Carney Enterprise. (Carney, Okla.), Vol. 10, No. 9, Ed. 1 Friday, September 22, 1911 Page: 2 of 12
This newspaper is part of the collection entitled: Oklahoma Digital Newspaper Program and was provided to The Gateway to Oklahoma History by the Oklahoma Historical Society.
Extracted Text
The following text was automatically extracted from the image on this page using optical character recognition software:
If:
Carney Enterprise
CARNIY.
OKLAHOMA,
Oysters are preparing for their busy
season.
Soon the vacation season will take
a well earned rest.
Trains seem to be more dangerous
than aeroplanes these days.
THE HAPPY MAN.
£
WENT IN SOME HASTE
HIS PAJAMAS DOCTOR RE-
SPONDED TO CAUL.
Fortunately the past tense of the
verb "to fly" is usually "landed sa£e-
ly."
Says a London dairyman: "Cows are
made happy by music." Moosic, don't
you mean?
Automoblllsts who are killed in
races do not even advance the cause
of science.
Reading a barograph seems to be
much like reading an Egyptian obel-
isk. only more so.
Ask the man who Is doing the other
man's work what he thinks of vaca-
tions as an institution.
Walking Is one of the best possible
means of exercise, but most people are
content with knowing It.
^ater is growing scarcer In Manhat-
tan and the Bronx. New Yorkers will
have to cut out the chaser.
Man can now tly higher than the
birds do The birds, however, take no
thought of the price of gasoline.
You have been misinformed, Es
meralda Very few aviators have been
injured by the breaking of the hangar
It is one of the saving graces of
false teeth that they never almost,
drown anybody the way cork legs do
We know a man who will beat
Beachey's altitude record when he
gets tbe bill for his wife's fall milli-
nery.
That the governors of twenty-throe
states favor uniform divorce laws may
result in putting divorce in a strait-
Jacket.
As a matter of fact, flying is still
dangerous; but the danger will never
be eliminated without practice and ex-
periment.
In Missouri the sunflower has been
officially declared to be a weed, and
Kansas is defiantly invited to make
the most of it.
A mule that is not to be ridden
nights or worked days becomes the
property of a Tennesseean, by will
What is he to do with It?
Pet snakes are recommended as ex-
terminators of mice, but the practice
will never became popular among
thosfe who are inclined to be con-
vivial.
One man gets a divorce because his
wife will not kiss him and another
leaves home because his wife kisses
him too often. Men are hard to
satisfy.
A Los Angeles man was fined 10
cents for assault and battery. Los
Angeles Is a great place to live If one
Is a heavyweight and in good physl
cal condition.
A French scientist announces that
there never was any such person as
Julius Ceesar. If the French scientist
Is right Mark Antony made a lne ora
tlon over nothing.
"Susie's getting married."
"Who's the happy man?"
"Her father."
"WHY SHOULD I USE
CUTICURA SOAP?
"There is nothing the matter wltU
my skin, and I thought Cuticura Soap
was only for skin troubles." True, it
is for skin troubles, but its great mis-
sion is to prevent skin troubles. For
more than a generation its delicate
emollient and prophylactic properties
have rendered it the standard for this
purpose, while its extreme purity and
refreshing fragrance give to it all tho
advantages of the best of toilet soaps.-
It is also invaluable in keeping the
hands soft and "white, the hair live
and glossy, and the scalp free from
dandruff and irritation. •
While its first cost is a few cents
more than that of ordinary toilet
soaps, it is prepared with such care
and of such materials, that it wears
to a wafer, often outlasting several
cakes of other soap, and making its
use, in practice, most economical.
Cuticura Soap is sold by druggists and
dealers everywhere, but the truth of
these claims may be demonstrated
without cost by sending to "Cuticura,"
Dept. 23 L, Boston, for a liberal sam-
ple cake, together with a #thirty-two
page book on the skin and hair.
The Congressional Way.
"How did Congressman Wombat ac-
quit himself in the congressional ball
match?"
"He struck out twice and then got
leave to print a base hit."
Makes (lie laundress happy—that's Red
Cross Ball Blue. Makes beautiful, clear
white clothes. All good grocers.
New York reports the meanest thief I
we have heard of recently. He has I
been stealing electric fans out of the j
offices of overheated millionaires.
I_J EADACHE
*■ is just a symptom.
It is Nature's way of
showing a derange-
ment of the stomach,
liver or bowels. Help
Nature with the best
system-cleaning tonic,
OXIDINE
—a bottle proves.
TTie Specific for Malaria, Chilli and
Fever, and a reliable remedy for
all diseases due to dis-
ordered liver, stomach,
bowels and kidneys.
BOc. At Your Druggist*
tm Biiiin Dica a .t4
Waco, lasts.
And many a man makes a strenuous
effort to recognize his duty so that
he will be in a position to dodge it.
Lewis' Single Binder, extra quality to-
bacco, costs more than other 5c cigars.
Do not yield to misfortunes, but
meet them with fortitude.—Virgil.
"Joke" That the Physician Must Have
Greatly Enjoyed—And All Wife
Wanted Was for Him to Take
Her Home.
How a prominent Indianapolis phy-
slciari—recently a visitor in Chicago—
answered a hurry call from a "pa-
tient" clad only in a heavy overcoat
thrown over his pajamas and his house
slippers, and instead of finding the
supposed patient was confronted by a
hilarious party of his own friends, was
told here at the Auditorium hotel by
the physician himself.
"Yes," the Indianapolis doctor be-
gan, "I believe I hold the record for
being the brunt of the ^-actlcal Joker's
tricks. Listen to this Tale and see If
you don't agree with me:
"To begin with, my wife is a bridge
whist enthusiast, while I myself would
rather go to Jail than to a card party.
On the night in question we had both
been invited to a friend's home to play
bridge. She—my wife—went and 1
staid Et home. Clad in my pajamas,
with a sweet old meerschaum in my
mouth and my feet poked close to a
blazing log in my bedroom fireplace, I
settled down to read a new detective
story which I had bought a day or two
before.
"Along about ten o'clock I grew
sleepy. I closed my eyes almost un-
consciously and my chin fell on my
breast. How long I would have dozed
that way before the fire I don%t know,
had I not been awakened by a frantio
ringing of the telephone bell in my
office room.
"'Hello!' came the voice through
the receiver, 'Is this Dr. P—?'
" 'Yes,' said I.
" 'O, doctor, won't you hurry up to
my house? This is Mrs. Thomas. My
baby is terribly sick and I don't know
what is the matter, or what to do.
Please hurry, doctor.'
"It was rather cold out of doors, but
I was in a hurry. Mrs. Thomas was a
friend of mine and of my wife. It
was at her home that the bridge whist
party was being held, but I did not
remember that in my haste; I threw
my overcoat over my pajamas and
went to the shed when I kept my run-
about. There was a heater In it and
as I had not more than half a mile
to ride I thought I would be able to
withstand the cold.
"As I came near the house I no-
ticed many lights and I thought that
truly the baby's illness must be seri-
ous. When I pulled up at the block at
the curbing I Jumped out and ran into
the house
" 'Just step in here a moment, doc-
tor,' spoke Mrs. Thomas, who met me
in the hall.
"I thought It rather strange that I
was not taken right to the patient,
but I went Into the room she Indicated
and sat down. I was indeed a unique
sight for the eye. My hair was stick-
ing up all over my head and at my
throat my pink pajamas showed an
inch or two and below my overcoat
they showed a foot I had on brown
leather house slippers, and between
them and my pajama bottoms showed
a couple of inches of bare skin. I was
a sorry looking sight, 1 admit
"Suddenly four electric lights In a
chandelier in the middle of the room
shone brilliantly, and I heard what
sounded like lenghter coming from a
hundred maniacal persons In reality,
there were only eight of them, but
they were maniacal, aH right The
first person I saw was my wife, and
she was laughing so that tears
coursed down her cheeks. Tne others
In the party were literally doubled up.
My wife, when she could control her
laughte- said.
"'John, i wanted to get you over
here In the machine so that you could
lake me home. Rut 1 didn't think you
would come without your clothes.'"—
Chicago News.
WHERE WIGGINS FELL DOWN
Employer Now Realizes That There
Are Such Things as Grand-
mothers of Office Boys.
Outside his own cleverness there is
nothing that so delights Mr. Wiggins
as a game of baseball, and when he
gets a chance to exploit the two at the
same time he may be said to be
the happiest man in the world. Hence
it was that the other day, when little
red-headed Willie Mulligan, his office
boy, came sniffling into his presence
I to ask for the afternoon oft that he
I might attend his grandmother's fu-
neral, Wiggins deemed it a masterly
stroke to answer:
"Why, certainly, Willie. What's
more, my boy, if you'll waft for me I'll
go with you."
"All right, sir," sniffed Willie, as ha
| returned to his desk and waited pa-
tiently.
* And lo and behold, poor little Willie
had told the truth, and when he and
Wiggins started out together, the lat-
ter not only lost one of the best
games of the season, but had to at-
tend the obsequies of an old lady in
whom he had no interest whatever.—
Harper's Weekly.
His Future Expenditures.
Among the most frequent requests
that go to the United States senate
are those • asking some prominent
member to give money to charity or-
ganizations, hospitals and other phil-
anthropic undertakings. One day a
charity worker asked Senator Flint
of California, who is not a wealthy
man, to give a large sum of money
for a free ward in one of the hos-
l pitals
"I am sorry that I cannot comply
| with your request," said the senator
gravel}; "but, Judging from the num-
| ber of similar demands that have been
| made upon me in the past, I have de-
] cided that I can. promote a greater
I charity. The vast amount of money
spent on hospitals in this town con-
vinces me that thousands of people
are going to die and be buried with-
out flowers. Hereafter, I shall devote
my spare money exclusively to send-
ing flowers to the dead."—The Sun-
day Magazine.
New Disappointment.
First Summer Girl—So you thought
! i man was coming?
Second Summer Girl—Yes; but as
we got a closer view we saw it was
only a bird..—Puck.
He who knows most grieves
wasted time.—Dante.
for
Time is the oldest and most in-
fallible of all critics.—Rousse.
Try For -
Breakfast—
Scramble two eggs.
When, nearly cooKed,
mix in about a half a
cup of
Post
Toasties
and serve at once—
seasoning to taste.
It's immense 1
"The Memory Lingers"
Postum Cereal Company, Ltd.
Battle Creek, Mich.
<
Upcoming Pages
Here’s what’s next.
Search Inside
This issue can be searched. Note: Results may vary based on the legibility of text within the document.
Tools / Downloads
Get a copy of this page or view the extracted text.
Citing and Sharing
Basic information for referencing this web page. We also provide extended guidance on usage rights, references, copying or embedding.
Reference the current page of this Newspaper.
Herbert, H. S. Carney Enterprise. (Carney, Okla.), Vol. 10, No. 9, Ed. 1 Friday, September 22, 1911, newspaper, September 22, 1911; Carney, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc87804/m1/2/: accessed April 18, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.