Chandler Daily Publicist. (Chandler, Okla. Terr.), Vol. 2, No. 284, Ed. 1 Monday, February 29, 1904 Page: 4 of 4
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NAMES OF BOER GENERALS. , NOT WHAT WAS EXPECTED , DROVE COUGAR FROM PREY.
MONEY MADE IN OX HORNS.
How to Pronounce Them—Some
Quaint Mistakes Made.
Gen. Botha's name Is sounded by
the public as if the first syllable
rhymed with the worth "loath.” The
"th” in Dutch has not the English
sound, but It Is regarded merely as a“
variant of the letter "t;" the names
Botha. Martha, and De Moth are pro-
nounced Botta, Martta and De Mott.
The “o” In Botha has, moreover, a
lengthened sound something Inter-
mediate between the "o” sound as
heards In the words "boat” and "loot.”
In De Wet’s ease the mistake arises
from the tendency to pronounce the
name as If it were wholly English. The
South African pronunciation of De
Wet Is distinctly De Vet, the De be
Ing sounded as a Frenchman would
pronounce It. Delarey's name suffers
the least In an educated mouth, though
the crowd has a tendency to pro-
nounce It “Deelarry," with a strong
accent on the second syllable. The
General himself sounds the end evil
able very strongly, although the two
other syllables are also pronounced
with a distinct stress upon them.
Quaint as these mistakes are to
South Africans who understand Dutch,
the Generals would no doubt be the
first to recognize that their pronuncio
tion of certain English words must
sound equally ludicrous to an Eng
llshman. Gen. De Wet, for Instance,
speaks of "Mr. Kamberlaln," ns Mr.
Kruger has always done, and refers
to "Mynheer Moorli, while Gen. De
larey has considerable difficulty In
pronouncing the lisping "Ih,” the usual
difficulty with foreigners. Yet the
General on more than one occasion
owed Ills escape frum rapture to his
presence of mind and his knowledge
of English. Of the three, Gen. Botha
speaks the most correct English,
though he uses a good deal of colonial
slang. All their secretaries and the
members af their staff Hpoak perfect
English.—London Dally News.
Bishop Randolph's Gift Might Have
Been More Appropriate.
fllshop A*. M. Randolph of the dio-
cese of Southern Virginia, a ripe
scholar and eloquent preacher. Is the
gentlest of men—and the most ah
sentminded.
A struggling country rector who
may be called Smith had a very
•needy parish, and a very manly
little boy who was fond of (logs.
Now, the bishop has a fund for
the aid of needy parishes, anil
the country rector had been try-
ing a long time to get some of this
fund for his poor people. At a convo-
cation In Norfulk the bishop called to
the rector:
“Come to see me to-night. Smith. 1
want to talk to you.”
Smith went with high hopes, sure
that he had landed n slice of that fund.
The bishop greeted him cordially, and
after some desultory talk it came out
that Mr. Pierpent Morgan ban just
made the bishop a present of a fine
collie. The gift embarrassed the good
man.
”1 cannot keep him here In town,”
said he. "Mrs. Randolph won’t have
him. Couldn’t 1 get Everurd to take
him to the country and keep him for
me?” Everard was the rector's boy.
The ihepherd of the poor flock con-
cealed his disappointment as much as
possible, and agreed that Everard
should take the dog. Then, just as lie
was going away the bishop called after
him in his mildest tones: •
"1 hope the dog won't give you any
trouble, Smtlh. He multes night
hideous. It takes two people to take
care of him.”
That was the bishop's last word.
REAL LOVE SICKNESS THIS.
The Actual Case of Disease lo a
Thing to Be Dreaded.
“Did you ever see a fellow actually
lovesick?” asked the commercial trav-
eler. “Yes, I know 1 used to think
that such a thing was only the result
of an overworked imagination on the
part of our fiction and love story writ
ers, but I saw one last summer.
’’The fellow was handsome and sen-
sible, but it went hard with him. He
was madly infatuated with a young
girl, and she was equally daffy over
him. Parental consent could not be
secured, but all the arrangements
■were made for an elopement. The
hour came but tho bride-to-be came
not. Soon a note came from the girl.
She loved the fallow and all that,
would surely marry him, but could
not elope. She could not so disobey
and abuse her parents who had always
been bo good to her.
"Well, the fellow grew pale, stag-
gered across the room and fell. A
doctor was called In, and the diagno-
sis was ‘love-sickness In its most
malignant form.’ The man had a fine I
position, but for two weeks could not i
go to the office. He had dizzy spells; j
he was unable to sleep; he ate noth- j
Ing; just sat around and moped, and
looked—well, he looked fierce. He
had a doctor regularly, and may still |
have one for all I know, as it got so j
bad I decided to get out of the town |
for fear it might become contagious.
” 'A mighty weak fellow, no force
of character or power,' you say. The
doctor doesn't agree with you. He
says such cases happen frequently—
a susceptible constitution or some-
thing of that sort. But, at any rato,
don’t get love sick. If you have your
choice take the smallpox."
WIDOWS OF TWO FAMOUS MEN
________ •
Mrs. General Grant and Mrs. Jeffer-
son Davis Close Friends.
An impressive and somewhat pa-
thetic friendship is that which has
grown up between the widows of Gen.
Grant and Jefferson Davis, the two
men who occupied so much attention
during a momentous period of Ameri-
can history. For a time in the sum-
mer jtiBt ended they both stiyed in a
little Canadian village called Coburg.
They had unpretentious cottages on
adjoining lots and saw each other
every day. Coburg is a group of cot-
tages in Ontario, not far from Ni-
agara-on-the-l.ake, and naturally
enough the Grant and Davis habita-
tions, standing side by side in a frag-
rant pine lane, formed one of the In-
teresting sights of the village. The
cottages, which are both of effective-
ly painted shingles, are almost smoth-
ered in a forest of pine trees. They
back upon a small, quiet lake and
every morning Mrs. Grant and Mrs.
Davis sat in sletyner chairs, watch
Ing the reflection of the trees and the
undisturbed surfaee, Beldom ruffled
even by a strange canoe. It can be
only surmised whether these two in-
teresting women ever mentioned the
great conflict in which their husbands
fought so valiantly, and whether their
own struggles and heartaches have
been ever rehearsed. Mrs. Davis and
Mrs. Grant hold themselves aloof
from the other cottagers and seem
perfectly content to pass the idle sum-
mer days under the pines.
Leigh's Caustic Wit.
In Bohemian circles l.eigli was pop-
ular as a conversationalist, although
his satire was biting and his humor
often personal. He was too much of a
wit to consider the feelings of the man
against whom be might aim his hu-
morous or cynical shaft. One day
talking of epitaphs, that accomplished
!I eccentric German member of the
Savage Club, Dr. Strauss, said: "What
would you write of me, Harry?” "I
would do your epitaph in a single
line,” was the quick reply. "What
would it he, my son?" asked Strauss.
"Give the devil his Jew,” answered
Leigh. Strauss was a linguist and an
accomplished man in many ways. He
had lost most of his teeth, however,
and did not speak as distinctly as his
ftiends could desire. "What language
is he speaking now?” asked a puzzled
listener. "Gum Arabic," said Leigh.
Had Unique Funeral.
A few months ago the National Zei-
tnng of Berlin reported an eccentric
funeral of which Eastern Germany
was the scene. The deceased man,
Herr Schmidt, had been known
through life as an inveterate woman-
hater and the most crusty and con-
firmed of old bachelors. It was, there-
fore, with something like consterna
tion that the contents of his will
were made public, for in It he left in-
structions that he should be followed
to the grave by fifty of the prettiest
girls in the district, each of whom was
to be attired in white from head to
foot, and to receive a sum of a hun-
dred marks ($25), in addition to a
further allowance of fifty marks for
"mourning.”
Thus the curious spectacle was af-
forded of a cynical old bachelor fol-
lowed to his final hermitage by half a
hundred maidens In all the freshness
and beauty of youth, and clothed In
what seemed bridal attire rather than
the garb of woe.
Britain's Deepest Lake.
The survey of the freshwater lakes
of the British Isles, which is now in
progress, under the superintendence of
Sir John Murray, reveals the fact that
Loch Morar, in Inverness-shire, is tho
deepest lake in the Kingdom. The
complete chart of the loch shows that
the greatest depth observed was 1,-
009 feet, or 1G8 fathoms. For a dls
tance of over seven miles the floor of
Loch Morar falls lower than 600 feet
beneath the surfaee. and the deepest
part of the loch sinks 927 feet below
(he surface of the sea, from which the
loch is separated by a narrow strip of
land.
A Greedy Peer.
Apropos of the recent speech of the
duke 9t Argyll protesting against the
"tremendous burden" of the death
duties, the duke has been reminded
by tbe Liberal press of London that
the Scotch peasantry pay him $250,-
000 a year in rents, that the duchess
receives $30,000 a year of public
money and that after deducting his
annual Instalment toward the death
duties of his father’s estate the duke
and duchess will have to play the
part of splendid paupers on ouly $215,-
000.
Indian Merchant a Visitor.
One of the most interesting foreign
visitors to Washington just now is
J. N. Tata of Bombay, India, a mer-
chant prince, manufacturer, philan-
thropist, scholar and philosopher. Mr.
'i ata is known in every great commer-
cial center of the world because of his
vast business interests. He is a Par-
see by birth, that historic race the
members of which believe in Zoroas
ter and are commonly called lire wor-
shipers. He is a personal friend of
Mr. Foster, ex secretary cf. iCcle. by
whom he was entertained at an elabo-
tate dinaer the other evening.
Benefit for Blind Actor.
William Rignold has been almost
blind for five years. A benefit is be-
ing gotten up for hint In London by
Sir Henry Irving. Sir Sqttjre Bancroft.
Mr. Tree, Mr. George Alexander and
many other well-known actors.
Queer Freak of Trees.
Two and a half inches is the diam-
eter of tho trunk of a young birch tree
several yards long which lias been
lound in the center of a piece of Cana-
dian birch planking sawed at High
Wycomb*.
Ha'rpin Traveled in Body.
Flfteeh years ago a German do-
mestic servant, now seventy-two years
of age, swallowed a hairpin. It hao
just been extracted from her leg.
To talk of love Is to make love.
Bravo Elght-Year-Old Boy Save* Lit-
tle Brother^ Life. • •
Four children of Mr. Rndenberg,
whose home is at Big Skookum, go to
a public school house a long way off.
Olio Wednesday during the last of
June these children, being on the road
homeward, were straggling along at
come distance from one another,
when a cougar sprang out of ambush
and seized the little boy who brought
up the rear. This little fellow was
the youngest of the party, being only
six years old, and least likely to re-
sist tbe bcaBt, as that watchful crca
lure seems to have known when it
saw the school children going by,
single file.
The cougar seized the lad by the
head and sat upon him, snarling at
the other boy of the party, an eight-
year old youngster, who came running
with might and main to save his
brother. The brave boy had in his
right hand a milk bottle of heavy
glass. He took hold of one of the eou-
f.ar’s ears, and with the bottle began
to beat the snarling beast over the
head. At the third or fourth blow,
the bottle broke and a hundred frag-
ments of glass were scattered about.
It is possible that some of the frag-
ments entered the cougar's blazing
eyes, for as soon us the bottle broke
be let go his hold and ran off, plung-
ing into the bushes, from which he
did not again emerge.
Meanwhile, the unhurt children took
the wounded boy into a neighboring
farmhouse. The wounds were all
flesh wounds, and when they had been
dressed the little fellow grew quite
animated In ills account of the adven-
ture.—Seattle Post-Intelligencer.
SOAP IN THE GINGERBREAD
A Product of the Maine Forest Which
Is Said to Be Luscious.
"Did ye ever eat hot gingerbread with
soap In it?” asked Frank Brown, the
oldest camp cook on the West Branch,
who boasts that he has made more
than 2.000 barrels of flour into cream
of tartar bread in the course of twen-
ty-six winters iti the forest. “Ef ye
hain’t e't it, you don't know whf.t's
good.
"Why. a lumberman would no more
think of eating gingerbread without
soap into it than ne would think of
drinking new rum without molasses.
They always go together—soap into
the gingerbread and molasses into
the rum. and both are jest about as
good as is made.
"My rule is to dissolve a hunk of
hard soap as big as a hen's egg in a
gallon of water, then pour in a gallon of
molasses, a half pound of baking pow-
der anil stir in the flour until the
dough will almost run. Then grease
yer pans, slap in the mixture and
chuck it into a red hot oven.
“When it comes out all golden
brown and full of sweet bubbles that
smoke when you break them open—
the man who won't eat such food isn't
fit to live or die.
"You can't tell me that soap gin-
gerbread ain't fit to eat. I’ve eat It
more than twenty-five years, and I'm
jest as sound to day as I was when I
first tasted the food.”—New York Sun.
A Poser.
On some of the English trains, car-
riages for "ladies ouly” have been
placed.
On one occasion these carriages
were all occupied by tile fair sex; con-
sequently a number of ladles were
obliged to procure seats in a compart-
ment in which a haughty young fel-
low was the sole occupant.
He quickly saw the carriage would
soon be filled and he be in danger ol
losing his seat.
At length when an elderly woman
hove in sight, he thought it time to
Interfere.
"My good woman," he remarked
somewhat testily, "this is a carriage
for gentlemen."
But he was quite taken aback when
the old lady made tile unexpected re
ply:
"Then what are you doing here?"
Millionaire’s Hard Luck.
Janies R. Keene is suffering from
dyspepsia—a deplorable predicament
lor one who has been so long a tooth -
some diner. In fashionable restaur-
ants his presence used to be hailed
with Joy, not alone because of hii
generous tips, but also because host
rnd waiter alike loved to serve an ap
preelative guest. Now he is on a diet
of most monotonous character—lamb
enops, broiled well done, spinach
stewed prunes and weak tea. This is
his meal three times a day and the
veteran financier is chafing terribly
under the strain.
Out of the Game.
Samson, awaking to find himsell
shorn of his locks, wept bitterly. *
“Why so sad?" asked Delilah. "In
deed. I always said you would look
better with your hair short.”
“Oh, woman, woman!" moaned
Samson. "Don't you know that this
simply shatters all my hopes of ever
being full-back for the Beersheba
University eleven?"
Then at last came upon the woman
the full realization of the evil she
had wrought.
•
England's Bachelor Soldiers.
It is somewhat curious that nearly
all of England's prominent living sol-
diers are either bachelors or otherwise
without male heir. Among them may
be noted Lord Roberts, Lord Wolse-
ley. Lord Kitchener, Sir Redvers Bill
ler, Gen. Baden-Poweil, Sir Hector
MacDonald ami Lord Charles Beres-
ford. Roberts’ son was killed in South
Africa. Wolaeley, Beresford and Bui-
ler have an unmarried daughter each,
while Kttehener, MacDonald and Ba
den-Powell persistently light shy of
matt imoujr.
Trade Has Reached Large Proportion*
From a Small Beginning.
A familiar sight In the business
juarter of this city is the Russian born
peddler. The man himself is pictur-
esque, having the strong* features,
Jark skin, long beard anil ill-fitting
! clothes which mark the Slovak, while
bis wares are always noticeable for
their oddity. Sometimes it is the ha:
rack, consisting of two ox horns beau-
tifully polished and fitted together at
the butts upon a small wooden board
ready for hanging in a hallway. At
mother time it is a small three-legged
(tool, of which each leg Is a great
horn. Again it is a gun rack, where
the hooks are horns, yellow, white,
gray, brown and black. If you desire
t ho will supply you with easy chairs,
irm chairs and rockers, of which the
entire frames are made of horns. Of
dmllar construction are easels, music
racks, picture frames, wall trophies
md baby cribs.
Tile industry was started about fif-
teen years ago by some poor Russian
lews near the*kosher slaughter house.
Before that time the horns were sold
vlth the hoofs to the gluemakers and
button manufacturers. They brought
but a few cents a pound and the glue-
buyers had no trouble in getting, all
the raw material they needed.
The manufacturers first prepared
the horns by boiling and using alka-
lies. Afterward they found they could
secure better results by treatment
with cold alkaline solutions followed
by antiseptics. After the horns have
been cleaned they are scraped and
polished until they gleam like bur-
nished metal. A few are varnished,
but the practice is not recommended
by the trade.—New York Evening
Post.
A FRENCHMAN'S SOCIAL ERROR.
Vas Tripped Up by the Vagaries of
the English Language.
A Frenchman on his return to Paris,
after a week’s stay with an English
commercial friend in London, sat
down to inscribe a letter to thank his
host for his kind hospitality. Possess-
ing but a scant know ledge of the Eng-
lish language, it entailed some effort
on his part to frame a suitable letter.
He managed, however, to convey what
he wished to say with considerable
satisfaction to himself. It only need-
ed the usual finishing sentence and
the Frenchman was wont to wind up
his social letter with the French
phrase, "May the Lord preserve you
and your family to all eternity.”
Failing for the moment to recall the
English definition of the French word
meaning "preserve” he sought the aid
of a dictionary. He there discovered
that the word meant "pickle.” so with
pride he concluded his missive with
the parting words:
"May the Lord pickle you and your
family to all eternity.”
WHERE HE WOULD GO.
Little Boy Makes Choice Between
Heaven and His Grandma's.
Master Ross Edwards, four years
of age, living in Irvington, N. J., was
very fond of his grandmother, and
spent most of his lime at her home.
One afternoon he came home from
play so very tired that he could eat
no dinner, and asked bis mother to
put him to bed. She took him up
stairs, and when he was ready for
bed said:
“Now, my little boy must say his
orayers."
"I tan't—I am so tired.”
"You want to go to heaven, don’t
you? Then you must say your pray-
ers.”
"Are you doin' to heaven, mamma?”
"I hope to, and want to see my
little boy there.”
"Is papa doin' to heaven?”
"He hopes to.”
"Well, you and papa go to heaven,
and I’ll go around and see grandma.”
Wanted a Miracle.
It was a bluff spoken Englishman
who was consulted as to the warming
of a church during the cold weather.
"Give me $60 a year,” said he, “and I
will guarantee to 'eat this church.”
On the steamboat this summer Rev.
George Jackson of Edinburgh gave to
a fellow passenger this story, which
he vouched for:
An English farmer had a number of
guests to dinner, and was about to
help them to some "rabbit, when he
discovered that the dish was cold. Call-
ing the servant, he exclaimed, "Here,
Mary, take this rabbit out and 'eat
it, and bring it back a little ’otter!”
History Repeats Itself.
The famous Grenadier Guards of
King Frederick William I. of Prussia
are to live again In Massachusetts.
Frederick William's guards were
giants in stature, ranging from seven
feet to almost nine feet in height.
There is now in process of formation
in Massachusetts a military organiza-
tion every member of which is to be
six feet in height. Thus is history re-
peating itself.
Exhibit of Martinique Survivors.
Twenty-five survivors of the erup-
tion at St. Pierre, Martinique, are ad-
vertised as an attraction at a circus in
Berlin.
Danger In the Third Drink. •
“It's not the 15 cents that one drink
costs you,” said the sad-eyed man,
"nor the 25 cents for yourself and your
good friend. What counts is the
$16.20 spent after the third man puts
his foot on the brass rail.”
Skin Retains Life.
Detached bits of human skin live
two to ten days.
Men with high voices arways think
that basso singing is their special
forte.
FIRST OF ALL THE EVICTIONS.
Magyars Have a Version of Expul-
sion From the Garden.
Among the folklore of the peasant-
ry of Kuumanta and some of the ad-
joining Magyar states of eastern Eu-
rope Is found the stot$' of the expul-
sion of our first parents from the
garden of Eden. It runs thus:
When Adam and Eve fell God sent
Gabriel the Magyar angel, to turn
them out of Eden as a punishment for
their sin. Gabriel was received most
courteously, food and drink of the
liest being set before him. Now, Ga-
briel had a kind heart and took pity
upon the poor folk and would not
accept their hospitality, remembering
his errand. So he returned and
begged that someone else’be sent to
evict the sinners, as lie really rould
not do it. Then Raphael, the Rouma-
nian angel, was sent and was re-
ceived as Gabriel had been. He, how-
ever, was very fond of a good dinner
apd so he sat down and thoroughly
enjoyed himself. The feast over, he
told the erring pair his errand. They
at once began to weep most piteously
and beg for mercy. Their bitter sor-
row so touched hi3 after-dinner heart
that he, too, returned nnd asked that
somnne else be sent, as he could not
possibly turn out the poor folk after
accepting their hospitality. Then it
was that Michael, the German angel,
was sent. He was received as the
others by the trembling pair and
treated even more sumptuously, lie
sat down and enjoyed himself till the
last morsel of food hart vanished and
there wasn't a drop of liquor left.
Then he arose and, turning to hts
host and hostess, said: “Now then,
out you go, and be quick about it,”
Most piteously did Adam and Eve beg
at least for time, even reminding him
that he had partaken of their bread.
All in vain. Thus it was that our
first parents were driven out of Eden.
HOW JACQUES TISSOT PAINTED.
Not Satisfied with Chef d'Oeuvre Until
Critic Worshiped in Silence.
An interesting story is told of
Jacques Tissot, the great French paint-
er. lately deceased. While in England
he painted a beautiful religious picture
and meeting a countrywoman asked
her opinion of his work. "It’s a chef
d'oeuvre,” she replied, giving a re-
markably just and detailed apprecia-
tion of the various merits of the paint-
ing. "Are you satisfied?” asked a
friend. Tissot answered in the nega
tive. He entirely repainted his pic
ture, working night and day.
When finished he sent again for
his fair critic, who pronounced it “ad-
mirable,” and remained silently ad
miring it with smiling criticism. "Are
you satisfied?" asked the friend again
when the lady had departed. "No,”
answered the artist, and set to work
for the third lime.
When the Parisienne saw the new
painting she gazed at it for some mo-
ments with evident emotion, and then
without a word sank softly to her
knees and began pray. "Are you
satisfied now?” whispered the friend.
And Tissot said, "Yes.”
MONUMENT DID NOT SUFFER.
Washington Memorial Came Well
Through Severe Ordeal.
United States Attorney General
Knox is a man much below the medi-
um in stature, says the New York
Times. One day he met a Pittsburg
crony who was in Washington doing
the sights.
“Well, sir, do you know,” remarked
the general, “that as long as I have
lived in Washington I have had so
little time to get about that I never
visited the mounment until last
week.”
“Did you go to the top?”
"Oh, no. 1 contented myself with
walking about the grounds and stand-
ing at the base and having my photo-
graph taken—am. a very good picture
it was.”
"How did the monument bear the
contrast?” jokingly inquired the
friend.
“Well, it didn’t look nearly as in-
significant as you might imagine."
Senator Wanted a Change.
Senator Hanna is not unlike an or-
dinary individual when it comes to
selecting material for a suit of clothes.
It is difficult for him to make a deci-
sion. On a recent occasion, after he
had been in his tailor's establishment
for some time, he gave tip in despair,
and said he would abide by the sug-
gestion of the merchant.
"I favor this checked cloth,” ven-
tured the tailor.
•"Very well, i'll take it,” said the
senator. "The newspaper cartoons
have had me in stripes and dollar-
marked suits long'enough. I’ll try
checks as a diversion.”
, The Pope's Poems.
The Pope's poems of 112 pages are
sold in Italy at twopence a copy. The
first was written in 1822, when he was
a boy of twelve.
Product of Bees.
It Is estimated that the bees nf the
United States have produced during
the season, just closed $7,000,000
worth of honey and xvax.
INDIAN’S IDEA OF LABOR DAY.
Aborigine Net Impressed With Whit*
Men's Ways.
The noble red man from Odanah
vas in Duluth i.abor Day an interest-
ed and uot a little mystified spectator
as the big parade passed up Superior
street.
He was a good specimen of the
tnoe. a rare tiling nowadays—tall,
Firaight, slender with a classical
bronze face that might grace a statue
of Hiawatha. He viewed the march-
ing thousands as they filed by, and
tlie gaudy flags of the organizations
seemed to have a particular fascina-
tion for him. Gay colors always ap-
peal to tile barbarian.
At last he broke tbe silence:
“What all white men walk lor?” he
asked a by-stander.
"This is l abor Day. and they are
parading. ’
"What dat for?" and the aborigine
seemed more mystified than ever.
"Oh, just because they have been
working. Now they want to have a
good time.”
"Are they going to work any
more?”
“Oh, yes; they'll go hack to work
to-morrow.”
"Huh. I thought dey quit forever.
1 don't see what dey celebrating for.
Dey fool. Indians never work, always
parade. Squaw always work, never
parade. Dat best way. White man
crazy." And Lo turned away in dis-
gust.—Duluth News-Tribune.
MARK TWAIN'S FIRST EARNINGS.
Made After Deliberation Worthy of a
Philosopher.
While traveling recently, Mark
Twain was asked by a friend and fel-
low-passenger if he remembered the
first money he had ever earned.
‘ Yes,” answered Mr. Clemens, puf-
fing meditatively on his cigar, 1 have
a distinct recollection of it. When I
was a youngster I attended school at a
place where the use of the birch rod
was not an unusual event. It was
against the rules to mark the desks in
any manner, the penalty being a fine
of $5 or public chastisement.
"Happening to violate the rule on
one occasion, 1 was offered the alter-
native. I told my father, and. as he
seemed to think it would be too bad-
for nte to be publicly punished, he
gave me the $5. At that period of my
existence $5 was a large sum, while
a whipping was of little consequence,
and so-——" (here Mr. Clemens re-
flectively knocked the ashes from his
cigar) "well,” he finally added, "that
was how 1 earned niy first $5.”
HOW HE KNEW TENNYSON.
Scotch Physician Remembered Kim
by His Lungs.
An eminent Scotch surgeon and pro-
lessor in the University of Edinburgh
was entirely devoted to his profession.
The poet Tennyson had at one time
consulted him about Some affection of
the lungs. Years afterward he return-
ed on the same errand. On being an-
nounced lie was nettled to observe
that Mr. Syme had neither any recol-
lection of his face, nor, still more
galling, acquaintance with his name.
Tennyson thereupon mentioned tho
tact of his former visit. Still Syme
failed to remember him. But when
the professor put his ear to the poet’*
(best, and heard the peculiar sound
which the old ailment had made
chronic, he at once exclaimed: “Ah,
I remember you now! I know you by
your lung.” Can you imagine a great-
er humiliation tor a poet to be known
not by his lyre, but by his lung?—
Grown Hook.
Too Wideawake.
In 1876 Philadelphia held an exhibi-
tion in honor of the completion of the
first hundred years of the great
American republic. It was called the
Centennial. The show drew vast
crowds from all parts of the United
States. There was one young man
iront out West who seemed specially
interested in the art galleries. He
stood quite a long time in front of
a bronze statue which had seized his
fancy. After awhile he asked an at-
tendant whom the figure represented.
"That's Rienzi, the last of the Tri-
bunes,” explained the official.
"No, you don’t," retorted the young
man from the country. "My pops
taken the Tribune ever since it start-
ed, and I know that the last of the
Tribunes ain't Ry-en zee, but a man
i amed Whitelaw Reid!”
Mr. Reid, in point of fact, waP
editor of the New York Tribune. But
that is a mere detail. The youth did
rot mean to be imposed upon.
Amusing Announcement.
The decision of tho directors of the
theater at Halle, in Germany, to dis-
tinguish by means of red and white
advertising posters between plays
that are fit for young persons to wit-
ness and those that are not, is causing
some amusement.
A Punster's End.
Thomas Hood died composing—and
that, loo, a humorous poem. He is
said to have remarked that he was
! dying out of charity to the under-
: taker, who wished to "urn a lively
i Hood."
Harmony.
“I suppose," said the plain citizen,
sarcastically, "your convention was
perfectly'harmonious?”
"Oh, shurc," replied O’Flynn, "we
all wint to it lookin’ lur a foight, an'
we had plinty av it.”
Well Supplied.
Ida—Yes, ten girls gave him the
mitten in the last summer.
May—Then that is five pairs. He
certainly will not suffer with cold
hands this winter.
Knew AM About It.
Wederly—What makes you think
the widow who just moved in next
door is childless? Mrs. * Wederly—I
was tailing to her across the back
fence today and she told.me how I
ought to raise my little girl.—Chicago
Daily News.
Happy is the man who can forget
all the mean things he knows ubout
himself.
When you feel like firding fault
with aome one practice on yourself—
charity begins at home.
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French, Mrs. W. H. Chandler Daily Publicist. (Chandler, Okla. Terr.), Vol. 2, No. 284, Ed. 1 Monday, February 29, 1904, newspaper, February 29, 1904; Chandler, Oklahoma Territory. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc911910/m1/4/: accessed April 23, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.