The Gayly Oklahoman (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 17, No. 7, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1999 Page: 16 of 28
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by Rob Paulsen
I recently meet
someone in one ol
the Internet chat
rooms. We have chatted baek and forth for a
while and some of our conversations have
been pretty hot. Our conversations, along
with his physical description of himself, tells
me he could be the man of my dreams. He
wants to meet in person and. in a lot of ways,
I am really excited about the idea lull, on the
other hand. I'm n little afraid. I have heard too
many horror stories about people get ting into
trouble by meeting someone m person that
have met only through chat rooms. The
problem is, what if he really is all that lie
says? What if ! let mv reservations prevent
me from meeting someone who seems so
right for me':' Where do l go Irom here'.'
Mai k ('./Stillmans
Fears cai 1 he a very good thing ai id many
of the judgment mistakes we make in life
liap|)en when we disregard our gut feelings.
The purpose of those feelings is to give us
reasonable warning that something isn't quite
right. I'm sure there are many good and
attractive people who use the Internet to
by Meryl Cohn
, Dear Ms. Behavior:
Salem had its
I witch hunts , i n (I
■ now there are
| churches that are
doing their best to top the Cotton Mather
record for harassment and persecution. A
heterosexual friend of mine was exeommuni
eated from a North Carolina church because
of supposed "homosexual tendenc ies." The
pour soul Is straight as a post! So now the kid
doesn't know where to turn: gay community
or straight community or someplace else to
help this person's pain?
Tins raises some interesting questions.
We’ve increased the circle of concern to in-
clude bisexuals, transsexuals and others.
Can the circle be widened a hit more to
include the heterosexual women and men
who are often accused of being homosexual,
and who suffer harassment as a result, but
who don't qualify as active homosexuals?
Some of these folks have been discriminated
against in religion. As my partner says.
These are the people who get the same slut
that homosexuals often get but they don't
collect any of the benefits!"
What do we call these fellow travelers?
And what do we say to them when they are
caught in an anti-gay witch hunt?
What should we call these "fellow travel-
ers"? Repressed Nellies and Dykes, most
If such people don't qualify as active
homosexuals, are they in the Homo Reserves?
And, if so. how much effort will it take to get
them to sign up for active duty?
And if by "widening the circle" you mean
including them in our marches, forget it. The
acronym is already cumbersome. If we have
to include Persecuted Alleged Heterosexuals,
our signs will have to say "GLBTPAC," which
Ms. Behavior, for one. refuses to pronounce.
Instead of focusing your efforts toward
rescuing falsely accused heteros, your energy
would be better spent toward trying to extin-
guish homophobia in general. If that goal is
Send your questions to:
Ms. Behavior, P.O. Box 60930
OKC, OK 73146
Requests tor personal replies cannot be honored.
make contact with other people: however, it
only takes one really bad one to be danger-
Be aware that all you know about him is
what he has told you. And. even if he sent a
picture it could easily be of someone else.
It is so easy for people lo become who
and what they want to be through this me-
dium. He could be anything: a dangerous
nut, a self-appointed morality cop, or even
real law enforcement. so be very, very careful.
If you do decide to meet him in person,
here are some suggestions which everyone
would be wise to follow.
• Set up a casual meeting in a public
place, somewhere that help would be avail
able should you need it.
• Never meet someone in a secluded
jilaee such as a motel, a park or even in (‘it hei
Iverson's home or apartment. (Docs I he name
. Jeff rev I);i!iiikt ring a 1 icll?)
• l .:se 11 ic Iii si meet 111g lo gel .u i jii.uilied
oiilv. No matter wli.il voi ir lu st impi essioiis
might he. do nol leave with linn and eo
ai ivwlicre aloi le.
• Find on! as much as possible about
him before and a! lei ! I le I n si meet mg and do
whal von can lo venlv die ! i nI h o! \vl nil yon
• 11 voi i do uel lo a pi. m e u hei e mi me
comfortable nice ling I lie person alone, give a
close triend .ill the inlormalioi i who. wl lat.
where, when — and |)rearrauge a wav to
• If you progress lo having sex with this
|>erson. remember lo practice safer sex.
Good I nek and I ho|)e he turns out to he
all he says.
someday accomplished, oui "innocent" reli
gious heterosexual friends won t have to suf
fer, and nor will we.
Dem Ms. Behavior:
I am a 23 year old gay male, and 1 work
as an administrative assistant for a gay youth
organization. I am a verv small man. and am
somewhat intimidated by bigger people.
In January a new volunteer came lo
work in uiv office. He was over six feet tall and
weigl led ai lea si 300 pounds. I was a 11 raeled
Io him right away. When my employer wasn't
around. I would 11 iit with him and make
sexual comments. ! consiantlv inlemqiied
him when he tried lo complete Ins assign
ments. A couple of times he eanght me
staring ai him while he was working. I was
annoyed that he ignored me. Because he
ignored me. 1 went behind his back and
talked about lam to other people.
AI one point I thought I could lose my job
because he was getting more work done than
I was. 1 talked to the other guv in my office,
and we decided to make the new guy look bad
to our boss. We decided to get rid of him and
didn't tell him why.
My question is, should I tell my boss
what really happened? I'm afraid that she
will he disappointed in me. She has helped
me a lot m the seven years I've known her. 1
feel had because this man seemed like a
really nice guy. What can i do to make this
situation better and to make myself feel bet
— Mixed Feelings
Dear Mixed Feelings:
You don't need advice. You ileed lo he on
j the Jerry Springer show, where maybe some
1 one will leap across the stage and slap you.
You think you're clever. Ms. Behavior
can tell by the spin you put on the story that
j you’re actually the 300-pound man whom
! you describe as a hard working nice guy. You
I think you were wrongfully fired and now
you’re blaming the small man whom you
j believe envied and admired you.
Your plan is to try to evoke a sympathetic
response from Ms. Behavior and use ii to
j make a case for yourself. You anticipate a
I favorable answer, which you would send to
your old boss, who's probably a devotee of
Ms. Behavior, and might he daft enough to
j believe that someone else wrote it. Forget it,
j Twisted Sister. If you're this manipulative
j and self-aggrandizing, your ol'ficemales are
delighted to be rid of you. and your boss
didn't like you either.
This whole scenario sounds like the plot
of a bad movie, in which, as politically incor-
rect as it may be. it’s the chubby guy who
ends up with egg on his face.
Here’s what’s next.
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Hawkins, Don. The Gayly Oklahoman (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 17, No. 7, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1999, newspaper, April 1, 1999; Oklahoma City, Okla.. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc825239/m1/16/: accessed January 20, 2020), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.