The Guymon Herald. (Guymon, Okla.), Vol. 28, No. 34, Ed. 1 Thursday, October 24, 1918 Page: 3 of 10
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THURSDAY. OCTOBER *4, IMS
THE GUYMON HERALD
PAGE THRU
PASTURE FOR RENT
BEAVERDALE RANCH (Old De Lutie Ranch)
GOOD GRASS; ABUNDANCE OF WATER;
ALL FENCED; CARE OF CATTLE
Call on or Phone
F. J. BOHNHOFF
FOREMAN AT RANCH
THE BOYS LAUGH TO
FORGET THEIR TROUBLES
The Herald is in receipt of a very In-
teresting letter this week from Ser-
geant Tom Wright, who is now at Gen-
eral Headquarters, A. K. F., which we
publish in another column, together
with other letters from hoys some-
where in France. The boys at Head-
quarters have started publishing a
monthly magasine that is brimming
over with wit, wisdom and jokes. It
'is called the Headquarters Herald. We
print below a few of the articles we
found interesting:
Why We Arc At War
We have attended 851 lectures ex-
plaining why we are at war. While
we hesitate to give publicity to the ig-
norance of 851 speakers, or to draw any
conclusions, we feel that It is our duty
to present here and now the first and
only clear explanation of all why-s,
which-s, what-s and wherefore-s of
this matter. Permission is hereby
granted for the use of this explanation
only if and when proper discredit is
given.
In 1132, the grandfather of Cognac
Pasha, chief bell-hop to his nibs, the
mayor of El-hash-house, had an attack
of German measles, which he attri-
buted to the influence of German
propaganda secretly concealed in quill
tooth-picks with which he had been ac-
customed to clean his molars. Prompt-
ly, he mobilised his standing squad
and called upon Oskub, chief of the
Rabbitites, to give out an interview de-
claring that a state of war existed. Os-
kub wns a peaceful cuss and refused
to be quoted for publication. At least,
that's what he pulled, but the truth
is, -he had been unduly influenced by
Helps
Sick
Women
Cardui, the woman's
tonic, helped Mrs. Wil-
liam Eversolc, of Hazel
Patch, Ky. Read what
she writes: "I had a
general breaking-down
of my health. I was in
bed for weeks, unable to
get up. I had such a
weakness and dizziness,
... and the pains were
very severe. A friend
told me I had tried every-
thing else, why not
Cardui? ... I did, and
soon saw it was helping
me ... After 12 bottles,
I am strong and well."
German money and was working for
an iron cross.
Foiled for the nounce. Old man Cog-
nac set to work In his shrewd way to
throw a monkey wrench into the bal
ance wheels of F.uropean history
Father Time had also been getting an
earful of kultur, and no doubt for that
reason. Cognac Sr., died of the whoop
ing cough three months later, but not
before he had exacted a promise from
his son and successor, bell hopping in
his stead, to keep up the good work
Little did Fred, the Grate, and all the
other Hellengollerns, realise the forces
for their destruction which they had
set in action.
Well, to make a long story short.—
that's how the war began. The world
moved along, Germany—exhilarated by
its success in preventing Oskub from
doing them dirt—tried to hog the
world and put everyone else in the
guard house. Had Oskuh been dif
ferent in character, we might now be
Just starting to dig the Panama canal
But—that's a different story.
make the boys feel at home and to cheer j |
them along than a letter from home to
the effect that the mortgage had been
reduced. She has entertained the boys
during air raids, near the trenches* and
has been from one part of France to
the other, wherever Americans have
been ststioned, and Klsie Janis can
have the vote of more than one "Hough-
boy" over here for any office she may
desire. Three cheers and a flock of
tigers for Klsie.—A. S. W.
Who At* Number One?
A great mystery has developed at
headquarters, since we made our bow
last month. Many have been the ques-
tions asked as to the whereabouts of
the first issue of the Headquarters
Herald. Since we are forced to do it,
we will make answer. There wasn't
any urh animal. It happened this
way; some chap with a great amount
of initiative, in order to save the edi-
torial staff the trouble of raising cain
with the business managers for not
getting the sheet off the press sooner,
moved the edition up o notch and
threw "Vol. 1 No. 2" at the top of the
mast when it should have been tagged
with "Vol. 1 No. I." So it has been
decided to continue witl\ our second
issue being labeled "Vol. 1 —No. 8 ,
while "Vol. 1— No. 1" will always re-
main one of the great mysteries of the
war.
TAKE
The Woman's Tonic
Do you feel weak, diz-
zy, worn-out? Is your
lack of good health caused
from any of the com-
plaints so common to
women? Then why not
give Cardui a trial? It
should surely do for you
what it has done for so
many thousands of other
women who suffered—it
should help you back to
| health.
Ask some lady friend
who has taken Cardui.
She will tell you how it
helped her. Try Cardui.
M Druggists
How to Win the War
The F.ditors have come to the con
elusion that "now is the time for every
good inan to come to the aid of his
party." To encourage thrift and th
lost art of thinking among the readers
of this mouth-piece of those who know
the green lamp and the sign of the
quill, a first prise of 1000 centimes and
five additional prises of 800 fifty cen
times are offered for the best and most
impractical methods of winning the
war.
Now listen and we'll sing you our
plan. I*t us all think hard—just as
hard as we can—and long—dear me,
yes—hell yes—as the soldiers say. We
haven't done our share of thinking,
now really. 'Nd we'll all think so hard,
y'know, and about how to win the war
at once, and when you discover your
way, you hurry right down to the
Headquarters Herald office and just
tell Mr. Sowers all about it,—just as
though you were telling it to some one
—and he will take it all down in short-
hand and then write it on the type-
writer, if he remembers what you said,
nnd it will be published in the next is-
sue, provided—mind—(mind—we say
mind) it passes the judges.
Now—oh, yes,—about the j idges.
First, we won't tell you who they are.
because that would be tellin' and 'cause
if you didn't get the prise, you would
lie real embittered against them, per-
haps. But we will say this,—they are
above suspicion,—oh yes, and they are
■xperts of the 1st degree, and hesides
they won't have the final say, anyhow.
It is safe to say that Charley Kerr
will grab one of the first prises—In
fact we are agreed that his contribu-
tions in the past ought to entitle him
to some reward, but—honest, we can-
not imagine which of our other gentle
renders will think up the most im-
practical and best methods of winning
the war. Joe Darsev has just suggested
that if all the field clerks would resign,
that would help a hell of a lot, but we
refuse to consider his plan, and besides,
there must be no profanity in this mat-
ter. You don't know but that we may
intend to have one of the telephone
girls as one of the judges. So please
be nice nbout it, won't you.
When Elsie Came to G. H. Q.
Elsie Janis, nothing more or less than
Elsie Janis, nothing more nor less
than a human dynamo, a big bundle
ing, dancing, telling stories and doing
almost every conceivable thing pos-
sible to entertain the many many
officers, telephone girls and men who
crowded the big courtyard, the big
drill grounds, at these headquarters.
From the moment she jumped out upon
the specially built motor truck plat-
form to the tune of "Over There" as
played by the Headquarters Band to
the last "When Yankee Doodle Learns
to Parle* Vous Francais", she kept
that khaki clad audience of hers in a
continuous roar. At one time she took
the baton from the bnnd leader and
directed the band as only Elsie Janis
can. Her song of "Give Me the Moon-
light," and portrayed by her as the
boche. Englishman, Frenchman, and
American would give it (to use a theat-
rical expression) "brought down the
house" and "knocked them clear off
their seats" as "she put it over." Her
stories were greatly enjoyed andd Elsie
Janis has done more during the past
five months that she has been here to
Kick in, Ye Scribes
Is there vrrse that is worse than you
find here inclosed?
Have you talents in art of which no-
body knows?
For the love of sour apples, cough up
and kick in;
Or the Headquarters H— will become
hasheen.
Did you ever lambast with a bottle of
ink,
The "dHmnable Kaiser"—and say what
you think
About Allemand "kultur"—gee, you
ought to begin!
Swipe someone's pet phrases -cough
up and kick in.
Be sure to say "Clown Prince" and
speak of "the Hun"
Add comments and boasts of what "we '
have won:
Infer that you're shouldering most of
the war,
Cough up and kick in,—that's what
the sheet's for —Tipton Bandy.
Among the A. F. Cs.
Bill Harrison, who hails from way
down in Georgia, is all out of sorts on
account of not being gbio to procure
Atlanta's famous soft drink during the
hot weather. (Of course this is Bill's
first summer on the Continent, and
complaints are always to be expected
from those who have been «lenied the
opportunity of extensive travel.) Bill,
being a naturnl kicker, is also worrying
about the extra weight he has been
putting on since he came to France.
He is only six feet tall and weighs
nearly a hundred pounds—almost.
Two Ode* to the Cootie
It is the little things that count. Now
for instance, take cooties Here is
that long waited Ode.
The cootie is a patriot
• In this he takes pride,
Forever at the battle-front.
You'll find him at your side,—
And even then the good old Vet.
Well, you will find him biting yet.
Long after you have died!
They do not go in platoons, or singles,
<jr in fours,—
Be careful of the cooties, perhaps they
mav be yours!
The Reason Why You
Should Conserve Gasoline
(J It isn't enough for automobile owners to content themselves by simply saving
gasoline through the methods prescribed by the United States Fuel Administra-
tion. Every person in the United States who uses gasoline for transportation pur-
poses should feel it his conscientious duty to judiciously expend all such fuel, as
though his supply was confined to a specified monthly allotment and to search
out new ways for the conservation of gasoline. None of us would care to utilize
gasoline for our personal needs at the expense of direct war activities.
Every patriotic motorist—every man who has the intereat of our country at
heart—should not only cheerfully observe gasoline-less Sunday, but should obey
the spirit as well as the letter of that order. To keep your car idle on Sunday is
right and proper. But to try and make up for it on Monday or other days of the
week, by using more gasoline than is absolutely necessary, is a violation of the
Fuel Administration's order. And it is just as big offense, as to use your motor
car on a gasoline-less Sunday.
IJThe conservation department of the Fuel Administration points out that 5,000,-
000 cars are in use in the United States and that if each car owner will do his ut-
most to conserve gasoline, preventing spills, racing of engine, etc., each owner
can probably save from /i to I pint a day, which in itself would effect a sufficient
saving to meet the excess demand that war activities have created.
It isn't necessary to curtail the legitimate use of your car to save gpsoline. Nor is
it practical, so long as you can use your your automobile to save time, money and
energy for other work. But it is vitally necessary that you do your share to save
gasoline, if you expect to have gasoline to use. So when the U. S. Fuel Admin-
istration asks you, as they do now—not to spill gasoline, nor to permit it to
leak; nor to use it for washing, or to run engine while standing; nor to leave cans
or tanks open, but to stop the leaks and save the drops—remember that they are
asking for your assistance, to protect the future interests of yourself as well as
our country.
<| We have a few "490'' Chevrolets ready for delivery, and they always do more
than their share in saving gas. Have you investigated that feature?
Chevrolet or Buick
NEARLY NEW FORD FOR SALE
THE CITY GARAGE
L. W. BOOTH, Proprietor
OILS, GAS. ACCESSORIES
GUYMON, OKLAHOMA
URGENT NEEDS OF
THE GOVERNMENT
Sammy Speak* of a Pal
There's a slim fat man who sits next to
me
Who has been in a circus I can see,
As ambidexterous as a clown,
He mindeth neither sneer nor frown.
And every day I fear for his life.
\s lie tries in vain to swallow his knife!
He never says; "Oh, excuse me please."
When his mouth is full and he starts to
sneese!
He inhales his soup and gargles his ten.
And most of his gravy he puts on me!
I've a spot in my side that's all black
and blue,
Where his elbows beat such a regular
tattoo!
Yet he is after all such a careful sinner.
For he saves on his coat—quite a little
dinner.
BERG
Mr. and Mrs. R. J. Carr visited rela-
tives in Colorado Sunday.
Richard Shield has been very sick,
but is able to be out again.
Mr. and Mrs. John Stewart visited
friends in Pioneer district Sunday.
Bert Stewart and Fred Shield trans-
acted business in Elkhart Tuesdny.
Mr. and Mrs. Jermvn and family
were dinner guests the Kelly home
Sunday.
Mr. and Mrs. "Ralph Wiley and Mrs I
Baron called at the Claud Shield home
Sunday.
Mr. McFarland and son Monroe.
Roy Wiley and Ralph Wiley transacted
business in Boise City Saturday.
Our school and Sunday school and
everything else is closed here for an
Indefinite time until the influenza scare
is over.
Mabel Kelly and Bernice Johnston
returned to their homes Sunday from
| Goodwell on account of school being
closed.
The local secretary of the I'. S Civil |
Service Board at Kansas City has sent
this office a statement of the urgent
needs of the Government in the way of
help in carrying on the war work.
The greatest need at present seems to
lie for certain mechanics, qualified to
do shipbuilding, and for stenographers,
typewriters, bookkeepers, and special
clerks in the Departments at Washing-
ton. The mechanics most needed just
now, which can be supplied by this
section of the country, are machinists,
blacksmiths and boilennakers. The
ship carpenters, coppersmiths and sail-
makers, and those of several other
allied trades are furnished mostly from
the sections nearer the coast, but of
course any who apply here will be ac-
cepted. The Kansas City Civil Service
office is authorised to approve appli-
cations, hire the men and pay their way
to the place of employment. This rail-
road fare is not held out of their
wages. The pay is from 78 to 78 cents
per hour.
Among the positions of a clerical
nature, those requiring a knowledge of
stenography and typewriting are call-
ing for the most recruits. Two exam-
inations for stenographers and type-
writers are held every week—one on
Tuesday rft 9 a. m. and one on Saturday
at i p. ni. Applicants from all parts of
the country may take these exami-
nations at Kansas City. Appli-
cations need only be submitted to the
examiner on the day of examination,
and do not have to be mailed into
Washington, as formerly the case. Ex-
amination papers are graded quickly
and all who pass are offered immediate
appointments. The entrance salary is
#1200, and promotions are rapid.
A great many technical positions are
open and may be secured by simply
filing an application—no examination
being necessary. All such positions,
however, are highly technical, and can
only be secured by those especially edu-
cated and qualified for the work.
Full information may be secured by
writing to the Secretary of the Civil
Service Board, room 314 Post Office
Building, Kansas City, Missouri.
EASTER WOOD
(9 miles northwest of Guymon.)
This is a very busy community at
present.
Maybelle Reid spent Thursday after-
noon with Cilenna Nichols.
Mrs. Ine* Spruell returned home
after a three weeks visit with Mrs. Guy
Mcllone.
Mrs. S. I.. Davis was a dinner guest
at the home of Mr. and Mrs. J. E.Wil-
son Sunday.
Mesdanies Geo. Jones and S. I.. Davis
were Thursday afternoon callers ut the
'/.iegler home.
C. F. Dixon and Travis Nichols
pulled broom corn for W. /.iegler,
Thursday and Friday.
Mrsdaines Geo. Jones, S. I.. Davis
and Miss Maybelle Reid are knitting
sweaters for the Red Cross.
Mr. and Mrs. Harry' Mitchell and
family were entertained to dinner Sun-
day by Mr. and Mrs. Grovier.
Mr. and Mrs. Allen Wilmeth were
week-end guests of Mr. and Mrs. Couch.
Mrs. Wilmeth returned home Sunday
night and Mr. Wilmeth will remain the
coming week and cut feed for Mr.
Couch.
Mrs. Ed Davis has been quite ill the
past week, but is very much better at
this writing. Her parents, Mr. and Mrs.
W. G. Jones, and Mr. and Mrs. Ix>well
Cathcart and Mr. and Mrs. Ed Grif-
fith spent Sunday afternoon with her.
for several weeks.
The Upstreamers class will serve the
lunch at Mr. Suitar's sale.
We noticed Ward Williams riding
around in a new buggy Sunday.
Mabel Donnell spent Saturday night
and Sunday with Thelma Kelly.
Everybody is busy cutting feed.
Making good use of these fine days.
Mr. Blevins helped his brother cut
fed last week in the I.iberty commu-
nity.
(juite a crowd from around here
went to the Brown sale near Goodwell
last Friday.
Misses Nora, Velma ami Bessie Stice
and J. B. West called at the I.. Phil-
ippe home Sunday evening.
Misses Velma and Bessie Stice came
out home Sunday as the school in Guy-
mon has closed for a while.
Miss Tennie Luther came down from
Goodwell Sunday to take charge of her
school, which was to open Monday.
PLAINVIEW AND PERKINS
L. D. Green Is on the sick list this
reek.
Carl Jones is on the sick list at this
writing.
The Perkins school closed Monday
FOR SALE
100 Hereford calves, 80 Hereford
cows 4 and 9 years old. Also a good
160-acre farm at $30 per acre; about
$2,400 improvements. J. R. Kirk, 15
miles south of Hansford, Tex 30t4*
(First published October 17, HH)
NOTICE FOR PUBLICATION
Stale of Oklahoma. Texss County.
In the District Court of said County,
ti. W. Reck. Plaintiff.
v .
Bessie Keck. Defendant.
Said defendant. Bessie Reck, will take nottee
that she has been sued in thy above named
court by G. W. Reck for abaolute divorce, and
must answer the petition ft led therein tar (aid
plaintiff on or before th* 3<>th day Noeem-
bar. 1 18. or said petition will betaken as
true and a judgment for said plaintiff in Mid
action for aheolute divorce will ba rendand
accordingly. GEO M. «UTT7.
(Seal) Court Clerk.
Ju. E. Brealin, Att'y for Plf.
MONEY TO LOAN ON FARMS
Five years, six per cent, two per cent
commission. We do our own inspect-
ing, write our own mortgages, pay the
money as soon as abstract is made.
Guymon Land and Loan Co.,
G. F McKnight, Mgr.,
Guymon, Oklahoma.
FORTY YEARS A DRUGGIST
He Endorses
PERUNA
Read this from Mr. L. A. Richardson
of Marine, Illinois:
*1 have been engaged In the retail draa bu«i-
■eea here for the pant forty year*. Durtng th.s
time I have seen many patent medicines come
Into use. nourish for one or two yeara and then
gradually disappear. There are very few of
these remedies that poaaeaa enough real merit to insure thern lone
life I'eruna baa alwaya been a K« d aeller with na, mlth a marked
Increase from year to year. The change in the formula some yeara
ago. by the addition of the slightly lax.itlve properties hasisialt H
a reliable remedy for couatlpadon and for ,uld . If taken hourly tn
taMespoonful iloses by adults It will break up the worst old la «w#
or three days' time. I take pleasure tn urging luy brother drugglats
to recommend It for these two ailments."*
Sold Eveiywhere Liquid or Tablet Form Ask Your Dealer
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Denny, J. Q. The Guymon Herald. (Guymon, Okla.), Vol. 28, No. 34, Ed. 1 Thursday, October 24, 1918, newspaper, October 24, 1918; Guymon, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc273634/m1/3/: accessed April 23, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.