The Geary Times (Geary, Okla.), Vol. 4, No. 9, Ed. 1 Thursday, December 23, 1915 Page: 5 of 8
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1
John Henry
on
Christmas
Presents
x
By GEORGE V. HOBART
1 AT! Did yon ever
take what little
was left and start
out to buy friend
wife a Christmas
tokenT
▲ quaint pastime,
Is it not?
Well, to make a
long story lose Its
cunning, l clinked
a few Iron men to-
gether one morn-
ing recently and
started out to find
something new and
nifty in the gift
line for Peaches.
1 was breezing for
a department store when 1 ran across
Hep Hardy, limping in the direction
of a taxicab stand.
"Up late, aren't you. Hep?" I in-
quired, glancing at the Waterbury.
"1 sure am running behind my sched-
ule this morning, John, Hep wheezed.
"Accident."
"What's the matter? Puse blow out
and leave you and your favorite bar-
tender in darkness?" 1 ventured.
"Nix," he answered; "1 interpolated
a new step In the Tango about five
this a. m. and my partner, an Impul-
sive little thing from Spokane, didn't
get my signal, with the result that she
stepped on me and lost one of her
French neels somewhere between my
ankle and my instep. I had to wait
till a Doctor Shop was open so he
could probe for It. The medicine ped-
dler found it all right and my left
wheel is a bit wobbly, but 111 be In
the roped arena tonight when the bell
rings, clamoring for my favorite rag,
you can bet on that, John, old pal."
"The dance bug has you for fair,
hasn't It, Hep?" 1 laughed.
"Not at all." Hep came back; "but
■ike a lot of other ginks who hsve been
going through life with stoop shoul-
ders and plantation feet I've suddenly
discovered how to be graceful and I
have to stay up all night to see it
other people notice It. Where are you
going?"
"I'm going down to see one of those
■tores and make a fool out of fifty dol-
lars—little Christmas present for
Pesches," I answered.
"Fifty dollars!" Hep sneered. "Ssy,
John, If I had a wife, and we were
speaking to each other, fifty dollars
wouldn't buy the ribbon around the
bundle. Fifty dollars! You make a
noise like a pike."
"Sure!" I snapped back. "If you
had a wife you'd take her down to
your favorite jewelry store and let the
clerks throw diamonds at her till they
tell exhausted. But I'm just a regular
of those department store mobs
and have a crowd of perfect ladies use
you for a doormat?
I got mine!
They certainly taught me the Huer-
glide. all right!
At the door a nice young man with
pink necktie and a quick forehead
bowed to me.
"What do you wish?" he asked.
"Well," I said. "I'm down here to
get a Christmas present for friend
wife. 1 would like something which
would afford her great pleasure when
I give it to her and which 1 could use
afterward as a penwiper or a fishing
rod."
"Second floor—to the right—take
the elevator." said the man.
Did you eier try to take an eleva-
tor in a department store and find
that 3.943 other American citizens and
citizenettes were also trying to take
the same elevator?
How sweet it is to mingle In the
arms of utter strangers and to feel
the pressure of a foot we never hope
to meet again!
I was standing by one of the coun-
ters on the second floor when a shrill
voice crept up over a few bales of dry
A tot of Eager Dames Were Pawing
Over Some Chinchilla Ribbon.
human being, working for a living, and
«very time i see a hundred dollar bill
1 get red in the face and want a drink
of water. You know. Hep. my father
didn't spend nis life wrapping It up
bundles and throwing it into an iron
-voodahed against tbe time l became
old enough to use it as a torch!
"Say!" chirped Hep. who hadn't
paid tbe sllghteat attention to what
was saying, "why don't you get her an
emerald necklace? Home idea—what?
1 saw one the other day for $3,000.
Walt a minute! I'll give yon a card to
the manager."
"Give It to the chauffeur," I said
1 pushed Hep Into the taxi. "By the
time ne gets you home yon'll owe him
enough to buy emeralds.'
Then l left him flat and moseyed
off for a department store to get
Christmss present for friend wlfs.
Say! dM you over get tangled up
n
to get aomethlng that will give her a
great amount of pleasure and which I
can use later on aa a pipe cleaner or a
pair of auspenders!"
The pale young woman fainted, ao 1
moved over.
At another counter another young
lady said to me: "Have you been
waited on?"
"No," 1 replied; '1 have been
stepped on. sat on and walked on. but
1 have not yet been waited on."
What do you wlah?" Inquired the
young woman.
1 am looking for a Christmas pres-
ent for friend wife," he said. "1 want
to buy her something that will bring
great Joy to her heart and which I
might use afterward aa a pair of slip-
pers or a shaving mug."
The young lady caught nfe with her
dreamy eyea and held me up against
the wall.
"You," she screamed, "you complete
a total of 25,493 people who have been
in this department store today without
knowing what they are dtfng here,
and I refuse to be a buman'encylope-
dla for the sake of eight doilara a
week. Go on, now; throw yourself In-
to second speed and climb the hill!"
I began to apologize, but she
reached down under the counter and
pulled out a club.
"Thla," she said, with a wild look
In her side lamps, "this is happy Yule-
tide. but, nevertheless, the next guy
that leaves his brains at home and
tries to make me tell him what Is a
good Christmas present for his wife
will | get a bitter wallop across the
forehead!"
The girl was right, ao I went home
without a present.
I suppose I'll have to take Hep'a tip
and get thoae emeralds after all.
But first I'll go down to the deli-
cateaaen store and see If there's any-
thing there.
Your
THE MYSTERY OF CHRISTMAS
Health
Account
Don't allow it to be "overdrawn'
as a result of
LOSS Or APPETITE
POOR DIGESTION
INACTIVE LIVER
CONSTIPATED BOWELS
HOSTETTER'S
Stomach Bitters
may help correct such conditions
and improve your general health.
Brain food wss invented for men
who like to feed their vanity.
COWS MOO KILLS CHILD
Baby Frightened Into Convulsions
When Wandering Bovine Puts
Head In Window.
Investigation by Dr. H. Albert Mo-
Murray, coroner of Westmoreland
county. Into the death of James Hen-
ry Pershing, three-year-old son Of Law-
rence Pershing of Grapevllle revealed
that the child was literally frightened
to death.
Several days ago the boy was play-
ing when a cow at pasture in a lot
adjoining the house looked in at an
open window of the room where the
child was. As the little one glanced
toward the window the cow mooed
loudly.
With a scream the child collapsed
and went Into convulaions. A physi-
cian was unable to give the boy any
relief, and death ensued twelve hours
later.—Greensburg (Pa.) Dltfpatch
Philadelphia Record.
Dr. Pierre's Pleasant Pellets are the
original little liver pilla put up 40 years
ago. They regulate liver and bowela.—Adv.
Some women put on airs and some
others try to whistle them.
ON FIRST SYMPTOM#
use "Renovine" and be cured. Do not
wait until the heart organ Is beyond
repair. "Renovine" Is the heart and
nerve tonic. Price 60c and f 1.00.—Adv.
Sometimea It is a woman's fondness
or change that keepa her husband's
pocket empty.
The Pale Young Woman Fainted.
goods and said. "Are you a buyer or
a handler?"
"I am looking for a Christmas pres-
ent for friend wife," I answered. "I
want to get something that will look
swell on the parlor table and may be
used later on aa a tobacco Jar or a
trouser stretcher!"
"Fourth floor—to the left—take the
elevator!" Bald the ahrlM voice, but
shriller.
With bowed head I walked away.
I began to feel sorry tor friend wife.
Nobody seemed to be very much in-
terested whether she got a Christmas
present or not.
On the fourth floor I stopped at a
counter where a lot of eager dames
were pawing over some chinchilla rib-
bon and chiffon oversklrts.
It reminded me of the way an emo-
tional hen digs up a grub in the gar-
den.
1 enjoyed the excitement of the game
for about ten minutes and then
said to the clerk behind the counter
who was refereelng the match, "Can
you tell me where I can buy a ster-
ling silver Christmas present for
friend wife which I could use after-
ward as a night key or a bath sponge?
'Fifth floor—to the rear—take the
elevator!" said tbe clerk.
On the fifth floor I went over to a
table where a young lady was selling
"The Life and Libraries of Andrew
Carnegie" at four dollars a month and
fifty cents a week, and in three yeara
It is yours If you don't lose the re-
ceipts.
She gave me a glad amlle and I felt
a thrill of encouragement.
'Excuse me." I said, "but I am look-
ing for a Christmas present for friend
wife which will make all the neigh-
bors Jealous, and which 1 can use aft-
terward as an ash receiver or a pocket
flask."
The young lady cut out the giggles
and pointed to the northwest.
I went over there.
To my surprise I found another
counter.
A pale young woman was behind It.
1 was Just about to ask her the fatal
question when a young man wearing
a ragtime expression on his face
rushed up and said to the pale young
lady behind the counter: "I am look-
ing for a suitable present for a young
lady friend of mine with golden brown
balr. Could you please suggest some-
thing?"
The pale young woman showed her
teeth and answered him In a low,
rumbling voice, and the man went
sway.
Then came an old lady who said; "1
bought some organdie dress goods for
a shirt waist last Tuesday, and 1 would
like to exchange them for a music box
for my daughter's little boy, Freddie,
if you please!'-
The pale young woman again showed
her teeth and the old lady ducked tor
cover.
After about fifty people had rushed
up to the pale young woman and then
rushed swsy again, I went over and
spoke to her.
"1 am looking," I said, "tor a Christ
mas present for friend wife. 1 want
Ons Day of the Year Thst All Other
Days Are Lesrnlng to Envy
snd Imitate.
It seems to me that always, as the
24th of December commenced to
shorten, the white, fleecy snow began
to fall, says a writer In the Crafts-
man. When the street lamps flick-
ered up like candles on an altar, they
gazed on a world that was white. The
strife of the city was muffled. Carts
went by, but you had to peer out
througn the blinds to know thst they
were passing—they made no sound.
An atmosphere of gentleness had de-
scended. Everyone In the house went
about with stealth, as though planning
some secret kindness.
And then the night and the trying
to keep awake till Santa Claus should
come. And the waking up, with the
frost weaving patterns on the panes.
Somewhere far away a harp was be-
ing played, and a cornet was challeng-
ing the silence. Tbe tune they played
was an accompaniment to the most
beautiful legend In the world. At
first, dreamily, you tried to remember
why for once the darkness was not
frightening, and then, "Ah, It's Christ-
'• As you turned, your feet made
the paper crack, and at the end of the
bed you were too content and happy
even to look at your presents. Why
was It that next day everybody and
everything was different? The air was
full of bells singing riotously. Every
one, for this one day. ceased to think
of his own happiness and found hap-
piness in bringing cheerfulness to
others. The stern gulf which Is fixed
between children and grown-ups had
vanished—there weren't any grown-
ups. Somewhere In your childish
heart you wondered why every day
couldn't be made a day of kindness.
And that wonder of a child's heart
is the Christmas message. Once a
year, by a divine conspiracy, all the
ships of our hopes and fears turn back
from their voyaglngs to the harbor of
tenderness. They are borne back on
the crest of a white tide of mysticism
that sweeps round the world. A truce
of God is declared to all fightings, and
men and women walk as children
through a world thst Is kind. They
commence to give and cease to annex;
they act In the belief that God is in
his heaven. The spirit is one tremu-
lous white day of unselfishness—a day
which gradually aome other days In
the year are learning to envy and Imi-
tate.
Important to Mothers
Examine carefully every bonis of
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
Infants and children, and see that tt
Bears the
Signature of
In Use For Over SO
Children Cry for Fletcher^ Cggtoris
Boms Car.
"That's-a pretty speedy car of yours,
isn't it?"
"You bet your life it Is! I've only
had that car six months and I've paid
out more money in fines than the car
cost me originally.'
Gay Old Bird.
"The turkey is an unusual bird," re-
marked the star boarder to stsrt the
dinner time conversation. "I wonder
how fSr back In history It goes."
"If you mean this particular speci-
men," said the man who Is always
kicking, "I should ssy that It goes back
quite some time—probably to Colonial
days."
DONT SNIFFLKI
Yon can rid yourself of that cold la
the head by taking Laxative Qulnldine
Tablets. Price 25c. Also used In
cases of La Grippe and for severe
headaches. Remember that.—Adv.
But a man never goes around look-
ing for trouble in the guise of a cred-
itor.
BREAD WITHOUT SALT 18 TASTELESS
A medicine chest without Magic Ar-
nica Liniment la useless. Best of all
liniments tor sprains, swellings,
bruises, rheumatism and neuralgia.
Three slses, 26c, 50c and $1.00.—Adv.
Her Vlndlcstlon.
He (annoyed)—It's eight o'clock
and you aald you would be here at
six.
She—Did I say six?- I thought 1
said seven.—Boston Transcript.
It's hard enough to L
In perfect health, bat a wossan i
Is weak, tired and suffering tram a
aching hack has a heavy burden.
Any woman la this condition I
good cause to suspect kidney t
ble, especially If the kidney action I
aeema disordered. J
Doan's Kidney PQls have cured I
thousands of suffering women. It's I
the best recommended special kid* I
ney remedy.
An Oklahoma Cbsb
Mrs. Nathaniel
McVtcker. TO H.
Broadway. B n I d,
|Okla.. aaya: "1 was
Knar with
^com^Uint
Is Indeacrlb-
able. I alio ha4
pavel and Mdner
frregu larltlae.
Doan's Kidney
Pills drove away
the pains aad eor-
. _ reeled all the ether
ailments. X owe my good health te
them."
OetPeedbe* Ass 1ns>ggssBsa
DOAN'S VASV
POmUBMM CO. BWFAIA K. Y.
part time. Health and Acclde<
Immediate cesh returns and fa rare. Ad
MTHMUL US1ALTT OllttlT.KTIIIT.I
W. N. U., Oklahoma City, Ne. 1
Greatness that Is thrust upon ;
soon evaporates.
Going Seme.
"How did King Solomon get such a
reputation tor wisdom?"
"Well, he seems to have been able
to make his thousand wives believe
that his affection for the Queen of
Sheba was purely platonlc. It takes a
wise guy to pull a stunt like that."
IMITATION IS SINCERKST FLATTER*
but like counterfeit mosey the latta?
tlon has not the worth of the ortgtaaL
Insist on "La Creole" Hair Dressing-
Its ths Original. Darkess your hair In
the natural way. but ooatatas a* dye.
Prioe >1.00.—Adv.
A Difference.
"I heard that your son had baoMBB
an actor."
"Glad to hear It All I know abont
It Is that he went oa the Msgs."
Not Needed.
"I hear you're getting up a bazaar
for tbe benefit of tbe unemployed,
shall be glad to give my time to help
make it a success."
"Thank you ever so much, but ths
people whom we are trying to help
have more time than they know what
to do with."
Why Ws Burn Csndles.
Tbe custom of burning candles on
the Christmas tree comes from two
sources. The Romans burned candles
at tbe feast of Saturn as a sign of good
cheer, while the Jews burned candles
during the feast of tbo Dedication,
which happened to fall about the same
time as that of Saturn in tbe Roman
calendar. It Is quite possible that
for this reason there would have been
many candles burning all over Pales-
tine about the time of the birth of
Christ, and from this comes the term
"Feast of Lights," which is the name
used In the Greek church tor Christ-
mss day.
A Christmss Hint.
To those who may have become
tired of the old-fashioned games usual
st Christmss the following may be
found suitable:
Hunt up a lot of poor people that
have not got any Christmas dinner
and go and give them one.
N. B —This game may be plsysd
by any number of persons.
Welcome te Christmasl
Christmss, crown 'o the year! Gold-
en clasp to Its round of light and
shadow. Truly the bells of It shall
rfng out, "Plague l banish, peace 1
bring!" Welcome It royally. Spread
out for soul ana sense a feast of good
things.—Martha Mc Williams.
Truth for the Traveler.
Man at Ticket Office (purchasing
transportation)—Can I stop over In
Dubhurst on this ticket?
Agent—Well, this ticket is only good
for so many hours, and there Is no
other train until after it expires. Be-
fore that time you will be kicking
yourself because you did not keep on.
—Richmond TimeB-Dispatch.
Should Have Boon Enough.
Mra. Morgan had a colored maid
named Sarah. One Sunday afternoon
ths mistress saw Sarah's lover leav-
ing the house clsd In a suit of white
flannel. A little lster, when the maid
appeared, Mrs. Morgan said:
"Sarah, that beau of yours should
never wear white. He Is so very Mack
thst white clothes mako him appear all
the blacker. Why don't you give him
a hint?"
"Why. Mis' Morgan." said 8arah,
with animation. "I done give him er
lot ob hints, but he Jes' natterly ain't
got no sense an' didn't take 'em."
"Probably you didn't make the hints
strong enough," said the mistress.
"Well, no'am, dat's Jes' what I -think
myself," agreed Sarah, reflectively; "I
don't believe I did. I Jest looks at him
right hard an' I says, 'Isham, yo' sho"
do look like a black snake crawlin' out
ob cream, you do!' Thet's Jes' all
bays to him, Mis' Morgan."—Every-
body's Magazine.
Surfaoe Delicacy.
Mawnln', colonel," saluted ths
egamblan garcon. "What's d
ob yuh longln' dls mawnln'?"
"Have you any preserved
pier
"No, sub, not dls mawnln'. On
las' ws had wus frayed aad In sock a
stste of deoompostn' dat de sheet gg«
we'd serve It la de futsre hi do
When a man
little while
matter wld de Inside."
"Liver sad bacon."
"Yes. suh, mighty fine substitute."-*
Richmond Ttmee-Dispstek.
W
tt in de future la 4s m.
in gaaw a pineapple kail n
• he doat netioe what's So
Specie! Delivery.
Young James had bees nuHigrg
playing all ths afternoon.
"What hava yon been playtag an
the afternoon, James?" aakod
mother.
"Postman," said Jam*
tlcally. "It was gnat too."
"How do yon play postmenf t
his mother dutifully.
"Oh. I took all those piles of «M
letters you hsd dons up with Mas
ribbons in your lowest bureau drawer
and gave 'em out to people all down
the street They thought It wss great.
too."
Experts Who Know-
The leading Hotel Stewards and Chefs of the World use and recommend
Grape-Nuts
FOOD
PROCU'JI WAS ^
<} ISE; F > QUR BQAR0 0 F ^
^ CULIh&Rt experts AND *
^ FOUND PUHt £
* € X CclLt HT AND FULLY to
QUALIFIED FOR OUR &
GUARANTEE.
This product contains the finest ingredients
known to the art of Culinary Science, and we
recommend it to the public with our guarantee
over the seal of our association.
The International Mutunl Cooks and Pastry
Cooks Association.
THEODORE M. La MANNA ADOLPHK MEYER
Presides!
E. S. HODC3KIN, M. D.
Feed I
This splendid food is made of wheat and barley and
it of these grains, including the priceless mineral elemei
contains the entire nutri-
ment of these grains, including the priceless mineral elements ao necessary for build-
ing and maintaining vigor of body and mind, but which are so often lacking in the
usual dietary.
A Suggestion—In stuffing your chicken, turkey, duck or goose for the Christmas
dinner, try using one quarter Grape-Nuts and three quarters bread crumbs, instead of
nil bread crumbs. You will be delighted with the crisjv nutty flavour imparted by
this wholesome ingredient
Grape-Nuts food comes ready to eat direct from the package; and is nourishing,
easily digestible, economical delicious.
"There's a Reason"
Sold by Grocers everywhere.
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Seger, Neatha H. The Geary Times (Geary, Okla.), Vol. 4, No. 9, Ed. 1 Thursday, December 23, 1915, newspaper, December 23, 1915; Geary, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc185047/m1/5/?q=War+of+the+Rebellion.: accessed July 7, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.