Cimarron Valley Clipper (Coyle, Okla.), Vol. 11, No. 16, Ed. 1 Thursday, September 7, 1911 Page: 3 of 4
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STRUNK WAS THE GOAT
BACHELOR NO LONGER IS AID OP
Ho Finds That for Years Their Wives
Have Been Taught to Blame Him
for Leading Husbands
»-t> • ■
Just Thii^fe of it ?
The Free Sewing Machine j» in-
sured tor live years against accident r
breakage, wear, hie, tnmadn, light
ning and water. This shows our j
Think what this means 1
It means—fhat it you break the whole machine l
or any part (needle, bell, or attachment, etc.)
, it wil be replaced to you without charge.
Send for our booklet “In the Day’s
r>ttE Sewing Machine Co., Chicago, *
Sold by He nthorn Furniture Co.
fjl, ■ FARM
Fgy ftjt&ani ffitT
A bachelor living just off Times
square, New York—who shall be
allied Strunk for anonymity's sake—
has been cured of certain ideas he
had of doing favors for wives of hus-
bands afflicted with too much of what
is Often called good fellowship. He
has long been noted among his friends
for his propensity to take care of
married friends when in their cups
and see that they got home safely
and at a reasonable hour. #
It was one of these friends—Banka
for anonymity—whom he encountered
In Times square recently. Banks had
evidently cast off responsibility and
Strunk was immediately solicitous. He
had seen Mrs. Banks and had admired
her as u woman of beauty and refine-
ment. IBs solicitations,’ however, were
met with the rollicking:
“My wife’s in the country. DonT
Nevertheless, Strunk, ns was his
habit, did care. He inveigled the wait-
er at a cafe to serve an antidote for
liquor as a substitute for a rlckey and
then had black coffee brought for-
ward By the early hbur of 11 o’clock
responsibility was again beginning to
perch on the shoulders of Banks. Sud-
denly he started.
“What day’s this?’’ he asked.
“Gee-whlllikens," gasped Banks, “I
forgot. My*wife was to get In on the |
nine o’clock train and 1 was to meet
I her.” * !
SI want to talk to the jolliest and best
Auctioneer in the world
COL. J. J. CAMPBELL \
lie cried my sale last year, the net
proceeds exceeding my expectations by
1349.32 That’s the way he does busi-
ness. No inexperienced auctioneers in
mine, thank you. 1 want the best.
11 c gels rt Alts. Make date s at I ’cop-
ies State Bank, Cimarron Valley Bank,
oi L'lippei office.
j Logan County High School
Peas put back tho fertility that the
com takes ouL
Keep tho land constantly
growing some crop.
Head lice arc the great drawback
of chicks raised under hens.
Lima beans will require more ma-
nure than other beans or peas.
The tractor is going to bo the new-
est and biggest help to the farmer.
“Well, I guess she’s home all right,”
j said Strunk comfortingly.
“Home?” gasped Banks. “The house
is boarded up and I’ve got the keys
! and her folks arc all out of town.”
Strunk was a man of action. He
called for a taxlaab anti they were
| soon_ driving along a street In the
'W-eSt Eighties. In the block he saw
| several parties still out on stoops. As
j the chauffeur finally slowed up Strunk’
saw another sjoop party, a woman
guarding two children. Banks alight-
ed and insisted thfrt Strunk also
should do so and meet hts family. As
he went up the steps ho said Ingrati-
“My dear, I want you to meet Mr.
“Mrs. Banks jvaq really refined,
| freezingly so.
“I have heard of Mr. Strunk,” was
all she said, looking at anything but
at him. Banks fished out his keys and
gave them to her and she entered the
house. Then Banks laughed hysteric-
ally. Strunk failed to see any cause
for merriment and said so.
“You’re tho goat,” Banks finally
puffed out. "I’ve been telling her for
years that you’re.the one that gets
me off the wagon—and now she’s sure
of It, and she’ll be mad at you, not
Strunk in the taxicab on his way
back hardened his heart.
ALL WOMEN ALIKE HERE
In the Long Distance Telephone
Booth They Get Flighty and .
Squander the Time.
The reason he wouldn't call up the
Connecticut town that night to learn
how Aunt.Lucinda was, the man said,
was because Bill’s wife was pretty
sure to come to the telephone, and
he couldn’t stand it, to talk to Bill’s
wife. Wait till morning’and he would
call Bill up at the office and find out.
“What Is the matter with Bill's
wife," asked Aunt Lucinda’s New
“She's a fool,” said the man, "es-
pecially over the long-distance tele-
phone. I telephoned up there once
Bill’s wife answered. I cost me four
•dollars for the three minute conversa-
tion, and the only thing I could get
out of Bill’s wife was: 'Hello, hello.
Who'Is this, please?’
“At the very last second she under
stood and said: 'Oh, it Is you, is it?'
I call that pretty expensive Identifica-
tion. But I will say this for Bill’s
wife. She Is no worse than other
women. The most level-headed of
them get flighty when suddenly con-
fronted with a long distance telephone
The woman’s defens? of her sex was
cut short by a call to the telephone.
She stepped into the hall and closed
“Hello,” 'she said. “Hello. Who is
tblB, please? What’s that? Yes, that
Is the right number. Who are you,
please? What's that? I can’t make
Seconds ticked away and still she
reiterated: “Hello, hello. Who are
you, please?" Finally, in desperation
the man took the receiver from her
hand. He talked fo’r five or ten sec-
onds and then said: "Good-by.”
“That' was Bill," he said. “He
wanted to tell mo something about
Aunt Lucinda, hut time was up and
he didn’t get a chance."
• * • •
Prepares Vor College and
University. An accredited
I all term opens
Send for catalog.
GEO. L. I10LTER,
-,.8—0-8 - -**'•8- C •©■•©** ® • ©
'♦•<3 - © - ® • N • © •T-', •©—©'• e-8»©-
The manure Tor peas, beets and.
onions should bo fine, rich and well j
The hens need limo and tho best^
way to furnish It Is to feed crushed
A uniform quality of dairy products
whether it bo milk, cream or butter,
Is always best.
Melons of all kinds require aff
abundance of moisture and a clean,
deep mellow soli.
during harvest is
of the teams
Good poultry can be reared and
made to produce in close quarters ot
city and ’suburban lots.
Manure as well as fertilizers should
be thoroughly mixed in tho soil be
fore drilling In the seed.
• Do you ever give your horse a coo!
hath In summer? Yon know how
good It feels when you bathe.
Hungarian grass seed sown In rich
mellow soil will mature and he tit to
cut 60 days from germination of seed
Some people claim that a hog is a
"scavenger by nature, but he certainly
thrives better on clean feed and do ,
~ . I
Prepotency does not como by
chance, but through years of proper
breeding for certain characteristics
and specific functions.
Very Practical Arithmetic.
Mental arithmetic on a melting’day
—and while the cool river gleamed
tantalizingly from the schoolroom win-
dow! No wonder that small minds
grew confused under the strain, and
small calculators calculated with even
“Now, boys,” said the Jovial dom-
inie, who was himself aching for a
swim, '’here's your Inst problem today.
See. If any of you can get It right.
Suppose I have a piece of beefsteak.”
Tlie hoys supposed it obediently.
“And suppose 1 cut It into sixteen
parts. What would you call those
’’Sixteenths!*' piped a dozen voices
“Right!” exclaimed the dominie,
“And impose each of theso pieces
were cut again into four pieces, what
would *.hey,he?” *
*A dead, awful silence reigned, while
the small brains worked desperately.
Suddenly a hand was hold up, and one
of the lightning calculators cried:
. Fat—A Body Requisite.
The popular vifew of the close con-
nection between ifat and good nature
and weight and balance Is not wholly
without rational (foundation. Fat, un-
pleasant and stodgy as it is, is one of
the most valuable tissues In the hu-
man tyhiy, and aIXT maI1 who reduces
his sha-fe of It" below a certain rea-
sonable level, not only takes the
smooth edge oft hfa temper and bal-
ance of lais powers of judgment, but
exposes , all of his hfgher tissues, nota-
bly the muscular, nervous and 'Secret-
ing, to (danger of both starvatlotf^and
disease, A moderate cushion of fat
Is one) of the best buffers and buck
j lers itgalnst the “slings and arrows of
■ outrajgeous fortune," whether in the
forrrv of disease or in strains upon en-
I dursnee. The man who makes him
j self Into a loan and hungry Cassius,
I even with tho best pf intentions, is
very apt to getj himself into a state of
both mind and body where* he Is more
fit for treason, strategem and spoils
than for coinfort, wholesomei\pss and
a happy life.—Outing. ^
•*[_ ' ■*
> • 6S• 8 • ©■• G • * - #- 8 «© • •© • 4-B -•©
I Let ie Have Tour Order
for those trees, etc., you intend planting this
fall and I will GUARANTIEE you the finest
of stock, delivered in A. No. 1 condition. I
have a good, reliable liriu behind me,
...The Ml, Hops Nurseries...
Of Lawrence, Kansas.
whose forty two years#e>perience and unex-
celled facilities enables tnc to do it. "Their
reputation for square anti honest dealing and
the furnishing ot S'l u it.'TLY 'I i KST class,
TRUE TO NAME Btock is nnequaled. Order
EARLY and have stock '
cream of it is to be had.
cd tintil delivery of stoi
No payment is
is made. •
Many farmers do not have a supply
of eabbago for winter bocauso they
neglect starting plants in
mer for tho fall crop.
A Bitter Controversy.
The Shakespoare-Bacon controversy
I formed the subject of debate at a well
| known theatrical school not long ago.
j On both sides tho orators were would
j be actresses, and pro and con the dis-
cussion was feminine and furious, it
] seemed at first that the ardent parti-
sanship of tho fair opponents would
preclude the possibility of harmonious
contusion; but the last speaker, In
lhe nervousness of her first publla
speech, suggested common ground.
“Ladles,” she snld, speaking rapid-
ly "1 think Ihere has been much
misapprehension as to the real truth
of the Baconian theory. I stand.ready
to show that the great plays we
know so well were written not by
Shakespeare or by Bacon, but by Ba-
con and Shakespeare In collision!"
Amid laughter and applause the de-
bate was declared a tie.
G. G. GREEN, Gen. Agent,
v.-#-. a • a • a • a •©- • • •
-o -©.©•©•©*© * 8* * • •©•«•©* e
WANTED A RIDER AGENT
IN EACH TOWN and disl <let to ride and exhibit a sample Latest Model
“Ranger" bicycle f urni-1 .1 by ns. Our agintsovery where are making
money fust,. U'nte for fu l particulars and spectator)'
--------—^----- ~ in you recen
er at once.
vo and approve of your
• for full par
NO MONEY REQUIRED ......
bicycle. Wo ship tom- vono anywhere in the IT. s. without a ant deposit
in advance, prepay freight, and allow TEN DAYS’ FREE TRIAL during
which Lime you ninyri le the bicycle and put it to any test you wish.
If you are then nut p rfcetly satisfied or do not wish to keep tho
bicycle ship it brick 1m , at our expense and pou will not beout on# cent.
FAPTARV PU fCti We furnish the highest ^rado bicycles it is
■ MW I Vlil rntOka? ))n.,siblu to make at one small protit above
actual factory cost. Y-m save$10 to f2!> middlemen's profits by buy- ,
ingdirector u ;andha\ i ho manufacturer'* guarantee behind your
bicycle DO NOT BUY i bicycle or a pair of tires from anyone at any
pn<e until you r< ive m < atalogues and learn our unheard of factory
triirt and nmatb ihlt special off -r$ to rider agents. «
vnil %A#9I I f(C ACTfJMICUCH when *•"» ecelveourlioautlfiil catalogue
1UU VfBLL Aid I ySlIOflCU tmlvourMipiTlnii.Ml. l-*Mtif
fulln low pn'rn wo can iiml:o 7011 tills year. Wo hi-11 tho hlghcrt grade IiIovcIoh f<*r
lot t iiioiii-y thuiiuny otlii-r tui ti rv. Wean*satisfied wltU $l.00|»rolttal»ovo factory cost.
BICYCLE DEALERS, j.....mi t II our l , \>t lea uuder yuur uwu uauio plate at double our prices.
•lorn lillotl tltoduy received.
cotso HAND BICYCLES. Wo do ict PTiilarly handleaerond hand bicycles, but usually have
^ a iitimlN-r <iii lumd tik. n In trud<- I-/our ( h.n retail store*. These wo clear out promptly at prices
ranging from $ J t>> $H <0 $1 0. Pt -i-riptlv»* l.orraln II 1 mailed free
P II A C 1 Til O P fl k’ L" e einKto wheel), imported rollor chains and pedals, parts, repairs and
tU AO I En"MilRIVEOf equipment of ui! kind* half the regular retail pricen.
00 Hedgethorn Juncture-Proof 5
The rer.ular retail priceoftheie tires Ii<p
$10.00 per pair, but to introduce we
will sell you a sample pair for $4 Unleash utithorjer $1 SS.£-
NO MORE TROUBLE FROM PUKCTURES
MAILS, Tacks,or Claia will not let the airout.
A hundred thousand pairs sold last ,v- nr.
OLSOMPTIOMr ■ •.•- '• ,
iljliig, very durntffn nud fim-it Inst.l.- wiili l
-t .in:iIlly of i ubb-r. wliti-h im-mt l«- ’
i comes porous uni whb-h i-loscs uu small
i, met hits without, allowing tho air to e.uape
We tin Vi-hundreds of li tters from satisfied customers
ctatli.s tint tlietr I ires lm vo only been putniied up once
i.rnwe in ti whole season. They weigh no more Ilian
t,n erdlnai vtlre, the puncture resisting-nullities being 1
0,v, n by sen ral laji rs of thin, ais-ciully prepared \
i fabric on tho tread Tlie regular price of these tires
Notice the thick rubbrrtread
“A"and puncture »tripa4,B’*
and "D” also rim strip H"
to prevent rim cutting. Thie
tiro will outlast any other
make-SOFT, ELASTIC and
advertisement * in
this paper talks to 'ti»c
i vm t . Mend usatrlal order»tonoo, henoatbln reniarkabli* tlreoffcr. mTw ,
MF'YOQJ >!i' I*1’ ut pr!<*0 nnt!! 5tt»nJ^frtr a pair of IfiHfgothorn
f,........ .„ .1 almit : er V rite f..r <eir liIrTIreoiid Sunil ryt'.UIoiuo kblcli deiurlUus.ud «u<>Um ell m.kes aud
1 ■MvV?tniiH‘ep<isteltnilay DO NOT THINK OF OUVINQ , bleyeleorn pair of
• MJ %P ftfl/ f vir kia J tin*K from an <»no until you kuow the uew ami wonderful olfer* we are tuakli
rythlng. VVrit.- It NOr“
>• will ride
t*n at any price,
rder. Wo want
'it only oorts n poHtal !*• h*urn ever;
we are making.
■1 jj j.L. MEAD CYCLE COMPANY, CHICAGO, ILL.
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Cimarron Valley Clipper (Coyle, Okla.), Vol. 11, No. 16, Ed. 1 Thursday, September 7, 1911, newspaper, September 7, 1911; (gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc910400/m1/3/: accessed July 20, 2018), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.