The Orlando Clipper. (Orlando, Okla.), Vol. 1, No. 38, Ed. 1 Friday, August 9, 1907 Page: 3 of 8
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Always in the W ay.
Recently a country doctor In the
north of Ireland, a bachelor, who was
locally noted for his brusqueness and
Irascibility, was driving along a nor-
row lane, or "boreen," when his pas-
sage was effectually barred by an old
woman, who was returning from the
bog leading an ass whose panniert
were filled with peats. The womai\
led the ass to the side of the lane as
quickly as she could, but not quickly
enough to please the short-tempered
doctor. "Faugh!" he exclaimed, with
a snort of disgust. "Woman and asses
are always in the way." "I'm glad ye
have the manners to put yourself
last," said the old woman, calmly.
The doctor drove on without another
Too Much Exposure.
Elsie is a laundress of color. She
is well past youth, wears a parennial
smile and sports a single front tooth
of much prominence. Recently she
missed one of her visits to a patron,
and when she next put in an appear-
ance she was suffering from a bad
cold. When asked how she took such
a serious cold she said:
"During the recent festivities our
club gave a ball. The gentleman
what's paying attention to me is very
particular, so I had to go in full even-
ing dress, and I had to leave ofT
a few pieces, and it got me."
TRUE SECRET OF YOUTH.
All in Cold Storage.
An Oregon attorney, representing
a client whose title to a certain cold
storage plant was under fire, closed
an able argument before the Oregon
supreme court recently with the fol-
lowing bit of pathos: "Your honor,
there is more resting upon your de-
cision than this cold storage plant: a
human life is at stake. My client's
life's efforts are in this cold storage;
his life's blood is in this cold storage;
his body and soul are wrapped up
in this cold storage."—Law Notes.
The Sad Sea.
The thin, pale man in the large
bathing suit, standing knee-deep in the
"Why," we asked, "are you so sad?"
"Alas," he answered, "the sea is the
grave of my first wife."
Our lips curled superciliously.
"But you married again," we mur-
"Yes," said he, "and my second wife
won't go near the water."
Brains are Built
from certain kinds of
"America has become a land of ner-
vous emotionalists, largely owing to
our sins against the dietetic health
laws of nature.
"Only outdoor exercise in a cold cli-
mate would enable vigorous individ-
uals of our species to digest the viands
forccd upon alimentary organs enfee
bled by sedentary occupations," wrote
Dr. Felix Oswald.
Brain workers must have different
food than laborers, because brain work
uses up parts of the brain and nerve
centers, while physical labor uses up
other parts of the body.
Grape-Nuts, a food for brain work-
ers, prepared by scientific food makers
is a pure, natural food made from se
lected parts of field grains known to
contain the natural phosphate of pot-
ash and other elements required by
the system in rebuilding and repair
ing the brain and nerve centers. This
food is skillfully cooked at the factory
and is ready to be served instantly
with cream. At all first-class grocers
and made by the Postum Co., at Battle
Creek, Mich. Read the little health
classic, "The Road to WeJlville," in1
l>kgs. "There's a Reason,"
!t. Is W«ll Within the Power of All t#
Do you say every morning when you
get up, "I am still young?" It will be
worth while to do it, says Charles Bat-
tell Loomis in Smith's Magazine. The
framework that holds a man's clothes
in place is not the real man. The real
man is that something which no one
has ever been able to see or to put
his hand upon—that something which
lives forever. Our framework does
age; there's no doubt of it. But we—
our spirits—are immortal, and for us
to age is for us to commit an unpar-
Does immortality age? The stars
are to all intents and purposes immor-
tal, but have you noticed any per-
ceptible diminution of their brilliance
since, well, since we became the great-
est nation that the sun ever shone
Don't look at your face in a glas3
and ask yourself, "am I getting old?"
Look at your spirit in the glass of
your friend's treatment of you and try
to discover whether it is getting old.
And if it is—drop ten years.
It will iiot be so hard as it seems.
Think young thoughts. Keep your
mind wide open to the reception of
new ideas. Don't, when you get to be
40, say to yourself, "I'm one of the
'has-beens.' " Only 40 years old! Why,
you ought to be a colt at 40. For all
I know, I have 60 years before me.
And if a man has 60 years to come,
what is the use of considering 40 odd
that have gone?
To be sure, there are sky-rockets of
25 and 30 that rise brilliantly, but
they may be spent sticks in a few
years. Let your flame of life burn
steadily, and replenish it from time to
time with young thoughts, and you'll
be as young at 50 or 60 as you were
at 40 or 30 or 20—no, you were old at
20; older than you'll ever be again.
If disease spares you, youth lies in
your own hands.
What is the secret? Kindly thoughts,
good cheer, and the feeling that you
have not robbed another man in get-
ting what you need. Of course, if you
have failed to see that other people
have rights, and have simply played
the fascinating but wicked game of
"grab," you'll grow old so fast that
people will forget that you were ever
They say a woman is as old as sh»
looks, but a man is as old as he feels.
Make it your pleasure to feel as young
as you can, and induce your wife to
do the same—for I don't believe the
ungallant first clause of the aphorism
—and you'll get so young that your
son will call you "my boy," and you'll
call him "old chap."
And a nation of "young men" is un-
The kidneys have a great work t< •
do in keeping the blood pure. When
they get out of order
it causes backache,
languor and distress-
ing urinary troubles.
Keep the kidneys well
and all these suffer-
ings will be saved
you. Mrs. S.A. Moore,
proprietor of a res-
taurant at Water-
ville, Mo., says: "Be-
fore using Doan's Kidney Pills I suf-
fered everything from kidney troubles
for a year and a half. I had pain in
the back and head, and almost contin-
uous in the loins and felt weary all
the time. A few doses of Doan's Kid-
ney Pills brought great relief, and I
kept on taking them until in a short
time I was cured. I think Doan's Kid-
ney Pills are wonderful."
For sale by all dealers. 50 cents a
box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
The Tell Tale Voice.
"If you want to tell whether or not
the man you are talking to is telling
the truth don't look him in the eyes,"
said a Denver bank teller to some
friends. "It is the voice, when you
don't look at the eyes, that tells you
whether the other fellow is lying. We
use the system frequently in the bank.
A man will come in to tell us some
business tale. WTe look at his feet or
his hands or his knees, but never in
his eyes. If he's telling the truth his
voice will be firm and straightforward,
and the absence of your gaze in his
eyes will not affect it. But if he's
lying he'll be confused by your ac-
tion, and his voice will tremble; he'll
hem and haw, and clear his throat.
You may rest assured then that he's
Keep Cool About Crop Shortages.
Nature has the habit of striking
averages. Bumper crops every year
would mean overproduction, which,
ike overpopulation, nature abhors and
regulates in its own time and way. It
would be false optimism not to recog-
aize the fact that this is one of the
years chosen to offset and average
Sown such fat seasons as that of 1906,
when the products of the soil glutted
every market and choked every ave-
aue of transportation. But there is
mother error to be avoided. Heed
should not be given to the gambling
Jeremiahs, who preach famine, desti-
tution and agricultural, financial and
ndustrial distress. The one true con-
slusion to be drawn from the reports
if farming conditions is that crops
will be sufficient, though not abund-
ant, and the season oi^ neither of the
best nor worst.
Laundry work at home would be
much more satisfactory if the right
Starch were used. In order to get the
desired stiffness, it is usually neces-
sary to use so much starch that the
beauty and fineness of the fabric is
hidden behind a paste of varying
thickness, which not only destroys the
appearance, but also affects the wear-
ing quality of the goods. This trou-
ble can be entirely overcome by using
Defiance Starch, as it can be applied
much more thinly because of its great-
er strength than other makes.
Concerning His Business.
A Boston lawyer, who brought his
wit from his native Dublin, while
cross-examining the plaintiff in a di-
vorce trial, brought forth the follow-
"You wish to divorce this woman
because she drinks?"
"Do you drink yourself?"
"That's my business!"—angrily.
Whereupon the unmoved lawyer
j "Have you any other business?"—
The extraordinary popularity of fine
white goods this summer makes the
choice of Starch a matter of great im-
portance. Defiance Starch, being free
from all injurious chemicals, is the
only one which is safe to use on fine
fabrics. Its great strength as a stiffener
makes half the usual quantity of Starch
necessary, with the result of perfect
finish, equal to that when the goods
An Observing Professor.
"I notice that Prof. Mustard says
Benjamin Franklin wrote only a few
of the verses used by him in Poor
Richard's Almanac, most of them be-
ing the work of noted English poets."
"I'm afraid Mustard will begin to no-
tice soon that some of the jokes in
tho later almanacs are not entirely
original."—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Peace Dove Evidently Needed.
During the session of the house of
j representatives a dove, purple in
color, flew gracefully into the hall and
hovered high over the heads of the
legislators. Naturally the question
arose as to whether it was the dove
ot peace. Some of the members
earnestly hoped that it was.—Hart-
The Bride—How do you know that
man across the aisle f.s a pugilist?
The Groom—Why, just listen how
fluently he talks.
Qu«er Idea of Enjoyment.
Dr. Juliet Severance writes in the
"I am often reminded of a clinic
case brought before the class when I
was in medical college in 1858. The
man had gout and rheumatism, both
the small and large joints being im-
movable, and his suffering was severe.
Dr. R. T. Trail, professor of theory and
practice, was explaining to us the im-
portance of a very strict and abstemi-
ous diet. The poor fellow tried vainly
to turn his head, and grunted out: 'I
can't go that; I want to enjoy life
while I do live.'"
Makes Pain Go Away.
Are you one of the ones who pay in toil
For your right of way through this
If so you will find Hunt's Lightning Oil
A friend which will aid in the strife.
To those who earn their own way
br their own labor, accidents occur
with painful frequency. Burns, bruises,
cuts and sprains are not strangers to
the man who wears corns on his hands.
A better remedy for these troubles does
not exist than Huut's Lightning Oil.
Productivity of the Hen.
"How many ^pgs is a hen wound
up to lay during the term of her nat-
ural life, do you suppose?" said the
man who has investigated. "No idea,
eh? Well, sir, a good, healthy hen—
not speaking of any particular star
breed, but just hen—a good, healthy
hen does not fulfill her destiny until
she has turned out 600 eggs—50
dozen. That's what nature has fitted
up a hen to do in the way of eggs, and
she gives her eight years to do it in."
"It Knocks the Itch."
It may not cure all your ills, but it
does cure one of the worst. It cures
any form of itch ever known—no mat-
ter what it is called, where the sensa-
tion is "itch," it knocks it. Eczema,
Ringworm and all the rest are relieved
at once and cured by one box. It'a
guaranteed, and its name is Hunt's
If a man occasionally tells a woman
how pretty she looks she will forgive
most of the other lies he tells her.
"I get my money's worth,' said
the old sportsman, "when I buy
U. M. C. Ammunition. With U. M.
C. Cartridges I can drive nails In the
barn door. I brought down a hawk
at 75 paces with U. M. C. Arrow
Gam* Ltws fro*.
THE UNION METALLIC
Agency, 313 Broadway. New York City
Sales Office. San Francisco, Cat.
tlion*t Scratch.) Is sold by all druggists
on a positive guarantee
to cure Tetter, Eczema,
Itch of all kinds. Skin
Eruptions, Ring Worm,
Dew Poison, Chapped
Face and Hands, Pim-
ples, Dandruff and all
Scalp Troubles, Corns,
Bunions, Sore and
Sweaty Feet, Etc. Sold
everywhere, two sizes,
50c and $1.00 Bottles.
Does not stain, grease
or blister. Mailed direct
, on receipt of price.
HOOPER MEDICINE CO., Dallas, Texas.
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The Orlando Clipper. (Orlando, Okla.), Vol. 1, No. 38, Ed. 1 Friday, August 9, 1907, newspaper, August 9, 1907; Orlando, Oklahoma. (gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc305557/m1/3/: accessed October 23, 2018), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.