The Daily Oklahoman. (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 10, No. 29, Ed. 1 Friday, February 4, 1898 Page: 2 of 8
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THE OKLA OMAN
Q R BLAKENEY Pbllbr
OKLAHOMA CITY
OKLAHOMA
SOTPOSE AVE SMILE
HUMEROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS
riMint Incident Occnrrln(t the World
Over— Saying That Are Cheerful to the
Old or Young -Funny Selection That
Everybody Will Enjoy Heading
One of the Firm
“Who’s the Co’ In’yoururm?”
asked Smasher of his fMend the gro-
cer “My wife" “Ah she’s a si-
lent partner is she-” The grocer
rubbed his chin for a moment
“Well” he replied in some doubt
“she ain’t so all-fired silent when
you come to think of it”— Exchange
She Knew
"Now Eva this
nothing to in
terest you it’s only a business letter"
"Business? It’s written across the
top and sides and there are three
postscripts to it It’s from a woman!"
A Mlundertanding
Sapsmlth (terribly agitated)— Oh
that is awlul! And will the poor
fellah never be able to see again?
Bteele— See again? What are you
talking about? “Why haven’t you
lust told me that Bertie Ilyo ler had
bis eye shot out this mawning?”
“Naw! I said he had his ice-yacht
put this morning" — Puck
i' Very True
Florence Flve-ycapold was talking
about the burglars and expressing her
Indifference to their depredation
“They can’t get my bracelet any
how” she said “Why not?" asked
her mother Cause it’s lost" she
replied “and what does a buggular
want of a lost bracelet?" — Detroit
Free Tress ‘
Wot Uuiitr
Broadway Conductor— You’re
not
allowed to 6moke here sir Mike-
Faith an’ Oi’m not shmokin’ sir!
“But your pipe in in your mouth"
Vis an’ Oi bev me fut in me boot
but Oi'rn not walkin'”— Judge
Why the Coma Wu Failure la Red GuIcIl
3h
“Ilorse-thief?"
ator" — Judtfe ? '
‘No censusenumcr-
An Uneinh Set of Men
“Do you know that editors are the
most unselfish men In the world?"
asked a young author of his friend
“Why no I never heard that be-
fore” “It’s a fact They will cheer-
fully send bacic your best manuscript
regardless of the fact that they know
you wll immediately remail it to a
rival publication” — Truth
Got to He Serlon
“How did you break your husband
of the drlok habit?” “Weil John
used to have terrible work finding the
one key-hole in the front dour”
“Just like all the men" “And when
I threatened to have four mo e key-
holes put in he sobered right down”
—Judge
Cikur Kelli
' The sins of mothers are still vis-
ited upon their children ‘Tommy”
said Mrs Figg “what on earth have
you been fighting with Jimmy B ifcgs
for?” “’Cause his mother called me
a perfect little gentleman" said the
incoriigiblc Tommy — Indianapolis
Journal
InronaUtrnry In High Tlnces
FI st Tramp — The Fifth avenue
people a e very unreasonable with
us Second Tramj) — Yes never give
money and lecture you for being
dirty First Tramp— And yet when
I rang and asked for a bath I was re-
fused — Life
PRESERVATIVE EFFECT OF LABOR
Overwork Never Kills but Worry Bitty lit
Thousands
It is well-known that the late Sir
Andrew Clark had a contempt for
the view that hard work hurts a
man says the London News From
the latest of the series of articles re-
producing in the Lancet Instructions
given by him in clinical medicine at
the London hospital we make the
following interesting quotation re-
viving in his own words a bit of
autobiography with the substance
of which our readers are already fa-
miliar “Labor Is the life of life And
especially is it the life of life to the
delicate And when any organ is
sick it is then truer tnan in health
that even in sickness and delicacy it
Is better for the organ to do what
work of its own it can provided it
can do it without injury And I can
say to you from a considerable ex-
perience of tuberculous pulmonary
disease 1 can say with perfect con-
fidence that those who have done
the best have usually been those
who have occupied themselves the
most 1 never knew my own
ents
“They both died of phthisis
the age of 21 1 myself went to
deira to die of phthisis But I
not die and on coming back I
and moved by a very simple tread-
wheel and still larger ones are op-
erated by yoking a buffalo or other
animal to asuitable driving machine
THE ILL-MANNERED SHAH
At
Ma
did
had
An Elaborate Explanation
Hester — You prudish! "Why I saw
Dick Hastings sit for an hour yith
his arm about you last night Ddis
—Oh I permitted that because he
acted as if he was going to propose
and when he didn’t I thought it
would be unmaldenly to show pique
over It— Judge
A Cnutoinsr
Money In It
Featherstone — Now that Chipsoa
is married he stays home every n ght
doesn’t he? llingway — Yes He says
he can’t afford not to Featherstone
—Why would it cost him so much to
get out? Bingway— No but he Is
teaching his mother-in-law how tc
play poker --Puck
:h
Newsdealers— See here! move
Don’t stand here all day reading
every paper on the stand Hungry
Walkers— Dat’s all right pard Yer
ferget I bought a piece of chewin’
gum yer las’ Thursday week— Truth
I heap Ennti
He brought a whole lot of stuff
home which he had picked up at an
auction sale “Goodness me'1 ex-
claimed his wife “what did you get
all this for?" “For nothing” he re-
plied promptly and that explained it
fully— Detroit Free Trcsi
the good luck to get into this great
hospital and in those days they
were not very pleased to have the
Scotchmen coming to London to oc-
occupy such appointments The
members of the staff had heard that
I had tubercle and they wagered 100
to 1 that I would only have the ap-
pointment six months at most The
reason given for that was that I did
not eat and worked too hard
“I got the appointment Thirty-
eight or thirty-nine years have gone
since that time and it is all the
other doctors that are gone Only 1
am left here on the staff— an old gen-
tleman — not dead yet”
There was one little mistake here
as the editor of the Lancet points
out Sir Andrew Clark had for the
moment forgotten that Dr W J
Little was still alive
“Labor Is life" said Sir Andrew
Clark iu the lecture above quoted
“but worry is killing It is bad
management that kills people Na-
ture will let no man overwork him-
self unless he plays her false— takes
stlmulcntsat irregular times smokes
too much or takes opium If he is
regular and obeys the laws of health
and walks in the way of physiological
righteousness nature will never al-
low him or any other person to worlf
too mucii
“1 have never yet seen a case of
breaking down from mere overwork
alone but 1 admit that It is neces-
sary above all things to cultivate
tranquility of mind Try to help
your patients to exercise their wills
la regard to this— for will counts for
something in securing tranquility—
to accept things as they are and not
to bother about yesterday which Is
gone forever not to bother about
to-morrow which Is not theirs bat
to take the present clay and make
the best of it Those affectionate
women who will continually peer
into what lies beyond never have any
present life at all— they are always
grizzling oyer the past or prying in-
to the future and this blessed to-
day which is all that we are sure of
they never have’’
Without Wive and liable
Man is but an incomplete being
without a helpmeet: in fact only a
moiety of a man waiting to be per-
fected by the addition of a “better
half”
The royalty of his natuie remains
undeveloped while he Is single
Only when he has a wife to pro-
tect and cherish and children to
train and discipline does he attain
his true status in the world
Abdon the Judge of Israel whose
forty sons and th rty grandsons filed
off before him mounted on three-
score and ten asscolts may be sup-
posed to have felt wonderfully edified
and built up by the spectacle
How the old man’s heart must have
bounded with honest exultation
when he beheld such a cavalcade of
his own raising
Modern papas do not trot out their
offspr ng in the imposing Oriental
style but when they see troops of
them capering about on hobby-
horses nursing doll babies and in
other ways disporting themselves af-
ter the manner of Christian urchins
of the present generation they are
no doubt just as happy as was the
patriarchal Abdon and much prouder
than if they had eclipsed Praxiteles
as statuaries or heated Cheops at py-
ramid building
Home and family!— what a dreary
objectless life is his who has not
these to care for and what a desert
of a world this would be without the
wives and babies
New Word
When little Maud begaa
Vo go WJ
school 6he was the naughtiest of
scholars S e was naughty in so
reckless a way that Hilda her sister
two years older than she became
heartily ashamed ot her Maud occa-:
sionally talked aloud in class she
made such absurd faces that even
the teacher was forced to smile and
she cherished so hearty a love for re-
cess that it was dillicult to Induce
her to come in when the quarter-
hour was over
As she was a very little girl and
quite unused to rule or punishments
no very severe measures were taken
with her But Hilda had at last
borne all she could
“Mamma” she said one day wien
she came home with tears in her
eyes “mayn’t Maud give up going to
school till she knows how to behave
better?”
“But I hope she will learn by go
ing” slid her mother “We must
have patience you know”
“But mamma she does things
that are just awful and everybody
knows she is my sister and I am so
ashamed!”
“Well Hilda I think we must
keep on doing our best and just belp
her to be good”
“Ob I’d do that” said Hilda two
tears stealing down her cheeks
“I’m not tired of Maud mr her
naughtiness but mamma I am tired
of being so compicuated by her!"
Royalty Aghast Kreause Jiai-jd-Dia BUI
Again Vllt Europe -
The courts of Europe are lust now
in a flutter of excitement owing to
the announcement that Nesr-cd-Din
Shah of Persia will soon dccend from
the peacock throne and make a tour
of Europe as the guest of the sov-
ereigns thereof It is not as a polit-
ical figure that th? f-hah sends a
6treak of consternation through
European royalty but as an offensive
individual personage The etiquette
of the Persian court does not reach
the standard established in the three
previous visits of Nasr-ed-Din to
Europe
The first of these visits was In 1873
and ti e second in 1 7 7 u He came
again in 1 88’ and it was then observed
that his manners had not in the least
improved He still insisted for ex-
ample on throwing under the table
his plates and other dishes as fast as (
he got through with their contents ’
Perhaps that is tho approved Persian
table etiquette But in a sumpUouly
furnished European palace with
china us fragile as eggshells and
worth its weight In gold it is to say
the least rather trying At bis first
dnner as the guest of Queen Vic-
toria in 1S8D It is said he thus de-
stroyed $1000 worth of rare china
At all subsequent meals a number
of waiters were kept standing close
behind him to snatch up his plates
tne moment he seemed done with
them or at least to take them from
his hand before he could throw them
under the table Even despite these
precautions he broke several things
and bit some ot the other guests on
the feet and shins with the dishes
On one occasion the Shah was
seated at the table next to one of the
most stately and dignified royal
princesses of Europe lie was helped
to some asparagus cooked in a pe-
culiarlyjdelicious manner Picking up
a 3 talk in his fingers he sucked the
end of It with evident delight Then
turning to his fair neighbor he ex-
claimed “Ba! ba! How good it Is!"
and thrust the same stalk into her
mouth for her also to tast
Nor was his conversation less em-
barrassing than his table manners
Talking with a nobleman of great
distinction be suddenly asked:
“Is that your wife over there?"
“Yes your majesty"
“But she is old and ugly Why
don’t you get rid of her and take a
new one one of these young and
pretty women?”
As he spoke in a tone perfectly
audible to the lady under discussion
and Indeed to most of the company In
the room the sensation produced may
best be left to the Imagination Nor
was the scene less embarassing when
the Shah one evening approached
one of the royal princesses and
began to pat and pinch her plump
shoulders saying “Ah you are the
kind of woman I like! You are not all
bones! I will get rid of one of my
wives and lake you in her place!”
At the End of the Fa
Mrs Wickwire— At least you might
argue like a gentleman It ought to
be as easy for you to be a gentleman
as it is for me to l e a lady Mr
Wickwire— Nothing of the
There is so much required oi a
— Exhcange
l-inanotitl Activity
“How D Gullen getting along
now?” “Splendidly for him?’’ “How
do you know?” lie has Just suc-
ceeded In borrowing $10 fr m me”—
Washington 8tar
Ilearl In the Hall
“You don’t know enough to stay
In when it rains” derisively said the
cane to the umbrella “Look here”
retorted the umbrella ‘such bluffs
from a mere stick like you don’t go
with me My motto is out up or
6hut up every time" — Indianapolis
Journal
A Tea-party
Very Strance
“That’s very strange about those
chickens of mine’’ “What’s the
matter with themg" “Why ever
6ince your dog chased them all oyer
the garden they have been laying
nothing but scrambled eggs’’— Hallo
— Judge
Popular With Women
Maud— Why docs that shoe-dealer
there do such a tremendous business?
Jennie — Why all bis shoes are
marked two sizes smaller than they
really are— Boston Traveler
Poker Lore
Old Soak— Jack you’re pretty well
up in poker aren't you? Ja' k Totts
i t guess so Old Soak — Well how
many straights does it take to make
one lull? — Hallo
Some Men Say Thee Thing Sometime
Blinks— I tell vou we men are not
what we used to be Jinks — How is
that Blinks — We’l ou see we
to tviva ' TV ith
He Knew llim
Mr Cheviot llill— Do
who 1 am my little man?
i Man— Yep You’r the
I iminiz to nrono-e to uiv
vou know
The Little
feller who if
sister— Life
Antiquity of the I'ump
Machines for raising water mav be
said to be as old as civilization itself
anil their invention extends so far
beyond written history that no one
can sav when the art of lilting and
distributing water began Fgpt
the land of unfathomable anti iuity
the oldest civilization of the Orient
noted not only for her magnificence
and power but for engineering skill
made practical use of such important
devices as the syphon and syringe
the latter being a remarkable inven-
tion and tho real parent of the mod-
ern pump
Whether or not sringes were ever
fitted with inlet or outlet valves
thus making the single-action pump
is not known but bellows consisting
of a leather bag set in a frame and
worked by the feet— the operator
standing with one foot on each bag
expelling the Inclosed air the ex-
hausted bag being then lifted by a
string to refill it with air— implies
the use of a valve opening inward
and it is dillicult to conceive of a con-
tinuous operation without one
A repreentative piece of mechan-
ism occurs fre juently on the sculp-
tures of early Egypt It has the ap-
pearance of and is generally Believed
to lie a portable pump The h draulic
screw is also attrinuted to this peo-
ple but their main reliance seems al-
ways to have been shadoof seen
ever where along the banks of the
Nile — an invention so simple and so
well adapted to their needs that it
remains to-dav substantially the same
as It has through all the centuries
sinre history began
The same may be said
the chain pump in China
tinn the origin of which
the Christian era This simple ma-
chine is in such common use that
eery agricultural laborer is in pos-
session of one Where Irrigation is
conducted on a larger scale the chain
pnmn I nrATmrt inn a tl V larppr
A Natural Bruise of Agate
A mining expert sent to investi-
gate some Arizona properties for Den-
ver capitalists recently returned and
reports the finding of a most remark-
able natural bridge formed by a tree
of agatlcd wood spanning a canyon
forty-Hve feet in width The tree
had at some remote time fallen and
become embedded in the silt of some
great inland sea or mighty water-
overflow The silt became In time
sandstone and the wood gradually
passed through the stages of mineral-
ization until it is now a wonderful
tree of solid agate
In after years water washed and
ate away the sandstone until a can-
yon forty-five feet in width has
been formed the flintv-like substance
of the agatized wood having resisted
the erosion of the water flow Fully
fifty feet of the tree rest oi one side
ami can be traced but how far its
other side lies Burled in the sandstone
cannot be determined without blast-
ing away the rock
The trunk visible above thecanvon
varies in size from tour feet to three
feet in diameter Where the bark
has been broken and torn away the
characteristic colors of jasper and
agate are seen To the naked eye
the wood is very handsome Fnder
a microscope or miner's magnifying
glass the brilliancy of the colorings is
quite clearly brought out in all their
wondrous leauty and attractiveness
Village Lire in Mexico
A great cotton hacienda in Mexico
is strongly built with walls like those
of a fort the tops of the walls are
often studded thickly w th broken
glass of a jagged and deadly appear-
ance for further protection com-
panles of soldiers are kept wthin the
establishment
A hacienda of this type whether
devoted to the manufacture of sugar
or cotton the raising of cattle or
mining of silver is a complete little
State with every appliance for lux-
ury and security It contains within
its wall hundrels of peons soldiers
barracks a chapel housed for labor-
ers apartments for the owner and his
family and every necessary of lifo
for man and beast
The administrador or general man-
ager is the father of tho great fam-
ily he decides all disputes arising be-
tween the various members of it and
if lie is only ordinarily just never
finds his authority disputed but is
looked up to with much respc t and
consulted by the peons in all family
matters
A gent’ernan who was for some
years administrador of an estate in
tho State of ( oahuila told me that
while occupying this position he con-
ceived a high opinion or the simplic-
ity honesty and trustworthiness of
the Mexican laborer In most of the
haciendas the machinery Is of a most
primithe kind modern improve-
ments being used only in the largest
establishments
N'pw Citizens of France
During ISO 2 4 137 aliens were nat-
uralized in France and it is of some
interest that 27ii of these were Ger-
maus A thousand persons from
Alsace-Lorraine acquired French na-
tionality during the year and ‘J74
Italians 7 Belgians and 83 Bus-
sians Seven thousand eighty-eight
children of alien parents born on
French soil were counted In as of
French nationality without choice
! or option of the parents by virtue of
the new legislation promoted to chock
the foreign clement in France and to
work up an increase of the population
which the native element fails to
! maintain Altogether France ac-
quired in one way and another 228'l2
new citizens during the year lyJ3
Why He Wondered
In a certain community a lawyer
died who was a most popular and
worthy man and among other virtues
Inscribed upon his tomb was this:
“A lawyer and an honest man”
Some years afterwards a farmers’
convention was held in the town and
one of the delegates of a sensational
turn in rambling among the tombs
was struck with the inscription: “A
lawyer and an honest man"
lie was lost in thought and when
run upon by a fellow farmer who
noticing his abstraction askd if he
had found the grave or a dear friend
or relative said:
“No: but I was wondering why
they came to bury these two fellows
in the same grave"
A FAitMEii would rather drive
twentv-flve miles than write a letter
A man anxious to succeed should
select a bu-incss be can stick to all
hr life
i
s
V
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The Daily Oklahoman. (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 10, No. 29, Ed. 1 Friday, February 4, 1898, newspaper, February 4, 1898; Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Territory. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc1729221/m1/2/: accessed July 18, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.