The Post. (Buffalo, Okla. Terr.), Vol. 3, No. 26, Ed. 1 Friday, December 6, 1907 Page: 1 of 10
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VOL. III. BUFFALO, HARPER CO. 0. T (SEE DATE INSIDE. NO 26.
l (Copyright, by Joseph B. Bowies.)
Uncle Bertram would have a curate
The parish, which all told, only mus
ters 500 souls, did not really want one
and we—mother, Constance, Georg*
and I—certainly did not want one. Bn
It was no use. Uncle had made up his
mind to it and nothing would hav(
stopped him. It was one of his neM
I must tell you that mother Is i
widow, anu, with us, keeps house foi
our bachelor uncle. As long as I car
remember, the rectory had been out
We all—except Constance, who IS
Just 17 and sentimental—rti led thl
usual amount of argum. nts, and we all
of course, failed, as we usually did
when Uncle Bertram was „bent upon
some new scheme. But the shadow oi
this latest fad hung over our heads
with unusual heaviness; and when tin
following advertisement appeared ic
the leading church paper we felt thai
the new trouble was indeed upon us:
“Wanted, by a country rector, t
young curate. No objection to ons
fresh from the university to whom s
title might be given. Broqd-mindei!
preferred. Offered: board and resi-
dence in charming old rectory, with
small salary. Dry, bracing climate
Plenty of spare time could be guarifl
teed. Tennis, golf, boating, bathing
hockey, bicycling, riding, driving, mo
taring, and the use of stables.” .
Uncle had no less than 30 replies tc
his advertisement. Oh! those replies!
Some or them were worth keeping
After much consideration uncle weed-
ed them down to five. And then tha
The five selected candidates wen
each requested to come, in turn, to
have a personal interview; and as we
are ten miles from the nearest railway
station, we had to put each of them up
for the night.
The first, Mr. Lovelace, a deiicate
poetical-looking man, arrived on a bib
terly cold day. After the ten miles it
our pony cart, with Nebuchadnezzar it
a stubborn mood, Mr. Lovelace pre-
sented a forlorn appearance indeed. 1
was sure that Uncje Bertram had
tried his best to be cheery and equally
sure that he failed signally all alon§
“Ah!” he said, as he brought his
drenched victim into the hall, “now
that we’re home at last, Mr. Lovelace
all the trials of the journey will be for-
We were all in the hall and Con-
stance looked compassionately at the
half-drowned man, who roiled his eyes
towards hers as though he descried ir
them the only kindred spirit. Mothei
said she hoped he had not taken cold
that she had ordered a fire in his bed-
room, and that tea would be ready
After he had b°come a few degree!
less cold and a few shades less blue
at a given signal—a cough from Un
cie Bertram—we all lett the drawing-
room, that the rector and his select-
ed candidate might be alone.
I never heard exactly what passed
between them, but alter about an houi
and a half uncle came out of the draw-
ing room, excited ’ and rather cross j
and said to mother in the dining room:
"Mr. Lovelace has taken a chill anc
Will retire to his room at once. H»
Wv>u»u ...kO u Milan quuiiuLy Oi quanta
oats, some sweet spirits of nitre, ant
a hot water bottle.
Then he returned to the drawing
room, left the door open and said tc
Mr. Ixrvelace: “There is a very good
express train early in the morning, anc
no doubt, with this chill, you will b«
glad to get back to your aunt In Lon
don as soon as possible.”
Uncle, nothing daunted, speedily ar
ranged for the next man, a Mr. Roblf
from Nottingham, to come on approval
The fates were kinder to him, inas
much as he arrived on a fine warn
day; and Nebuchadnezzar, driven by
George—the only person who can maki
him go—came home in his best style
Uncle, who hates monotony, had thi)
time arranged quite a different plan o.
Tea was sent in tor them in tht
study and Constance (‘though for tha
matter all of us. but Constance espe-
cially), for obvious reasons was kep
out of the way as much as possible.
However, we gleaned a good dea
about Mr. Robin from George, who hat
not wasted the opportunities afforded
by a ten miles’ drive.
“lie’s a bounder,” said George, "ant
can’t possibly do. His chief reason fo
replying to the advertisement was tha
he might live in a rectory.’’
Mother — poor mother — said sh
hoped he had been vaccinated ant
wished she had not given him the bes'
The atmosphere seemed chargee
with possibilities, and we wonri *ret
how long Uncle Bertram would keej
him bottled up in the study. After a
time cur patience and curiosity wen
relieved, fer when uncle t amo to us
saw by his face that the man’s fati
was decreed; and although we \ver<
sorry for him at first, all pity left ui
when, at the evening meal, he said: “1
wonder if 1 might have a drop o:
’Irish’?” Visions of temperance meet
ings came to our minds, and we kicket
each other under the table. There u
nothing more to chronicle about Mr
Robin. He, too, left by the early morn
ing train, after squeezing Constance :
I wonder Nebuchadnezzar didn’t
strike at the number of journeys hs
uii de to and from the station during
the time uncle was interviewing these
The next specimen was a sporting
parson, bu: he was a nice man and we
all liked him. I believe he would have
been a success; but for some unknown
reason he didn't take to us!
Whether his taste for horseflesh was
shocked by the sight of Nebuchadnez-
zar, or whether he cou'dn’t stand our
coffee (It is bad, 1 know) we never
knew. I think, myself, that he misin-
terpreted, the advertisement, or took It
He w/ote to Uncle Bertram after his
visit anc! said that if he heard of any-
one who wanted training for the colo-
nies he would remember him.
The fourth who tried his fate was a
Mr. Fitzgerald. He wasn’t very young,
and yet he wanted a title. He had
been to Cambridge, unattached, when
middle-aged, and eventually got his de-
gree. His history before that epoch was
veiled in mystery. The only clue to
his past was his apparent familiar ac-
quaintance with royalty. The touch of
mystery and his intimacy with the
royal family made him interesting.
But I could see that uncle thought
him rather doubtful. I wish he had
told us candidly what he had been.
I expect he had done something like
winding up the royal clocks. Though,
if that was the case, why need he have
been ashamed of such good work I can-
t ininK Air. riizgeruid w^uid have
suited us in many ways, but uncle
didn’t feel sure of him, so he was dis-
missed, though with less summariness
than uncle dismissed his other unsuc-
After'Mr. Fitzgerald there was only
one other possible curate, a Mr. Mer-
When Nebuchadnezzar, with George
and me, set out to meet Mr. Merton, he
said, as plainly as any horse could say:
“Now, mind, much more of this unnec-
essary curate conveying and I shall
strike, and fell into his most irritating
and uncomfortable jog-trot forthwith.
DOWNCAST AND ALONE.
to emphasize his intention. When he
saw Mr. Merton—who had described
himself as “cheerful and homely look-
ing”—he simply turned up his nose,
sniffed and refused to move when
starting time came.
Only those who have had similar bit-
ter experiences will believe me when I
say that move he would not till George
ran in front of him with a handful of
oats (we always carry a nosebag for
him) tor the first two miles of our
I shall never forget that afternoon.
Mr. Merton, shiny, fat and beaming;
I jerking the reins and calling at Neb-
uchadnezzar till I was hoarse; George,
furious, running in trout of our sulky
horse with the handful of oats.
At tha end of the first two miles
Nebuchadnezzar managed to seize the
oats and devour them. Then he al-.
lowed George to get into the driver’s
seat, Mr. Merton getting up behind,
took the bit between his teeth and
raced home. Mr. Merton hung, like
grim death, on our knifeboard of a
Well, somehow, Mr. Merton didn’t do
either, though he wanted to be-
come our curate and said he should
have enjoyed the “quaint” life.
“Quaint” vvas his own word, and I
know he meant it naively, and not
But uncle was getting impatient, and
impatience only made him more criti-
cal and not less easy to please.
As soon as Mr. Merton had been dis-
cussed, uncle informed us that he was
advertising again. It was a very dif-
ferent advertisement this time, how-
ever: “Wanted, i curate for# a quiet
country parish. Age immdferial, but
must be earnest and a gentleman. In
terview in London.”
There were not so many replies, but
uncle said they were “more to the
point.” We were not allowed to see
them, and, of course, there was none of
Ihe fun of the curates coming down for
the night. Instead, Uncle Bertram in-
terviewed them' at the waiting room
In the railway station, allowing half an
But he always came home afterwards
downcast and alone.
Uncle Bertram Is still without a
According to the Road.
A horse can draw on the worst kind of
?arth road about fotir times as much as
tie can carry on his back. On a good
macadamised road he can pull ten times
is much, on a wood-paved one 25 times
is much, and on metals 58 times as
An ostrich has been domesticated
! 'n Central America, where it is now
*ept in much the same way as we
Keep fowls. The hen lays a large
lumber of eggs, which form an arti-
Most Northerly American Point.
Point Barrow, in Alaska, is thq
furthest point north in this country.
To get there one must go to Seattle,
then by steamer 1,600 miles to Val-
dez, and then 2,700 miles by sled. It
is quite a little trip to take on Ameri-
A voting man ought always to be
optimistic, but perhaps the old family
physician is justified in saying that
in the average man’s life there is usu-
ally more hope than happiness.—Som-
’ \ * -1
\ ^ i
Women Have itock Shot*.
Not only do English women rim
their own farms, but they have their
own stock shows. The Women's Ag-
ricultural and Horticultural union nag
been having an exhibit. II !s the first
of its kind ever held, and no doubt
the American woman farmer vrhJ fol-
low the reports with interest
HAS REAL GRIEVANCE.
. ' fSS.
*■ IS .
I *< ,!.■
- ’ &
Prisoner Suffers Inconveniences In an
A prisoner In Rampore Boalla jail
has a clear grievance against the gov-
ernment. There are certain incon-
veniences inseparable from prison life
which all reasonable criminals more
or less unwillingly accept, but the
most complaisant draw the line at be-
ing marked down and clawed by a
leopardess in the seclusion of the
prison yard. The animal seems to-
have been inspired by a suifragette-
like curiosity as to the inside of a
prison, a^id having got in by the high-
ly irregular method of leaping the
wall she ensconced herself among the
low brick piers on which the old bar-
racks are raised from the ground. In
the early afternoon she espied a pris-
oner in the yard clearing up, and, like
the impulsive oreature she is, prompt-
ly leaped upon him, striking him to
the ground and clawing his back.
Then, with the fickleness of her sex,
she suddenly changed her mind, and
In an access of shyness ran away and
hid herself among the brick pillars.
Now Col. R. R. Weir, inspector general
of prisons, happened to be in the vil-
lage, and to him the incident was re-
ported. Though it cannot be said that
the duties of an inspector general of
prisons included the destruction of
vermin, Col. Wetr did not stop to con-
sider technicalities, but borrowed a
rifle. After some difficulty in getting
within striking distance of the in-
truder as she lay in her fastness, he
succeeded in planting his first shot
behind her shoulder, after which
nothing remained to be dene but to
drag off the carcass and record its
tape measurements as more thaa
wtw feet.—London Daily Telegraph.
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Forster, William. The Post. (Buffalo, Okla. Terr.), Vol. 3, No. 26, Ed. 1 Friday, December 6, 1907, newspaper, December 6, 1907; Buffalo, Oklahoma. (gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc942399/m1/1/: accessed December 9, 2018), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.