South Pottawatomie Progress. (Asher, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 37, Ed. 1 Thursday, November 28, 1912 Page: 2 of 8
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M
8YNOPSI3.
Unit Harry Mallory la ordered to the
Philippim-a Hr and Marjorie Newton
decide to elope, but wreck of taxicab pre-
vent* their seeing minister on the way to
the train Transcontinental train la tak-
ing on paaaengera Porter has a lively
time with an Engl'-hman and Ira Lath-
rop. a Yankee buali. es man The elopers
have an exciting time getting to the
train "Little Jimmie" Wellington, bound
for Reno lo gel a divorce, boards train
In maudlin condition l.ater Mrs Jimmie
appears She la also bound for Reno with
■amr object Likewise Mrs Sammy Whit
comb Latter blames Mra Jimmie for
tier marital troubles Classmates of Mai
lory decorate bridal berth Rev and Mrs
Temple start on a vacation They decide
to cut loose and Temple removes evidence
of hi* calling Marjorie decides to let
Mallory proceed alone, hut train starts
While they are lost In farewell. Passen-
ger* join Mallory's classmates In giving
couple wedding halting Marjorie Is dis-
tracted Ira l.athrop. woman-hating
bachelor, discovers an old sweetheart,
nnle Oattle, a fellow passenger Mal-
ry vainly hunts for a preacher among
the passengers Mra Wellington hears
Little Jimmie's voice. letter she meets
Mrs Whitcomb Mallory reports to Mar
Jorte his failure to And a preacher They
decide to pretend a quarrel and Mallory
finds a vacanl berth Mrs Jimmie discov-
ers Wellington on the train. Mallory
•gain makes an unsuccessful hum for a
preacher Dr Temple poses as a physi-
cian Mrs Temple la Induced by Mrs
Wellington to smoke a cigar Sight of
preacher on a station plnlform raises
Mallory's hopes, but he takes another
train Missing hand baggage compels the
couple to borrow from passengers. Jim-
mie get* a cinder In his eye and Mrs
Jimmie gives first aid Coolness Is then
resumed Still no clergyman More bor
rowing Dr Temple puzzled by behavior
of different couples Marjorie's Jealousy
aroused by Mallory's baseball Jargon
Marjorie suggest# wrecking the train In
hopes that accident will produce a preach
«r Also tries to Induce the conductor to
hold the train so she can shop Marjorie's
dog Is missing She pulls the cord, stop-
ping the train Conductor restores dog
and lovers quarrel l.athrop wires for a
preacher to marrv him and Miss Hattie
Mallory tells Latlirop of his predicament
and arranges to borrow the preacher
Kitty Lewellyn. former sweetheart of Mai
lory's, appears and arouses Marjorie's
^alousy Preacher boards train After
marrying l-athrop and Miss Oattle the
preacher escapes Mallury by leaping from
moving train Mallory's dejection moves
Marjorie to rcconcllatlon. The last dav
on the train brings to Mallory the fear
of missing hla transport.
CHAPTER XXXIII—Continued.
Mallory put out bis band: "Would
you be kind enough to lend me your
razor again tbls morning?"
"Sure thing." said Ashton. "You'll
find your blade In the box there."
Mallory then negotiated the loan of
one more Iresb shirt trom the Eng
llsbman, and a clean collar from Ash-
ton He rejoiced that the end of tne
day would bring btm In touch with
bit own baggage Four days ot forag
log on the country was enough tor
this soldier
Also be felt, now that be and Mar
Jorte bad lived thus long, they could
survive somehow till evening brought
them to San Francisco, wnere there
were hundreds of ministers And then
tbe conductor must ruin bis early
morning optimism, though he made
bis appearance In tbe washroom with
genial good mornings tor all.
Mallory acknowledged the greeting,
and asked offhandedly: "By the way,
bow'a she running?"
The conductor answered even more
offhandedly: "About two hours late—
and tosln .”
Mallory was transfixed wtth a new
faar: "Good Lord, my transport salts
at sunrise."
"Oh. we ought to make Frisco by
midnight, anyway '*
"Midnight, and sail at dayltgnt!"
"Unless wa lose a little more time
Mallory realized that every new day
managed to create its own anxieties
WUb the regularity of a milkman,
each morning left a fresh crisis on
his doorstep.
CHAPTER XXXIV.
The Complete Divorcer.
Tbe other passengers were growing
nervous with their own troubles The
next stop was Keno. and In spite of
all tbe wit that Is heaped upon the
town. It Is a solemn place to those
who roust go there in purgatorial pen-
ance for matrimonial error
Some honest souls regard such di-
vorce-emporiums as dens of evil,
where the wicked make a mockery ot
the sacrament and assail the rounds
tlons of society, by undermining the
borne Other equally honest souls
believing that marriage is a human
Institution whose mishaps and mis
takes should be rectllled as tar as
possible, regard the divorce courts as
cities of refuge for Ill-treated or tu-
tnated women and men whose lives
may t>« saved from utter ruination by
tbe Intervention of high-minded
Judgwa
But, whichever view Is right, the
ordeal by divorce Is terrlfytng enough
to the poor sinners or martyrs who
must undergo It.
Little Jimmie Wellington turned
pale, and stammered, as he tried to
ask the conductor casually:
"What kind of a place is that
Reno?"
The conductor, somewhat cynical
trom close association with tbe di-
vorce mill and Its grist, grinned:
"That depends on what you re leav
lng behind. Most folks seem to get
enough of It In about six months "
Then he went his way. leaving Well-
ington red. agape and perplexed l he
trouble with Wellington was mat ne
bad brought along whal ne was leav-
ing behind. Or. as Ashton Impudently
observed: "You ought to enjoy your
residence there, Wellington, with your
wife on hand.”
The only repartee that Wellington
could think of was a rather unin-
spired: "You go to —”
"So long as It Isn't Reno," Asnton
laughed, and walked away
Wedgewood laid a sympathetic hand
on Little Jimmie s shoulder, and said:
"That Ashton Is no end of a bound-
er, what?"
Wellington wrote his epitaph tn
these words:
“Well, the worst 1 can say of him
is, he's the kind of maD that doesn’t
lift the plug out when be s through
with the basin."
He liked this so well that he wished
tie had thought of It In time to crack
it over Ashton's head He decided
to hand It to nim anway He lorgot
that the cardinal rule for repartee, is
Better never than late."
As he swung out ot the men's room
he was buttonholed by an individual
new to the little Trans American col-
ony One of the camp-tollowers and
sutlers who prosper round the edges
of all great enterplses had waylaid
him on the way to the battleground
of marital freedom.
The stranger had got on at an
earlier stop and worked his way
through the train to the car named
"Snowdrop." Wellington was nis first
victim here His pushing manner,
the almost vulture-ltke rapacity ot his
gleaming eyes, and the very vui-
turine contour of his profile, his palmy
gestures his thick lisp, and every-
thing about him gave Wellington hts
Immediate pedigree
It 111 behooves Christendom to need
reminding that the Jewish race nas
adorned and still adorns humanity
with some of Its noblest specimens;
but this Interloper was of the type
that must have Irritated Voltaire Into
answering the platitude that the Jews
are God's chosen people with that
other platitude. "Tastes differ "
Little Jimmie Wellington, hot in
pursuit of Ashton, found himself
checked In spite of himself; In spite
of himself deposited somehow into a
seat, and in spite of himself confront
ed with a curvilinear person, who
said:
"Excoose, please! but are you get-
tlnk off at R-r-reno?"
"I am.” Wellington answered, curt-
ly. essaying to rise, only to be dell
cately restored to his place with a
gesture and a phrase:
"Then you neet me.'*
"Oh. I need you. do IT And who
are you V
"Who ain't I? 1 am Baumanp and
Blumen Our cart, pleass."
Wellington found a pasteboard tn
his band and read the legend:
Ural Em* Aztaa Cara*** Trssrfw
Baumann $ Biuracn
Dlcorcc OuifUtcr*
Its Rllaosy Horan, Rcsc, Devils
Nonrr Public Plroirc* Secure*
tunic* of Che Fc*e* Ittultoiuo Cucuuica*
Wellington .ooked from the crowded
card to the zealous lace “Divorce
Outfitters, eh? I don't quite get you.'
“Veil, In the ’otst place—"
“The foist place.' eh? You're trom
New York"
"Yes. orltchtnally How did you
know itT By my feshlonabie cloth
tnk?"
"Yes," laughed Wellington. “But
you say I need you. How?"
"Veil, you've got maybe some beg-
getch. some trunk*—yes?”
"Yes."
"Veil, in the foist place, 1 am an
expressman t deliver 'em to four
address—ye«T Vere Iss ItT"
“I haven't got any yet"
“Also l am addressman. Do you
vant It a nice hotel?—or a fine nouseT
—or an apartment?—or maybe a
boarding house?—yes? How long do
you make a residence?"
“Six month*."
"No longer?”
“Not a minute."
Take a tine house, den. I got some
beauties Just wacated."
“For a year?—no thanks."
“All the leases In Keno run for six
months only.”
“Well, I'd like to look around a lit-
tle first."
“Good. Don't forget us. You come
out here for six months You vant
maybe a good quick divorce—yes?"
"The quickest I can get."
"Do you vant It confidential? or
very nice and noisyT”
"What's that?"
“Ve are press agents and also sup-
press agents. Some tikes em one
way, some likes 'em anudder. Vicn
do you vant It?”
"Quick and quiet.”
“Painless divorce Is our specialty.
If you pay me an advence deposit
now. I tile your claim de minute de
train stops and your own vile don't
know you're divorced."
'Til think It over.' said Wellington,
rising with resolution
"Don't forget us Baumann and
Blumen. Satisfaction guaranteed or
your wife refunded Avoid substi-
toots.” And then, seeing tdat ne could
not extract any cash trom Little Jim-
mie. Mr. Baumann descended upon
Mallory, who was Just finishing ms
shave Laying his hand on Mallory s
arm, he began:
“Excoose, pleass. Can 1 fit you out
vlt a nice divorce?"
“Divorce? — me! — that's good."
laughed Mallory at tbe vision ot 1L
Then a sudden Idea struck nim It
took no great genius to see that Mr
Baumann was not a clergyman, but
there were other marrters to be had
"You don't perform marriages, do
you?" he asked.
Mr Baumann drew himself up4
“Who says I don't? Ain't 1 a Justice
of the peaces?”
Mallory put out his hand In wel-
come: then a new anxiety chilled
him He hid a license tor Chicago,
but Chicago was tar away: "Do I
need a license In Nevada?"
“Why shouldn't you?" said Mr. Bau-
mann “Don't all sorts of things got
to have a license In Nevada, saloons,
husbands, dogs—"
“How could l get one?" Mallory
asked as he went on dressing
"Ain't I got a few vlt me? Do you
vant to get a nice re-marrlage 11
cense?"
"Re-marrlage?—huh!” he looked
round, and, seeing that no one else
was near: “1 haven’t taken the first
step yet.”
Mr. Baumann laved his bands tn
one another: "A betchelor? Ah. 1 see
you vant to marry a nice divorcee
lady In R-r-reno?"
"She Isn’t In Reno and she has
never been married, either.”
This simple statement seemed to
astound Mr Baumann:
“A betcheller marry a maiden!—in
Reno!—ol, ol, oil It hisn't been
done yet, but it mtgbt be.
Mallory looked nim over ana *
twinge of distaste disturbed him:
"You furnish the license, hut—er an
—Is there any chance of a clergyman
—a Christian clergyman—being at the
station?"
“Vy do you vant It a cloigyman?
Can't I do It Just as good? Or a nice
fat alderman 1 can get you?”
Mallory pondered: "1 don't think
she'd like anything but a clergyman." '•
"Veil," Baumann confessed, "a lady j
Is liable to be particular about her
foist marriage. Anyvay 1 »ell you de
license."
"All right.”
Mr. Baumann whipped out a port-
folio full of documents, and as ne
searched them, philosophized: "A
man ought alvays to carry a good mar-
rlage license It might be he should
need It In a hurry." He took a large
Iron seal from his side-pocket and
stamped the paper and then, with
the names, pleass?"
"Not so loud!" Mallory whispered.
Baumann put his Unger to his nose,
wisely: “I see. It Is a confidential
marriage. Sit down once."
When he had asked Mallory the
necessary questions and taken his fee.
he passed over the document by
which the sovereign state of Nevada
graciously permitted two souls to be
made more or less one In the eyes of
the law
“Here you are,” said Mr. Baumann.
"Vlt dat you can get married anyvere
In Nevada."
Mallory realized that Nevada would
be a th'ng of the past In a few hours
more and he asked:
••It 8 no good in California?"
"Hirnmel, no In Calilornia you hot'
gotta go and be examined."
"Examined!” Mallory gasped, in
dire alarm.
"Vlt questions, polssonally,” Mr.
Baumann hastened to explain.
“Oh!"
“In Nevada," Baumann insinuated,
still hopeful, "1 could mary you my-
self—now, right here."
"Could you marry us In this smok-
ing room?"
"In a cattle car, If you vant It."
"It's not a bad Idea." said Mallory.
TU let you know.”
Seeing Marjorie coming down tne
aisle, he hastened to her, and hugged
her good-morning with a new confi-
dence.
Dr. and Mrs. Temple, who had re-
turned to their berth, witnessed this
greeting with amazement. After the
quarrel of the night before surety
some explanation should have been
overheard, but the puzzling Mallorys
Hew to each other’s arms without a
moment's delay. The mystery was ex-
citing the passengers to such a point
that they were vowing to ask a tew
questions point blank Nobody had
quite dared to approach either of
them, but frank curiosity was prefer-
able to nervous prostration, and the
secret could not be kept much longer
Fellow-passengers have some rights
Not even a stranger can be permitted
to outrage their curiosity with im-
punity forever.
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
NEVER ALLOWED TO “INFORM”
Their Class.
"Hot, would you doserlb« these 1st-
;ers of a chiropodist?"
"I'd class them as foot notes.”
As a summer tonic there is no medicine
|h:t I quite (-nmpnre- \vi’ )i (iXIDINE. It not
inly Imilds up i'>p sy-teni. hut taken rog-
ilarly. prevents Malaria. Regular or Taste-
less formula at Druggists. Adv.
The Tender Spot.
"YVhat have you done toward pun-
siting lawbreakers?”
"Well," replied the shady police of-
icer, I have done a great deal to-
ward hurting their feelings by taking
heir money away from them.”
ECZEMA ON CHILD'S FACE
R. F. D. No. 5, Lexington, Tenn.—
"My little boy broke out on the face
with that terrible disease, eczema,
when he was Just one month old, and
t just thought sure it would kill him,
as it killed our other baby at five
months old. It would break out in
pimples and scab over, and he cried
day and night. I thought that there
was no cure for him at all. His face
would itch and burn so bad that I had
to tie his little hands down so he could
not scratch his face.
“We began at once to have him
treated until he was seven months old,
and he got worse all the time. I sent
\ and got a box of Cutieura Ointment
; and one cake of Cutieura Soap. I had
j not used them a week until I ecpld
j see a great change, and they cured
j him sound and well and never left a
j single scar." (Signed) Mrs. Lillie
; Siltes, Feb. 17,1912.
Cutieura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample of each
free, with 32-p. Skin Book. Address
post-card “Cutieura, Dept. L, Boston.”
Adv.
Wortb Three Times a Diamond.
Nearly all the emeralds mined to-
j day come from Colombia- And. in
i spite of the supposed higher value of
diamonds, the emerald is the most
precious of gems. Carat for carat, a
I flawless emerald would bring perhap3
: three times the price of a flawless dia-
mond in the Jewelry market. India,
j the storehouse of precious stones, is
I credited with producing the first om-
] eralds. but the Oriental emerald is
not identical with the modern gem. as
it is a variety of the ruby, of green
color and extremely rare.
Education and Larger Life.
If seems to me that the woman who
cannot cut out a garment better be-
cause of her geometry and her draw-
ing lessons who cannot speak English
more distinctly and with fuller vocab-
ulary because of her study of French
or German, who cannot find a hundred
uses for her chemistry in the little
everyday emergencies of her house-
keeping, has not succeeded iu getting
from her studies all that they had to
give her.—Home Progress Magazine.
Boomerang.
Mrs. Hiram Often—I’m afraid you
won’t do As nearly as I can find out,
you have worked in six or seven
; places 'during the last year,
i Miss Brady—Well, an' how manny
I girls has yerself had in the same
! toime? No less. I'm thinkin’.—Boston
! Transcript.
Limit.
_ #
Point of Military Etiquette That I*
Impressed on Youngster* In
the Service.
“No matter how much a second lieu
tenant In the army may know, he
must never presume to 'Inform' his
superior officers.” remarked a captain
In one of the organizations of the Na
tlonal Guard of the District of Colum
bla recently.
"1 found that out long ago. Col. O
B. Mitcham, in command of this ar
tlllery division, sent me a request for
information along certain lines, and
I dug out the material and wrote out
a letter In reply which I thought was
strictly military I took It down to
Sergt' Drew at militia headquarters
Drew has been a post quartermaster
sergeant in the Island*, and ban had
more experience In the (crmallty of
military correspondence than any one
I know of.
"Sergt Mike looked at It one sec
ond and nearly fainted 'Great Scott,
he gasped, 'you'd be shot at sunrise
If you sent that along
“I had written. 'Sir. I have the hon
or to Inform you. and ao forth '
"It looked good and military to me
but Sergt Mike Drew, when he had
recovered from the shock, wept on
my shoulder and said:
*' 'My boy. don't you know In the
army nobody la ever allowed to in
form a superior officer? You may
tave all the Information tn the world,
but don't presume to Inform anybody
that's even one inch over you It will
get you In bad. Just change that let
ter so It will read. I have the honor
to report'”
Successful Woman Farmer.
Miss Grace M. Putnam Is said to bo
one of the moat successful farmers in
Sew Jersey She was born a,ad
brought up In the city, never ev»'n
visiting the country until after she
«u 15 years old. H*r term consists
of about five acres and is planted ex-
clusively In cantaloupes She reports
that she rented her farm for the first
year The second year she bought It,
the third year she paid up every debt
she owed and put $3,000 In bank She
does all the work herself after the
first plowing, for which she pays a
tarmer $12 Her seeds cost her $1 an
acre, fertilizer $10 an acre and barrels
for shipping one year’s crop $60 She
sells her melons direct to dealers at
$6 a barrel She thinks her success
as a farmer Is largely due to the fact
that she loves tbe work better than
anything else In the world.
Inexhaustible Supply of Iron.
One of the most wonderful sources
of Iron In the world Is at Lac a la
Tortue Quebec, near to where Iron
has been smelted since 1733 Organic
acids dissolve the Iron rust tn the
sandy bottom of the rivers running
into the lake, where tbe exposure of
its surface to the air turns the com-
position Into a persalt, forming In a
film upon the surface This sinks In
the lake forming “cake ore," which
is smelted at the Radnor forges Into
the finest charcoal Iron The supply
Is always being replenished, and the
lake furnishes one of the few "Iron
mines” In the world which will prob-
ably never be exhausted
By Natural Reasoning.
A keen student of human nature
must have written the following:
"When you see a young man sailing
down a street shortly after midnight'
with his collar crumpled, you can
make up your mind that there's a
young girl crawling upstairs not far
distant, with her shoes under her arm
and an extinguished lamp In her
hand."
The American husband ts lucky In
one respect, at least. He doesn’t have
to buy hair tor * harem.
"Here's your portrait, pir."
“That my portrait? Well, I may
have sat for it, but 1 won’t stand for
it."
A Treat
Anytime
Crisp, delicately
browned
Ready to serve without
further cooking by adding
cream or milk.
T>hen used with fresh or
canned buit.
i
'“The Memory Lingers”
Poatum Cereal Co., Ltd.
Battle Creek, Mich.
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Putnam, Henrietta. R. South Pottawatomie Progress. (Asher, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 37, Ed. 1 Thursday, November 28, 1912, newspaper, November 28, 1912; Asher, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc858908/m1/2/: accessed July 18, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.