The Beaver Herald. (Beaver, Okla.), Vol. 22, No. 46, Ed. 1, Thursday, April 29, 1909 Page: 2 of 8
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ERICAN
BEAVER HERALD.
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Maud O. Thomas Pub.
HOME
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Wo nml Jnpnn being entteMci yol-
low Htcrntur? mny as well fndo awny.
Jnpnn la beginning to ubo homo-
rondo clgnrctto paper.
It will bo noted Hint "Cnrmon Syl-
Tn" the Roumnnlnn queen wlio hna do-
clnrcd wnr on cornets Is C5 yenrs old.
So now Hetty G teen's boh wants to
tnko n trip In nn neroplnno nnd bo-
co mo u rising young ninn.
I'olnr explorers do not linvo to go
down to tho basement nnd toll tho
Janitor wbnt they think of htm.
When a mnn nsks tho reason for
polnr expeditions bo shows that ho
docs not rend tho magnzlncs.
Lots of girls nowadays wrlto to tho
mngnzlnca Instead of asking their
mothers.
Lincoln's bend on thu "new cent
ptecos will probably glvo all a chnnco
to turn nn honest ponny.
' Whntovor Is said about pasteurized
milk tho pasturlzod cow Is better
tlinn tho one thnt Is fed on bulcd hay
tho year round.
He Interviews the Kaiser
King Edward Is said to have his
"doublo" In n prlvnto citizen who close-
ly resembles him as has tho prlnco of
Wales.
Cannda tho United Slates and Mox
Ico aro preparing to do what they can
to make North Amerlcn worth saving
to posterity.
King Edward forgot to mention tho
suffragettes tn tho speech from tho
throne. And ho used to bo such a
ladles' mnn!
Tho fleet Jackles not only wcro
brought homo ngntn but they wero
paid 1800000 In gold for coming! Great
country this.
A New Orleans man Is suing flvo
men who forcibly cut off his whiskers.
"Ingratitude thou marblo hearted
flend!"
A Windy City preacher declares
hades is hero on earth. And being a
Chicago man ho ought to know what
he Is talking about.
A California mnn was not awakened
by his wife's screams which frighten-
ed away a burglar. Somo men havo
presence of mind oven In their sleep.
It Is a good deal llko breaking n
broncho to rldo to prepare a Gcrmnn
prlnco for nn American collogo and I
may havo got my foot In It by promis-
ing tho kaiser to teach his boy all tho
things ho ought to know boforo ho
goes to America and runs up against
tho collogo gnng -but I will prcpnro
him for tho worst If It kills us both.
Tho kalsor took mo Into his prlvnto
den ono morning nnd ashed mo If 1
thought I could get his son wIbo to
what would happen to him as n fresh-
man when ho wont to Amorlcn and I
Bald "Suro Mike" and tho kalsor said
his namo was not Michael but Wit-
helm nnd I told him thnt didn't cut
any Ico. Ho seemed relieved that Ills
son would not hnvo to cut Ice.
Geo theso Gcrmnns aro pretty
donse. Ho nsked mo how much ho
must pay mo for polishing up tho
prlnco nnd wlicm I told him I would
lialtorbrenk him nnd fix him up so ho
would stand without hitching nnd
when I gavo him his dlplomn ho would
cnt out of my hand and n woman
could drive him and it wouldn't cost
n soo mnrkce tho kaiser hold his hoad
and looked as though he was going
to havo n lit and ho said ho wnntcd to
think it over. I told him I would give
him tlmo to think It over If ho would
think sort of sudden like nnd ho went
into a sort of tranco and I guess ho
was thinking for when ho enmo out of
It ho said ho supposed it was proper
for the prlnco to bo led around with n
halter llko a horse In America nnd
ho Indorsed that proposition but ho
could not bellevo that tho dignity of
nutty caused tho sweat to pour down
his face.
Tho stamp kept going up tho wall
till It came to tho celling nnd ho
watched It go across the colling and
disappear In u crnck in tho plaster
and ho sat glued to his chair pale
as death nnd finally ho got to his
feet toro tho letter into pieces nnd
throw thorn In tho waste basket and
said aloud to himself ns ho felt of his
burning temples: "Thrco weeks bunk I
won't gotout of this nsylum In n
hundred yours" nnd ho began to weep
nil over himself.
If ho hnd followed thnt stamp nnd
found tho cockroach ho would havo
been cured.
Tho kaiser laughed llko ho would
split and then ho Bald nftcr this ho
would nlwnya chnso cockroaches .and
never bo crnzy In tho head any more
and for mo to go nhend nnd glvo tho
prlnco nil his hazing enough to make
him sick and ho went off looking In
nil tho corners for cockroaches.
I told tho knlsor thnt If I hnd hnlf
n dozen of American boys wo could
Inltlnto tho prlnco nil right but ho
wns bigger thnn mo nnd I ought to
hnvo help so ho detailed four sorvauts
to help me and told thorn to do just
what I told them to do.
Well wo didn't do n thing to tho
prlnco tho first day. First we blind-
folded him and put him In a box stall
tn the barn and took off all his clothes
except his undershirt nnd drawers
and we fixed n plank from the second
story window of tho barn with one
end in a fountain of goldfish and we
Thoy hnvo a "sllenco room" exclu-
sively for women In ono of tho
churches. After n llttlo practlco tho
women hope to bo ablo to uso It
Then wo put on his uniform and
mndo him get down on his hands and
knees and I got a pleco of board and
stood back of htm and told htm the
council was ready to confer tho spinal
mcnnlgetB degree on him but if he
wns afraid and wanted to back out
ho could but if ho was willing to go
on and become a subllmo and perfect
devil ho should repeat after me tho
grand hailing sign "Lot 'er go Galla-
gher" nnd ho Bald "Go ahead Mister
Gallagher" and I soaked him one with
BRADFORD
EDITOR
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NSgSSjfessK
A woman has challenged a leading
member nf tho Duma to fight a duel
and a good many Japs would bo in-
clined to bot on her If tho affair could
come off.
Tho new remedy for heart troublo
Is called Oxpropylondllsoamllalmtnc.
Wo only mention It to bring Joy to
tho hearts of printers nnd proofreaders.
Royalists havo been doing a llttlo
rioting in Franco. Out over thero they
treat that sort of thing with tho samo
tolcranco with which wo look on tho
occasional outbreaks of college lads.
Now tho Mauretanla has dono tho
run from Liverpool to Now York In
"lour days and 17 hours. In n genera-
tion or two ships aro likely to bo Jump-
ing across.
Michigan ovangellst who has been
talking against dlvorco tor many
years now applies for ono. Maybo ho
Just needs It as evidence how tcrrlblo
It Is.
Lut 'Hm
The Fear That He Was Nutty Caused the Sweat to Pour Down His Face.
Tho Swedish diet hos voted for worn-
nn suffrage. Any legislative body with
that namo ought to glvo the sex thnt
does nine-tenths of tho world' cooking
what It wants.
New Moxlco proposes to tax widow-
ers $25 n year and bnchelors only
510 n yenr. Evidently It is fig-
ured thnt it will bo easy to get tho
larger sum out of n mnu who hns
ouco been married.
A special appeal has been mado to
Americans for contributions on behalf
of an effort now being mado to erect
nt Montpoller France on thu ground
of tho National School of Agriculture
n monument to tho lato Gustavo Foex
tho French horticulturist.
Jersey Justice law has ruled that If
n woman wearing high .French heels Is
hurt tn getting off a car sho cannot
rccovor damages. Hero is another il-
lustration of how poor women aro
trampled upon by tho masculine foot
of oppression.
King Alfonso of Spninls" undertak-
ing to ncgatinto n mnrrlngo for King
Mnnuol of Portugal with a nlcco of
King Edward of England. Alfonso him-
self being married to a nleco of Ed-
ward this activity looks like en-
thusiasm for tho lamtly. Or Is it
that misery loves company?
It Is not likely that Solomon built
his tcmplo of cement yet wo are told
that It went up without the sound of o
hammer or any Implement of iron.
For tho last ten years William Rid
dulph Cross of Cook street Chester
England who died recently was en-
gaged In tho construction of his own
colllu mndo of empty match boxes. It
Is of tho ordinary shape and much pa-
tience nnd skill havo been bestowed on
It. Thero Id of courso an inrer shell
of wood on which tho match boxes
ro glued.
a prlnco of tho Hollonzollcrns or
something llko that could be main-
tained properly If his boy could bo
hitched up to a buggy and driven by a
woman because ho know tho blood
too well to bellevo that tho prlnco
could refrain If tho woman was an
American and handsomo from kicking
over tho trnccs and climbing Into tho
buggy Hut ho said 1 could go ahead
and glvo tho prlnco n few degrees and
see how ho caught It onto already.
Tho kaiser asked mo upon my honor
It 1 thought ho wns crnzy Ho said
lota of his subjects thought ho wns
nnd ho wanted my unbiased opinion
ns sometimes ho snw things thnt
scared him. I told him I thought ho
looked nutty but looks did not count
thnt when ho thought ho saw things
to Investigate them and ho would find
ho was all right but If ho let things
go with no investigation ho would be
llko a man I know who was sent to an
asylum and got crazy because he did
not Investigate an alarming occurrence
and tho knlscr wanted mo to tell him
about It.
I told him It wns an old story In
high circles In America but it showed
how to deliver tho goods and he In-
sisted on hearing the story and I told
him of a man whose friend sent him to
an aBylum to have tho doctors look
him over nnd after a week of exam-
ination tho doctor told him ho would
be all right again In three weeks and
ho could write his folks ho would bo
home ngaln before Xmas. He went
to his room wrote the letter sealed It
up and licked a postage Btamp to
stick on when ho dropped the stamp
on the floor and It fell with tho sticky
side on a cockroach which the man
did not see and tho unseen cockroach
walked across the Moor with a stamp
on his back tho man watching tho
stamp going away with no visible
means of locomotion. Ho watched the
stamp readi the wall and start up
the side and his eye stuck out and ho
felt of his head to see If ho was In his
right mind and tho fear that he was
brought up tho prlnco and made him
tako an oath that ho wouldn't get
mad or tell tho secrets of the order
of "Who-Whos" and' then wo seated
him on tho plank and I said "Eue
meno money my" and gavo him a
shove and ho went down that plank
like It was greased and struck with
n splash right in among tho goldfish
his blindfold camo off and I saw somo
Indies coming ncross tho lawn to visit
the fountain nnd I yelled to tho
prlnco to "cheese It" nnd ho squlrroled
bnck up tho plnnk nnd wns going to
paste mo' ono In tho noso but I told
him nil freshmen In college hnd to
tako their mcdlclno that wny nnd
while we wero picking tho slivers out
of his drawers ho asked if Roosevelt's
Bon had to bo hazed when ho entered
college nnd I told him thoy wero haz-
ing young Roosevelt yet nnd the
prlnco snld "Veil If Roosevelt got his
I vill took mine nnd schmlle nil right
but doy pettcr look a little oult."
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The Council Was Ready to Confer the
Spinal MennlgeU Degree on Him.
the board on tho place where his pants
wero nbt creased and ho yelled "Och
fader I will never do It again" and
one of the servants who was helping
to confer the degree Bald tho prince
thought the kaiser had caught him in
tho act.
We took off the blindfold and ho
looked around for his father but I
told him that was all In the degree
and then he wanted to fight but I told
him If he wanted to turn traitor now
they would kill him when he struck
an American college so he calmed
down and then I said I was a sopho-
more and what the deuce was he a
freshman wearing a .hat in my pres-
ence and I made him take It oft and
carry It under his arm.
Ho was learning humility all right
so I decided to' have a crass rush
cause he said ho wanted ono.
We went down to a little lake back
of the palace where there was a dock
whero launches landed and I placed
him near the edgo of tho water and
told him that when they had a class
rush on the college campus tho game
was to see which class could throw tho
othe. class in tho lake and that some-
times one class got soused and some-
times the other depending on which
was the strongest see? He said he
thought he saw and I guess he did.
I got tho prince fixed Just right with
his back toward me and I gave a
running Jump down the dock and was
JuBt going to give him a shove when
he side-stepped and all I got hold of
was ono of his legs and I went In the
water and dragged him with me.
When we came to tho surface he
said "VIch class was In dor votter"
and I said "It is a tie you chump"
and we will have to play it off" and
then we looked up on tho bank and
thero was the kaiser and his wife and
tho prince said "Och Gott" and I
said "Come In tho water is fine" and
tho kaiser said "Vot kind of a fool
business Is dot?" and the kalserlne
said "Der prince vill catch mit his
death' and I got out first and made a
run for the barn and the prince said
"I vill not catch a cold but I vill
catch dot American Yankee softmore"
and he caught me by the hair and
gave me a left hook in tho Jaw and a
right punch in tho eye and I landed
one In his stomach and lammed him
in the nose and tho servants took
us off of each other and separated us
and my eyo was black and bis nose
was bleeding and tho kaiser said
"VIch degree was dot?" and his wife
said "O such nonsonso tho prince
should go to a convent" and the
kaiser laughed and said I had better
put n cockroach postage stamp on mj
eye and then wo went to the palaco
and washed up and put on clear
clothes and played billiards and tho
prlnco apologized for getting mad and
I said "Don't mention it I will gel
even when you tnko tho degreo of
"Royal Bumpers." That's tho one
whero the candldato gets his neck
broke.
(Copyright 1900. by W. Q. Chapman.)
(Copyright In Great Uritaln.)
WKVWWWVW
Mr. William A. rtadford win" answer
questions nnd dive ndvtce FItEU OF
COST on all subjects pertaining to the
nubject of building for tho readers of this
paper. On account of his wldo expe-
rience as Editor Author and Manufac-
turer ho Is without doubt tho highest
authority on all these subjects. Addresn
nil Inqulrloa to William A. Radford No.
194 Fifth Ave. Chicago HI. and only
enclose two-cent stnmp for reply.
It would bo difficult to design a prac-
tical house nny cheaper than this. It
is a small affair Intended for a now-
married couplo who don't requlro very
much room. It Is a very neat pretty
llttlo story-nnda-half house 25 feet C
inches wldo by 27 feet C inches long
exclusive of porches. Lovo in a cot-
tage used to mean more or less dis-
comfort in tho winter time as soon as
tho weather got cold but modern In-
ventions havo been latoly Introduced
into tho smnller houses nnd Wo nro
applying them in a sensible way.
Resides a hall wo havo three good
largo rooms on tho first floor and wo
havo two very good bedrooms and a
bathdoom tucked away In tho roof
gables. In fact it might properly ho
called a gable end house. All tho win-
dows you get upstairs are in tho
gables and by tho way theso win-
dows Just add the necessary finishing
touches to tho largo gables. A house
gable was never finished satisfactorily
until Uio threerwindow frame was In
vented and that didn't happen until
recently. There was somo objection
nt first to triple windows llko this
casement windows they are sometimes
call until tho women found out how
to dress them up satisfactorily but we
don't hear any complaints now. The
fashion seems to have como to- stay
because the women have given It their
forget things when they nro out or
sight and out of hearing so next fall
tho old curtains pass for new drap-
eries. .
The front hall connecta with tho
kitchen by way of a Borfillf cellar
vestibule. This arrangtndcnt Is all
right. A great many houses aro so
built that you can't get from tho
kitchen to tho front door without
passing through tho dining-room and
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Second Floor Plan.
parlor. The Idea seems to be that a
door opening from the kitchen In the
direction of tho front ball is likely to
disseminate the savory odors of cook-
ing when certain vegetables are un-
dergoing tho boiling process and tho
perfume Is not considered sufficiently
bon ton to associate on equal terms
with the guests In the parlor.
This plan however provides for
double doors a precaution that Is like
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sanction. When the women nail a
fashion It stays nailed until they
change their minds and they haven't
published any change of sentiment In
regard to a trlplo window especially
when It decorates the gable end of a
house roof. Tho reason probably is
that they have found a satisfactory
way to arrange the shades and cur-
tains and they havo also found out
1 v
n n
n .HTI-." JMINObOM
I ' f f
3f
Electric Line Conducts a Hailstorm
A hailstorm followed tho courso of
an electric transmission lino In Van-
cluso Franco lost Juue. As reported
by an observer this storm swept over
"an area about a mile and a quarter
wldo and nine miles long. Tho storm
started to follow a narrow valley In
the stdo of a mountain chain but on
meeting the electric line which cuts
nt right angles across a series of such
valleys the hailstorm Joined It and fol-
lowed It until exhausted. Tho effects
of the storm wero most violent close
to tho line and decreased toward both
sides. Halltfoll near tho line rain on
tho edges of tho storm's path. An-
other observer reports that throe balls
of globe lightning appeared near the
cables 'at ono point bursting Just be-
fore the hall fell. Thero seems to be
uo doubt that' the line conducted the
storm hut probably tho presence of
the electric current bad nothing to do
with It. Further observations on
electric storms In the same locality
mny throw light' on tho oteurronco.
He Needed It.
A traveling' man told a southern
Kansas editor one of his experiences
the other day. He said he was riding
In the smoking car of an express train
reading bis paper when a man rushed
in from the car behind tho smokor
evidently In great agitation and aald:
"Has anybody in the car any whisky?
A woman In the car behind has faint-
ed." Instantly dozens of flasks woro
produced. The man who had asked for
It picked out the largest one drew
the cork and put the bottle to his lips.
With a long satisfied sigh ho handed
It back and remarked: 'That did mo
a lot of good. I needed It for It al-
ways makes mo feel so queer to see a
woman faint." From "What-to-Eat."
First Floor Plan.
that a window of this kind ndmlts
more light suushlno nnd nlr than n
narrow contracted old-fashioned af-
fair. One grent advnutngo of a Iioubo llko
this Is tho enso with which tho houso
work is cnrrlod on Thero nro many
plcaBnnt features about tho plan ono
of which lu tho combination living
room nnd dining-room which mnko
practically ono room nearly 27 feot
long by 13 foot In width. Tho partial
division In tho center mny bb hung
with curtains or not but usually tho
nrchwity Is left opun especially In tho
summer tlmo. U a woman huii hand
somo portieres sho likes to display
them at tho proper tlmo but sho bIbo
llkos to put them away In summer out
of thu wny of moths and tho fading
propensities of sunlight. And I often
think thnt sho does It to hnvo a
chango 1 don't enro how handsomo a
curtain Is If it hangs boforo you tho
year round you bocoiuu Indifferent to
it In fact you don't soo It you don't
know it Ih thoro. Hut If your wlfo
puts it away you hiIbk It ruid whtin It
conies back itgnln you nro plensed to
renew old neuunlntiuices. A lunl llvo
womanly woman Is fully nilvo to tho
tact that most tuou and some woumu
ly to meet with approval from tho
most fastidious housekeepers. The
ccllarway leads down from this Jlttlo
vestibule and there is also a set ot
shelves reaching from tho floor to the
ceiling. This set of cellarway shelves
Is about as useful as any other feature
of the house. For some reason it is
almost Impossible to keep Jellies In
the cellar without having them muli
In tho glasses. If kept In the kitchen
the Jellies shrink until the glasses an
not more than half full but shelves In
a cellarway built like this seem to hit
the happy medium and the fruit comes
out Just as nice In the winter tlmo as
when put up In summer. Dry air in
the houso and damp cellar ajr meet
hero and tho results aro very satisfac-
tory. Tho valuo of a house Is mado up of
llttlo things. It is the many llttlo
things ndded together that make tho
round satisfactory whole. The man
or woman who wants a houso to suit
them must study tho details before
starting to build otherwlso tho houso
will bo unsatisfactory when finished.
Tho fact is few families can find a
satisfactory houso ready mado. It is
difficult for anyono to feel really thor-
oughly nt homo In a rented house.
Thero nro fifty llttlo things you would
llko to hnvo different but you posi-
tively rcfuso to put time nnd expend
on n houso that belongs to somoff
cIbo. This Is ono reason why I so mj9L
recommend young people to Btart out
In a homo of their' own. It may not
bo elnborato "but If It fits tho pocket
book It Is very likely to prove tho
nucleus of a happy and prosperous
life.
Advice for Llfe'a Course
no and contlnuo poor young man
whllo others around you grow rich by
frnud and disloyalty; be without placo
or power whllo others beg their way
upward; benr tho pain of disappointed
hopes whllo others gain tho accom-
plishment of theirs by flattery; forego
tho gracious pressuro of tho hand for
which others cringe and crawl. Wrap
yourself In your own virtue and seek
a friend and your dally bread. If you
hnvo tn such a course grown gray
with unbleuchcd honor bless God and
die Helnzelman.
'
Same Old Exception.
Singleton Does your wife ever ao-
knowlodgo your superiority?
Wcddorly Only when sho has a
lend pencil that roqulres sharpening.
Chicago News
(b
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The Beaver Herald. (Beaver, Okla.), Vol. 22, No. 46, Ed. 1, Thursday, April 29, 1909, newspaper, April 29, 1909; Beaver, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc68738/m1/2/: accessed April 26, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.