The Gayly Oklahoman (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 17, No. 7, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1999 Page: 12 of 28
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^^-Page 12 ▼ The GAYLY April 1. 99
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Need an HIV Test, but too busy to get
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Then come in on the weekend!
H.O.P.E. (HIV Outreach Prevention Education, Inc.)
is providing free anonymous HIV tests
The Pride Center
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If you have questions or need directions,
call Jeremy or Johnnie
by Kevin Isom
As queer folks,
we re known around the world for our dis-
criminating tastes. Whether it's clothes or
interior design or food, we re usually on the
cutting edge, leading the way. and well ahead
of ihe curve. But sometimes I’ve just got to
take a detour.
Have you noticed, though, that a mini
her of the most fashionable places seem to
serve dishes that offer you a convenient way
to starve? And for big bucks, at that. In those
restaurants, it's true that size matters. But
it seems to be the opposite ol what you want
with a guy. Apparently, the smaller the
entree, the better it is. By way of simple
comparison, I have a mental image ol saying
to a fellow. "Nope. Sorry. Too big. Can 1 send
you back for a smaller size?" Somehow 1 just
can't see that happening. (I. for one, will
never discriminate against large men. They
deserve our support, and we should stand
behind them. Or in front of them.)
Vet. despite the apparent absurdity, it
appears that the diets at the la biliously due
restaurants have exactly that idea. I can just
hear one iiow. "Oh. no. .Jean-Claude! Oh. la.
Good music, good service (there’s no denying
that gay and lesbian waitrons are the best in
the world), and good food. It's a recipe for a
great queer evening. And, interestingly
I enough, gay folks always find the best new
| restaurants centuries before they’re discov-
ered by straights. We have the nose that
knows. (Possibly because it's been in differ
cut places than the hetero counterpart.)
But I must confess that every now and
i then. I have an urge to take a detour. To
boldly go where millions of truck drivers and
i unwashed yuppies in college sweats have
j gone before. To seek out new life and new
civilizations, or at least a Dunk’N Dme, ora
; Waffle House, or whatever the local equiva
! lent of a greasy spoon diner is. A place where
you can wear shorts and a baseball cap to
cover the bed head you woke up with, as you
slurp barely okay coffee and peruse 11 ic sligl it lv
Yes, it's weekend morning nirvana, it
you’re not feeling chic enough for the local
queer-frequented coffee house or bagel shop.
Maybe your tan is feeling faded and your hair
is plastered dowi l wit 11 goo to make it look less
like the bird’s nest you woke up with. And
you're looking over a menu that includes
items like "biscuits baked with freshest lard"
or "eggs scrambled in day old bacon grease."
"Ilium," you think. How do I want my
cholesterol and fat intake today? Maybe
hash browns smothered, covered, scattered,
or c hunked? How about all of the above!"
Alter all. sometimes a break Iron! health
consciousness seen is like 11 ic 1 lealt 1 lies! 11 m m
voti can do.
la! You are nimmg ihe presentation! 1 need
to see more” plate — more plate, you idiot
and less lilet de la ague de boeul sail tea- dans
une sauce de cerises! So you end up uctt mu,
a lovelv dish that would easily double as a
centerpiece. At the kindergarten table.
But these very places arc* often Hocked to
bv gav men in the loud lusluon patrol. (>r
more precisely, the cuisine brigade. You see.
when you get to that level, it's not food
anvil lore. It's cuisine. Somehow everything
sounds better in French. Even potatoes
boiled in oil — and ifl'iii not mistaken, boiling
m oil was once a medieval torture —- sound
better when they're called French fries.
Granted, we’re not always m nouvelle
cuisine mode, and we usually pick restau
rants with the best atmosphere, too. There's
i lot 1 ling like being in a restaurai il surrounded
by attractive, well-dressed men and women
enjoying their own company. Cute guys
laughing. Sexy women exchanging glances.
Besides, 11 icre s a < ert.-im • amp rleine; i!
to diners that appeals to a qucei sensibility.
1 like the fact the waitresses have been time
tor a thousand years. 1 am eoinlortec 1 by the
reasonable certainty that her name is prob
ablv Ethel or .Josephine. (You’ll note that
they're almost never named Daphne, or
Briltaiiv. (>i even Bulls’.) And I admire 'hr
skill required m getting hail that lag Alin
all. we all know m the South that the hiylm
your hair, the closer you are to God. In a
dmer. the waitress is the queen, and you're
nothing hut a princess. Which is exactly as
it should be.
So whenever you're feeling a strong urce
to abandon the cool queer restaurant scene
for something a little more. well, back to
nature, it's perfectly ok.iy to exchange your
royalty status with Ethel, the grandmotherly
waitress with the grease stained apron. I he
one who says, "lies' there. Hones’ I loss’ va
doin’? Welcome to Wattle House1
” No Muff to Tut! "
1414 3. Robinson
Oklahoma City. OK 73109
♦ BODY * SPIRIT
Spiritual Growth Boohs
Feng Shui Cures
and so much more!
122nd S R. may • OKC
Located In fturthpark [flail Rorth Entrance
[Honda? - Saturday, 11-9 • Sunday, 12-7
Here’s what’s next.
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Hawkins, Don. The Gayly Oklahoman (Oklahoma City, Okla.), Vol. 17, No. 7, Ed. 1 Thursday, April 1, 1999, newspaper, April 1, 1999; Oklahoma City, Okla.. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc825239/m1/12/: accessed January 24, 2020), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.