Oklahoma City Daily Pointer (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 285, Ed. 1 Monday, December 16, 1907 Page: 3 of 4
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TUCKER BROS.' OKLAHOMA CITY DAILY POINTER.
'• '01,:%
Stor«<
AS OTHERS
MIGHT SEE US
A FOOTBALL GAME VIEWED
BY A MARTIAN PROFESSOR
By S. E. KISER
to US. ,
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inted.
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by ex-
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blic
The Martian astronomer stepped
forward with an expectant thrill. He
was about to take his first peep
through the newly perfected telescope
at the earth. For many years the
Work on this wonderful instrument
had been prosecuted. It was, at last,
to enable the people of the red
planet to learn Just what kind of
beings inhabited the interesting
nhere which they had so long
b<hu studying. Telescopes which had
served to bring the earth to witl.'n
we.,e an apparent distance of 200 miles of
busi their own globe had long been in use
by the Martian astronomers, but now
they were to be able to see their
neighbor at an advantage which they
had never previously enjoyed. The
new instrument was so powerful that
the observer gazing through it would
■ee^the earth as plainly as if it had
actually been within hailing dis-
ance.
5 Trembling with expectancy Prof.
Bzujkftsnbqm adjusted the wonderful
Instrument and looked. The scientists
who had gathered about him held
their breath and waited.
"Ah!" exclaimed the professor. "At
last I am able to actually see the peo-
ple who inhabit our sister planet. I
awed. They appear to be very
hear—so near that I can plainly see
them moving about. They are—bless
my soul—they are drawing nearer! It
must be that my eyes are becoming
accustomed to the instrument. Yes,
that accounts for it. I can see them
very plainly now. They seem to be
only a few yards away. It is wonder-
ful—wonderful!"
"What kind of looking people are
they?" asked one of the excited
scientists.
"A most curious looking people. And
their actions are very ridiculous. They
have arms and legg, as we have, and
they do not wear their heads upside
down, as some of us have previously
supposed. No, their heads are right
side up—but such curious looking
heads! Their faces are astonishingly
u«ly. They have noses of enormous
Blee—horribly shaped noses of a dull
leaden color- I regret to have to re-
port that they bear little resemblance
to us. They are human beings, un-
doubtedly, but they are in a very
early stage of development, or it
would be better, perhaps, to say in an
advanced stage of degeneracy. They
Mf| possess none of the God-like attributes
| with which we ourselves are endowed.
I Grace, as we know it, is absolutely
lacking in them. They have horrible
noses, as I have said. The proboscis
of each of them seems to cover the
larger part of the face, extending from
the hair line upon the rudimentary
forehead clear down to where the
chin should be, and spreading out in
revolting dimensions. Their bodies,
f j too, are badly disproportioned. There
are great bunches at the joints on
their arms and legs, and altogether
they are about as unattractive in ap-
pearance as could be Imagined."
The scientists who had gathered
around to hear the professor's report
ere grievously disappointed. The
te\$scopes which had previously been
in use had enabled them to discover
upon their sister planet evidence of
;Vfc8t enterprises that were apparently
the results of human endeavor, and
they had pictured mundane man as a
creature nearly approaching them-
selves in physical appearance and
mental endowments. Naturally the
i K#*JSen demolition of their theory
PE. ^jffiame as a shock. Still, they hoped
^ that the professor might have formed
-- a hasty conclusion.
The scientists looked at one an-
other and shook their heads. A great
disappointment had come to them. At
last one of them, more hopeful than
the rest, said:
"Perhaps it is unfair to Judge the
people of the earth by their appear-
ance alone. What are they doing, pro-
fessor? We must remember that ac-
tions better indicate than mere looks
do the characteristics of people as
well as of other animate things."
'T am afraid," the astronomer re-
plied as he continued his observations,
"that little satisfaction is to be de-
rived from a study of the actions of
our earthly fellow men. I can see
perhaps 20 of them. They are in an
inclosure and appear to be engaged
. la a terrible battle. They are horribly
dirty and are fiercely attacking one
another, apparently to gain possession
of a small oval object which must be
something they desire to eat. There!
One of them has just secured posses-
sion of it, and all the others are
pouncing upon him, with the evident
intention of tearing him to pieces.
They are clawing and striking and
kicking. It is awful. Blood is stream-
ing down the fronts of two of them.
They are all struggling in a conglom-
erate mass, and—oh! Horrible! Hor-
rible! One of them has just torn the
nose completely from another's face.
It is too sickening to be described.
Gentlemen, look for yourselves if you
care to. I have no desire to see more."
But his fellow scientists had no wish
to behold the slaughter. Sad at heart,
they turned away, and in the next
number of the Scientific Martian Prof.
Bzujkftsnbqm described in an interest-
ing manner what he had seen through
the wonderful new telescope, regret-
fully offering the opinion that men as
they existed on earth had lapsed Into
a savage state and would in all proba-
bility continue to indulge in brutal
warfare until extermination resulted
—Chicago Record-Herald.
A. P. Wilson, trained nurse. Phone
1173. No. 11 N. Broadway. 1-6
Wanted—You to know that you can
get Steffen's Sanitary Milk at all first
class dealers. 7c quart. tf
Three to one is the odds The
Pointer has over any other after-
noon paper in the way of circulation.
Jelly moulds for parties, full line
at Kleins.
JOKE ON PROFESSOR
UNWITTING VICTIM OF HIS OWN
ADVICE.
Pupil Faithfully Followed Instructions
and the Result Was Broken Rest
for the Unfortunate Music
Teacher.
:ht
RED.
The late Prof. Julius Eichberg,
whose violin school was at one time
one of the most flourishing institu-
tions of Boston, enjoyed telling the
following joke which was innocently
played on him by a pupil:
Just before the vacation season he
once inquired of a boy how much he
intended to practice on his violin dur-
ing the summer.
"Oh, not very much," replied the
youngster.
"Not very much! How is that?"
"Because I want to play and enjoy
myself. There are many other boys
where we go summers."
"That's very well," answered Eich-
berg, "but can you not devote one
hour a day to your violin?"
"No, sir," was the prompt reply.
"Half an hour?"
"No, not even that. I have no time."
"It is too bad, for you will forget
everything you have learned."
Eichberg stopped a minute to think
and then said:
"What time do you rise mornings
when on your vacation?"
"Very early, sir—between five and
six."
"Well, that's the best time. Put in
half an hour's practice every morning
before you go down to breakfast."
The boy promised faithfully to do
so, and teacher and pupil parted on
the best of terms.
A few weeks later, Eichberg was
peacefully slumbering in one of the
cool rooms of a fashionable summer
hotel, which he and his family reached
tjie night before, when he was most
inopportunely awakened by the furi-
ous screeching of a violin juBt over
his head.
"I wonder who the plaguey catgut-
scraper Is at this hour," grumbled he,
as he looked at his watch, and was
horrified to see that it was not yet six
o'clock.
Sleeping late, as was his continental
habit, was altogether out of the ques-
tion for Eichberg that morning, for
the outlandish screeching was faith
fully kept up just half an hour, and
then suddenly ceased.
By that time, however, he had
dressed himself, and having come
downstairs, was about to enter the
dining room for breakfast together
with the usual early risers, when he
was joyously greeted by a boy with
familiar face, who said proudly:
"I follow your advice, professor, and
have not missed one morning. Have
juit put in half afl hour's practice."
"I know it," grimly answered Eich-
berg.
Immediately after breakfast ha
walked to the desk and asked for an-
other room.
THIS MUST GO.
An 8-room beautiful home in best
residence part of city. Owner must
raise some money quick. Worth $5500
to $0000. You can handle it on cash
payment of $750. Make an offer.
Patterson Co., 201 W. Grand. 53
Notice—All socialists; call and
leave your address at 212 South Rob-
inson street. 5-3
Yes! Steffen's Sanitary milk is bet-
ter than acquired by any old boss.
Fully pasteurized. tf
Sewing machines—must close them
out—$6; $12; cash or payments. A.
Manly, 216 Grand. Phone 3339. 4-3 .
We have two shares of San Luis
Valley Land Co.'s farms and lots for
sale. Also an 8-room modern house
on paved street and car line at a bar-
gain. If you mean business call at our
office. The Harvey-Graves Co., 9 S.
Robinson. 53
Hay—30c per bale, while it lasts,
at Enterprise Seed Co, 128 W. Grand;
phone 657. tf
Why not have the best for your
Xmas dinner? Get Steffen's Frozen
English Pudding. Phone 760. tf
The Pointer is recognized as the
best and only afternoon want ad
paper.
ABOUT
INTERVIEWS
What tho Prize Fighter Said
and What the Reporter
Said He Said
"Things don't sound the same, some-
how, in printed interviews. I can't
recognize my way of talking in any
of these interviews with me that are
printed."—Uncle Joe Cannon.
Here is the way the interview with
Hotwallop the prize fighter looks when
it gets into type, says the New York
News:
"Well, I feel very certain that I
shall succeed in administering a quick
defeat to my antagonist to-morrow
night. Understand, I have the high-
est regard for him as a man and as
a sportsman, but I really believe that
I am the better man, and I shall make
every effort to convince my friends
of this.
"I am in as perfect condition as a
man can attain who trains long and
conscientiously, and I shall not have
the slightest difficulty in mailing the
weight.
"I am perfectly willing to grant that
[ Mr. Swiftjolt is an excellent pugilist,
I but I cannot conceal the fact that I be- j
! lieve myself to be possessed of con-
siderably more steam than he, and I
feel, too, that the fight will not be |
a protracted one. In truth- I shall |
be more than amazed if the contest j
endures longer than.four rounds.
"I have developed several new meth-
ods of attack, all of which I shall
employ In case the necessity arises,
and I think that any one of them
should enable me to earn the victory I
from Mr. Swiftjolt, who has always j
exhibited a certain partiality toward j
the old-fashioned methods of pugilism.
You may announce to my friends with
the greatest positiveness, that—"
etc.
The things which Hotwallop acta
allf said, though, out of the sou'-sou'-
eastern corner of hi map were about
as follows:
"Swif jolt, hey? Say, put away dls
gabble about slssages—put it away in
a box, tsee? He couldn't lick a mut
ton stew wit' a set o' ninepins.
"It's one punch in de lunch f'r dat
gum an' he'll be a-listenin' t* de bod-
ies! He couldn't hit me little- sis-
ter wit' a clo'es-pole, an' wot chanct
has he got wit' me, hey—wot chanct?
"Strip me off dat—wot chanct, hey?
He's a rummy t' stan' up an' let me
poke at him. I'm goin' t' take a book
into de ring t' read w'lle I'm trlmmin'
him—I like t' keep me lid entertained
w'en I'm up ag'in dis soft stuff.
"Wot, train fr dat piece o tripe?
Tsay, all I need f'r dat kind is a hair-
cut an' ha'f a hour's sleep. He's goin'
t 'play f'r my kitchen, is he? Why,
tsay, he'll never git near enough t'
me t' trun me a chew o' fine cut
"Sure, I'm goin't' stake de fat nuts
dat dig up deir kate t' see de mix a
sprint f'r deir cash, an' I'm dere, bo,
long enough t' give de movin' picter
guys a chanct t' do some snappin', but
It'll just be klddin' an' foolin' 'roun'
f'r me, an' I wish I could get some-
body t' sit up wit' me in de ring an'
play pinocle w'ile I'm puttin' dat
smudge away.
"He's goin' t' come troo wit' dem
pokes f'r me pantry, hey? Tsay, w'ere
does he t'lnk I keeps me wloks? In
me feet?
"W'y, de las' time I fit dat mug I
could 'a' wound me watch an' don 'a'
writ a letter home w'ile he was t'inkln'
over wedder he'd slip me a right
swing or a short-arm Jolt, an' I come
near yawnln' me conk off a-waltin' f'r
him t' make up his mind. Tsay, I'd
rather stan' behin' two hunnered
skoits at a box office dan t' wait f'r
dat firkin o' grease t' make up his
nut wot he's goin' t* do in a mix.
"Have I got any new coives t'
spring on him? Wot f'r? Hey? Wot'
de use o' runnln' after a street car
after you've caught it, hey? New
stuff f'r dat piece o' scrapple?
"Wy, I'll spank him on de teet' wit'
de back of me glove, an' if dat don't
git me nuthln' I'll git a megaphone an'
talk real hash t' him from de odder
side o' de stage. Him dere wit' de
punch, hey? Tsay, he couldn't hit a
Belgian hare wit' a shovel hard enough
t' make de big-eared bug look up from
d© cabbage leaves.
"Him dere wit' a fast new shift,
hey? lie couldn't shift a hickory nut
from one jowl t' de odder between now
an" next Decoration day.
"Did he Btake me t' some slams in
our las' fight? Not if I knowed it. If
he did I was too busy countin' de
house at de time.
"Two or t'ree times I felt some'tln'
like a cockroach crawlin' over me
slats, an' maybe dat was him hlttin'
me. I don't know. Might 'a bin, at
dat.
"I'd be willin't' sit down in a rock-
in' chair an' let dat mollycod hit me
wit' a coal maul all de afternoon if
he'd let me do my croshayin' an 'read
de papers w'ile he was doln' it. Dat's
how much I'm 'fraid o' his punch,
tsee? .
"Would I advise me pals t' spin deir
coin on me? Tell 'em t' stan' a tap-
sky. Tell 'em f'r me t' git down on
me wit' wot dey kin snag on de rag
carpet an' de oil stove, an' anny price
dey git is like connin' gran'ma f'r a
nickel an' a horsecake."
ALFALFA
Just received forty tons, green and
well cured. Guaranteed to produce
new life and energy. The old horse
will smile when he tastes it. Call
phone 1198. P. P. Dismukes. 4-3
He Found Out.
Tommy ran excitedly into the room,
eager to Impart information. "Oh!
where did you get all that paint on
your hands and clothes?" exclaimed
his mother. "Oh, that!" returned Tom-
my, indifferently. "I wanted to see if
the people 'cross the street were tell-
ing the truth. They have a sign that
says 'Paint.' I knew right along that
it was varnish, and I found it was,
too."
Remember 11 o'clock dally is the
P< inter time limit for want ads.
you don't buy your men's
presents soon
YOU OUGHT TO
More variety, more time to
show you useful articles, such
as Mufflers, Gloves, Ties, Col-
lar-bags, Fancy Suspenders,
Fancy Vests, Handkerchiefs,
and a souvenir for every caller.
TOM BAUGH
Men's Furnisher
Lee Hotel, on Broadway
W. R. Alberts of Atoka was in the
city yesterday, a guest of the Hotel
Stewart.
Steffen's Brick Cream, Frozen Pud-
dings and Glaces will nive your Xmas
dinner that "come again" flavor. Phone
766. tf
SPECIAL.
Get your Xmas calling cards, 50c
per 100. 9 N. Robinson st. 4-3
Made while you wait.
CHRISTMAS TREES.
Nice Arbevitas from three to four
feet tall, suitable for family Christ-
mas trees, 50c to 75c each. F. T
Cook, phones 2594 or 2892. 284tf
PECANS—PECANS.
Frseh Texas Pecans, while they last,
every afternoon from 2 to 6 o'clock, at.
10c a pound, put up in 10 pound sacks.
Your only chance to buy Christinas
nuts cheap. 3V6 W. Main, second floor.
Man-tf
Mrs. Harold Gibson is spending
the week end at El Heno, the guest
of Mrs. Charles Phelps.
It costs you no more to have the
best. Order Steffen's Ked Currant Pud-
ding for your Christmas dinner. Phone
766. tf
Brick manufactured from cement
and sand are the coming brick. If
interested in this business address
919, Pointer. 1-6
You reach all classes when you
advertise in The Pointer, with its
7,000 daily circulation—3,000 of which
are delivered in the best residence
section.
Xmas Trees
Holly
Wreathing and
Miseltow
ENTERPRISE SEED CO.
128 W. Grand—Phone 658.
Estim. tes Cheerfully Given on All Contract
Work.
TELEPHONE 2907
SHOTT & PATTON
Plumbing:, Gas, Steam
and Hot Water Fitting
Gas Stoves, Burners, Gas Fixtures
and Lights.
REPAIR WORK A SPECIALTY
Oklahoma Citv> - Oklahoma
207 S. Harvey Street
YOU ARE INVITED TO EAT AT
BONN'S
Lunch Room and Restaurant
Mow open to the public
Short Orders
Fish, Oysters and Game in
Season
A LADIES' AND GENTLEMEN'S
RESTAURANT
Corner First and Robinson
"BACK TO THE LAND"
We have some farms in Oklahoma county for sale on easy terms
or would trade for desirable city property.
160 acres, 60 in cultivation— $3,500
160 acres, 60 in cultivation- $4,000
80 acres, 40 in cultivation— $2,000
80 acres, 30 in cultivation- $1,760
160 acres, 100 in cultivation _ $6,600
160 acres, 80 in cultivation (50 fruit) $ti,000
If you have city property you want to sell, here are some deals
for you better than money, for land can't get away, and will in-
crease in value steadily.
PATTERSON CO.
J Grand
—P. S. We are selling lots in our beautiful Terrace Lawn and
South Highlands nearly every day. If you want to get in on 1007
prices better see us at once.
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Tucker, Dudley R.; Tucker, Howard A. & Tucker, William L. Oklahoma City Daily Pointer (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 285, Ed. 1 Monday, December 16, 1907, newspaper, December 16, 1907; (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc152917/m1/3/: accessed April 26, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.