The Shawnee News. (Shawnee, Okla.), Vol. 14, No. 298, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 12, 1910 Page: 3 of 8
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\
UNREST.
Hank—Never alloir yourself to come to
A standstill. Keep moYlng
Bank—I do. We hare a aew landlord
every six month*.
i\
JACK AND THE BROOK
ys his love for ma Is like a brook la springtime—full aad
bles a spring brook In another respect—It's hard to keep
INot for Him.
THE SHAWNEE NEWS.
OF FUN
Same Old Thing.
RE knew that the world had pro-
greased by a year. lie knew that
the Turks had ceased killing the
Arinenlaus— that the Sugar Trust
had become honest—that the price of
meats had been boosted ten different
times that Joe Cannon had got It In the
neck And now his heart beats tumultu
ously as the tlrst open trolley car of the
season approached him.
Would It betray progress? Would ft
have moved with the rest of the world?
It came booming up the street and
stopped as he held up his hand.
Same motorman—same conductor. Same
old wheels aud body. Same old paint.
Fourteen seats, and on the 14 ends sat
seven fat women and seven fat men, and
they looked at him defiantly.
Same old feat of climbing over.
Same worus as last year.
Samo "step llvelyl"
Wars—plagues--treaties— new empires -
asw rulers—new laws—new births and
deaths. And yet the old open car wus
there of as vore—same old joyous thing—
not a cobweb brushed away!
And the men climbed on and called the
sad man a hog and shed tears of Joy.
JOB KERR.
CUT FINE.
Jinks—We have fine meat every day at
my boarding-house.
lUlnks—Kino meat every day?
AN ENTHUSIAST.
Dobbins- I bear that your neighbor. Pro-
fessor Fad, Is quite an enthualast in gar-
den experimenting?
Wobblns—Well, 1 should say sol This
year be Is going to graft a straw plant
with a milk weed and szpecta to get
strawberries and cream I
TTBILL I be a baseball fan this sea-
III*onT" replied the drummer In an-
awer to the question. "It Is too
soon. My broke* heart must have time
to mend. 1 most have time to forget."
"Did something happen to you last sea-
son?"
It was that. I was engaged to a De-
troit girl. Sweetest thing you ever saw.
J*st peaches Aad how I loveJ her I
cannot begin to tell. She was also a
baseball fan. She also loved me."
"Well, get en."
"When New York and Detroit played
that last game Hhe telephoned me to
come on. I Jast hnd to get away and
see It We sat aide by side In the
grandstand. We yelled together. We had
->ur dough on Detroit. We whooped and
hollered and cheered."
"But Detroit lost."
"It did. and so did 1. Sit still my
throbbing heart when I recall It Yaa,
Detroit lost, and what do you suppose
that dear little girl did?"
"Wept, of course."
"Not a blamed tear She simply nw
up and said It was my face that hoodooed
the Wolverines, and that I could
return to New York to bury Itl Yes, sir,
claimed It was my face, and from that
hour we were a* strangers. We shall
never make up. She is sweet and lovely
« nd gentle and all that, but I can nevsr
make her believe that but for my face
the Detroit team would have dropped
dead on the first Innings."
JOB KERR.
THE FAL8E SET 18 THIRD.
Mrs. SUcer (reading paper)—A woman
down East is cutting her third set of
teeth.
Mr. Sllcer (absently)—If she cuts 'em
too much they won't fit.
&
8
Melly—(Ireat ltngulat, Isn't he?
Bert—He can talk In baseball, college aad auto.
Hadn't Noticed It.
BY thunder, but meat has gone up
again!" ssld the fat little man on
the street car to the tall, lean one.
"Ahl" was the reply.
"How dare they do It, sir—how dare
they!"
"Urn!"
"And after dropping the price of hot-
ter two or three cents, they have gone
and boosted It six. I say, how dare
they!"
"So?"
"And look ut the price of potatoes, will
jou? Haven't been so high In 30 years!"
•No?"
And milk. Why. hang 'em. why aro
not some of the dealers sent to prison!"
"Ah!"
"And all ranned goods are on the bob.
Where, sir where Is this thlear going to
stop?"
"Urn!"
"Will It continue until the over har-
dened people break out lato revolution!
I ask you sir. If It will?"
"Ahr
"You seem to be a family mas, sir, b*it
yoti don't appear Interested Is this mat-
ter."
"No?"
"And why not, sir why not? Haven't
you taken notice of the trend of things?"
"Well, no," was tho reply ''You see.
I'm a dyspeptic, ami for the last (W
days I've lived on nothing but lime wnter.
So prices hnve gone up, eh? Too bad--
too had. (Jive the public my sympa-
thies!"
JOB KERR.
OU D better look out when the girl swings her club
i At the tee with the wee ball above:
For she'g likely to miss, though she's hardly a "dub,"
And "foozle" her way to your love!
SHE'S clever with brassie, with cleek and with
mashie,
Of "Bogey" she's not one whit afraid—
I hope she'll go around life's course with me,
This winsome, bewitching golf maid!
TUB SAME EXPLOSIVES.
Bailie—-Does ae play golf?
Sam- Not exactly. He plays bridge.
Battle— Bat the* are nothing alike.
Sam They alnt? Then I guess you never heard him swear.
CHERK was rec^Jtly dug up ou a
farm In Connecticut a copper cylin-
der supposed to have been burled
^,000 years ago, and upon opening It It
waa found to contain the following:
"George nerved himself for the crista
As he was nerving his nerves he felt a
movement at his elbow, and turning wltJ
the swiftnesa of a sleeping-car porter
pocketing a quarter he seized a female
in his grasp. For a moment he held her
thus, and then he flung her far out on
the turbid, tumbling, terrific, foaming
waters which had borne so many other
mothers-ln-laws over Niagara Falls and
throug.) the gates of Paradise. He was
rid of his at last aud no human eye hod
beheld the act.
"Ha! Ha! Ha!"
ONE OF THE OLD OINES.
It was a cheery, frolicking laugh at
the assassin's other elbow. The blood de
sorted his heart. The marrow In his
bones froze up solid. I.Ike one turned
to stone he swiftly wheeled and beheld-—
ils mother in law! He had chucked the
wrong female into the drink—bis bride
of n fortnight!
"Come, Ueorgy!"
He heard his mother In law's voice-
she reached out to take him by toe ear-
she might demand that he marry her
after the year of mourning. With a
frenzied scream—with a terrified shriek—
with a terrific leap, ae left the shore to
be caught In the mad waters and whirled
'round and round and rolled over and
over, and made a plaything of, and In
I less than one hour and a half he bad
passed over the falls to Join his little
bride and come to life with her and be
happy Id that other land.
Her Photograph,
In your little gilt frame,
So lifelike and real,
You are always the same.
However I feel.
From the little gilt frame
Neither pralae comes nor blame,
Though I wildly appeal;
You are always the same,
In your little gilt frame,
However I feel!
WLLEEE
SKY, BILL
*ANTS w
7$
PUZZLE PICTURE.
Find the boy who Is due for a licking.
It Is Here.
There Is a sort of feel In the home at-
mosphere that there Is to he something
doing. The husband tries to shnke this
feeling ofT by making himself believe that
be has n touch of the grippe, but it
isn't a success.
He sees his wife scanning the carpets,
looking for dust behind the pictures and
measuring the length and width of bu
reaus aud other pieces of furaiture. He
pretends not to notice, but shivers pass
over him.
At length It comes. They are sitting
at the family hearthstone of an evening,
with the March winds roaring outside and
the cat purring on the rug. and he Is
interested in a book and dimly feeling
that he Is one of the bleat, when his wife
suddenly says:
"James!"
"Yes, my dear."
"Do you know that the winter has
passed
"I guess so."
"And that spring Is upon as?**
"Yes."
His heart beats faster and the persplra-
tlon stands out on his brow. Ho calls
himself a fool that ho didn't go to the
club Instead of ataylng home. There la
a silence lasting for two minutes, and
James begina to hope that his life may
be spared, when that awfnl voice is heard
again:
"James, are you asleep?"
"Num!"
"Then let me tell you that we be-
gin house cleaning at daylight tomorrow
morning, and I expect it will be fully
two weeks before we are through!"
Aftor working over him for lfi minutes,
she brings him back to life again, bot
he will never be the same man aa before.
His confidence In human nature has been
shattered. job KBRR.
WOULD LOOK 80.
Han—Looks like they would have sense enough to Light whin they are ready
ta lay
<>
INK ON 18
l>odnt What did yt
New Maid- -That I
It A I'll) TRANSIT.
i say when you told him I had gone on
•« when you would L e home again, sor.
ii tell him?
bought after lunch, «or.
I.arlle—Father Adam used the green-
•ward as a carpet, didn't be, pa?
trip to Ills Pa—Yes, and Father Adam was
| lucky.
Karlie—How so, pa?
Ills Pa—Why, he had a carpet that
i dldn t have to be beaten every spring.
THE MODERN WOMAN.
Hf. V.™ do"^ "hould have all her buabaod'a
She Yea Indeed ! And the man I marrj must pay the rant
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The Shawnee News. (Shawnee, Okla.), Vol. 14, No. 298, Ed. 1 Thursday, May 12, 1910, newspaper, May 12, 1910; Shawnee, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc90000/m1/3/: accessed March 29, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.