Harrison Gazette. (Gotebo, Okla.), Vol. 6, No. 18, Ed. 1 Friday, December 7, 1906 Page: 2 of 12
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TOMMY'S CRAIGS
By G. F. MILLIN
(Copyright, 1906, by Joseph B. Bowles.)
Thomas > Traddles—Tommy Trad-
iles, as we all called him—was a pi-
quant and interesting old bachelor.
He was very popular in a wide circle
df acquaintances, for added to his
amiable personal qualities, he had
plenty of money and was gloriously
hospitable. At the same time he pos-
sessed parsimonious peculiarities that
made him the subject of innumerable
good stories, adding considerably to
the amusement of all who knew him.
Still he was, indeed, the last man in
the world we would have expected to
be bowled out in an act not quite
consistent with severest rectitude. So
when Dickson came hurriedly into our
hotel at Boulogne and told us that
Tommy was proposing to do a little
smuggling, we were all disposed to
be incredulous.
We had picked *up Traddles on our
way home from an autumn holiday in
Normandy. It was the morning of
the day on which we had arrived to
take the boat across from Boulogne
that Dickson told us how he had
chanced to spy the solemn, immacu-
late Tommy in the very act of making
up a brown-paper parcel of dried bot-
anical specimens, in the middle of
which he was cunningly concealing
some bundles of Petits Bouquets, evi-
dently in the hope of smuggling them.
We felt we had got Tommy on
toast this time, and we owed him a
long score for practical witticisms
played upon us. Now we could pay
him in his own coin, although we
couldn't agree as to the best method
of doing it. What we wanted was to
expose Tommy's little enterprise with-
out doing him any real harm, and
that was just what we couldn't quite
-^ee our way to do.
Kingstone took no part In the dis-
cussion until we seemed to have
reached the end of our inventive re-
sources; then he quietly announced
that he had a capital plan, and if we
would follow his directions. Tommy
should have a startling show-up. With
the promptitude of a master mind in
command of dolts Kingstone first
held a whispering aside with the slm-
ple-hearted Dickson, and then sent
him away on some errand, and with
many an irrepressible chunkle, he
proceeded to initiate the others into
the parts each would play ia his
plot
According to instructions, we began
by displaying an Inquisitive interest
in Traddles' parcel as soon as we got
on board the boat. We offered to lend
him a small portmanteau to which he
might transfer his botanical speci-
mens. It would be more convenient
and would look better.
As our voyage progressed, we
agreed that Traddles waa not happy.
Apparently, the parcel weighed on
his mind, and quite unscrupulously we
took every means of increasing his
uneasiness. We enlarged on the
folly of smuggling, and told tales of
ignominious exposure and heavy
fines.
"Fines!" echoed one of our party.
"They don't fine nowadays. Since
the last act the penalty for smug-
gling is imprisonment, without the
option of a fine."
Poor Tommy's face was a study.
His jaw dropped dismally, and he
looked altogether moody and miser-
able.
As we drew near the end of the
voyage Traddles looked as if he
would give worlds for the opportunity
to drop the wretched parcel over-
board, if only he could get out of
our sight for a moment. We took
good care, however, that there should
be no backing out of the enterprise,
and as Tommy marched down the
gangway, he looked, or we fancied he
did, a little white about the mouth,
but he held his virtuous head so up-
right, and dandled the parcel with
such an air of innocent concern, that
he might have passed through but for
the astounding action of Dickson,
who hurried forward and tipped a
wink to the man in buttons as he
passed.
"Anything to declare?" was the
phlegmatic official inquiry, as Tommy
passed-
"Nothing dutiable," declared the
audacious Tommy, with an air of
•dignity that should have carried con-
viction. "Only botanical specimens
and—and—one or two other things.
Not dutiable, I assure you."
Tommy tried very hard to maintain
an aspect of outraged dignity as the
officer resolutely began to untie the
parcel, but he couldn't help betray-
ing the greatest agitation. He stood
the very picture of a detected crim-
inal. He protested, then he blustered
and coaxed.
It was. of course, useless, and the
official was deaf to entreaty. With
the center of which he found—a small,
crusty loaf of bread!
It was, of course, the very famil-
iar joke that Dickson had perpetrated
under Kingstone's direction. He had
contrived to take out the cigars and
slip in the loaf, and then had set the
customs official on the intending
smuggler.
"Sir, I told you there was nothing
to declare!" said Tommy, sternly, as
the man deftly retied the parcel and
pushed It from him.
We presently discovered him locked
in a first-class carriage, quite by him-
self, apparently intending to cut us.
That, of course, couldn't be permit-
ted, so some one produced a key, and
we trooped in, charitably bent on
reconciliation.
"Only a bit of holiday fun, you
know, Traddles. Don't take it too
seriously, old man," pleaded Dick-
son.
"You admit, then, that yon took
them out of my parcel?" said Tom-
my, opening his mouth for the firBt
time, and speaking with an offended
air.
"I don't deny it," said Dickson,
"but you know, Traddles, you might
have—"
"And you were all parties to the
theft?" he interrupted.
"Hang it all, Traddles," urged Dick-
son, "you can't say we stole your
cigars, when the worst we've done has
been to get 'em through the cus-
toms for you."
"Well," replied Traddles, quite
implacable, and speaking in his
sternest manner, "I won't say any-
"Go to the Devil!"
thing further on the score of theft,
but I'll show you what I'll do."
And to our amazement he dropped
the window and Bhouted to a customs
officer who stood on the other side of
the platform. The man came prompt-
ly to his call, and Tommy addressed
him.
"Officer," he said, "this man admits
having brought these cigars ashore
in his handbag without having offi-
cially declared them." Having said
this, he dropped into his corner with
the air of a man who had accom-
plished a painful duty.
For the first time in our knowledge
of him. Tommy, the hospitable, so-
ciable old joker, had done a really
malicious thing.
The officer's manner was very quiet
and very serious. Taking possession
of the cigars, he intimated that Dick-
son must accompany him to the su-
pervisor, and with something like a
groan, the culprit departed. We all
trooped after him, and as we left the
carriage every one of us, except King
stone .hurled reproaches at the grin
figure in the corner, who went on to
town by the train, which Btarted very
soon after we left it.
We tried to make the supervisor un-
derstand what had happened; to show
him that the real cuprit was the in-
former himself. But although the
officer looked sagacious enough, he
seemed extremely dense, and could
see nothing but the fact that It was
not the informer who was actually
guilty of smuggling.
We had worked ourselves to a cli-
max of exasperation, when a lad came
in and handed the supervisor a note.
He opened the note, and as he read
we saw that it contained a surprise.
He hastily turned to Tommy's
Petits Bouquets that lay on the
table beside him, eagerly exam-
ining first one and then another,
finally extracting a cigar; he broke
it fn two, then suddenly seizing
both bundles he came out to us in a
towering rage.
"Take your rubbish and go to the
devil!" he said.
"What's up? What's the matter
now?" we broke out, each in his own
way.
"Clear out, I tell you," roared the
furious official; "I've had enough of
this foolery."
"What do you mean?" ejaculated
Dickson, and as he spoke he drew out
one of the Petits Bouquets and broke
it as he had seen the supervisor do,
and then we saw what Tommy had
done. They were mere dummies of
cigars, and of course "were not dutia-
ble at all.
"We shall just catch the 4:28," said
Kingstone in his driest manner. "We
Bhall find Tommy on the platform
with the luggage. I believe he expects j
us to dine with him at the Criterion j
to-night. He wired up to arrange, I i
know."
Dickson was the only one who did
not look like giving a ready accept- |
ance, for he had been specially vie- j
timized all through.
"Look here, Kingstone," he said, as
soon as we had got out of the super-
visor's office, "did old Traddles let me
see him making up that parcel on j
purpose?"
"Of course he did," replied Kings- j
tone, taking him by the arm, and
moving on. "He's been planning this !
little sell for weeks. Come on, or we
shall lose the train."
TEN YEARS OF PAIN.
Unable to Do Even Housework
cause of Kidney Troubles.
Be-
Mrs. Margaret Emmerich, of Clinton
street, Napoleon, 0., says: "For fif-
teen years I was a
great sufferer from
kidney troubles. My
back pained me ter-
ribly. Every turn
or move caused
sharp shooting
pains. My eyesight
was poor, dark
spots appeared be-
fore me, and I had dizzy spells. For
ten years I could not do housework,
and for two years did not get out of
the house. The kidney secretions
were irregular, and doctors were not
helping me. Doan's Kidney Pills
brought me quick relief, and finally
cured me. They saved my life."
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES color
more good!*, brighter colors, with less
work than ethers.
Ducks haven't the better of lawyers
and doctors In the matter of big bills.
National Pure Food and Drugs Act
The Garftald Remedies meet with the
highest requirements of the new Law.
Take Garfield Tea for constipation.
Department's Good Record.
The colonial secretary of the Baha-
mas states in his report of the islands
for 1905-1906 that no complaint of
error or delay has been received by
the telegraph department for 14 years.
Never Disappoints.
"Many extensively advertised reme-
dies are failures when put to the test.
Hunt's Lightning Oil is an exception.
Confidence in it is never misplaced—
disappointment never follows its use.
It is surely the grandest emergency
remedy now obtainable. For cuts,
burns, sprains, aches and pains I
know no equal."
Geo. E. Paddock,
Doniphan, Mo.
Cost of the Taj Mahal.
The Taj Mahal, at Agra, would cost
ten millions if built to-day. It waa
begun in 1629, and finished In 1648.
Important to Mathers.
Examine c*refttlly every bottle of CASTORIA,
a iafa and sure remedy for Infanta and children,
aad see that it
Bears the
Sigaature of
la Uao For Ovet 30 Tear*.
Tfc* Kind To* Ban Always Boo-at.
Mix Soap With Dough.
From a communication read to the
Association of Belgian Chemists it
seems that continental bakers are In
the habit of mixing soap with their
dough to make their bread and pastry
nice and light. The quantity of soap
varies greatly. Ia fancy articles like
waffles and fritters it is much larger
than in bread.
THE FARMER IN WESTERN
CANADA.
All the Same to Him.
It was Sunday, and a huge crowd
was loitering upon the turntable
awaiting the Geary street car. An
elderly lady, red in the face, flustered
and fussy, dug elbows into the ribs of
all and sundry in her search for in-
formation.
A fat man on her right got a par-
ticularly vigorous jab below the belt.
She called at him: "Say!"
He moved in front of her. She
thumped him on the back with might
and main. Finally he turned: "What
the—"
"Say! Does it make any difference,"
she asked, "which of these cars I take
to the cemetery?"
"Not to me, madame," he answered,
and left her wondering why the crowd
roared.—San Francisco Star.
Welshmen in Business.
Cymric settlers in the British me-
tropolis seem to concentrate their en-
terprise on only two trades. When a
London Welshman is not a draper he
is a milkman, with the result that
practically all the draperies and dairies
in London are owned or run by Welsh-
men. Incidentally, it may be noted
that there are some 30 places of wor-
ship in London where the services
are conducted in the Welsh language.
Origin of Term "Grocer."
According to etymology, a "retail
; grocer" is as absolute an Impossibility
| as a "weekly journal." A grocer, or
J "grosser" as it used to be spelled, is
really a trader "In gross"—that is to
say, In large quantities, wholesale.
Englishmen of other days spoke of
"grossers of fish" and "grossers of
[ wine," and an act of Edward III. ex-
I pressly mentions that "grossers" dealt
| in all manner of goods. In those days
| "spicer" was the word for "grocer" in
j the modern sense. But it happened
that the Grocers' company, founded In
i the fourteenth century, specialized in
! spicery and so "grocer" gradually took
the place of "spicer."
Japan's Empress Popular.
!t is doubtful if any royal consort is
more loved by her people than is the
empress of Japan. Educated accord-
ing to feudal ideas and skilled in all
the accomplishments befitting one of
her social eminence, her majesty
strongly favors the broadness of the
new education for women and from
her private purse glve3 large sums
toward the maintenance of women's
schools and universities. During the
war with Russia the empress visited
the hospitals many times and every
day passed hours making bandages
The effect of these bandages upon the
wounded soldiers has been of deep in
tere3t to medical and scientific men,
for the soldiers honored by them
seemed to rally under a peculiar men
tal influence. All other bandages were
destroyed after their first use; those
made by the empress were sterilized
and used again for the simple reason
of their effect on the recovery of the
soldiers.
LIKE A FAIRY TALI.
A Prudent Youth.
Father—Let me see, John, how old
are you now?
Soo—Just 30.
Father—Don't you think It about
time you took your medical degree
and started to work?
Son—Oh, no, father; people have
so little confidence In young doctors!
—Translated for Tales from Meg-
gendorfer Blaetter.
W ■ ^ 1 ■ ■. ^ M ,i ^W
SHE AGREED WITH PAUL.
Mrs. Fladgers Had Seen the Corin-
thians, and She Knew.
"I hope It Isn't wicked to say it," re-
marked Mrs. Gunham, "but there's
one thing the Apostle Paul wrote that
I wish he hadn't written. It's his
down the Mediterranean sea we
stopped at ever so many towns, and
one of them was Corinth. We took a
ride through the town, and I took par-
ticular notice of the women.
"I want to tell you. Mrs. Gunham,
that they're about as ignorant a look-
telling the women they must keep ing set as I ever saw In all my life,
silence In the churches, and that If and I don't blame the apostle Paul one
they want to learn anything they can bit for telling those Corinthian women
ask their husbands at home. I be- to keep quiet and let their men folks
lieve everything else he wrote, but do the talking.
somehow I—I can't quite see my way "When you've seen a thing for your-
clear about that." j self. Mrs. Gunham. you're a good deal
"He says that In one of his letters better able to judge, and I know now
to the Corinthians, doesn't he?" (that Paul was right."—Youth's Com-
"Yes." ; panion.
"Well," said Mrs. Fladgers, rubbing
her nose, "I used to think just as you You Have Seen Them,
do about It, but I've changed my mind. First Flat Dweller—Those people
You know I've got a niece that's mar- over there are always kicking on the
rled to a rich lumberman? Yes, It's meals.
Matilda, and he's a good man. too Second Ditto—Then why don't they
heartless deliberation he first opened Well, about six years ago they fixed move?
an outside paper, then an inner pa things up for a trip to Egypt, and First Flat Dweller—They're the kind
per, and then began to rummage nothing would do but I must go along, that would rather kick than eat—
anion# the botanical specimens, ia P* I went. While we were sailing Detroit Free Presa
Tht 8tory of Postum Cereal In Wsrds
and Pictures.
The growth of the Postum Cereal
, Co. is like a fairy tale, but it is true,
| every word of it.
"The Door Unbolted" is the title of
a charming little booklet just issued
( by the Company which tells, and il-
j lustrates, the story of this remark-
able growth. It takes the reader from
the little white barn in which the
business was started Jan. 1, 1895,
! through the palatial offices and great
factory buildings of the "White City"
that comprise Postumville, Battle
Creek, Mich.
The little white barn, so carefully
preserved, is a most Interesting build-
ing, for it represents the humble be-
ginning of one of the country's great-
est manufacturing enterprises of to-
day, an enterprise that has grown
from this little barn to a whole city
of factory buildings within but little
more than ten years.
No less interesting is the quaint of-
ficial home of the Postum Cereal Co.
The general office building of Mr. Post
and his associates Is a reproduction of
the Shakespeare house at Stratford-
on-Avon, and upon the house and Its
furnishings has been expended vast
sums of money, until the rooms are
more like the drawing rooms of the
mansions of our multi-millionaires
than like offices.
That Mr. Post has believed thor-
oughly la the idea of giving to his
employes attractive and healthful
work rooms Is proven not only by the
general office building of the Company
and Us furnishings, but by his fac-
tories as well, aad of all of these
things this beautiful little booklet tells
Ths Quslity of No. 1 Hard Wheat
Cannot Ba Beaten.
The Canadian West In the past five
or ten years has given a set back to
the theory that large cities are the
backbone of a country and a nation's
best asset. Here we have a country
where no city exceeds 100,000, and
where only one comes within easy
distance of that figure according to
the census just taken and where no
other city reaches a population ex-
ceeding 15,000. The places with a
population over 5,000 can be counted
upon the fingers of one hand, and yet
the prosperity that prevails Is some-
thing unprecedented In the history of
all countries past or present.
The reason for this marvelous
prosperity is not hard to seek. The
large majority of the 810,000 people
who inhabit Manitoba, Saskatchewan
and Alberta, have gone on to the farm,
and have betaken themselves to the
task of not only feeding and clothing
themselves, but of raising food for
others less happily circumstanced.
The crop of 1906, although not ab-
normal, is an eye-opener to many who
previously had given little thought to
the subject. Ninety million bushels of
wheat at 70 cents per bushel—$63,000,-
000; 76,000,000 bushels of oats at 30
cents per bushel—$22,800,000; 17,000,-
000 bushels of barley at 40 cents per
bushel—$6,800,000; makes a total of
$92,600,000. This is altogether outside
the root products; dairy produce, and
the returns from the cattle trade; the
beet sugar Industry and the various
other by-products of mixed farming.
When such returns are obtainable
from the soil It Is not to be wondered
at that many are leaving the congest-
ed districts of the eayst, to take upon
themselves the life of the prairie farm
and tho labor of the housbandman.
With the construction of additional
railroads new avenues, for agricultur-
al enterprise are opening up, and im-
proved opportunities are offered to the
settler who understands prairie farm-
ing, and Is willing to do his part In
building up the new country.
This is the theme that Mr. J. J. Hill,
the veteran railroad builder In the
West. haB laid before the people In a
series of addresses which he has
given at various points during the
past few months, and, havins been
■for so long Identified with the devel-
opment of the West, there are few
men better qualified than he to ex-
press an opinion upon It. Take care
of the country, says he, and tho cities
will take care of themselves.
The farmers of the Western States
and the Canadian West, are more
prosperous than over before, and
when it comes to measuring up re-
sults, the Canadian appears to have
somewhat the better of It. His land
Is cheaper In fact, the government
continues te give free homesteads to
settlers, and the returns per acre are
heavier when the crop Is harvested.
Farming land In the Western States
runs from $60 to $150 an acre and up.
whereas equally good soil may be pur-
chased In Canada for $8 to $15 per
acre, within easy reach of a shipping
point, and much of this 13 available
for free homesteadlng. The quality of
the Canadian No. 1 hard wheat can-
not be beaten, and the returns to the
acre are several bushels better than
on this side of the line; the soil ami
climate of that country being peculiar-
ly adapted to wheat growing.
The fact Is evidently appreciated
by the large number of American
farmers who have In the past two or
three years settled In the Canadian
West Ths agents of the Canadian
Government whose address will be
fouad elsewhere, advise us that for
the fiscal year 1904-5. the records
show that 43.543 Americans settled la
Canada, and in 1905-6 the number
reached 57.79*. From *11 of which. It
appears that st present there Is a
good thing In farming In Western
tfcs interesting stery. It will be sent Canada, aad that the American fam-
te aoysM en request. er is not slow to avail himself of It
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Stewart, A. H. Harrison Gazette. (Gotebo, Okla.), Vol. 6, No. 18, Ed. 1 Friday, December 7, 1906, newspaper, December 7, 1906; (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc184783/m1/2/?q=alien+smuggler: accessed June 22, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.