Woodward Daily Democrat (Woodward, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 192, Ed. 1 Monday, April 18, 1910 Page: 2 of 4
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Sally
WM. A.
KARO, i | |
Corn nay hr kina but ha
ba shape of pork
(==========
1 Good Jokes |
Thai propna-d copper merger
Wail lined with (old
K Is n rold dar when a packer cas t
•raw | (rat page bead
*• A CULTURff BOOSTSR.
Warahlpa don't a ay in fashion nap
Mtar than women's nata
All are turnlt * to higher things—
ho ht(ber coat of living la particular
A spring without spring poets would
ha a delightful but Impossible sessoa.
Have you ascertained the truth of
the statement that kissing la danger
out?
The price of beef appears to have
fallen Into Its same old bad babtt of
tolag up
All those etplanatlona about the
cause for high prices do not seem to
lower them any
It takes more than a (re to break up
a bridge whist party when the ladles
f»t fairly started
“Mow that pan have taken np poor
residence la our beautiful suburb, my
dear Ills Newcomb." said the ladp
caller, “yon ought to Join our llterarp
society.”
“Do you think aoT" queried the
ether.
"Yea. Indeed? It'n Just too awfully
Interesting for anything. At our Inst
meet log wa took up Carlyle's quarrels
with hla wife."
"If must have keen very entertain-
ing “
“Sura. At our nest meeting we are
going to investigate the private Ufa
of Goethe and bla lov# nBnlrn."
“Indeed!"
“Tea; and wa have found cut all
about Poe's dissipation and dlereput-
abie conduct and bp and bp wn arc
Kolng to thoroughly Investigate tba
Immoral doings of Voltaire."
“Are your
"Thatla what Oh. there'e nothing
Ilka a llterarp society to boost one's
culture. You really ought to Join."
TNB riOURBR.
This world contains a let a< Sn
Wbs frrt ns mors nr Isas
*v poor or mledlrrclod jokae
Or Hl-tlmcd seriousness
But hs who brings the deeps
Is that unfaltering one
Who gets a lot of agures out
To Prove ”U can't hs doasl“
A LITTLE ABOUT EVERYTHIN!
Ti e rmodest schemes of prngTtaa
And shattered hopes Its thick.
When calmly hs proceeds ts call
On hla arithmetic.
More hideous thss the vandal Mm
His roles spoils all our fun.
b hen hs brings rows of figures out
To prove “It can't be doss!"
Tour plans of glory, though they
Both lofty and Immense,
Will ehrtrel like a leaf when ba
Bays: 'Think of the ripenes'"
He’s l>loapp<liniment's special scout
And Hardluck's favorite son.
This man who gets his figures out
To prove 'It can't ba done!"
A CALL DOWN.
Detroit mao has eloped with his
wife's mother He will find this Is no
mother-lo law Joke.
One trust after another Is making
the discovery that the laws of the
United States must be obeyed.
Let the aviators who talk of the
heights to which they have soared
look at the price of hogs and be silent
We begin to suspect that the ground
hog stayed out to see the comet and
hot because he thought spring had
eoma.
Making Sure ef Main Chance.
He (pointing)—I understand that
the Frontenac'a a nice apartment
house.
She—Are you thinking of taking aa
apartment?
He—\ot unless I should get mar
fled.
She—If you want to live In na apart-
ment house you should be sura and
Cl a wifs who would make n good
cook.
He—Wouldn't It be safer to marry n
cook who would make a good wife?—
Life.
The .rush of Americans fo Euro-
pean resorts may be due partly to
the number of grand Juries which are
probing
How would you Mke to he a poor,
down trodden farmer with nothing but
n few droves of hlgs to sell at record-
breaking prices?
Senor Pedro CBlarenss. the richest
man In Mexico, Is also trying to die
poor. He gives away more than a
million dollars a year.
Belgium's new king Is an enthusiast-
ic collector of stamps This ts less
expensive than the fada of bla pre-
decessor on the throne.
Bauare Maal.
■W hat do you want for cleaning
the snow away from the pump?"
asked the atlngy woman In the way-
side cottage."
A good hot dinner, mum.” respond-
ed the dilapidated wayfarer.
“No, indeed; I couldn't think of
such a thing "
“Well, give me a doughnut and 111
call It square,"
"Then you'd be calling It wrong.
Doughnuts aren't square, they art
round, litre's a soda cracker."
DRY SUBJECT.
Uncle Sam has a new gun with a
bore 16 Inches In diameter. As It Jars
the earth six miles away it cannot be
called a concealed weapon.
Thirty-two pancakes at one sitting!
That Des Molnea atory sounds like
that of the man who ate flannel cakes
and woke up to find half the blanket
Bone.
This year all spring poets will be
forgiven; for the winter has been
•uch as to almost Justify sn exuberant
outbreak Into song or the semblance
thereof once It Is over.
lUlTUS,
nei
There ts nothing the matter with
New York's subway except that It la
overcrowded Its tubes will also b«v
come congested. It Is a town that al-
ways outgrows public conveniences.
The derision of the appellate divis-
ion that a divorced man need not pay
alimony to a former wife when she
marries again should strike the sec-
ond husband favorably In bla self-re-
spect.
He—Did you enjoy the lecture?
She—No; a very dry subject
He—What was It?
She—A mummy.
No Place for It
When automobiles choke ths ways
And aeroplanlata cloud the blue.
Pray tell us, in thoae coming daya,
what will the water wagons do?
The plan of the California superin-
tendent of education to require less
work for school children at their
homes does not, of course, apply to
doing the chores and keeping the back
yard clean.
A New Jersey man threatened his
wife with divorce because she Joined
the boycott and would not give him
treat. The beef magnates should
make some substantial recognition of
so determined a stand In their Inter-
ests.
Learning Process Expensive.
"I am poor man."
“When we are married. I can learn
to cook."
Hadn't you—er—better begin prac-
tising," suggested the thrifty suitor
"while your father Is yet supplying
the raw material, so to speak?"_
Stray Stories.
Mrs. Shutem Bumm—Do you rv
member how many ducks you shot
last Thursday?
Mr. Bhutem Bumm (hesitatingly)—
Why—er—er—four, I believe.
Mrs. Shutem Bumm—Then the
butcher has made a mistake. Ha
charges for half a doten.
Miss Arnmlnta Jones was joung and
fair
And she wna comely;
Young nit-n whose hearts shs tilled with
wild despair
Looked at her dumbly.
For she was ever absolutely right
In her deportment
And no one could Imagine that she might
Know what "to court" meant.
Her speech was always faultless, low and
clear;
And. as to grammar,
Knlmdy that her sentences would hear
Could wield the hammer.
A book of etiquette she studied long
And knew completely;
Bhe knew Just When to rise, or sing a
song.
Or smile so sweetly.
Hava a wood** Bowl for weakly
Btaaa U possible. aM keep H specially
far tke purpose, far K Is impossible to
p°"»h Sines l( there be aay trace of
traaae la tke water aerd far washing
**• >—pin like hot water sad
saaie use cold for wash lag glass Oood
•Beets may be obtained with either If
Ike polishing be done carefully with
■*«» dry soft towels.
Wlodow glass, lamps mod lamp
glasses, marble aad stone vases or
mantels, granite sills, etc. If rubbed
wltfc salt are quickly cleaned.
Always keep the Inside of your eof-
f** P°* bright sad Insure good codes.
Boll it out occasionally with soap, wa-
ter aad wood ashes and scour thor-
oughly
When eggs are scarce and they are
■•eded for puddings, a dessertspoon-
ful of cornstarch may be substituted
for one egg.
Bread dressing may be served with
h pot roost na well os one put In the
oxen. The bread ahould be baked sep-
arately la a cake tla.
When veils are washed at home they
usually come out quite Umber aad
flimsy. To give them atlffneaa add a
pinch of auger to the rinse water.
If when Ironing anything white you
find a soiled spot, dampen a piece of
while cloth and put a little cream of
tarter on. then rub the soiled spot;
You will be surprised to see It disap-
pear.
When using stale bread for pud-
dings always soak It In a rold liquid.
Bread that has been soaked In cold
milk or water la light and crumbly,
, whereas that soaked in hot liquids la
1 heavy.
%
'V
1
eye 4s their duty. Iks
door of uric add and
ether waste. Wank
kidneys do not U
ter eB oU the kad
ashtter. This Is the
reuse af rheuasatie
Daaa’a Kidney Pills
Rev. Abram
Weaver, George-
town. Tex. former
editor Baptist Her-
ald, anys: "At b
Baptist conference
at Jackaea, Tex.. I
fall from a platform
aad hart my back.
I waa aaaa over the
Injury, hut the kM-
aeys were badly die-
. . ____J painful and often
Moody. Donah Kidney FtUa cured
this trouble completely."
Remember the same—Doan'a. Bold
by all dealers. Ftoeter-MIlbura On,
Buffalo, N. T. M cents a bos.
OLO BIRO.
^3
Lycurxns Smith was gander-shanked and
slim—
Hla Adam’a apple
8< cmed actuated by an Impulae grim
Hla hralna to grapple.
Hla hands were big and bony and hla
wrlata
Were overt reek led;
Hla hopel.-aa face, harmonloua with hla
Hata.
Waa also speckled.
In the Parlor Scene.
With lovers In the parlor
Thla program la the rule:
The maiden the piano plays—
Ths young man playa ths foot
Humors of the City.
Since the Introduction of the exit-
at-the-front cars It Is customary for
the conductor to notify the motormao
of disembarking passengers by shout-
ing "Coming out!"
The other day as a Troost car
reached Campbell street the conductor
shouted:
“Camel-coming-out!"
A stranger looked up expecting to
see a man with a hump on bis back.
And more than that, he hadn't any aenaa!
In conversation
He found It hard a sentence to com-
menoi;
HI* IWRftAtlon
W.tR fitunif* *t’ i1 In the way he choked
When he endeavor* <1
To answer you. und when he thought he
Joked
Hla face waa severed.
were
Well! Arnmlnta Jont-e and Smith
wed!
We all protested.
"He's an apology for a man!" we said.
But We were bested.
"I know each rule of etiquette," said
she.
"And I have kept It.
When an apology Is offered me
I must accept It."
In ths Fruit Store.
Possible Customer.—"Wbat'a the
price of oranges?"
New Clerk—"Twenty-live cents, 50
cents and fl."
Possible Customer.—"But why the
difference In prices? All the oranges
you have look the same to me."
New Clerk—“They are the same,
but the prices I have named are for
half, one and two dozen lota."
Just ths Thing.
Emperor—I do not care to hear your
proposition, sir. Everything that Is
submitted must first be put through
the prime minister.
Subject—Nothing would please me
better. I wanted to show you the new
bayonet which I have Invented for
army use.—Judge.
People who have received with ab-
solute Indifference reports that ten.
twenty or flfty-dollar counterfeit bills
were In circulation are now seriously
disturbed. A counterfeit |1 silver cer-
tificate of good workmanship has been
discovered.
A Real Dash.
"Maude Is given to dashes of color.
Isn't she?"
"Well, you should have seen her
dash of color when the hull In the
field she was passing got after her
red hat"
A Good Old Idea.
"I wish we could return to the way
of the good old times with these
grouchy fellows who are always criti-
cising other people."
"What way was that?”
“In the old times, you know, they
hung up knockers.”
JONES GOT OVER.
The Fast Pact.
Husband—And may I ask why you
find It so necessary to buy an auto-
mobile?
Wife—Oh, dear, we must keep In
‘.be running.
One of the many causes contribu-
ting to the “panic” of 1907 was the
slump In copper due to the decline In
demand. Now the market reports
show a large gain In copper sales,
with the consumption for January 43.'
000,000 pounds In excess of production
for that month. The growing use of
copper means Increased activity In
various branches of Industry and
hence shows that business continues
on the up grade.
Proper Indignation.
Nellie la In a fitting state of
anger.”
"Why fitting r
'She la hopping mad because aha
couldn't go to the hop."
Not Too Much of That
“What do you think about thla dis-
cussion of economy In the legisla-
ture?"
"I don't see anything saving about
It except Its sens* of humor.”
When colored eggs are In vogue we
can expect the turkey to lay black
°Bea at Thanksgiving time, tokens of
mourning for departed sisters
Immigration made a big record last
year and the Indications are that this
year's figures will be even larger. And
with such an Inpouring greater be-
comes the necessity for a careful ex-
amination at all porta of entry. Gov-
ernment officials must be compelled
to do their work thoroughly and aee
that no undealrablsa from any foreign
land are allowed to load.
An Explanation.
"Why do they call ’em lawyers'
briefs, pa? Are they ao short?"
'No. my son, but by the time they
get through with them, the lawyers'
clients are."
Not a Parrot.
Hlx—Would you be willing to fight
for your country If necessary?
Dtx—Not me. 1 passed two weeks
In the country last summer.
A Bond of Sympathy.
“To me that German tenor’s voice
has a beery sound."
"Then you ought to agree with the
critic who praised bis liquid notea."
M
1/
Polities.
Statesmanship Is a science, but
politics Is an art. A statesman need
only understand government, but a
politician must understand the voter.
Politics makes strange bedfellows,
and causes loss of sleep.
A statesman ts guided by the les-
sons of the past; a politician is guided
by the chances of the future.
A statesman wears s silk hat and
frock coat when he sits for his pic-
ture—a politician will sleep In his If
necessary
Politics ts nine-tenths promises,
eight-tenths talk, seven tenths hot air
and four-tenths bluff.
The politician arranges the public
dinner; the statesman Is only ex-
pected to speak at It.
Politics offers a fine opening for a
young man If he falls through the
opening he makes room for the next
man.
The statesman Is concerned for his
country for a month before election,
but the politician has cinched the
election during the other 11 months.
When a politician begins to believe
what he says about himself he be-
comes a statesman.
Cracks In the woodwork around
•Ink* may be filled with melted par-
affin or bits of wax candle that are
too small to use as lights.
Sandtarts will get stale much soon-
er If they are put In a stone Jar. They
should go In airtight tin. Ginger
snaps, on the other hand, are Im-
proved by keeping In stone.
The mother who does her own sew-
ing saves her own time and the chil-
dren's tempers by keeping a mem-
orandum of their different measure-
ments, Instead of taking them for each
garment to be made.
Before muffs are put away for the
season they should be held by the
cord and twirled ao the hairs come
straight. They should then be put la
their boxes and a piece of paper
pasted over the crack between the
lid and the box.
If tissue paper Is wrapped around 1
Bllver before It Is slipped Into the
canton flannel bags It will need much
less cleaning.
Silver polishing Is made less labori-
ous If badly tarnished articles are
boiled In soda water before whiting
la used.
I -Jv
* Mrs. Juatwed—I want a chlekea
that I can fry, roast, stew or fix up
any way I want.
Dealer—Here's one, lady, you can
do anything you like with and nol
hurt It
NO HEALTHY SKIN LEFT
Eggs a la L’Cspagnol.
Tomatoes, green pepper and cream
are other Ingredients for this delici-
ous and filling dish. Drain a can of
whole tomatoes of superfluous liquid,
put them in a baking dish and add
two green peppers, denuded of seeds
and pith, a gill of pure cream, a little
butter, cayenne, salt and a shaving of
garlic If this taste Is liked. Let the
dish bake slowly three-quarters of an
hour, adding cream or good milk If It
gets too dry. Then, a few minutes ,
before serving, carefully break six ;
eggi. side by side, on top and let the
dish bake further until these have
reached. Serve on crisp buttered
toast made of white bread.
My little son, a boy of five, broke
out with an Itching rash. Three doc-
tors prescribed for him, but he kept
getting worse until we could not dress
him any more. They finally advised
me to try a certain medical college,
but lta treatment did no good. At
tba time I waa Induced to try Cull-
cure be waa ao bad that I had to cut
bla balr off and put the Cutlcura Oint-
ment on him on bandages, as it waa
Impossible to touch him with the bar*
band. There was not one square Inch
1 of skin on hla whole body that was
not affected. He was one mass of
sores. The bandages used to stick to
bla akin and In removing them It used
to take tba akin off with them, and
the screams from the poor child wero
heartbreaking. I began to think that
ha would never get well, but after the
second application of Cutlcura Oint-
ment I began to aee signs of improve-
ment and with the third and fourth
applications the sores commenced to
dry up. Hla akin peeled off twenty
times, but It finally yielded to the
treatment Now I can say that he Is
entirely cured, and a stronger and
healthier boy you never saw than ho
Is to-day, twelve years or more since
the cure was effected. Robert Wattam
1148 Forty-eighth 8t, Chicago. I1L.
Oct 8, 1908."
Located at Last.
“I have found the germ that causes
men to seek the north pole," asserts
the first savant.
"You have?" asks the second. "That
Is a wonderful achievement. How did
you find the germ?
'i was looking for the cause of
scrivener's paralysis."
Remembering the tendency of polar
explorers to write for the magazines,
we wonder the gertn was not discov-
ered long ere this.
that
Huntsman—Did Jones clear
fence all right?
Whip—Yea, Jonea got over, but hi*
horse didn't
Owned It, Too.
"The eclipse of the moon was on.
"Is that the earth's shadow?" asked
the little boy.
“It used to be. my son," was the In-
structive answer. "Hut It belongs to
Mr. Morgan now."
Defined.
"What'a a good wlfer a friend Inquires
To give an anawer terse—
One who ran make the house expense
Dovetail with hubby's purse.
Mr. Pruda's Advice.
Truth, they tr|| us. a m<lld
Absolutely nude!
CnniM-*niently I’m Afraid
81»c In vtiry rude.
A Sandwich Filling.
Seed and wash quarter of a pound
each of dates, prunes, raisins and
washed flu**. Shell and blanch one* |
half cup of almonds, the same quan-
tity of hickory or Brazil nuts, and a
half pound of pecans.
Put a few of the nuts through the !
meat chopper, then some of the fruit
mixture, alternating until all the In-
gredients are chopped. Mix to a paste
with the Juice of two oranges and one
lemon, or with cherry, and pack In
round molds or baking powder tins
Set In a cold place until ready for
use, slice thin, and use on brown
bread and butter or on toasted crack
era.
Futile Dissension.
"So you and your husband are al-
ways quarreling?" laid the family
lawyer.
\es, answered the young womao.
"What do you quarrel about?"
"I forget the subject of the first
quarrel. Hut we have been quarreling
•ver since over who waa to blam*
tor It.”
Bringing Up.
"They're bringing the baby up to
be a mollycoddle."
"How so?”
"They have the nurse take It out la
x go-cart. Instead of giving it an auto-
mobile."
It’e Time.
“It Is odd that Christmas la a time
of such anticipation."
•Why shouldn't It be?"
‘Because Its p!»asure is naturally
all In the present."
No Common Vocation.
"Mra. Comeup. wuat walk In life do
you wish for your son?"
"Oh. we don't have to walh now; we
can afford to buy an auto to ride In "
Bo. my son. the shutters pull
While -he saunters through.
Seek the t}no.l nn<l lleaullful—
Never mind the True!
A Senas of Fitness.
"And now.” said the cruel maiden,
having rejected the sighing young
man, "I suppose you will throw a peel
over your shoulder Hallowe'en to
see If It will curl Into my InitialV
“Yea.” he retorts, gloomily. “A
lemon peel."
Astor House Rolls.
Take one pint of sweet milk, boll,
and while still warm put In lump of
butter else of an egg. two tablespoon-
fuls sugar, a little salt and one-half
cake compressed yeaat. Mix with one
quart best bread flour, or a little more
If needed to form a smooth dough.
When light mold 16 minutes. Let rise
up light again and turn out on pastry
hoard and roll. Cut Into round rakes
brush over In greased tins. Brush tops
of rolls with melted butter and let
rise up light again and bake in a
quick oven.
Vanity la due to a leak in one's win-
lorn tank.
Pruna pia.
One pound prunes cooked till very
soft In as little water as possible.
Take out all the atones, add teaapoon
of cornstarch. Juice of half a lemon
sugar to taste, and pinch of salt. Hake
with two crusts, Thla will make two
plea. You want a nice, rich crust
Bake In a quick oven till a golden
brown.
Maehlne Oil.
Rub machine oil atnlna with lard
let stand several hours, then rinse la
soapy water.
Stomach lilt Hay
Stun TrHItt
At the start but that is when you want
to taka the matter in hand. Neglect
can only result the one way—sick-
neaa The stomach it largely respon-
sible for one's health and strength and
aa such it needs to be kept in a nor-
mal condition. If it become, weak,
the food remains undigested, ferments,
end catues untold suffering. Thus
you lose the strength-giving propertie.
of your food and you become weak
and run down. This it very notice-
able at the beginning of Spring when
the system is overloaded with Winter
impurities, (he bowels clogged and the
blood thick. No wonder you have the
"Spring Fever." Commence taking
Hoetetter'i Stomach Bitter, this very
day and cleanse the entire i,nen.
Then your Stomach Ills will alw van-
ish. It it for Sick Headache. Indiges-
tion, Dyspepaia. Spring Fever. Gen-
erol Debility and Materia.
<
/
lb
f
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W* "■ U* WICHITA, NO. 14-181*"
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Woodward Daily Democrat (Woodward, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 192, Ed. 1 Monday, April 18, 1910, newspaper, April 18, 1910; Woodward, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc848177/m1/2/: accessed April 25, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.