The Spencer Siftings (Spencer, Okla.), Vol. 1, No. 30, Ed. 1 Saturday, October 17, 1908 Page: 3 of 8
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U/msfi osrz/f /avc/t/szwf
SittP/s/c caufeer
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N’ DE shack wanted
yei tuh heave
clinkers, he did,
huh? Well, I s'pose
yez tole where fell he
yez?”
“Naw, not ter dese weary meat
'hooks. I piles me carcus off de
blind at dls hole In de woods
an', wedder permlttln’, me and
de boes from de Ollie Ma-
goo belt!! roost here ’ll! de
•now flickers." “8oy,< how’s de brakies down dat
way? De last time me an’ de Hon yak wuz dere,
de connle elevated us from the inside of a empty
Inter a cactus garden, four hundred and eighty-wan
miles from grub. We walks de ties ter tree weeks.
Den we hits Alberquerque an' I near had tuh beat
* carpet tuh git grub. De ole gurrul would uv
had me wolkin’ only she grubs me foist, befoar she
brings out de wolk tools. Den I digs.”
“Dere’s nuttin’ like datf dere, dese days. Dey
leaves de pies an* eats out in de opun an’ de bo
wot can't freeze to wan meal an hour don’t git no
•oft wolds from dls lulu.”
That animated, brilliant and engrossing reper-
toire was only one of several thousand of the same
variety, which comprised hobo reminiscences told
by members of the great army of the unwashed
which assembled in convention not many months
ago at Clifford, 111., for the National Hobo re-
union.
Small tramps, fat tramps, tall tramps, Bhort
tramps, red-headed ones, blondes, colored tramps,
low-down tramps, tramps with high personal re-
gard for their vocations, and others who were
sneaky and might be caught working, were it not
lor the watchfulness of their brothers, all assem-
bled in solemn conclave to worship their goddess,
Rest.
These sons of rest—but they were not all sons,
there were several daughters of rest—all paid their
respects to the cause for which they are fighting
In their own tactless way. They, for the nine-
teenth time, swore loyalty to the association's mot-
to: "Work, washing and worry are weapons of the
devil and he who would knowingly or intentionally
invite the descent of bis platonic majesty In that
manner, he it is who Is no true Son of Rest.”
Slothful Sam, President Weary Willie, Ragged
Rufus, Tattered Tom, Reeking Reignald, Dinky
Dan, the best dressed ‘‘bo” in the association;
Handout Hank, Pieface Peter, Loping Louie, Walk-
ing Walter, Frayed Francis, Mirthful Mike, Tin-Can
Teddy, and all the rest of the influential brethren
of the Fraternal Order of the Unwashed, were
there.
The attendance was as large as usual. There
were some missing, of course. Roll call revealed
the fact that Secretary Sighing Sinkers was un-
avoidably detained by friends among the authori-
ties at the Desplalnes street police station in Chi-
cago. He was booked as a “vag.” much to the un-
washed chagrin of President Weary Willie, who in
the course of his opening address remarked that
It was "De woist coise dat wuz ever put fort' on dis
eusietie, tuh t’lnk dat one uv de most necessary
poissons of de order should be cumpelled tuh miss
dis intellergen’ meetin’.”
All the old officers of the association were re-
elected, the minutes of the meeting being Inscribed
upon the brain of President Weary Willie until Sec-
retary Sinkers should be released from his sojourn
In Chicago. The members of the association, the
most easily satisfied crowd on earth, then ad-
journed. This action consisted of the chief execu-
tive dropping into a sound sleep. Others did the
same.
The following day the annual games of the or-
ganization were given. There were several inno-
vations, hitherto not introduced. The long distance
snoozing contest drew out several hundred entries
and It required three days before the judges were
able to render a decision. Wakeful Waffles was
returned victor eventually, but up to the time of
writing he was still snoozing noisily, utterly ignor-
ant of the honor which his happy faculty had
thrust upon him.
The handsomest hobo contest wrs captured by
Dinky Dan, who in a little address to the slumber-
ing contestants in the long-distance sleeping con-
test, declared that in the absence of any prize, the
honor alone mum him plenty of satisfaction.
%\
m
JteCap*v*r&' C&frssr
It was decidedly ap-
propriate that Handout
Hank should corral the
laurels in the handout roping contest. The pies,
which proved the articles of war and also the
prizes, were placed on a ledge on the outside of
a house loaned for the purpose.
Hank, Instead of struggling with his fellows on
the outside, stole a pitchfork, went inside the house
and speared the pies, one by one, from the second
story window. Then to rub in the defeat inflicted
upon the rest of the convention, he sat on the sill
of the open window and slowly munched the pastry
delicacies, to the discomfiture of several hundred
upturned hungry faces.
Several weeks before the session was called to
order Slothful Sam appeared as an advance guard
of the army of the unwashed and prepared a set
of rules, which were turned over to the meeting,
but were turned down by unanimous vote, the
members fearing they might Inflict punishment up-
on themselves by voting for the proposed regula-
tions.
Following were Sam's proposals:
That one month’s growth of beard be made the
maximum
That special refrigerator cars be provided for
tanks.
That questionable touring anecdotes be punished
according to the veracity of the tales.
That any member guilty of work be made to toil
and wash dally.
That hoboes found guilty of aiding in perpetuat-
ing the ancient tin can Joke be shunned by their
fellows.
That members apprehended with soap upon their
persons be given capital punishment.
That rewards of merit be devised for those who
promised to work, secured a meal upon that basis,
and then deserted.
That a system of chalk signals be arranged to
designate homes where the lady of the house Is
generous.
That the war on savage dogs be carried on with
the extermination of all canines in view.
That brakemen be made honorary members of
the order.
That those brakemen who have distinguished
themselves in the aid of members be awarded re-
wards of merit
That thorough tests, mental and physical, be pro-
vided for taking In new members.
That beer be made the official drink of the order.
That water be shunned with customary regular-
ity.
President Weary Willie pointed that these rules
showed the deep thought of Slothful Sam. The
president ruled that a man guilty of thinking should
be watched, for he might work. So fearful lest there
should be a joker concealed somewhere within the
resolutions, the convention turned them down flat.
"Even w)d dese t’lngs aside.” soliloquized Weary,
"it needs wolk ter keep dem resolushuns on de
members' min's an’ wolk is de most bated uv de
order's enemies.”
So that ended Slothful Sam’s great coup. He said
he thought he had a great Idea, but he had not
figured that In nursing his plans he had infringed
upon one of the most sacred traditions of his
brothers. ' „
Before members were allowed to enter the field
In which the convention was held, a thorough in-
spection was made of the man's credentials Bona
fide proof of membership was necessary. Traces of
prosperity about the hobos person reiegated him
to the position of a rank outsider. Special arrange-
ments were made with railroad companies for the
transportation of such undesirables.
The meetings, as a rule, were held tn Rtvwrview
park, Clifford, but occasionally committees met
wherever there was standing room. A grand parade same way.
of hoboes took place on the third
day of the convention and it wan
pie. The hobo association of a near-by district
gave an excursion, and a feast, after which the
members disbanded to their regular territories,
most of them going Into winter quarters.
The reader will wonder where the wayfarer#
slept while they were engaged in carrying out their
convention plans. Others wondered, too, but one
early-rising farmer near Clifford determined for
himself when he fouund the committee upon the
extermination of water snoring in the key of A in
a manger early one morning. Others took to re-
clining benches In the parks, some utilized fence
corners, while the more listless of the order satis-
fied themselves with such luxuries of sleep as were
furnished underneath front porches.
All In all, It must be said that the convention
was a great success, more enthusiasm attending
the meeting than ever before. There was more
grub, less allusion to soap and water and lots of
sleep for the tourists.
COSTLY ENuilSH LAW ROBES.
Th« Wardrobe of a Judge Coat# Con-
siderably Over $2,500.
An English Judge's outfit in the way
of robes imposes a heavy tax upon the
newly-appointed Judge, although the
cost Is not nearly so great aa it waa la
the early days of Queen Victoria.
Then it was the custom for the law
luminaries to attend court functions in
figured damask silk gowns, with costly
lace bands and ruffles. Thesiger, a
celebrated legal dignitary of that day,
is said, on one occasion, to have spent
$500 on bands alone.
The lord chancellor's robes cost
something like $750, and even a
judge’s stockings are an expensive
item.
The wardrobe of a Judge costs any-
thing from $2,500 to $3,000, and if the
newly-fledged “my lord*’ is attached to
the king’# bench division he will re
quire five gowns, a girdle, a scarf, a
casting-hood, a black cap, a three-cor-
nered cap, a leather hat, a cocked hat,
a silk hat, lace hands, and two full
caart suits, swords, etc., to keep up the
majesty of the law.
Prior to the reign of George IIT near-
ly all professional men wore wigs of
some sort, but the custom fell Into dis-
use, and the Iidncli and bar alone now
slick to the conservative peruke.
Not many years ago Mr. Justice
Kokewieh positively refused to hear
a barrister who was attired in a gray
suit.
Another well-known barrister was
quite recently pleading before Mr. Jus-
tice Darling, who has a keen sense of
humor. The barrister, who wore a
sporting waistcoat of a loud type, was
suffering from such n severe cold that
It affected his voice; he, however, did
his best to speak clearly, when Mr.
Justice Darling broke in with:
"Excuse me, but owing to your voice
being so weak and your waistcoat be-
ing so loud, unless you try and over-
come the loudness of your waistcoat
by putting a little mow force into you*
voice, 1 am afraid 1 shall not be able
to hear a word you say.”—Stray
Stories.
Bachelor#.
Bachelors are cultivated In all large
cities. They live in bachelor apart-
ments and bungalows. They can be
seen during the day in counting houses
and on golf links, and in the evening
at dinner parties and poker games.
Bachelors at one time were easily
caught with almost any kind of bait,
and swallowed, bait, hook, sinker and
all, often at the first throw. Now, how-
ever, they are becoming much more
wary, and hide In the depths of their
bachelor apartments or in’ deep pool-
rooms from which they cannot be
lured.
They are gregarious in their habits,
running in schools, but they stand by
each other, and It is very unusual to
find a solitary one. Occasionally, how-
ever, a more foolish and overconfident
specimen will poke hts nose Into a
summer resort, when he is promptly
landed.
Bachelors are fn reality the bulwark
of the nation. By not getting married
they do not raise families. Families,
as we know, are constantly consum-
ing our natural resources. Bachelors
are, therefore, really providing more
natural resources for the few. Their
conduct, it will be seen, is thus quite
unselfish.—Life.
NOT THE RIOHT MAN.
<1
The Rejected—And will nothing
make you change your mind?
She—M'yea, another mao might.
A Marvelous Eye Remedy.
Those who know what Intense pain*
come with some diseases of the eye
can hardly believe Mitchell's Eye
Salve is able to do all that Is claimed
for it, but a trial soon convinces one
of the extraordinary curative powers
of this little remedy. Sold all over
the United States. Price 25c.
Upward by Degress.
For man must be disappointed with
the tester things of life before he caa
comprehend the full value of the great-
est—Lord Lyttoo. |
TO BYSTEM
r»*» lb* Old standard UKOTaU
,'UU.l, TONIC. Von know « bat y<
l ha formula I* plain); printed on *v«ry
Mu-wln* It U .imply Quinine and Iron la a ta
r-.no, and tb* ritociual fora. Par
eoupla and akildron. the.
■ TAsrautse
yea ara taking
arary boUta.
taautieaa
»»o*e
demetlmee Peppery.
Sploy conversation
handled gingerly.
should bm
y
I
After suffering for seven yean,
this woman was restored to health
by Lydia B. Pinkbam*fl Vegetable
Compound* Bead her letter.
Mrs. Sallie French, of Paucaonla,
Ind. Ter- writes to Mrs. Finkham:
‘‘I had female troubles for
years—was all run-down, and so ner-
vous I could not do anything. The
doctors treated me for different troubles
but did me no good. While la this con-
dition 1 wrote to Mrs. Pinkham for ad-
vice and took Lvdia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound, and I am now strong
and well.”
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
I
I
I
I
Complete Alpinist.
The young millionaire had climbed
in August the Jungfrau, Monck and
Eiger.
“It is more dangerous work than
motoring,” he said, "and, dear me,
how the climber is loaded down. He
resembles a peddler more than any-
thing else.
“He carries wood to make a fire
with. He carries nails for his boots.
He carries a lamp. He also has an ax
wherewith to cut steps for himself in
perpendicular Ice-walls, and he has a
cord wherewith to rope himself to his
companions, and he has a staff to help
liim up and down steeps.
"In the sack on his back there are
all sorts of things—tubes of concen-
trated soup, tea, coffee, pins, brandy,
meat extract, smoked glasses.
"And dangling between his shoul-
ders is a pair of snowshoes without
which, in the hot August sun. he would
sink in the soft snow quite up to his
knees at every step.”
THE WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR.
It is a big thing to be born with a sense of
humor. It will force smooth sailing on life's rough-
est seas, and will make even drudgery bearable.
The woman who cannot see a joke, even at her
own expense, is to be pitied—and so are her fun-
loving friends. There is nothing harder on both
Bides than a humorism that falls fiat.
The good people who are interested in the de-
crease of divorce should have a law passed that the
seriouB minded and the Joker may not wed. It
means ructions ere the orange blossoms fade.
A man not long ago was bewailing a broken en-
gagement. A friend who knew them both said:
“It is the Lord taking a hand to save you from
a lifetime of misery. Georgia couldn’t see fun if
it were labeled JOKE, and you couldn't help jok-
ing though It meant a separation from those you
loved best.”
But it is one thing to have a sense of humor and
another to have a warped sense of humor. There
is no one more maddening than the person who
roars at our mishaps and thinks it “so funny” to
mortify his friends.
You can afford to laugh—If you feel like It—
when you fall in a crowded ballroom or lose your
false puffs la church; but you have no friendship
so tender that will warrant a smile when a friend
does the same..
It Is the woman with the misplaced sense of
humor who tells embarrassing anecdotes about fam-
ily makeshifts, or who repeats as a good Joke to
a common friend something you have said about
her but never intended her to hear.
One of these misplaced humorists is the husband
who thinks It funny to ask a guest to have certain
dishes, and when she accepts to tell her “We are
Just out of it.”
Have you never been covered with embarrass-
ment by having such a man ask you to say grace at A Big Tub.
hts dinner table and shriek with laughter at your The tides run out swiftly In the Bay
efforts to get out of it? 0f Pundy. A summer urchin, wit-
Then there are humorists who, when you tell a nessing the phenomenon for the first
good story, think it "smart” to receive It with time, yelled shrilly:
forced guffaws, and others who willfully refuse to "Ma, look quick! Some one has
laugh at the point. j pulled the plug out of the ocean."—
Langb all you can. but have a sense of fitness 1 Kansas City Journal.
in your laughing. To joke over the bumps In your --
own life will ao much to smooth them; to find hu- Overdid it.
mor in the mishaps of your friends is soon to find Rankin—You’ve been keeping open
yourself friendless. bou,e this summer, haven't you?
No matter how keen your sense of humor, use Fyle—Yes, but I’m not doing It so
discretion In sharing a joke with a friend. Humor much now. It was too open. Bur-
ls like lightning. It rarely strikes twice in the glars got Into it three or four times
I without any trouble.
standard remedy for female ilia,
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, inflammation, ulcera-
tion,dizziness,or nervous prostration.
Why don’t you try it ?
Don't hesitate to-write to Mrs.
Pinkham if there is anything
about your sickness yon do not
understand. She will treat your
letterlnconfldence andadviseyou
free. No woman ever regretted
writing her, and because of her
vast experience she has helped
thousands. Address, Lynn, Mass,
HELP THAT HORSE
, Rather Particular.
"Them biled ’taters iz kind uv sog-
gy.” protested the hungry hobo.
“Huh!" rejoined the charitable lady
who had drawn on the icebox In hla
behalf, “I’ll bet It isn’t often you get
as good a dinner as that.”
“Not at dls season uv de year,” ac-
knowledged the personally conducted
tourist, "but In de good old winter
time I fare a heap sight better."
"What do you eat them?" asked
the c. I.
“Snowballs," replied the hobo. “Dey
is better n soggy ’taters, all right, fer
j they make a feller's mouth water.”
And hazing successfully dodged the
flatiron that came his way, he hurried
down the pike.
L
mot MARK BIO- V. t. PAT. OFfflM
WATSON'S _
IQUID BLISTE
R
Quickly cures bone-lameness, bone tum-
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Tl>. one remedy thst does this nurely, nafely,
speedily end economically—that will best
aare your time, money ami stock.
$1.00 per bottle at your dealers
If he's out send un the 1100 and we’ll .up-
ply you immediately.
»7 make r!l the /mhw Watecn Live Start
Ftmrtiiee — H’atsen'e Liniment. IFatteu’e (Wk
.)feJnn. lf'(l/4(»,i Starter Remedy, H'a/eeu'e
Purge Mix. tVateen’r Febrifuge. H'attene
Fty-I'rae/ Healer. Then cure tick etock.
Write now for our intereetlng free booklet
containing valuable veteriua.-y information
that you abould have.
THE ttAISON COMPANY
PINE BLUFF. AIK.
Throat and Longs
need >u« tko protection .gun* cold
and ditnu. that i* obuuwd from
Pwo'i Cue. it yea h»v» a cough
aecnkX. mgr* or temuh oegm tw |
fats Fieo'. Cura tod*y »nd continue
umu you am wwl. Cut. tlxtowel
tury. Haast to Bute. Free twa
opiatm end hmadui nredunW.
At all drUK.UU’, 23 sta
L
________1_
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Nixon, R. W. The Spencer Siftings (Spencer, Okla.), Vol. 1, No. 30, Ed. 1 Saturday, October 17, 1908, newspaper, October 17, 1908; Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc936612/m1/3/: accessed April 17, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.