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Entered at the Ralston, Okla., Post Office as Second Class Mail Matter
By Orrin L. Browning
Official Newspaper of the Town of Ralston. Progressive in All Ways
$1.50 the Year in Advance
Ralston, Pawnee County, Oklahoma, October 14. 1920
Volume V Number 1
Run Over by Car
Vernon Brumley, a son of Mr. and
Mrs. Felix Brumley. was run over by a
ear driven by John Kenworthy, Sunday
but fortunately was not injured, other
than sustaining a few bruises. The boy
became frightened and, after crossing
the street, dodged back in front of the
car.
3.    To Russia I give Turkey, for the
Czar's Christmas Dinner.
4.    To Belgium I should like to give all
the thick ears, black' eyes and broken
noses that she presented me with when
I politely trespassed on her territory.
5.    To your UNCLE SAM I give all
my Djeadnaughts, Submarines, Torpedo
Boat Destroyers and fleet of Funkers
generally, what’s left of them. He’s
bound to have them in the end, so this
is only anticipating events.
6.    To John Bull I give what’s left of
my Army, as his General Haig seems so
handy at turning my men into sausage
meat.
7.    To the College of Science and mu-
seum I leave my famous mustaches, sou-
venir of the greatest swanker of this or
any other age.
8.    To Mrs. Pankhurst and the wild
I leave my mailed fist; they’ll
$30,000,000—COX
women
find it useful no doubt, when they re-
sume their militant tactics.
9. To Sir Ernest Shackleton I leave
the Pole; I’ve been Tip it for so long that
I regard it as my own property.
(Signed) H. I. M. WILHELM.
Lord of the Land, Sea and Air,
Not forgetting the Sausages and Lager
Beer.
Signed by the above named Wilhelm as
his last Will in the presence of us, his
ministers and keepers present at the
same time, who in his presence and in
the presence of each other, hath here-
unto subscribed our names as witness-
For Sale    Ora Cales and family were ov
A three-room house at a bargain. See Ponca City the first of the week.
V. D. Eberwein.
pffSBgSBB
IlllfeSllI
Creed Quillen is home from Ihe oil
fields for a visit with his family.
The light plant will be in full opera-
tion by Saturday night.
F. G. Gates is back in Ralston after a
sojourn in Fairfax.
—You get honest weights and full value,
if you sell your grain to V. D. Eberwein.
Ural Ross was down from Fairfax
over Sunday.
A good rain fell Thursday.
GOVERNOR JAME8 M. COX.
From a photograph taken at Seattle, Wash., during the Democratic Candidate’s
recent visit to the Pacific Coast.
This is the Last Will and Testament
! of me, Wilhelm, the superswanker and
1 us ruler of the sausage-eaters, recognizing
The that I am fairly up against it, and ex-
pecting to meet with a violent death at
any minute at the hands^of the brave
Sammies, hereby make my last Will and
„ Testament
He
I appoint the Emperor of Austria to
. be my sola executor (by kind permission
in o' the Allfes.)
|    1. I give and bequeath to France, the
. •    ’ 1__Sa. _ _2    A lanfkA nn/1 T AO* Sts' A { O a
OSAGE MARKET
KAISER’S LAST WILL
Baron von Sauerkraut
Graf von Munichlagerbier
Quite Some Business Town
Ralston has forty-five business houses
and offices, as follows:
2 Banks
2 Blacksmith and Repair Shops
1 Barber Shop
1 Barber Shop and Pool Hall
l Broom Factory
1    Clothing Store
2    Drug Stores
1    Dry Cleaner
2    Elevators
1 Furniture Store
1 Furniture, Hardware and Imp. Store
1    Furn. Hard. Impl. Undertaking
2    General Stores
3    Garages
2 Groceries
1 Grocery and Meat Market
1 Hardware and Implement Store
1 Hotel
1 Jeweler
1    Light and Power Plant
2    Livery Barns
1 Lumber Yard
1 News Stand
1 Newspaper and Job Printshop
1 Plnmbing and Electrical Shop
1    Picture Theatre
2    Physicians
2 Produce Dealers
2 Restaurants
1 Real Estate Company
1 Telephone Exchange
1 Wholesale Oil Company
1 Wholesale Sand Dealer
1 Veterinaaian
Really now, did you ever think there
that many business houses in this
It is rumored in Germany that the territories of Alsace and Iorr iire (aa
Emperor now realizes that his number this is only a case of return nj sto.en
is up, and is accordingly making his Will, property, I don’t deserve any credit for
revoking all Wills made heretofore.    it, and I am not likely to got it, either.)
This Will is said to read as follows:    2. To Servia I give Austria.
Fresh and Cured Meats, Fancy and
Staple Groceries, Bread, Fruit, Ice Etc.
Always HanqTrue
GENERAL STORE
Never Need Repairs
“Can’t-Sag” Gates are
made of wood and steel,    I
bo/ted together. No nails ID*    HE:
to pull out or work loose— V
allowing the g&te to sag and    #    *
order. ^k*can^t^w0 them off hinges. Swing freely
were
town? You wouldn’t su&pect i^ from
the ads. in this paper, would.
Receives Pension
Mrs. W. A. Smith received notice last
week that she had at last been granted a
pension of $30 per month as the widow
Coet Leee—Loet Longer—Look Bt
They are the most popular Gates. More than a million
in America. Thousands being hung every month. Getyoux
Long-Bell Lbr. Co
EMU- OLSON, Local Manager
WE SELL
FIRST NATIONAL
of a civil war veteran, together |with all
back pay—amounting to over $1,100—
which has accrued Bince the death of Mr.
Smith five years ago. Mra. Smith is a
hardworking and deserving woman and
we are very glad to know of her good
fortune.
Wrestling Match
OF RALSTON.#.*.*
There will be a wrestling match here
on the evening of October 15th, between
Dr. Fane Fisher and C. fc. Hunt. A
good exhibition is anticipated.
nmortan
Our aerial atory which does
not appear thia week will, begin-
ning with next weak, be printed
without further interruptiona.
—The Ralston T rihune
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