THE RALSTON TRIBUNE. RALSTON. OKLAHOMA
ToCureaCold
in One Day
Tak«
Qrovo'm
Lsxsttvs
Bromo -isi
Quinine
tablets
Be sure its Bromo
jfiro
to-JfcSfrcrrt*
Tha ganuina bears this signature
Net Willing.
“A delegation of lady lobbyists
woold like to nee you. seuutor.’’
"Tell them I'm not In."
“I tried to tell them that." replied
the secretary, "hut they wnld they knew
jrou were here und would wait until
you were willing to sec them."
"Umph! In the words of the Tie-
brow’ comedian. They should live so
tong.* Show them In.”—Itirnilnglimn
Age-Herald.
Important to Moth
Examine carefully every bottle of
CAHTOltIA, that famous old remedy
for Infants and children, and see that It
Bean the
Signature of
In Uaa for Over SO Years.
Children Cry for Fletcher’s Castoria
The Day After.
Everett. aged six, hail been left with
a neighbor while mamma and pupa at-
tended nn amateur theatrical.
When they were alone together, the
aelghhor remarked: “Your mother cer-
tainly looked nice. She was certainly
drae<ed up.”
“Yes’ni,” Everett responded, "she
bad on everything new she got for
Christthus Veptlng her percolator I"—
Cartoons Magazine.
The use of noft coal will make laun-
dry work heavier this winter. Red
Cross Hull lllue will help to remove
that grliny look. At all grocers, 5c.
Mother's Unconscious Jokt.
Jack—And what did the old lady
aay when she entered the room und
found her plump daughter sitting In
your lap?
Tom—She remarked that I had
tsken a great deni on myself.
In Conditions of
Nervous Exhaustion
The perton whose aervoue eye-
im he* been overburdened by
work, worry or core; or, who le •»-
pertencinc t faulty and alow eon-
valeacence; or, who le eufferlnc from
the central debility and feebleneaa
that recall from an acute or Infec-
tious dteeaee, will And In PORCK s
beneficial eld to normal etrength
and health.
PORCK le cold by reliable drug
everywhere, end
le of equal brne-
St to men,womea
nod children.
*7f Mahs$
for
Strength’ ’
<u
mw*\i
Stomach
on Strike
20 Years
Estonia Ssttlsd It I
p r»eeeee»rreeeeee»eee»»»»*eeeee*«| i
The
Faxon Boomerang
By UNA HUDSON
< >eeee#e»eeee*»*e«eeeeeeeee»eeee»r ♦
(Copyright.)
"Eatonlc la wonderful," nays C. W.
Nurtnii. “I Imd been a sufferer from
atomnch trouble for 20 years and now
I am well.”
Hutmilc gets right after the cause of
stomach troubles by taking up and
carrying out the acidity and gnsen and
of course, when the cause Is removed,
the sufferer gets well. If you have
sourness, belrhlng. Indigestion, food
repeating or any other stomach
trouble, take Eatonlc tablets after
each meal and Dial relief. Big box
rests only • trifle with your druggist'*
guarantee.
Mr. Faxon laboriously climbed two
flights of stairs und let himself Into
his Out with his latch-key.
No pleasant odor of a nicely cooked
dinner permeuted the place, nor did
Mrs. Faxon come to meet him.
Mrs. Faxon had the club-habit. Mr.
Faxon did not approve, hut he liked
pence and quiet Id his home.
lie scratched a match and applied
It to the burner under his dinner. Mr.
Faxon did not like that stew, but as
It hud to be eaten, best to get at It as
soon us )>ossible and have it over with.
The stew had begun to bubble when
lira. Faxon came In.
"Well,” he said, as he followed her
Into the dining-room, “which club wus
It today?”
His sir was that of a man deter-
mined to know the worst.
“A new one," said Mrs. Faxon de-
lightedly.
“In Heaven's name, Claudia." said
Mr. Faxon severely, “what do you
want of another club?"
Mrs. Faxon sighed. Henry was such
a dlfllcult person to explain things to.
"Well, you know," she said, making
a brave- attempt at It, “some of the
city officials—I think that Is want
Mrs. Barlow called them—don’t do
their duty at all, and we’re going to
make them.”    ,
“How are you going to do It?” Mr.
Faxon made hnste to get away from
dangerous ground.
So she said: “We’re going to begin
with Judge Sinclair. Why, do you
know, Henry, the S. I*. C. A. had a
man up before him the other day for
heating a dog. and he actually let him
go. He said the evidence wasn’t suffi-
cient to convict him."
“So we want a letter written to
Judge Sinclair," she snid.
"Yes,” said Mr. Faxon cheerfully.
“And who Is to write It?"
“You are.”
Mr. Fuxon dropped Ids fork with a
clat ter.
“Great Scott!” he snld. “Claudia,
are you crazy?"
“Henry," said Mrs. Faxon severely,
“you always do attribute the very
worst motives to people. You ought
to be aslminod."
He took his fountain pen from his
pocket nnd looked about for n sheet
of paper.
Mrs. Faxon promptly supplied It.
Then Mr. Faxon handed the finished
epistle to his wife.
She rend it attentively and looked
up with lienmlng eyes.
“Oh! Henry!” she snbl.
“It couldn't l»e better,” Mrs. Faxon
assured him earnestly.
He signed It, nnd afterwards won-
dered how It Imd come about.
When Mr. Faxon came home he
found Ills wife on her knees In the
kitchen, coaxing n small gray kitten
to drink more milk than was alto-
gether good for It.
“It was In the nlley,” she ex
plained. “And It's been mewing all
day dreadfully. I Just couldn’t bear
to hear it crying, so I brought it up
here."
The Faxons then went to the thea-
ter. The play was one of the hits of
the season, but Mrs. Faxon’s atten-
tion wandered.
'Three more acts!" she exclaimed
l>ettislily at tin* end of the llrst one.
’Why couldn’t they have written It In
two as they do comic opera?"
"I know I’m horrid," Mrs. Faxon
apologized contritely. “But I simply
can’t get my mind off that awful kit-
ten. Henry, do you suppose It’s still
howling?"
“I don’t know,” said Mr. Faxon.
“And," he added, with reckless brava-
do, “I don't care."
Mr. Faxon opened the door and
stood aside for Ills wife to pass.
"At any rate," he said, "the kit-
ten’s quiet now.”
“Hh!’’ cautioned Mrs. Faxon. “It's
probably asleep. Don’t wake It."
lie opened the door nnd had the
surprise of his life.
The kitten apparently was enter-
taining company. It perched on the
knee of a stout man In a suit of
clothes that spoke for themselves, and
purred loudly.
“W—w-what-" stuttered Mr.
Faxon Indignantly.
The stout man rose, nnd thrust nil
official-looking document at the as-
tonished Mr. Faxon.
"Warrant for your urroxt, sir." he
mid briskly.
Mrs. Faxon shrieked, bat Mr. Faxon,
red and angry, demanded on explana-
tion. and suggested a mistake.
“t>li, I guess not," said the stout
mail, “when a nice, quiet anlmtil like
this" — lie stroked the kitten that
lung to him affectionately, nnd Mr.
'axon smiled xHrdonlcnlly—“yowls so
Imt the neighbors send In u cam-
pin'* * snd we And It with Its bead
stuck fast In an empty succotash can
It can mean only one thing.”
“And what's that?" demanded Mr
Faxon.
“Cruelty to animals."
Mr. Faxon fuirly choked with In-
dignation.
"I brought It In from the alley,"
Mrs. Faxon declared vehemently, "and
fed it, and It wouldn't go back, and
we left It here while we went to the
theater.”
He checked Mr. Faxon’s further pro-
tests by a peremptory command to
accompany him to the county’s board-
lag-house where the windows are
barred and the simple life la ob-
served.
It was 3 a. m. when he flnnlly
reached home. Mrs. Faxon had not
yet gone to bed. She was pale and
disheveled, nnd she threw herself Into
her husband’s arms nnd wept for
sheer relief nnd Joy at his safe re-
turn.
“I t—thought they h—had you
l—locked up la a horrid c—cell,” she
sobbed.
“Not on your life,” scoffed Mr. Fax-
on. “I’m out on bond," lie explained.
“I’ve got to appear In court at nine
In the morning,” he explained.
Merely because he believed It to be
the expected thing, nnd not because
he considered It In any degree neces-
sary, Mr. Faxon engaged u lawyer for
his defense.
There was not much testimony of-
fered by either side, hut to such ns
there wus he gave the closest atten-
tion.
“In my Judgment," said the Judge,
“the evidence Is Insufficient for convic-
tion. Hut—coraplulnt has been made
to tills court concerning a recent judg-
ment of the court In a similar case.”
lie Rallied pleasantly at Mr. Faxon,
who nudged Ids counsel's elbow.
"I say,” he whispered, "who Is he,
anyway?"
“Judge Sinclair," returned the
lawyer in surprise. “Didn’t you
know?”
"Hut," protested Mr. Faxon, “It
snys Judge Renton on the door."
“Oh. yes; they traded court-rooms,
you know, nnd the nnmes haven't been
changed."
“And so." concluded his honor,
“thirty days in the county Jnll."
Mr. Faxon’s lawyer leaped to his
feet.
“What!” he shouted.
“Five dollars for contempt of
court,” said the Judge lmi»erturhably.
“I beg your honor’s pardon,” said
the attorney, “but did your honor
mean thirty days or thirty dollurs?”
“Thirty days," repeated his honor
inexorably. "Next; Ferguson vs. Mc-
I'herson.”
Mr. Fnxon pulled nt his counsel’s
sleeve.
“It’s all right," he whispered weak-
ly. “I understand."
The lawyer gazed nt him In blank
surprise. He thought they were all
going mad together.
It was a meek and crestfallen pris-
oner whom the Jailer received that
morning.
He lunched on thin bean soup and
thick slices of bread.
That night the governor and Judge
Sinclair dined together. They had
been friends nnd cronies for yimrs.
So It was no surprise to his excellency,
the governor, when his honor, the
Judge, asked a favor.
“I want n pardon,” he said, “for a
ninn I sent to Jnll this morning."
“For n man you sent to Jail this
morning?" echoed the governor.
"Great Scott! Man, hadn't you better
change your mind the uext time be-
fore you send him?"
* The Judge laughed and told the
story. The governor laughed and
dis|iatched the pardon by special mes-
senger, so that Mr. Faxon was en-
abled to reach home only an hour
later than usanl.
Mrs. Fuxon was not In. In the
kitchen were tin* customary pie—ap-
ple—and the saucepan on nondescript
stew.
Mr. Faxon looked nt them long nnd
earnestly. Then lie consigned them
both to the garbage-cun.
After which he sat down to nwalt
the return of the mistress of the
household.
Mr. Fnxon stood quite two Indict
taller than usual, nnd related quietly
and dispassionately, hut truthfully,
the hrrrowlng experiences of the day.
"Claudia," said he. la conclusion
and with nn air of finality. "I think
we hare Imd enough of clubs.”
“I—I think so, too," said Mrs.
Faxon.
She looked nt the dust thick on the
furniture, at the littered Hour—sin*
Imd been sewing and Imd gone out
in a Inirry—and her lip quivered.
"I—I guess," *slie said very low,
“that reform ought to begin at home.
And, Henry, I'm so ashamed; but
there’s pie for dinner and—"
"Was," softly corrected Mr, Faxon.
“It's In the garbsge-can now. Din-
ner’s waiting for us In the restaurant
around the corner."
Mrs. Faxon lifted nn April face.
She slipped her hand Into her hus-
band's arm.
••Ilenrj," she said so’emnly, “you’re
a dour. And—home's bout, after
all."
WARNING
Unless you see the name “Bayer" on tablets, you are
not getting genuine Aspirin prescribed by physicians for
21 years, and proved safe by millions.—Say "Bayer”!
SAFETY FIRST! Accept only an “unbroken package” of
genuine “Bayer Tablets of Aspirin,” which contains proper direc-
tions for Headache, Earache, Toothache, Neuralgia, Colds, Rheu-
matism, Neuritis, Lumbago, and pain generally. Strictly American!
Handy tin boxes of 12 tablet* eoet but a few cent*—Larger package*.
Awirti I* the trad* mark *f Btjtr lfaaufMtar* *f Mo*oae*tleaelda«t«r of SallcrlleaoM
Wouldn’t Stay After That.
Hilly went over to play at Arthur’s
house hut returned so soon that his
Biol her was surprised. “Why did you
come home so soon?" site Inquired.
“Oli, Arthur's rather said soinedn'
I didn’t like tin* I coined right home."
“What wus It lie said?" questioned
mother.
“lie said: ‘Tell Hint noisy kid to
go home.' ’’
To Have a Clear 8weet Skin
Touch pimples, redness, roughness
or Itching, If any, with Cutlourn Oint-
ment. then bathe with Cuticura Soap
and hot water. Klnse, dry gently und
dust on s little Cutlcuru Talcum to
leave a fascinating fragrance on skin.
Everywhere 25c each.—Adv.
NOT A "TRENCH” OF BAYONETS
True Story of Famous Incident at
Verdun, Which French Bravery
Has Made Immortal.
The scaffolding has now hern taken
down from the monument over the fa-
mous “Trench of the Bayonets” at
Verdun which President Millernnd 1ms
Inaugurated. Hut Hie term “trench”
Is a misnomer. The true story Is
lids:
Fifty-seven survivors of two Breton
battalions were holding (he line there,
not in n tr noh, hut in a series of
Rlicltholes, nearly regularly spaced and
aligned. The men were so packed that
when any were wounded they were un-
able to fall down, while for security
they Feld their rifles, with fixed bay-
onets, in the nir.
During the whole of June 11, 12 and
13. 10ifi a terrible artillery duel rnged
round them. Caught 1 tel ween the
French nnd German ha rage fires, one
by one Hie men died, while the burst-
ing shells hurled them tinder waves of
torn-up ground. When the scene could
he visited all that remained was a
line of bayrr.ets protruding from the
ground.—fontlnenfal Edition of the
London Mali.
Natural Proceeding.
Jinks—Halloa ! Been fishing,
man? What did you catch?
Hinks—The first train home!
Discriminates.
Scene—Little Mary tuklng a hugs
mouthful of orange.
Mother    (horrified)—Why,    Mary,
don’t swallow that whole.
Little Mary—Wliat    hole?—Penn
State Froth.
HalTs Catarrh Hedlclafl
Those who are In * "run down" condi-
tion will notice that Catarrh bothers
them much more than when they are In
good health. Thla fact proves that whUe
Catarrh la a local disease, It la greatly
Influenced by constitutional conditions.
HALL’S CATARRH MEDICINE Is •
Tonic and Blood Purifier, and acta through
the blood upon the mucous surfaces of
the body, thus reducing the Infliimmetlea
and restoring normal conditions.
All druggists. Circulars free.
F. J. Cheney A Co., Toledo, Ohio*
LEFT THE HONORS BALANCED
College President Had by No Means
the Best of “Guessing” Contest
Which He Began.
The president nf nn Indiana college*
in a talk to teachers told them that
many teachers did not wish to lie rec-
ognized as teachers, and In nn effort
to Illustrate Ids remark told the fol-
lowing experience he had:
“I was traveling West Inst sum-
mer," hr snld, “and met on the train
nn attractive young woman. In n
casual way I asked her where she
taught school. She hastily replied:
“ ‘Why, how do you know that I
tench school ?’"
"Presently I said:    ‘Whnt do yon
tench?’ I had simply guessed she was
a lencltcr. and later found oat that
she was n teacher of romance lan-
guages In the East. In nn effort to
get even with me, I presume, she
said:
“‘And what do you suppose I took
you for?’
“ •Well,' I said, ‘I really don’t know.
Wlmt was ItT
“*An undertaker,’ she retorted.”
A Poor Stick.
Snobleigh—“Aw. what did you find
out about my family tree?" Gene-
alogist—“The crop was a failure."
France produces more than 250 vari-
eties of cheese.
-***»’>
Grocers Used lb Wonder
why some of their tea and
coffee trade switched to
Instant Postum
-Many of them understand now
They use Postum in their own
families and find a big gain in
health, and some economy;
with no loss in satisfaction
"There's a Reason for
Postum instead of coffee
Mada \j Rjgtnm Cereal Cojnc, Battle Creek,MicK.