The Davis News (Davis, Okla.), Vol. 36, No. 46, Ed. 1 Thursday, August 21, 1930 Page: 3 of 16
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' ' "V ' -
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PRREN1
0 M MEN
By JH (JIM) LOWRY
(Copyright 1930 by tho Homo Color Print Co)
Co
Uj
BOUT all I can say for August is
that we have to have it because it
is on the calendar If the matter
should be left to a vote of the peo-
ple we would never have another Au-
gust but the month is as ‘firmly fixed
in ’ the ' calendar as the - Eighteenth
Amendment is in the Constitution Au-
gust is on the calendar because Augus-
tus Caesar put it there When Augustus
ascended the Roman throne he found a
month on the calendar named for Julius
Caesar but none for himself In the
words of the street urchin "he didn't
do a thing" but yank Sextillus from its
ilace on the calendar and install August
nits stead We get it from history
that Augustus was about such a fellow
as Theodore Roosevelt We are told that
the reign of Augustus marked the
golden era of Roman history This was
because Augustus changed things veiry
much from the way Julius and others
left them He didn’t gd prancing oVer
Gaul and other countries with big ar-
mies as: Julius did neither did he go
tangoing every night with - Cleopatra
down in Egypt as Mark Anthony did
He stayed on the job until the tariff
question and the currency question were
settled and let the Senate pass a hill
increasing tbe - soldier’s pensions with-
out worrying the senators as President
Hoover did However August is an un-
popular month — very unpopular with
the bank workers and postal employes
because there isn’t a State or national
holiday in it ' ' - 1
1"
' ' WateraelonUme '
"Old watermlllyun time is er coming
round er gin and there ain’t no man er
livin’ any tickeled er than me" So wrote
good old Jim Riley several years ttgo
and so say I right now For some time
the big fine fellows have been coming
from the South but these do not inter-'
est me much For one thing they are
sold by the pound and the pound sys-
tem knocks all the romance out of wa-
termelon eating The real watermelon
is never shipped in It grows in the
Catch right close to home and is cooled
y the morning dews instead of a re-
frigerator car I am not a scientist
neither have I ever been tolerant of
science or its laws but this year I am
Einging songs of praise to science and
bestowing halos upon the ' scientists
Really for the last few weeks I have
looked upon science as a great thing and
bowed in ' lavish homage ‘ before the
scientists From childhood until a few
weeks ajgo I had been taught and warn- T
ed that 'disease and death lurked in the
watermelon and that those who partook
liberally of the fruit of the vine would
have chills fevers and diabetes But this
year a scientist with real horse-sense -'
took the stand He told the world that
the watermelon is rich in vitamines A
B and C and that upon the cheeks of
those who partake' liberally ’ and fre
quently of the wonderful fruit: of the
vine the rose-tint of health will' sit en-
throned and that peace and joy will be
the constant guests of the internal
economy of the watermelon eater -
The Meeting at Philippi -I
had an idea that we would come to
it before this political campaign was
over and so we have One candidate has
told another in the public prints "he
would meet him at Philippi" When a
campaign grows warm enough to call
forth the Philippi defi it’s going good
Strange that none of the candidates
ever pay attention to any of the great
battles of the world except Philippi De-
cisive battles were fought at Waterloo
Austerlitz - Ivry and Yorktpwn but' no
candidate ever expresses a desire to
meet an opponent at one of these places
he wants to meet him at Philippi or hot
at all Brutus and Cassius killed Caesar
and believed the battle won but they
made the ' fatal mistake of permitting
Mark Anthony to preach Caesar’s fun-
eral Mark stirred Caesar’s friends to a
frenzy and Brutus mobilized the Repub-
licans These great leaders ' wrote each
other many letters and sent each other
many verbal message' but all ended
with a challenge to "meet me at Philip-
K” Finally’ there was a meeting' at
ilippi and Mark’s crowd scored a big
victory over 'the Republicans But why
can’t the opposing politicians of today
meet -somewhere else occasionally?
Why spend all their money with the
Philippian hotels and filling stations?
One is tempted to believe Philippi is in
the saipe zone as Juarez Matamoras and
Havana ' : -V
V’ I’-
Bald-Headed Men and Hairy Men
A few people continue to poke fun at
bald-headed men in spite of the fact
that the Scriptures tell of several chil-
dren being eaten by shebears for mak-
ing sport of good- old Elisha’s ball pate
Not long since a New York woman
brought Suit for divorce because her
husband was bald-headed In her peti-
tion the woman went' on to say she
wanted a husband with long wavy locks
that she could run her fingers through
I am not surprised that women : of this
type demand long-haired husbands since
long hair on a man is positive evidence
that the man is an easy mark and
women can handle him even as the pot-
ter handles the clay : Delilah handled
Sampson as easily as a giant can handle
a fish worm- and Absalom was so easy
that he let a donkey hang him to a limb
And old Esau who had more hair on
him than any man who has lived swap-
ped several sections qf land for a bowl
of soup A head that can be used for a
mirror or a scratch tablet is a useful
piece of furniture in any well-regulated
household and it also gives assurance
that the owner thereof will wear the
bifurcated garment thereabouts :
' A New York man recently inaugu-
rated ai much-needed reform and it is a
matter for sincere regret that dire con-
sequences followed the first try-out of
the scheme The poor fellow had appen-
dix trouble and being short of cash
concluded to perform a surgical opera-
tion on himself for the removal of the
troublesome organ With a safety razor
blade he rnuuta an incision in his abdo-
men and cut off the appendix The op-
eration was successful but unfortunate-
ly the patient died The fatality attend-
ing the first operation of the kind should
not however be permitted to send the
splendid reform to the discard The first
few appendix Operations by surgeons
was followed by the same results The
first airship did not navigate the realms
of ether ' successfully and the first
steam engine operated soon blew itself
up When every man can remove his
own appendix there will be a great deal
more money for gasoline in this country
of ours'
- Come to think of it don’t people make
a big ado over beliefs they had nothing
to do with creating? Most of us are
cock-sure that ours is the one straight
way to Heaven yet our sectarian beliefs
were settled for us by our great grand-
fathers and great grandmothers years
before we were born and we are by no
means sure that they could read the
- coarsest print And we are sure that
our political party is the only one that
can steer the ship of state safely by
Scylla and Charybdis yet we were -Republicans
or Democrats years before wo
were born The fact is that birth and
environment fix our opinions on these
matters just as the autumn sun gives
color and form to the apple and the
grape ’
The highest court in the land has de-
cided in favor of free' speech The high
tribunal has handed down an opinion
saying it is not unlawful for a man to
say what he thinks It may not be un-
lawful but it’s very dangerous Until
the six-shooters are melted into plow-
shares and all fists are padded with
mushrooms I advise all readers of Cur-
rent Comment to beware of saying all
they think 1
A fashion item says sandals are to
return soon and become the real thing
in footwear Won’t it be awful for the
dear creatures to be forced to expose
to the world’s cruel gaze the feet they
have warped and coTned aftdvbunyoned
with high heels and narrow toes? :
I haven’t read the government statis-
tics bearing on the matter but if the
stork is sleeping on its job all over the
country like it is in my neck of the
woods the manufacturers of safety pins
will soon have to cut down production
until their business will be worth little
more than that of those -who manufac-
ture corkscrews
The figures before me show me that
a pair of shoes which cost the wearer
ten dollars have in them only $180
Worth of materials Eight dollars and
twenty cents is an awful profit to pay
for one pair of shoes but most of us
would rather' pay it than skin the cow
tan the hide stretch the leather and
drive the pegs1
The political campaign in my neck of
the woods will not close for three or
four weeks 'yet but already I have
learned quite a little that I did not know
before the opening of the campaign I
have learned that several men I be-
lieved to be real good fellows two years
ago are dirty scoundrels The rascals
boldly announce that they are going to
vote against my man and pay no at-
tention to me when I show them why
they should not do such an outrageous
thing However matters are pretty well
evened up A bunch of fellows who won
my contempt and hatred two years ago
have proved themselves patriotic ! in-
telligent gentlemen They are enthusias-
tically supporting my man -
The people who fail in their under-
takings get little applause but it is both
unjust and cruel to dub them failures
There are heroes without laurels and
conquerors without triumphs’ and' there
are forms of excellence which "die and
make no sign" Success is in the striv-
ing and not in the winning and every
life is a success that gives its best to the
world No one would think of calling the
man who rushed through the fires to
rescue a fellow man from the flames a
faliure even though his life burned
away before he reached the object of
his sacrifice'
On some questions I have positive
convictions and give free expression to
my opinions On other matters I find it
so difficult to arrive at the unvarnished
truth that I never venture an opinion
For instance I have never taken a stand
on whether’ spinach carrots or squashes
taste the least like something to eat
If as is predicted we are to have the
six-hour-day and five-day week as our
work period it is going to be mighty
hard on that noble bifurcated garment
of man pants Nq pair of pants is better
than the seat thereof and for many
years the pants of this country have
been showing the greatest wear on the
seat If the work period is to be further
curtailed the seats of pants must be
thickened and strengthened or the
pants bill will be doubled
When a husband is not appreciated by
his wife it’s all his own fault Any hus-
’ band who has had his trousers newly-
creased-and has brushed his hair and
had his salary raised looks good to his
wife':-
I heard a fellow stand-off a bill a few
’weeks ago with the plea that he and all
the members of his family had had the
flu This yaa a very poor excuse While
the flu is a hellish malady it is not an
expensive affliction When all the mem-
bers of my family had the flu last win-
ter we didn’t have any gasoline bill at
all and we owed the grocer only a dollar
or two The savings thus effected more
than equaled the doctor and drug bills
The flu fully compensates for the suffering-it
entails by taking away the
ability to ride and the desire to eat '
I am not permitted to discuss prohi-
bition or any other measure upon which
people are divided in this department
and I am not going to attempt such a
foolhardy and dangerous thing’ But I
am taking the liberty of saying that a
retent interpretation of the enforce-
ment law may cause a great deal- of
trouble A-Chicago banker was caught
with' a flask of anti-Volstead stuff in
his hip-pocket The officers took his
whiskey apd also confiscated his pants
declaring Bame to be a vehicle under
the law because they carried whiskey
Declaring pants a common carrier may
cause men much trouble The Chicago
banker could stand the loss of his pants
without serious inconvenience but we
’ of the proletariat would be utterly
ruined by such a catastrophe If some
one should give one ot you a flask of
flu medicine either destroy it or carry
it home in your coat pocket Civilized
man can not live without pants - -'
Several counterfeiters were caught in
New York not long since and millions
of dollars in counterfeit currency was
confiscated And this reminds me that
I have never lost a dollar through the
acceptance of counterfeit money There
is another form of worthless money cir-
culating in this country however which
has caught me several times and most
of the people of the country have been
its victims I am speaking of worthless
checks Checks circulate largely as
money and most of the country’s busi-
ness is transacted with them What is
the difference in trading a worthless
check for the goods of another and trad-
ing worthless counterfeit bills for the
same commodity?
' The army of the unemployed is large
—far too large But let no man dream
that all who are in this army are anx-
ious to be mustered out If you doubt
this insert an advertisement in a paper
for 1000 men to perform common work-
ing jobs and note how many applica-
tions you receive Of course if you ad-
vertise for a manager or an overseer
the ad will elicit a thousand responses
Dentistry Is Not a Profession That Appeals to Me
By JOE SAPPINGTON
fCwrrliht '1930 by tht Ham Color Print Co)
- SKED by his dentist when did his
teeth first start to bother him
Andy Gump replied "When I was
cutting them" I may have had ns
tiard' a-time 'cutting my teeth as did
Andy but can’t remember back that
far However I’ll bet
I have had a wider
and more varied ex
erience with dentists
Mother acted as the '
a n A n d y Gump :
family dentist until I
had shed the last of
my milk teeth It was
while she was serv-
ing in that capacity
that I tried to play a
practical joke on the
family It was at the
breakfast table that
some one discovered
I had : another loose
tooth and realizing
what was about to '
happen I bolted from
the room out into
"I took my troth
' r ‘ on a
the wide open
spaces with my older brothers and
sisters in hot pursuit I had run about
a quarter of-a mile when the tooth fell
out and then a happy thought struck
me Now that the tooth was out I would
let them capture and carry me back to
the hoUse Mother seemed greatly sur-
prised when 1 docilely laid down on the
floor opened wide my mouth and yelled
at the top of my voice: "All right
mother go ahead with your tooth pull-
ing" She saw at a glance what had hap-
pened and ordered my captors to hold
me down while she would see if I had
other teeth requiring her service My
sisters and brothers piled upon me five
deep and no matter if I did squall fight
bite and kick mother found three more
loose teeth and yanked them out with a
cotton string That was the first and
last practical joke I ever tried to play on
the family
' Necessary Evils - '
Dentists are necessary evils I sup-
pose but to save my life I can’t pave
the same friendly feeling for them as I
have for other professional men such
as horse doctors life insurance agents
wildcat oil promoters lawyers sign
painters editors and sleight-of-hand
performers'
No matter how big
or little or kindly- a
dentist may- be' ho
seema cruel and
heartless the moment
ou put yourself in
is power Once upon
a time while :’a 200-
pound painless den-
tist was extracting a
tooth t h a t belonged
to me the pain be-
:ame so great that I
lost control pf myself
and bit his thumb
He ' rapped me on the
head - with his 'for-
ceps claiming it was
an accident but I
-' know derned " well
from the size of the knot he raised that
it wasn’t any accident
As before stated the size and general
deportrhent of a dentist has nothihg
whatever to do with his disposition The
worse man-handled I ever was was by a
dapper little fellow with baby-blue eyes
golden hair weighed around a hundred
pounds had a soft Voice and a cute
smile The sight of blood must have
gone to his head for instead of pulling
the only defective tooth I had he pulled
three good ones before I could scramble
out of his chair and fight him off The
very next day aftei his assault 6n my
molars he was arrested and returned to
the lunatic asylum from which he had
escaped It was reported that on the way
back to his cell he pulled the perfectly
good tooth ot a prison guard with a pair
of forceps he had concealed about his
person'-
- Two of the most eventful things in
out and laid them
table"
my long and illuminating career have
occurred within the last twelve months
The first of these was the purchase of
a model T Ford of ancient vintage and
the other purchase was a brand new set
f false teeth with pink gums The mis-
take I made was in buying the teeth be-
fore becoming familiar with the whims
and caprices of the old car I am used to
its rattle but the vibration of the body
shakes my false teeth out of my mouth
It is not generally known but I have
a single-track mind just a few weeks
after I got my false teeth I was
called upon to make a short talk
at a political rally After 'flounder-
ing around a few minutes without say-
ing anything in particular I took my
teeth-out and laid them on a table in
plain view of the audience started my
talk all over again and was getting along
all right when some one yelled: "Put-
your teeth back we can’t understand a
word you say" I put them back and con-
tinued talking but long Wore I con-
cluded my speech the audience had thin-
ned perceptibly
Not Wanted at the Bridge Party
My folks gave a bridge party last
week and I could tell the way they acted
that I was not wanted around My
daughter broke the news to me gently
and diplomatically thirty minutes be-
fore the guests began to arrive
"Daddy" said she "here’s a book I
think you will enjoy reading and if I
were you I would drive down to the park
and read all the afternoon” I knew they
didn’t want their friends to see the old
Ford and also were afraid I would pub-
licly exhibit my teeth to the crowd and
tell what they cost and how much I still
owedonthemi
: My folks are still angry with me al-
though I tried my best to do their bid-
ding Ton minutes before the guests ar-
rived I stepped into my model T with
the firm intention of going for a ride
but alas 1 it would not move no matter
how much I tinkered with it To make
matters worse' a- goodly- number of
guests arrived while I was cranking and
denouncing the old car My wife and
daughter greatly embarrassed insisted
on my leaving the car and walking the
distance to the park "Oh please let Mr
Sappington alone" said one of the men
guests' ‘"We can play bridge most any
day but we may never have another
chance to hear a man swear at an old
Ford with a brand new set of false
teeth” yV
The dentist who made my teeth wants
me to keep them in my mouth and out
of my pockets claiming' I’m ruining his
reputation as a dentist Just as soon as
I pay the last installment on them I’m
doing to stride into his office with my
teeth nestling in my hip pocket and say
to him in dramatic tones: "Dock here’s
the balance due on my teeth and from
now on I shall do as I dern please with
them" y y y-
plant large enough to supply a’ city of
80000 people ’ v
OKMULGEE CONTRACTS FOR
AVIATION FIELD NEAR THERE
The city of Okmulgee has taken over
the Burke Aviation Field near the city
and are operating it as a municipal port
The city: has assumed a liability of ex-
pense not to exceed $600 annually
much of which will be paid by a system
of fees for use and service of the field
Air traffic in Okmulgee has increased
with the new plan of operation -r
THE GROVE HOSPITAL BADLY
NEEDED IN THAT COMMUNITY
: A charter has been granted by the
Secretary of the State for a new hos-
Iiital at Grove in Delaware county A
arge community will be served when
the structure is complete that have long
felt i the need of hospital facilities in
that section- The cost will be around
$85000 which is being raised by public
subscription and the hospital will be
operated as a benevolent institution It
maybe placed in the hands of some
church for management -
WALTERS GETS NUMBER OF
WELLS FOR WATER SUPPLY
’ The city of Walters has a new supply
of water furnished from four wells re-
cently drilled iu Sultan Park ’ A deep
well turbine pump has been installed at
a cost of $1250 A plentiful supply of
water is now available for Walters citi-
zens and the capacity of the wells’ is
much greater than for a city the size of
Walters
FREEDOM TO HAVE MUNICIPAL
IMPROVEMENTS SOON
The town of Freedom has voted bonds
of $6000 for a water works system and
a like amount for an electric light sys-
tem These utilities will be available for
use within a few months Both proposi-
tions received a heavy majority of citi-
zen votes ' - i ’
CLINTON TO HAVE INCREASED
f -i WATER SYSTEM -
Bonds 'of $600000 have been voted
by Clinton citizens for a system of wa-
ter for the city money for which is how
available and work begun A large dam
will be built near Foss sixteen miles
west of Clinton and below the junction
of Mountain and Turkey creeks A res-
ervoir to cover 400 acres with a capacity
of 1500000000 gallons of water will be
built below the dam also a filtering
’ ' ‘ V '' ‘ '
COMMERCIAL RABBIT FARM ES-
TABLISHED NEAR GUTHRIE
' A number of rabbit farms have
within the past year been established
in sections of Oklahoma A recent one
has been located near Guthrie where
the animals will be raised for marketing
both their meat and fur The New Zea-
land rabbits on which this farm spe-
cializes' are pure white and their skins
are much in demand by the fur trade
being used plain and dyed The chilchilla
rabbits also produce popular fur and the
meat of both varieties are excellent
" ' ' - ' ' s" : '
' v
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The Davis News (Davis, Okla.), Vol. 36, No. 46, Ed. 1 Thursday, August 21, 1930, newspaper, August 21, 1930; Davis, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc1714585/m1/3/: accessed May 12, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.