The Calumet Chieftain. (Calumet, Okla.), Vol. 6, No. 38, Ed. 1 Friday, April 16, 1915 Page: 3 of 8
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CALUMET. OKLA. CHIEFTAIN
Af/JCG/Pdrtf
wr/r<y? orMf/WMWfjw &&i
Wit* Craning* by Harrison Fisher.
CHAPTER I.
Tt all depends upon the manner of
your entrance to the Castle of Adven-
ture. One d es not have to scale its
beetling parapets or assault its scarps
and frowning bastions; neither is one
obliged to force with clamor and blar-
ing trumpets and glittering gorgets
the drawbridge and portcullis. Rather
the pathway lies through one of those
many little doors, obscure, yet easily
accessible, latcliless and boltless, to
which the average person gives no
particular attention, and yet which in-
variably lead to the very heart of this
Castle Delectable. The whimsical
chatelaine of this enchanted keep is
a shy goddess. Circumspection has no
part in Jier affairs, nor caution, nor
practicality; nor does her eye Unger
upon the dullard and the blunderer.
Imagination solves the secret riddle,
and wit is the guide that leads the
seeker through the winding, bewilder-
ing labyrinths.
And there is something in being
Idle, too!
If I had not gone idly into Mou-
quin's cellar for dinner that night, I
should have missed the most engaging
adventure that ever fell to my lot. It
is second nature for me to be guided
by impulse rather than b'y reason;
reason is always so square-toed and
Impulse is always so alluring. You
■will find that nearly all the great
captains were and are creatures of
impulse; nothing brilliant is ever
achieved by calculation. All this is
not to say that I am a great captain;
it is offered only to inform you that
I am often impulsive.
A Times, four days old; and if I
hadn't fallen upon it to pass the
twenty-odd minutes between my order
and the service of it, I shouldn't have
made the acquaintance of the police
in that pretty little suburb over in
New Jersey; nor should 1 have met
the enchanting Blue Domino; nor
would fate have written Kismet. The
clairvoyant never has any fun in this
cycle; he has no surprises.
1 had been away from New York
for several weeks, and had returned
only that afternoon. Thus, the spirit
of unrest acquired by travel was still
upon me. it was nearly holiday week,
and those congenial friends I might
hate called upon, to while away the
evening, were either busily occupied
with shopping or were out of town;
and I determined not to go to the club
and be bored by some Indifferent bil-
liard player. 1 would dine quietly,
listen to some light music, and then
go to the theater. I was searching
the theatrical amusements, when the
society column indifferently attacked
my eye. 1 do not know why it is, but
I have a wholesome contempt for the
so-called society columns; of the daily
newspaper in New York. Mayhap, it
is because I do not belong.
I read this paragraph with a shrug,
and that one with a smirk. 1 was in
no manner surprised at the announce-
ment that Miss High-Culture was go-
ing to wed the Duke of Impecune; I
had always been certain this girl
■would do some such fool thing. That
Mrs. Hyphen-Bonds was giving a fare-
well dinner at the Waldorf, prior to
her departure to Europe, interested
my curiosity not in the least degree.
It would be all the same to me if she
never came back. None of the wish"-
washy tittle-tattle interested me, in
fact. There was only one little six-
line paragraph that really caught me.
On Friday night (that is to say, the
night of my adventures in Blankshire),
the Hunt Club was to give a charity
masquerade dance. This grasped my
adventurous spirit by the throat aod
refused to let go.
The atmosphere surrounding the
paragraph was spirituous with ea-
chantment. There was
a shooting-box, and excellent golf
links. In the winter it was cozy; in
the summer it was ideal.
I was intimately acquainted with the
club's M. F. 11., Teddy Hamilton. We
had done the Paris-Berlin run in my
racing car the summer before. If I
hadn't known him so well, I might
still have been in durance vile, next
door to jail, or securely inside. I had
frequently dined with him at the club
during the summer, and he had offered
to put me up; but as I knew no one
intimately but himself, I explained the
futility of such action. Besides, my
horse wasn't a hunter; and I was rid-
and susceptibility occasioning certain
peculiarities of effect from impress
of extraneous influences (vide Web-
ster), synonymous with idiocrasy and
known as idiosyncrasy. It was quite
possible that I was the first man to
establish such a precedent in Monsieur
Mouquin's restaurant. Thus, 1 aroused
only passive curiosity.
From the corner of my eye I ob-
served the old gentleman opposite.
He was peering over the top of his
paper, and I could see by the glitter in
his eye that he was a confirmed player
of solitaire. The girl, however, still
appeared to be in a dreaming state.
I have no doubt every one who saw
nie thought that anarchy was abroad
again, or that Sherlock Holmes had
entered into his third incarnation.
Finally I squared the pack, took a
long breath, and cut. I turned up the
card. It was the ten-spot of hearts.
I considered this most propitious,
hearts being my long suit in every-
thing but love,—love having not yet
crossed my path. I put the card in
my wallet, and was about to toss the
rest of the pack under the table, when
a woman's voice stayed my hand.
"Don't throw them away. Tell my
fortune first."
t-x
ih-V <? .
Wai ths Tan-Spot of Hearts.
novelty about this dance. Two packs
of playing cards had been sent out as
tickets; one pack to the ladies and
one to the gentlemen. Charming Idea,
wasn't it? These cards were to be
shown at the door, together with ten
dollars, but were to be retained by
the recipients till two o'clock (supper
time), at which moment everybody
was to unmask and take his partner,
who held the corresponding card, in to
supper. Its newness strongly appealed
to me. I found myself reading the
paragraph over and over.
By Jove, what an inspiration!
1 knew the Blankshire Hunt Club,
with its colonial architecture, its great
ball room, its quaint fireplaces, its
s-ables and sheds, and the fame of its
r--ef It was one of those great fcoun-
1 ■ \ dabs that keep open house the
•. ir round, it stood back from the
j: , a'M H,: four miles and was within
1 " m l"s
ing him less and less. It is no pleas-
ure to go "parking" along the bridle-
paths of Central Park. For myself, I
want a hill country and something
like forty miles, straight away; that's
riding.
The fact that 1 knew no one but
Teddy added zest to the inspiration
which had seized me. For I deter-
mined to attend that dance, happen
what might. It would be vastly more
entertaining than a possibly dull the-
atrical performance. (It was!)
I called for a messenger and dis-
patched him to the nearest drug storo
for a pack of playing cards; and
while I waited for his return I casu-
ally glanced at the other diners. At
my table—one of those long marble-
topped affairs by the wall—there was
an old man reading a paper, and the
handsomest girl I had set ey.es upon
in a month of moons. Sometimes the
word handsome seems an inferior ad-
jective. She was beautiful, and her
half-hidden eyes told me that she was
anywhere but at Mouquin's. What a
head of hair! Fine as a spider's web,
and the dazzling yellow of a wheat
field in a sun shower! The irregu-
genuine ( larity of her features made them all
1 looked up, not a little surprised.
It was the beautiful young girl who
had spoken. She was leaning on her
elbows, her chin propped in her palms,
and the light in her gray chatoyant
eyes was wholly innocent and mis-
I chievous. In Monsieur Mouquin's cel-
j lar people are rather Bohemian, not
I to say friendly; for it is the rendez-
| vous of artists, literary men and jour-
I nalists,—a clan that holds formality
in contempt.
"Tell your fortunaT" 1 repeated, par
rot-like.
"Yes."
"Your mirror can tell that more ac
curately than I can," I replied with l
frank glance of admiratiom.
She drew her shoulders together
and dropped them. "I spoke to you,
sir, because I believed you wouldn't
say anything so commonplace as that.
When one sees a man soberly shuffling
a pack of cards in a place like this,
one naturally expects originality."
"Well, perhaps you caught me off
my guard,"—humbly. "I am original.
Did you ever before witness this per-
formance in a public lostaurant?"—
making the cards purr.
"I can not say I have,"—amused.
"Well, no more have I!"
"Why, then do you do it?"—with re-
newed interest.
"Shall I tell your fortune?"
"Not now. I had much rather you
would tell me the meaning of this
play."
I leaned toward her and whispered
mysteriously: "The truth is, I belong
to a secret society, and I was cutting
the cards to Bee whether or not 1
should blow up the postofflce to-night
or the police station. You inustn t
tell anybody."
"Oh!" She started back from the
table. "You do not look it," she added
suddenly.
"I kpow it; appearances are so de-
ceptive," said I sadly.
Then the old man laughed, and the
girl laughed, and 1 laughed; and I
wasn't quite sure that the grave
waiter did not crack the ghost of a
smile—In relief.
"And what, may I ask, was the fatal
card?" inquired the old man, folding
his paper.
"The ace of spades; we always
choose that gloomy card in secret so-
cieties. There Is something deadly
and suggestive about it," 1 answered
morbidly.
"Indeed."'
"Yes. Ah, if only you knew the ter-
rible life we iead, we who conspire!
Every day brings forth some galling
disappointment. We push a king off
into the dark, and another rises im-
mediately in his place. Futility, futil-
ity everywhere! If only there were
some way of dynamiting habit and
custom! I am a Russian; all my
family are perishing in Siberian j
mines,"—dismally.
"Fudge!" said the girl.
"Tommy-rot!" said the amiable old
gentleman.
"Uncle, his hair is too short for an I
anarchist."
"And his collar too immaculate." !
(So the old gentleman was this charm- I
ing creature's uncle!)
"We are obliged to disguise our- I
selves at times," I explained. "The
police are always meddling. It is dls- [
couraging."
"You have some purpose, humorous
or serious," said tjje girl shrewdly.
"A man does not bring a pack of
cards—"
"I didn't bring them; I sent out for
them."
"—bring a pack of cards here simply
to attract attention," she continued
tranquilly.
"Perhaps 1 am a prestidigitator In
a popular dime museum," I suggested,
willing to help her out, "and am doing
a little advertising."
"Now, that has a plausible sound,"
she admitted, folding her hands under
her chin. "It must be an Interesting
life. Presto—change! and all that."
"Oh, I find it rather monotonous in
the winter; but in the summer it is
fine. Then I wander about the slim-
mer resorts and give exhibitions."
WOMAN WOULD
NOT GIVE UP
Though Sick and Suffering; At
Last Found Help in Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
ble Compound.
Richmond, Pa. — " When I started
taking Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound I was in a
dreadfully rundown
state of health,
had internal trou-
bles, and was so ex-
tremely nervous and
prostrated that if I
had given in to my
feelings I would
have been in bed.
As it was I had
hardly strength at
times to be on my
feet and what I did do was by a great
effort. I could not sleep at night and
of course felt very bad in the morning,
and had a steady headache.
"After taking the second bottle I no-
ticed that the headache was not so bad,
I rested better, and my nerves were
stronger. I continued its use until it
made a new woman of me, and now I
can hardly realize that I am able to do
so much as I do. Whenever I know any
woman in need of a good medicine I
highly praise Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg-
etable Compound." — Mrs. Frank
Clark, 3146 N. Tulip St., Richmond,Pa.
Women Have Been Telling Women
for forty years how Lydia E.Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound has restored their
health when suffering with female ills.
This accounts for the enormous demand
for it from coast to coast. If you are
troubled with any ailment peculiar to
women why don't you try Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound ■ It
will pay you to do so. Lydia E. Pink-
ham Medicine Co., Lynn, Mass.
Raising the Limit.
Somebody is leaving the govern-
ment $3,500 for the conscience fund.
This Is raising the limit. Hereto-
fore a dollar is about the hardest
blow anybody's conscience has re-
ceived.
To be Continued.
LIVED EIGHT YEARS
ON CRACKERS
Kate Stlferman of Oklahoma City Re
stored After Long Period
of Suffering.
Kate Stiferman of Capitol Hill, Okla-
homa City, lived on crackers for eight
years. She was a sufferer from chronic
stomach troubles.
She got a bottle of Mayr's Wonder
ful Remedy. The result of the treat-
ment, she declares, was marvelous
She wrote;
"One bottle of your remedy cured
me of my stomach troubles. I can
now eat anything that I want to with
good results, after living on crack-
ers for eight years—and at times I
could not even eat them. I have three
sisters affected the same way and I
want to surprise them by the way I
can eat now."
Mayr's Wonderful Remedy gives per-
manent results for Btomach, liver and
intestinal ailments. Eat as much anr!
whatever you like. No more distress
after eating, pressure of gas in the
stomach and around the heart. Get one
bottle of your druggist now and try it
on an absolute guarantee—if not satis
factory money will be returned.—Adv.
A paper chimney, 50 feet high and
fireproof, Is a curiosity to be seen at
Breslau, Germany.
Meanings of Word Caliber
Either the Diameter of a Gun or Its | 32-callber pistol, meaning that th«
the more interesting. 1 was an artist
in an amateur way, and I mentally
painted in that head against a Rubens
background. The return of the mes-
senger brought me back to earth; for
1 confess that my imagination had
a>ready leaped far into the future, and
this girl across the way was nebulous-
ly connected with it.
I took the pack of cards, ripped off
the covering, tossed aside the joker
(though, really, I ought to have re-
tained it!) and began shuffling the
shiny pasteboards. I dare say that
those around me sat up and took no- ,
tlce.
Length Divided by Diameter.
There is surely no word in the nom-
enclature of guns, big ^nd little, which
has caused, and is causing, so much
bore is .22 or .32 of an inch in diame-
ter.—Scientific American.
Proved Her a Flirt.
Senator Penrose, at the dedication
Made since 1846—Hanford's Balsam.
Adv.
The man who has money to burn
generally has friends to roast.
— so niu<"tl j of Pennsylvania's splendid capitol at
confusion In the lay mind as the word j Harrisburg, said of a certain speech
that had been made at a private din-
ner before the dedicatory ceremonies:
"That speech was pregnant with
meaning. It revealed in every sen-
tence its aHthor's character. Brief
caliber
The confusion arises chiefly from !
the use of the term In an adjectival
sense to indicate length, as when we j
say a 50-calibc-, 6-inch gun.
The word caliber as applied to artil |
lery signifies essentially and at all j
times the diameter of the bore of a
gun. A gun. then, of six-inch caliber
is a gun whose bore Is just six Inches.
For convenience, and because the ]
power of a gun. when once its bore 1
has been decided upon, depends
and full and Illuminating, it reminded
me of the beautiful young lady who
murmured to herBelf one afternoon,
as she paused uncertainly on a street
corner:
"'What a bore! For the life of me
I can't remember whether I'm to meet
sight to see a man gravely shuffling a
pack of cards in a public restaurant.
Nobody interfered, doubtless because
nobody knew exactly what to do ki
the face of such an act, for which no
adequate laws had been provided. A
„„„ waiter stood solemnly at the end of
,f the village. There was the table, scratching hiB chin thought-
inland, a cross-country i fully, wondering whether he should
around me sat up and took no- has been decided upon, depends so Morrjg xasker street or Tasker on
It was by no means a common | greatly upon its length, artillerists are j^orl.js street.' "
In the habit of defining the length of ,
the gun In terms of the caliber. \ Lions Dislike Water.
The six-Inch rapid-fire gun. as , ' ,he fores,s l'oaa wU1 travel f<"
mounted on the latest ships of the ! rathpr thttn ™°«sten their pads,
navy, Is a trifle under 25 feet In A thimbleful of water thrown at a
length and is, therefore, known as a "on 'n captivity will terrify him. If,
BOcnllbnr gun when In the jungle, a lion is forced to
In the case of small arms, the call j cross a stream, he swims like a dog.
ber Is expressed In hundredths of an j and lands on the other side as quickly
< _ no ui.,— „ _ ->a nnsvlhlA
. inland a cross-country fully, wondering wtietner ne snoma km. ,, ,,, . 1 ^ nossibla.
less "San twenty miles, [report this peculiarity of constitution j inch, as when we say a 22-caliber or | aa possible
Have You a Bad Back?
Does your back ache night and «1ay, mak-
ing work a burden and rest Impossible I
Do you suffer stabbing, darting pains when
stooping or lifting? Most bad backs an*
due to hidden trouble In the kidneys and
ff the kidney secretions are scant or too
frequent of passage, proof of kidney trou*
ble Is complete. Delay may pave the way
to serious kidney Ills. For bad backs and
wean kidneys, use Doan's Kidney Fills* -
recommended the world over.
An Oklahoma Case
**• ., J Sexton, T27
ysi. .JWW Reno Ave.. Ok-
lahoma City, Okla.,
says: "Kidney
complaint had a
firm hold on me
and I often Buffer-
ed from backache.
|I couldn't exert
|myself -jr be on my
Ifcet Ion? without
Buffering. Doan's
Kidney Pills fl*e«l
mo up all right and
now I take them
off and on aa a
kidney tonic."
G«* Do.n'. • Aor Store. SO« ■ Bo*
DOAN'S VtVL'S
FOSTER-MILBURN CO-. BUFFALO. N. V-
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Clayton, J. C. The Calumet Chieftain. (Calumet, Okla.), Vol. 6, No. 38, Ed. 1 Friday, April 16, 1915, newspaper, April 16, 1915; Calumet, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc167892/m1/3/: accessed April 25, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.