal." The story is repeated by the
Los Angeles llcrald in the words of the
hero himself.
"About a year and a half ago, said
he, "I was a railroad agent and tele-
graph operator at a little station down
on the desert side of Yuma. The
station cousisled of nothing more than
a big water-tank, a shod for myself,
and another for a small crew of track-
men. There for nearly a year I put
iu the loneliest and the holtest time
that I ever passed in rev life. The
thermometer had a way of monkeying
around between 100 and 150 degrees
above zero on most days, and almost
my only pleasure was found in talking
over tho wires with tho operators at
various stations along tho line.
•'1 had never seen tho operator at
Banning at that time, but lie was a
cheerful, jolly sort of fellow, and as
time also hung heavily upon his hands
we passed many a pleasant hour in
conversation over the wires. We had
sort of hulf arraugeil to get a vaca-
tion together, and there was a good
deal of joyful anticipation—on my
part at least—of the manner in which
we should pass it. We wore to go in-
to the mountains and spond two or
three weeks iu hunting, fishing, etc.
All of our plans were arranged in
those scorching and lonely days, and
wo usually agreed In our ideas of the
preparations, although there was oc-
casionally a little difference of opinion
"1 remember, for instance, that lie
said he was going to taku along a pair
of rubber boots for trout fishing, while
1 asked him: 'What's tho matter with
you taking oil your shoes and stock-
iugs aud rolling up your pants!" But
he said that he preferred boots. As
the time drew uoar, however, lie, for
some reason that I could uot under-
stand. backed squarely out of tho en
terprise, much to my disgust.
"Finally, he told 1110 one day that
he was going to New Mexico to pass
his vacation, aud we anticipated con-
siderable pleasure in meeting each
other during the train's briof stop at
mv station. But I did uot meet him at
all for when the train that bore him
arrived I was sick and unconscious
with a burning fever, the result of my
lou" stay iiuder the torrid sun.
Into the fever-tortured brain there
sometimes creeps a semiconsciousness
of the life about it, aud bo during the
days of my agony 1 was vaguely aware
of gentle, womanly hands and a kiud-
ly feminine presence in my sick room,
aud wheu 1 returned to the conscious
world I was not surprised to lind a fair
and pleasant face beside me. She said
that she had been upon the train when
I was found stricken down, and had
stayed to minister to my sore need
The idea mav seem preposterous, but
1 believe the "foundation of my atToctiou
for my kind attendant had boon laid
while the uucousciousuoss of fever
was still npou me, and the affection
grow into tho deepest love as she cared
for me during the days of my conva-
"After a time I ventured to tell her
of my love, aud to ask her if she would
be mine; but I was not prepared for
her answer.
"•John," she said, 'do you really
mean that you wish to marry a }jirl
that insists upon wearing rubber
hoots and will not—roll '
Mat!' 1 said, for I was completely
beaten. Theu it flashed npou me.
She was tho operator at Banning, and
1. like a fool, had always taken iI for
granted that she was a man.
"Well, I am not going to tell how 1
convinced her that I wanted to marry
her, boots and all, but 1 did it, and,
like Barkis, she was williu\ and here
we are on our wedding journey. '1 he
Southern Pacific has lost an operator,
but I calculate that I am ahead on the
ileal."
The GrumhllnK Habit.
Grumbling is a chronic habit with
some people. The other day a long
train of cars stopped at a little suburban
btatiou, ami necessarily. of < ours*, the
front and rear car were a considerable
distance from tho station. "This is an
outrage." exclaimed a lady an she got
out of the front car. "I've got to
walk about a mile to tho station just
liecause the railroad doesn't land me
there." At the same moment a lady
who was getting out of the rear car
was exclaiming: "This is au outrage;
1 paid my fare to the station, but it
seems the company is too mean to
carry me there. They ought to
be exposed." But, of course, you
will say that the passeuger for that
station, a mail in the middle car, was
satisfied. Not much. As ho descended
from the car, and saw that he was di-
rectly in front of the station, he re-
marked: 4 Huh! Hit it right this time.
Must have been an accident, though.
Company too mean to accommodate
anybody ou purpose."
A CIRL SAVED BY A COWBOY.
Ilrr Frightened
Romantically Roped fr
Hteetl l>y i
Lord Hardsquoie,*1 said a belle to her
wealthy friend. "Ijitao?"' "O. no,"
said the business-like young woman.
■ I shouldn't sty e were engaged, hut
I I have an option on him."— Wush-
ington Star.
The story of tho Persian .Shall laiil-
ing that delinquent tax collector to
death is reiterated. In the name of
civilization, however, it's to be hoped
he didn't add the crown of cruelty to
his sufferings by asking linn if it was
hot enough for hint. — Philadelphia
Times.
Tho Rev. Spiritwilliug (at Ocean
Grove) — "I wonder if our order anent
the wearing of decent habiliments
havo beou hearkened unto by the bath-
ing sisters?" The He v. Thorninflesh—
"Ahem! Let us stray forth by the
water and examine into tho matter."—
New York Herald.
Kvolina— "Come. Chawloy, let's go
homo now." Charles — "What for?
Aren't vou enjoyiug tho entertain
meut?" Evelina—"(ill, yes, but it isn'
good form to be very much interested
in anything. People won't know but
we are from tho country if wo stay
until the end."—Chautauyua Assembly
Herald.
Among the tales of the rnund-u|.
of cattle west of tho Missouri River
that have drifted into tho border
towns, a Chamberlain, IS. I)., corres-
pondent writes, is one with a llavoT of
romance. When the cattle men had
cleaned up tho reservation and closed
the Cheyenne the camp was visited one
ovening by a party from a neighbor-
ing ranch, one of whom was a charming
young lady from the East, Miss Lettie
barton. She was delighted nt tho
novelty of the scenes at camp, and
readily accepted an invitation from
Alexander Kenyon one of the outfit, to
take a canter over the bluffs to the
river.
They wore noaring the bluffs, when
suddenly it black steer rushed out
from a clump of bushes. The horse
which the young lady rode took
fright, became unmanageable, aud
bouudod away towards the river. Ken-
yon tried in vain to overtake hor and
grasp the rein of her horse. His
lorse's best efforts could not briug
him near enough to accomplish the
feat. As the two horses rushed up
tho bluff a shoer precipice fringed with
treetops appearod a few rods ahead.
It looked as if horse and rider were
doomed, but Kenyon, who had antici-
latod the danger," suddenly reined in
■ is horse aud swung bis rope lariat
about his head aud sent it coiling iu
the air. The loop fell about the
shoulders of the frightened girl. The
cowboy's horse reared back, the ropo
tightened, and the girl was lifted
from the saddle and drawn to the
heavily tufted prairie sod. The girl,
half unconscious, was borne back to
camp by hor cavalier, who was proud-
er of his exploit than the cowboy who
beat the steer-roping record last year.
The riderless horse plunged over the
precipice and was killed.
WIT ANDTTITMOK.
A letter ouine by tho morninK'tf post
Am! her dainty check jrrew red,
Ami she plaood It tenderly near her heart
A ud never a word alio said.
And my hear! irrew sick with a Jealous fear.
Though my lips were oold and mute;
Hut I after learned tluit the letter brought
A preacher with the big head is a
man the devil loves to look at.—Raja's
Horn.
How to lleiluoe Fleah.
Kvery woman has evil hours whon
■ho is too restless to koep still aud too
dull and heavy to do anything. She
sava she is nervous. Her color lose?
its" freshness, her eves their brightness,
her expression all its delicacy. Slit
looks a ooarser aud less intelligent in-
dividual. Now, the latest remedy pro-
posed for this distemper is the air bath.
I.ock vour doorB if you would lest it
the next time the bluos declare them-
selves and disrobe entirely, taking an
air bath, in the suushiue if possible,
for hve or ten minutes. This will act
as a total alterative to the oppressed,
restless stale of the nervous system.
It does hotter than a water bath, which,
if one has already been taken in the
morning, canuot be always repeated
with perfect safety. After the air bath
dross again slowly,donuiug completely
fresh linen and some crisp aud rather
new gown The freshness of external
attire is infallibly aoothiug. A', y.
huiordrr. —•**
A Paris letter tells of a very simple
way of reducing flesh. Thanks to this
means, a colouel who was threatened
to be obliged to retiro from tho army,
as ho was so heavy that it retired two
men to lift him into the saddle, became
thin in a few weeks, anil to such an ex-
tent that he had to take means to re-
cover, iu a measure, what he had lost.
It was to his doctor that he was in-
debted for becoming a general. The
means consisted simply iu never eating
more than oue dish at each meal, uo
matter what that dish may be, aud a
person may consume as much as tho
stomach cau bear, aud satisfy the ap-
petite without the least reserve. Nev-
ertheless, nothing but tho oue dish
should be taken; uo condiments or
soups or supplementary desserts should
bo allowed. This system was recom-
mended to a lady who was slightly
obese, and who put it into practice
with the best results. The lady ob-
served that she suffered no iucon-
venlence whatever from this diet, aud
the result obtained by the medical
officer may be well understood, as sho
found by her own experience that tho
partaking of only 0110 dish, whether
it be meat, lish or vegetables, brought
on a sense of aatlety much sooner than
if she had partaken of a variety of
dishes, whence the effect of relative
abstinence.
A Nip at the Altar.
An EngliBh bridegroom has been
fined for disorderly oouduct during the
marriage ceremouy. He was very Bhy
and uervous. aud in order to screw his
courage up to the stioking poiut he
quietly took out a tlask while the
clergyman was reading the exhorta-
tion and Indulged in a nip. I'lio
church was prettv dark and lie thought
no one saw him, but in this he was
mistaken, for the clergyman kuew the
service by heart,and instead of looking
at the book was looking at him, and of
course saw the uurubrieal act. I he
result was a line of V< aud coal.
"Aud, darling, what does your father
think of luy suit?" She (sobbiu<*ly)
—He thinks it is a mistit.—Detroit Free
Press.
This life is what we make it part of
the time; tho rest of the time it is what
some womau makes it.— SomcrviUt
Journal.
Maud—"So you really think I am
pretty?" Harry—"Yes, indeed! But,
thou, you know, I'm no judgo of
beauty!"—Boston News.
A correspondent mournfully writes
that "l.ong Branch isn't what it used
to ho." So much the better for Long
Braucli. — Kansas City Star.
llossie—"Why do you stroll so much
with jack on the snud?" Jossio —
"Because that is tho one thiug Jack
seems to lack."—New York Herald.
Dazzle—"Why do they say truth is
stranger than liction?" Ra/./.le—"Be-
causo some people see so little of it
that it seems strange."— Lowell Citi-
zen.
Philosophers toll us that from Adam
down no man has yet understood a
woiuau. but men are not tired of try-
ing yet, by any means.—Somervilte
Journal.
The liion who laid tho scheme to rob
the Treasury should have waited till
tlie summer hotel headwalters got
through with some of the money.—
Washington Star.
Prim — "Is it true that life at this
resort iB so fast ?" J aggs— "I ast ? 1
should say so! Why, oveu the fogs
that haug about hero got dissipated."
Baltimore American.
' Travel is a groat educator." re-
marked Amy. "That's so," reulied
Sue. "Why, I could uot flirt a bit be-
Hubby—"I've just been in to get
weighed. Havo gained ten pounds."
Fogg "So? What did you have for
breakfast?" Hubby—"Only a couple
of biscuits." Fogg-"Vour wife's?"
Hubby—"Of course." Fogg —"And
only gained ten pounds. Something
must be wrong with the scales."—Bor
ton Traiucript.
"Ah, old follow, there is no season
for love like summer. You can take
your girl out on a nioolight night for
a long walk. Il is so much nicer than
having to talk to her in a gaslit par
lor." Harry—"It is very pleasant,
1 know; but still it has ils disadyau
tages. A fellow can't turu out the
moon."—Epoch.
"I caunot give yon a recommend,
tion, Ellen, because as a housemaid
you are neither careful nor clean." "I
beg to differ, mum." "Very well; but
as a proof I need only refer you to tho
condition of this kitchen aud these
dishes." "But, good gracious, mum
they were that dirty whon I came.
Philadelphia Tones.
"Hello, Phunney! Whore did you
spend Sunday?" "On the wator?"
•'Yachting, ehP" "Yes." "Have s.
good time?" "Well, no. Muggy
weather, you know, and all that. Deck
slippery. " in fact, 1 foil ou tho cold
dock aud am badly crippled." "Where
are you hurt?" "Iu my pocket. The
Btakes were high and the cold deck
took them *11."—Philadelphia Press.
Wife (stopping bofo.oi
store)—"Look, James, at those beauti
ful hats, aud I declare their cost is
almost nothing." "And do you sup
pose, my darling," answered the de
voted husband, moving her on, "that L
would force my wife to buy in a store
where thov sold things for almost
nothing? Not much." And the vil-
lain fairly chuckled as he saw his
scheme work.—■Philadelphia Tiines.
Things ono would have said differ-
ently: A young lady was calling for
the lirst time upon acquaintances,
whose friendship sho was exceedingly
glad to cultivate, and before whom she
wished to appear as advantageously as
possible. Hut, as sho withdrew graoo-
fully from the parlor, she exclaimed,
cordially, while shaking the baud of
her hostess, "Dear Miss G—-—. do
come and see uie soou, and don't stay
as loug as I have done."—Christian
Union.
SOMETHING QUEER ABOUT FICURES.
Odd Furl* cuocraw.i Hi* PoUotlalltT
f I he Mumn ali 3
Mr. John W. Kirk, the white-haired
veteran who was with Morse when the
first working telegraph line was
stretched and who stood beside the
great inventor when tho first message
was transmitted from Annapolis ti unc-
tion to Washington, has made during
his life a great many interesting cal-
culations in numbers. The two most
emarkable numbers in the world are
8 and 7.
"The numeral 7." says Mr.
•the Arabians got from India, and all
following have taken it from the Ara-
bians. It is conspicuous in biblical
lore, being mentioned over MO times
iu the scriptures, either alone or com-
>ouuded with other words. It seems a
avorite numeral with tho divine mind,
outside as well as inside the Bible, as
nature demonstrates in many ways,and
all the other numerals bow to it.
There is also another divine favorite,
the number 3. tlio trinity. Ihis is
brought out by a combination of figures
that is somewhat remarkable. It is
the six figures 142,867.
••Multiply this by 2. the answer is
286.71-I-
Multiply this by 8, tho answer is
428.671.
■Multiply this by 4. the answer is
671,42H.
•Multiply this by 6. the answer is
713,286.
•Multiply this by 6, the answer is
857,142.
•Each answer contains the same
tigures as the original sum, and no
others, and throe of the figures of the
sum remain together in each answer,
thus showing that tigures preserve the
trinity.
••Thus 285 appears in the first and
second numbers, 571 in the second and
third, 428 in the third and fourth, and
142 in the fourth and fifth.
"It is also interesting to note that
taking out of any two of those sums
the group of throe common to both.the
other throe, read in the usual order,
from left to right, will also be in the
same order In both sums.
"Take the first and secoud sums, for
example. The group of 285 is com-
mon to both. Having read 285 out of
the secoud sum. read right along and
bring iu tho first figure of the thousands
last. It will read 714. All the others
will read in the same way.
"Again, note that the two groups of
three in the first sum are the samo as
the two groups of three in the fourth
reversed in order, and that the samo
thiug is true of tho second and third.
The last multiplication has its groups
uf UllCOO tlio 'nuie ttn tliooo of Inn
original number, reversed again.
• Examine these results again aud
you will seo that in these calculations
all the numerals have appeared save
the 9. Now multiply the original sum
by the mighty 7—the divine favorite of
the Bible and of creation—and behold
the auswer! Tho last of the numerals,
aud that oue only in groups of three—
again the trinity!
142,867
7
When "Sometime" Cornea.
When "•ometlme" oom®« then we shall taate
the Joys for which we loug.
The shadows will be sunbeams and ench sigh
The tweetdead hopes we cherish so and in our
breast* entomb .
Will all come back to live again aud till our
hcurts with bloom.
The dreary wastes of desert sand will blossom
And every6brook will babble nweeteet music
Our h"n|rr>° "uU tn t now exist on Just the
meairer crumbs , .
Will then sit down to princely leasts of love
whon "sometime" comes.
When "sometime" comes then all the year
will be a ulad sweet June,
Aud all the inuolc of the world will be In | er-
The patbVwe t read will lead us on through
blossom-scented dells, . .
And we shall listen ever to the chimes of falr>
The thorniess rotes all the day with dewdrops
And Joys will come untangled in the meshes
Our liven*w7il' Hit as gayly as the wild boa
when It bumf
It* drowsy song from honeyed flower to
flower, when "sometime comes.
When "sometime" comes then all the world
will be a dream of truth.
And we shall feel once more the charm ana
Innocence of youth.
And sing Uie glad, sweet songs we sung In
those bright summers when
We played In careless Joy nor kuew tho weary
thoughts of men. .
And all the friends we hold so dear—the ones
Will JhDome'back to greet us from the happy
The glrls'wfth dolls and dishes and the boys
with flans aud drums.
We'll see them all together onoe again wnen
"sometime" comes.
-Nixon Waterman.
jirrnm.
His clothing was rather loud, both as
to color and cut. By the way he
swung himself into one seat and Hung
his overcoat and grip into another,
you might know he was an adept in
the noble art of helping himself to
what he pleased.
The train was a through express,
and the car rapidly filled as the time
for departure drew near. Our drum-
mer reluctantly removed his belong-
ings from the unoccupied seat in re-
sponse to a rather urgent request, and
scowled out of tho window until he
was again aroused.
"Is this seat taken, sir?" said a soft
voice.
Looking up. he saw a swoet-faced,
innocent-looking girl, who, though
tastefully dressed and well mannered,
did not seeui to belong to the great
oity. The scowl vanished. lie swept
his things out of the way once more,
rose and made her take tho seat next
to the window. Then he placed her
rectioule in the rack, hung up her
waterproof, and sat down with the air
of a man, who at last finds himsnlf at
homo , ...
After a rouiarls or two about the
heat and the scenery, which was timid-
ly replied to in monosyllables, he
launched forth into several anecdotos,
wittily yet deferentially told. Her
timidity wore off, and in half an hour
they were enjoying themselves as if
their acquaintance were a thing of
weeks instead of minutes. All this
999.999
"No other combination of numbers
will produce the same results. Does
uol this show the imperial inultipotent
numeral 7 and its divinity?"—Boston
Transcript.
A STRONG MAN.
Hoinn or the Itiinarkabte Sitinsoiilau
I eats That He Perform*.
The Wicked Bible.
Among the curiosities of literature
possessed by oue of the biff libraries of
New York is au edition of the script-
oue. ' II >. 1 count uut mil «
fore I made n tour of the watering
place*."—New York Sun.
"Do you understand Latin?" asked
the student. "I regret to say 1 do
not" "O, well. 1 can make myself
understood iu German; lend me tlvo
dollars."—Fiiegende Blatter.
Madge—"This summer resort re-
minds me of what the professor
said of tho primary geologicul forma-
tions." Evelyn—"How's that, dour?"
Madge—It contaius no trace of man."
-Life.
She tripped going down to the beaeli
and blushed prettily. You are like
the leaves of the forest," whispered
her escort. 'How so?" she asked.
"You turn red with the fall," was the
reply.— New York Herald.
Teacher What did Adam put on
after his disobedience?" l'sike As-
bury. 'he new boy— "Fig leaf." Teacher
- Correct; what did he have ou before
Ihe fall?" The uew boy — "Bathiug
suit."—Philadelphia Press.
"Now, you never smell the odor of
liiiuor ou my breath." said the young
elergv mau, expostulating with Stag-
gers for his bibulous propensities.
••No; what do you do for itf" asked
Staggers, with deep iuterest.— Epoch.
■ Do you think that Mr. Barlow is
serious, Alice?" questioned the fond
mother. "I think lie must be." im-
plied the girl; "he even laughs at
Tout tin's pranks aud always listens to
papa's war stories."— A' v lork Her*
aid.
The Guest—"How's this? Four dol-
lars a dayl Stopped liete a year ago
aud paid only half that much." "Ihe
Proprietor—"Just so Then it was
the 'Mcfiiuuls Tavern.' N"* it is the
Hotel Mcdinuis.1" IMhbury Bul-
letin.
Wife—"I am gohig to economize in
otfr IioikVioUI, 1 ;*' Husband
"Why, von pruderat little soul, how?"
1 am going to discharge our servant
and gel an older person." Well, that
will do no good; the older oue will
demand just us much wages." Wife
(looking at him straight) - "Very
likelv. Mr. Brown, but you won't need
to g'ivo hor half crowns, and what
kisses yell want you may have from
me—mu, sir."—Bktjfteld Telegraph.
A DOC'S SORROW.
lll.lilAy.il llMl't. III. Stranded Boat ol
ti lis Drowned Mii*l«r.
That dogs have a keen intelligence
is often proved by the affection they
show for porsons to whom tliey become
attached, says the San Francisco Call.
There was a most pathetic incident of
this kind in connection with the ilrown-
iug of a crab-fisher named Wilson,
whose empty boat was found recently
in Potato cove.
When the boat was discovered high
and dry ou the shore a largo black-
and-white Newfoundland dog that had
accompanied Wilson for years during
his fishing excursions from his home
at Harbor View sat beside the strand-
ed craft patiently awaiting the return
of his master. The animal whined
piteously as a party of Wilson's friends,
including his son-in-law approached.
"Whats the matter, old fellow?
asked the voting man as he patted the
dog on the" bead. This bit of sympathy
seeniod lo increase the dog's misery
and his grief broke forth anew in
moans and howls. All attempts to
coax the animal away from his post
beside the boat were without avail.
Great streams of tears welled down
over his shaggy face and his pitiful
wailing increased, an-l all efforts to
gooth him only made his grief the
got vour letter vesterday. As it hap-
pened, 1 was looking for my wife on
the name train—"
••You married, Ned?" said our drum-
mer- .
• Yes—but I forgot that you did not
know it. I came on half way to meet
her, as a bran-new husband hould.
What a pity, George, that you and
Ethel here, did not know each other.
You might have taken charge of her
—eh?"
George stared at his frieud and the
lady, while a ghastly sense of compre-
hension sent very pricklings down his
spine. Meanwhile Ned appeared to
remember something.
•How forgetful I am!" naid he.
"Allow me to introduce my wife,
Ethel." to the demure little figure at
his elbow, "this is Mr. and Mrs. Stan-
ton—old friends of mine—at least
George is. Better fellow never lived,
though 1 haven't seen uiueh of him
lately. Wish you know him as well as
I do, Ethel."
In his confusion George detected a
iileaui of amusement in the eye of Mrs.
Graves as she sweetly replied:
•1 hope I shall—some time."
Just then tho conductor shouted:
••All aboard!"
Ned and his young wife rushed
away, for they were going on to
Buffalo.
"I don't half like that woman," said
Mrs. Stanton reilectively. "Sho looks
too innocent. Mr. Graves had better
keep an eye on her. hadn't he?"
Mr. Stanton's reply was rather un-
intelligible.—■William Ferry Brown, in
Epoch.
AN ACTRESS'S NAUGHTY BOOK.
She Attempt* to Arrugt a Compromise
with Mr. Anthony Conifltock.
new *oir ib nu .
ure, published in several small volumes,
known as the ieked Bible. llieie
are two sets of books to which this title
applies. One was published in Eugland
iu 1681 aud tho other iu Germany
about a century later. Their peculiar-
Ms consists of the ouiissiuu of the word
"uot" in tUesuvoutli oouiuiaudineiit. „j |ima l|ml jUU engaged to
greater.
Fiually some one took hold or the
sorrowing dog's collar and tried to
lead him away, but lie struggl'M and
fought so furiously tlmt the in were
compelled to depart without him Vs
they left the pitiful w >iH ' of the 'og
was heard uutil they lost sight of Mm.
Wilson's body tin- not jet beeu
found. Who knows but that the faith-
ful Buiuial will be Hie first to discover
it wheu the sea gives up ils 'lead?
The .Japanese l.uinsiiaijf.
The Japanese language is said to
eontaiu 60.000 words, every one of
which requires a different symbol. It
is quite impossible for one man to
learn the entire language and a well-
educated Japanese is familiar with
only about 10.000 words.
An Overworked Word.
Not only is the wgrd "hustler" very
much overworked nowadavs. but its
meauiug is misunderstood by the gen-
eral public, who think it refnrs to a
mau who noisily does a great deal of
hard work in the shortest way aud in
the quickest possible time. Perhaps it
meaut that originally, but it does so no
longer. The modern "hustler" is a
man who tries to come as near being in
several places at once as possible, and
w ho blows a good deal about a lot of
work that a few quiet fellow* who are
never seen are actually doing. In most
oases the "hustler" is an arrant I mil-
ling. The world's work i« not done by
the theatrical fellow* who blo\ iale and
cavort. Vtw
The man with the iron jaw arrived
in this city a few days ago from San
Francisco in the form of a mild-look-
ing youth of 23 years of age, and yes-
torday he gave au exhibition of re^
mark able strength of jaw and tist at
the office of Richard K. Fox, says the
N. Y. Times, lie goes by tho name of
Oscar K. Skiff, aud brought with him
several iron bars of from one-half to
three-quarters of au inch in diameter.
Taking hold of one of the liars witn
one hauil, he bent it by striking it
agaiust the palm of the other. He
bent auother bar by striking it upon
the fleshy part of tho forearm. Ho
then selected the thickest of tho bars,
which he seized at the middle with his
teeth. Then, holding the two ends in
his hands, Skill' gave a mighty pull
downward. His face urew red and his
head trembled, but the bar remained
tightly clenched between his teeth as
iu a vice. It bent slightly. Auother
tug, and it bent still more, and a third
effort bent the rod to au anglo of some
80 degrees, The spectators, who every
second expected to see_ either teeth or
jaw iiive way, asked him to stop that
sort of thing. Then Skiff bent a fourth
bar by strikiug it across his thighs.
He then lifted up two men ol a com-
bined weight of 440 pounds simultane-
ously. Each man straddled one of
Skiff's arms. Had the polished office
floor not been so slippery Skill said
that he could have lifted a third man
on his neck at the same time. As it
was. he did lift a mau weighing 200
pounds with his neck. Tho last feat
that Skiff performed was to smash two
boards, each of nearly an inch in
thickness, nailed together, lwo blows
of his tist broke them clean through.
There is hardly any development of
muscle in Skiff's biceps, but his fore-
arms are very well developed, as well
as his legs, the muscles standing out
and as hard as oak.
A Wonder of Penmanship.
A few years ago a Swede named
Leibsobn made a portrait of King Os-
car of Sweden which is a wonder of
penmanship. It is iu microscopic let-
ters forming long and short sentences
from tho bible. The right eye con-
sists of a chapter from the Psalms; the
left of seven verses each from the rro-
verbs. the book of Chronicles and the
song of Solomon. The head consists of
the whole book of Kings. Ihe uniform
is composed of the letters contained in
the whole of tho books of Proverbs and
Psalms. The name of the king is made
up of the letters and verses in a Hebrew
prayer and of the last two Psalms, it
is accounted the most wonderful piece
of penmanship in the world.
Hanging of a Sparrow by Sparrows.
The Loekhaven (Pa. J Democrat says
the sparrows occupvimr a bird-box
iu that place- the* other morning
•coolly aud deliberately hanged one
of their number for some offense, sus-
pending it by the neck until death en-
sued. The birds theu tried io cut their
dead ooinpaniou down, aud picked its
ueck in their efforts to do so until it
was much mutilated. They failed to
accomplish their object, however, and
the body was removed by oue of the
spectators. The birds had a thread
arouud the culprit's ueck aud he was
executed in tirst-elass style, hanging
down several inches below the bird-
box J'bis is a trim story. The custom
im a common one with sparrows, as well
ms with some other species of birds."
was wrong. He did not care, aud in
her village innocence she did not seem
to know nor did an elderly lady just
behind them have the courage to make
her aware of her indiscretion.
When the train boy came round, the
traveling man bought oranges aud an
erotic novel. The oranges were eaten
by both, though the white-covered
abomination lay neglected. Three
hours rattled by. Tho two heads in
front of the elderly lady came closer
together. His mustached lip hung
about her pearly ear uttering phrases
that caused a fair cheek to flush and a
pair of dove-like eyes to glauco mod-
estly upward.
"Only a flirtation," thought the
elderly lady waking up from a doze,
"vet, how horribly indiscreet!"
""Then, as sho leaned forward, under
pretense of peering out—for it was
growing dark anil'the car lamps were
being lighted—sho heard the girl say:
"How am I to know that you ale
not a married wauP'
The drummer laughed. Then he as-
sumed an injured air.
"Married!" lie exclaimed. "Have
yon really such a poor opinion of my
—of my honesty, as to think that I
would impose upon you—of all the
women in the world?"
lie accompanied these words with a
melting look, and the elderly lady felt
that he must be squeezing the girPa
hand. ,
"I—1 ought to thiuk dreadful things
of you," the latter murmured. "Yet
how can I, unversed as I am in world-
ly wiles! Something tells me that you
would uot havo the heart to deceive
me."
While the drummer was still avow-
i ing his innocence, the car door open-
ed aud the conductor entered with a
telegram. He called out the address.
'•That is for me," said the drummer,
lie smiled as he tore it open, then he
scowled and muttered something that
souuded rather profane.
-No bad news, I hope," murmured
the sweet voice at his side.
"Well yes—er—no, I should say."
"Your manner seems strange, yet I
am so ignorant of men's ways! Won't
you tell me what it says?"
"Really, now, it wouldn't do you a
bit of go6d." But he looked so con-
fused as he sat fumbling with the tele-
?;ram that she suddenly snatched it
rom his hands.
••If you truly care so much for uie,
there can be no harm in my seeing it,"
she said coolly. "Mercy ou me! What
is thisP" ,
Before he could prevent her, she
read:
Syracuse, N. Y„ July 9 4 p. «•—Nod
Graves told me that yon would como on the
uIrIH express. Am at the depot waltlpa; for
you. Look out for me. Your loving wire, D.
When the girl looked up the drum-
mers face was a study for men and
gods. She turned slightly pale, or he
thought she did, and looked so vexed
that he began to stammer forth apolo-
gies. Soon after this the air brakes
were applied and the train rolled into
the well-lighted depot
Not long ago a fashionablv-attired
youug woman called at the office of
the New York Society for the Sup-
pression of Vice and asked to see the
writer, says the agent of the society in
the North American Review. She want-
ed to know if it was against the law to
publish a "spicy book." I looked at
her in amazement, as she was young,
of slight form aud very intelligent ap-
pearance. when, with perfect sang
froid, she informed me that she was
au actress and had written a "peculiar
book," which she unblushingly de-
scribed, to briug her name prominent-
ly before the public. Sho had taken
her manuscript to a publisher, who,
after looking it over, had advised her
to submit it to our spciety. She theu
inquired if I would promise not to
touch the book if sho could secure a
publisher for it. Being informed that
such a book would surely be seized if
published, oho wioltoH U olio
could not pay us not to attack the book
if published as she had prepared it!
Pains were taken to inform her of the
various decisions of tho courts of
England and this country, and
she was advised, with great min-
uteness, of the law ami its bearings
upon such publications. Receiving a
very emphatic negative to her delicate
proposition that she should pay some
money not to have her book attacked,
sho next asked whether, if she should
change the book so as to make it con-
form to the law, we would not "at-
tack it just a littlo." aud seize a few
copies if she paid us for doing so as to
attract attention and get the news-
papers to notice it. This proposition
brought only another disappointment
to her hopes. She said she did not
care about any odium from publishing
the book; the only thiug she was
anxious about was that we should
promise not to arrest her, as she did
not want to be arrested and locked up.
It was suggested to her that she had
ietter submit her manuscript for ex-
amination. She said she would, only
she was afraid it was so bad that we
would destroy it. We assured her
that if her manuscript was of doubtful
character we would submit it to the Dis-
trict Attorney for his opinion. She
finally left, expressing sorrow aud re-
gret that she had come to our office, as
now sho would not dare to publish
her book, as she had sot her heart upon
Going. "
--C wuw-i'g 'VM uur"" , .
"Syracuse!" shouted a brakeman.
• Cau you forgive me?" urged the
drummer as he hurriedly gathered up
his traps.
"Do not speak to me, sir. she ex-
claimed. and he fled incontinently.
Three minutes later he was in the
ladies' waiting room, surrouuded by
his wife and children, all pretty
enough to deserve a less flirtatious
husband and father. While they were
talking, a lady and gentleman passed
the door. The latter espying our drum-
mer, came forward, though his com-
panion seemed to be reluctant.
"Why George, old boy," said the
gentleman, holding out his baud,
"how are you? Kuew vou lived here,
so I told your wife you'd be on. Met
her accidentally on the street."
"Awfully obliged, Ned. I'm sure,'
•aid the drummer, yet he hardly look-
ed it. Then he thought: "By Jove!
that girl must lie his sister. Pretty
kettle" of lish I'm in, anyway!"
•Haven't seen you in au age,George,'
| continued Ned, cheerily, "though i
A Shock from a Fair Lady.
She was in appearance a modest,
refined-looking lady, but when she
confronted the stamp clerk with the
request for a P. D. Q. stamp that seri-
ous-minded functionary was too aston-
ished to reply.
•Will you let mo have a 1. D. Q.
stamp?" repeated the woman, who
seemed to thiuk the clerk was deaf,
and therefore raised her voice so that
it was hoard all over the oilice.
An inspiration seized him and he
tendered a special delivery stamp.
That was what she wanted.
A Thrifty Yankee.
A Searsport (Me.) man has furnished
a new illustration of thrift. He walked
from his town to Belfast, a distance of
six miles, to take au excursion steamer
to Bangor, because the fare was the
same from both places and he would
thus get more sail for his money.
Archbishop of Canterbury.
A contributor to Low/man's Maga-
zine vouches for the truth of this littlo
story about the late Archbishop of
Canterbury, Deau Stanley being men-
tioned as the writer's authority: On
one of his latest visits to a certain
country house in a Scottish county Dr.
Tait went alone to the postoffico to
send a telegram to his brother. He
wrote it out: "The Archbishop or
Canterbury to Sheriff Tait.' and hand-
ed it iu. The skeptical old postmaster
read it aloud in contemptuous tones:
"The Archbishop of Canterbury?" and
added: "Wha may ye bo that takes
this cognomen?' The Archbishop,
taken aback, remained silent for a
moment. The morniug was cold and
he had a woolen comforter wrapped
around his neck; but on secoud view
the postmaster thought he looked more
respectable than ou tho lirst. and
added: "Maybe ye're the gentleman
himsel'?" Taft replied modestly: "For
want of a better. 1 am." On which
the good old Scot hastened to apolo-
gize for his first suspicion of impos-
ture, adding: "1 mig>'t have seen you
were rather consequential about the
legs." Then he added words of cheer,
which Tait said truly were vitally
Scotch: "1 hae a sou in London, a
lad in a shop; and he gaed to lu-ar ye
preach one day, and was vorra weel
gatisfeed."
Too stabl.
Miss Daisy Culler l ather, I can
novel' accept Mr. H alutret.
Mr. Coupon Culler— "Don't bo reck-
less; consider his «ea] in anil position;
and, then, he is only 86.11ml good-look-
ing, too.''
Miss Daisy Cutter lie may be
vouug in years, father, but the man
who cau pass a baseball bulletin with-
out turning his head to see what the
score is is too old for me." -nick.
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Brown, E. E. Oklahoma City Times-Journal (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 292, Ed. 1 Sunday, September 6, 1891, newspaper, September 6, 1891; Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc94353/m1/4/?q=j+w+gardner: accessed June 21, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.