The Marshall Tribune. (Marshall, Okla.), Vol. 4, No. 29, Ed. 1 Friday, October 27, 1905 Page: 7 of 8
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MERRY LITTLE QUIPS
JESTS, ANCIENT AND MODERN
AND RETOUCHED.
Beginning of the Unpleasantness Be-
tween Mrs. Hoyle and Mrs. Coyle—
Miss Ostrich Had a Dire Foreboding
—The Helpful Girl.
Fixed.
"Why don't you go to work?" de-
manded the housekeeper.
"Well, yer see," began the gray
haired old loafer, "I got a wife and
three children to support—"
"But if you don't work how can you
support—"
"As I wuz a-sayin, lady. I got a
wife and three children to support
me."
Trouble Ahead.
Towne—Poor Dumley's in for it. He
married a girl who stutters, you know.
Browno-—Well, it shouldn't be hard
to outtalk a woman like that.
Towne—Yes; but she not only stut-
ters, but is also very determined; if
she ever starts to say anything, she'll
Btutter through it if it takes all niglit
Blowing His Money.
"My dear," gasped Mr. Kloseman,
who was slowly dying, "I can't last
much longer. But, ah! it's sweet to
think that even after death I'll be neai
you and watch over you."
"Really?" replied the prospective
widow; "if that's true, I'm afraid irn
extravagance will pain you terribly."
He Took Something.
"Jones is so absent-minded that he
came to my house in the driving rain
yesterday."
"Gracious! When a man gets that
thoughtless he ought to take some-
thing for it."
"Jones did; he took my gold-mount-
ed umbrella."—Stray Stories.
Proof of Democracy.
"Ma, teacher was tellin' us that we
should all be on a e-quality in our
schoolroom. Nobody should feel any
befter'n anybody else."
"That's right, George."
"Say, ma, can I go to school to-day
■vithout washin' my face—none of the
rest of 'em washes theirs."
As Things Go.
Mother (to small boy)—Darling, 1
wish you would try to eat a little
more.
Darling—You should never press
children to eat, mother. I read that
in a book called "Hints to Parents."—
London Punch.
Congratulations.
(T
Mr. Leopard—P am very .glad
hear you are going to be married.
Miss Ostrich—You are? Well, what
have I ever done to you?
Helpful Girl.
What a big girl you are getting to
bo. Edith. I suppose you help your
mother about the house a great deal
O, yes. Whenever mother says to
me "Do get out of my way," I do if..
ALCOHOL IN MOST MEDICINES.
Indispensable Requisite in Compound-
ing of Some Prescriptions.
It is of course true that some pro-
prietary medicines contain alcohol and
nearly all liquid medicines prescribed
by physicians contain it. No honest
man will defend the sale of intoxi-
cants under the guise of medicine; but
every honest man should protest
against a system of wholesale denun-
ciation born of malice, or ignorance
of pharmaceutical principles, and fos-
tered by selfish interests. It is a--
sumed that alcohol is the cause of ni-
temperance; but there is a great dif-
ference between alcohol and whisky.
If a substitute for alcohol could be
found for use in the manufacture of
medicines, its discoverer would render
a great service to the profession of
pharmacy and the science of medi-
cine, for alcohol is a very expensive
ingredient and a cheaper substitute
would be gladly accepted. Unfortun-
ately the word alcohol, in the minds
of many people is associated exclu-
sively with bar-rooms, drunkenness
and all forms of degradation and vice.
This is due to a lack of knowledge
by the general public of the fact that
alcohol is an indispensable requisite
in drugs, tinctures and fluid extracts.
All fluid extracts and tinctures on the
druggists' shelves contain from 20 to
90 per cent of alcohol; and of all
liquid medicines prescribed by phy-
sicians more than 75 per cent contain
it in large proportions.
Alcohol is required to preserve or-
ganic substances from deterioration
and from freezing, and it is also re-
quired to dissolve substances not solu-
ble in water, while it contributes to
their preservation when dissolved.
Diluted alcohol is largely employed in
fluid extracts; and whenever a greater
strength of alcohol is required as a
solvent (for extracting medicinal prin-
ciples) the medicine is of such a char-
acter as to preclude a large dosage;
and for this reason preparations, even
if containing 50 per cent or more of
alcohol, are practically less intoxicat-
ing than beer. In such cases the
character of the medicinal constituents
is such as to absolutely forbid the
taking of the medicine in any way
except in very small doses and at
stated intervals only. To assume that
any great number of proprietary med-
icines are used as beverages is the
veriest absurdity.—Exchange.
President Eliot's Simple Life
President Eliot of Harvard lives a
life of the greatest possible simplicity.
After seventy years of life, more than
half passed as head of the university,
he declares that one of the most de-
sirable satisfactions of his life comes
from having nothing to do with the
attainment of wealth. Erect, light of
foot and alert as a youth, he eats well,
sleeps well, walks rapidly with his
shoulders thrown back, and is as eager
to get new facts as when he entered
Harvard as a student fifty-six years
ago. "I a msatisfied with the rewards
of my life," he said simply.
Do You Itch?
"The cup of human misery is never
quite full until some form of itching
skin disease is added. Then it over-
flows. Hunt's Cure is a specific for
any itching trouble ever known. One
application relieves. One box is guar-
anteed to cure any one case."
I do" not wish to treat frien 'ships
daintily, but with the very best cour-
age. When they are real they are not
glass threads or frostwork, but the
solidest thing we know.
USE THIS FAMOUS
Red Cross Hall Blue. Large 3-oz. package 5
cents. The Russ Company, South Bend, lnd.
Lots of people with no relative
whatever occasionally pay visits to
their uncles.
I honor that man whose ambition i'
is, not to win laurels in the state or
the army, not to be a jurist or a natur-
alist, not to be a poet or a command-
er, but to be a master of living well.
lEIAFIS'SiNGI
BEST QUALITY FKB'MTfcrffl!
STRAIGHT5*C!@AR ALWAYS REUSABLE.
Mipplled l>v their johhe • or dlrootfrnm T runk r. 1,< w T'u< ioiy, 1'rorin, 1U,
DSI C"C NO MONEY TILL CURED L eBu!dnB r-jQXI I! A
rlLLo PH. CtlAS. P. VICtVERS Oklahoma City. OMa. T 8 O ! ULH j
This Is What
Catches Me!
Iftoz.—Ono-TliIrd Mure Slurch.
// 'ri / f
ti vsNoKoual
ft
PRMftftDKK
lAxarrwcaaowiv
l^nceStarchCq
" l/< GntMA.HxB
FULL
POUND
No premiums, but oncthird
more starch than you get of
other brands. Try it now, for
hot or cold starching it has no
equal and will not stick to the iron.
.%• n
ie IT's
%
YOU HAVE, IT'S
m mm
VOL NEED.
It in Hold under nn AKSOLITTK GITAHANTKK, and If you nre not
cured your druKKiat will refund your money. Made in
regular and tusteless fornix. Sold liy nil drtiKKiat for
50 CENTS PER BOTTLE.
You will will find a lar>*e number of Imitations which the manufac-
turers claim are the same as OXIDINE. We caution you against
such statements. There is only one OXIDINE and we are the sole
manufacturers. These 'mitators are merely trying to sell their cheap
imitations on the strength of Oxidiue's record.
$1000 IN <iO! !>
AND COST OF ANAI YSIS> will be (jaid to «ni| person uho can find a
trace of Arsenic, Strychnine, KorJjhinc, or anij oilier fioisonous or
Injurious drugs in
OXIDiNE
Pation-Worsham ©rug Co.
MANUFACTURERS
DALLAS, TEXAS and MEMPHIS, TENN-
J!® ^
'Zfim&L 'dStaD.
PHICE,
25 Cts.
TO CURE THE GRIP j
IN ONE DAY
Mmr,
~tV£> IIP EQUAL FOR HEADACHE
IS GUARANTEED TO CTJRE
6RIP, BAD GOLD, HEADACHE AND HEURALGI5.
1 won't nell Anll-Oi-iplnn to a dealer who won't Gunrnnten
It. Cull for your MOM EV SJAl.'K. IS1 IT JUO.VT (JUKE.
ii. Vletner, Zl. 2i.t MuuuiiMlurer, ring/teid, Ho,
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The Marshall Tribune. (Marshall, Okla.), Vol. 4, No. 29, Ed. 1 Friday, October 27, 1905, newspaper, October 27, 1905; Marshall, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metapth349339/m1/7/: accessed April 25, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.