The Paden News. (Paden, Okla.), Vol. 1, No. 3, Ed. 1 Friday, October 16, 1908 Page: 3 of 8
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By
W. W. JACOBS
Hard Labor
(Copyright, Dodd, Mead Company.)
Police Constable C 49 paced slowly
up Wapplng High street in the cool
of the evening. The warehouses were
closed and the street almost denuded
of traffic. He addressed a short and
stern warning to a couple of youths
struggling on the narrow pavement
and pointed out—with the toe of his
boot—the undersirability of the curb-
stone as a seat to a small maiden of
five. With his white gloves in his
hand he swung slowly along, monarch
of all he surveyed.
His complacency and the air with
which he stroked his red mustache
and side-whiskers were insufferable.
Mr. Charles Pinner, ship's fireman,
whose bosom friend C 49 had pinched
to use Mr. Pinner's own expressive
phrase, a week before for causing a
■crowd to collect, eyed the exhibition
with sneering wrath. The injustice
of locking up Mr. Johnson, because a
•crowd of people whom he didn't know
from Adam persisted in obstructing
the pathway had reduced Mr. Pinner
to the verge of madness. For a time
lie kept behind C 49 and contented
himself with insulting but inaudible
remarks upon the color of his
^whiskers.
The constable turned up a little al
ley-way between two small pieces of
waste ground, concerning the desir
ability and value of which as building
sites a notice board was lurid with
adjectives. Mr. Pinner was still be-
hind; he was a man who believed in
taking what life could offer him at the
moment, and something whispered to
him that if he lived a hundred years
he would never have such anpther
•chance of bonneting that red-whis
kered policeman. There were two or
three small houses at the end of the
alley, but the only other living person
in it was a boy of ten. He looked to
be the sort of boy who might be
■trusted to smile approval on Mr. Pin
ner's contemplated performance
C 49's first thought was that a chim
ney had fallen, and his one idea was
to catch it in the act. He made
desperate grab even before pushing
Ills helmet up, and caught Mr. Pinner
toy the arm.
"Leggo," said that gentleman, strug-
gling.
"Ho," said C 49, crimson with wrath:
as he pushed his helmet up. "Now
you come along o' me, my lad."
Mr. Pinner, regretting the natural
impulse which had led to his undoing,
wreched himself free and staggered
against the fence which surrounded
the waste ground. Then he ducked
sideways, and as C 49 renewed his in
vitation, coupled with a warning con
cerning the futility of resistance,
struck him full and square on the
temple.
The constable went down as though
lie had been shot. His helmet rolled
off as he fell, and his head struck the
pavement. Mr. Pinner, his taste for
bonneting policemen all gone, passed
the admiring small boy at the double,
and then, turning the corner rapidly,
slackened his pace to something less
conspicuous
He reached his home, a small house
In a narrow turning off Cable street
safely, and, throwing himself into
chair, breathed heavily, while his wife,
whose curiosity at seeing him home
at that early hour would not be denied
plied him with questions.
Mr. Pinner, still intent on footsteps,
grumbled something beneath his
breath, and the baby being awakened
out of its first sleep and brought dow:
stairs, they contemplated each other
for some time with offensive curiosity
Until next morning Mr. Pinner's odd
reasons for Ills presence sufficed, but
when he sat still after breakfast and
showed clearly his intention to re-
main, his wife insisted upon others
less insulting to her intelligence. Mr.
Pinner, prefacing his remarks with
an allusion to a lifelong abhorrence
of red whiskers, made a clean breast
of it.
"It served him right," said his wife,
judicially, "but it'll be six months for
you if they nab you, Charlie. You'll
'ave to make up your mind to a quiet
spell indoors with me and baby till
the ship sails."
Mr. Pinner looked at his son and
heir disparagingly, and emitted a groan.
"He 'ad no witnesses," he remarked,
"except a boy, that is, and 'e didn't
look the sort to be fond o' policemen."
"You can't tell oy looks," replied his
wife, in whose brain a little plan to
turn this escapade to good account
was slowly maturing. "You mustn't
get nabbed for my Bake "
"1 won't get nabbed for my own
sake," rejoined Mr. Pinner, explicitly.
'I wonder whether It's got into the
papers?"
"Sure to," said his wife, shaking her
head.
'Go and buy one and see," said the
fireman, glancing at the baby. "I'll
look after it, but don't be long."
His wife went out and got a paper,
and Mr. Pinner, who was unable to
read, watched her anxiously as she
looked through it. It was evident, at
length, that his prowess of the previ-
ous evening had escaped being im-
mortalized in print, nnd his spirits
rose.
"I don't s'pose he was much 'urt,"
he said. "I dare say he wouldn't like
to tell 'em at the station he'd been
knocked down. Some of 'em don't.
11 just keep my eyes open when
m out."
I don't think you ought to go out,"
said his wife.
She picked up a paper again, and
regarded him furtively. Then she bent
over it, and slowly scanned the pages,
until a sudden horrified gasp drove the
roses from Mr. Pinner's cheek and
prepared him for the worst.
"Wot is it?" he stammered.
Mrs. Pinner folded the paper back
and, motioning him to silence, read as
follows:
"A violent assault was committed
last night on a policeman down at
Wapping, who was knocked down by
seafaring man until he got concussion
of the brain. The injured constable
states that he can identify the man
that attacked him, and has given a full
description of him at the police sta-
tion, where search Is now being made
for him. The public houses are being
watched."
"Ho, are they?" commented Mr.
Pinner, much annoyed. "Ho, indeed."
"That's all," said his wife, putting
down the paper.
"All!" echoed the indignant fireman.
Ow much more do you want? I'm
in a nice 'ole, I don't think. Seems to
me I might as well be in quod as "ere."
"You don't know when you're well
oft," retorted his wife.
Mr. Pinner sighed, and moved aim-
lessly about the room; then he re-
sumed his chair, and, shaking his head
slowly, lit his pipe.
You'll be quite safe indoors," said
his wife, whose plan was now per-
Believed in Taking What Life Could
Offer Him.
fected. "The only thing is, people '11
wonder what you're staying indoors
all day for."
Mr. Pinner took his pipe out of his
mouth and stared at her blankly.
"Seems to me you want a reason for
staying indoors," she pursued.
"Well, I've got one, ain't I?" said
the injured man.
"Yes, but you can't tell them that,"
said his wife. "You want a reason
everybody can understand and keep
'em from talking."
"Yes, all very tine for you to talk,"
said Mr. Pinner; "If you could think
of a reason it 'ud be. more sensible."
Mrs. Pinner, who had got several
ready, assumed an air of deep thought-
fulness, and softly scratched her cheek
with her needle.
"Whitewash the kitchen ceiling,"
she said, suddenly.
" 'Ow long would that take?" de-
manded her lord, who was not fond of
whitewashing.
"Then you could put a bit of paper
in this room," continued Mrs. Pinner,
"and put them shelves in the corner
what you said you'd do. That would
take some time."
"It would," agreed Mr. Pinner, eying
her disagreeably.
"And I was thinking," said his wife,
"if I got a sugar box from the grocer's
and two pairs o' wheels you could
make the baby a nice little peram-
bulator."
"Seems to me—" began the aston-
ished Mr. Pinner.
"While you're doing those things I'll
try and think of some more," inter-
rupted his wife.
The baby was crying, the breakfast
things were not washed, and there
were several other hindrances to
journalistic work.
Mr. Pinner said that all wall papers
were alike to him, and indulged in
dreary speculations as to where the
money was to come from. Mrs. Pin-
ner, who knew that they were saving
fast owing to his enforced seclusion,
smiled at his misgivings.
He papered the room that day after
a few choice observations on the price
of wall paper, and expressed his opin-
ion that in a properly governed coun-
try the birth of red-whiskered police-
men would be rendered an impos-
sibility. To the compliments of his
workmanship bestowed by the gratified
Mrs. Pinner he turned a deaf ear.
There was nothing in the paper next
morning, Mrs. Pinner's invention be-
ing somewhat fatigued, but she
promptly quelled her husband's joy by
suggesting that the police authorities
were lying low in the hope of lulling
him into a sense of false security.
"Wait till I've seen the paper," she
protested.
"Wot's the good of seeing the pa-
per?" replied Mr. Pinner. "We know
as 'e's in bed, and it seems to me
while 'e's in bed is my time to be out.
I shall keep a look-out. Besides, I've
just 'ad an idea; I'm going to shave
my mustache off. I ought to ha'
thought of It before."
He went upstairs, leaving his wife
wringing her hands below. So far
from the red policeman being in bed,
she was only too well aware that he
was on duty in the district, with every
faculty strained to the utmost to
avenge the outrage of which he had
been the victim. It became necessary
to save her husband at all costs, and
while he was busy upstairs with a
razor, she slipped out and bought a
paper.
He had just come down by the time
she returned, and turned to confront
her with a conscious grin; but at the
sight of her face the smile vanished
from his own, and he stood waiting
nervously for ill news.
"Oh, dear," moaned his wife.
"What's the matter?" said Mr. Pin-
ner, anxiously.
Mrs. Pinner supported herself by
the table and shook her head despond-
ently.
" 'Ave they found me out?" de-
manded Mr. Piner.
Dead!" repeated her husband,
starting violently.
Mrs. Pinner, with a little sniff, took
up the paper and read slowly, inter-
rupted only by the broken ejacula-
tions of her husband. She read:
"The unfortunate policeman who
was assaulted the other day down at
Wapping passed away peacefully yes-
terday evening in the arms of his
wife and family. The ruffian is be-
lieved to be at sea."
'I wish 'e was," said Mr. Pinner,
mournfully. "I wish 'e was anywhere
but 'ere. The idea o' making a delikit
man like that a policeman. Why, I
'ardly touched 'im."
Promise me you won't go out,"
said his wife, tearfully.
"Out?" said Mr. Pinner, energetical-
ly; "out? D'ye think I'm mad, or
wot? I'm going to stay 'ere till the
ship sails, then I'm going down in a
cab. Wot d'ye think I want to go out
for?"
It's the drink as made you do it,"
said his wife.
I'll never touch a drop agin," af-
firmed Mr. Pinner, shivering.
His pipe had lost its flavor, and he
sat pondering in silence until the ab-
solute necessity of finding more rea-
sons for his continued presence in the
house occurred to him. Mrs. Pinner
agreed with the idea, and together
they drew up a list of improvements
which would occupy every minute of
his spare time.
He worked so feverishly that he be-
came a byword in the mouths of the
other lodgers, and the only moments
of security and happiness he knew
were when he was working in the bed-
room with the door locked. Mr.
Smith attributed it to disease, and for
one panic-stricken hour discussed with
Hawk the possibility of its being in-
fectious.
Slowly the days passed until at
length there were only two left, and
he was in such a nervous and over-
wrought state that Mrs. Pinner was
almost as anxious as he was for the
date of departure. To comfort him
she read a paragraph from the paper
to the effect that the police had given
up the search in despair. Mr. Pinner
shook his head at this, and said it was
a trap to get him out. He also, with a
view of defeating the ends of justice,
set to work upon a hood for the per-
ambulator.
He was employed on this when his
wife went out to do a little shopping.
The house when she returned was
quiet, and there were no signs of any-
thing unusual having occurred; but
when she entered the room she started
back with a cry at the sight which
met her eyes. Mr. Pinner was in a
crouching attitude on the sofa, his
face buried in the cushion, while one
leg waved spasmodically lu the air.
"Charlie," she cried; ,rCKarIIe7r
There was a hollow groan from the
cushion in reply.
"What's the matter?" she cried, In
alarm. "What'B the matter?"
"I've seen it," said Mr. Pinner, In
trembling tones. "I've seen a ghost.
I was just peeping out of the winder
behind the blind when it went by."
"Nonsense," said his wife.
"His ghost," said Mr. Pinner, re-
gaining a more natural attitude and
shivering violently, "red whiskers,
white gloves and all. It's doing a beat
up and down this street. I shall go
mad. It's been by twice.''
" 'Magination," said his wife, aghast
at this state of affairs.
"I'm afraid of its coming for me,"
said Mr. Pinner, staring wildly. "Every
An Ambitious Mother.
"Hubby," said the observant wif<\
"the janitor of these flats is a bach-
elor."
"What of it?"
"I really think he is becoming in-
terested in our oldest daughter."
"There you go again with your pipe
dreams! Last week It was a duke."
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For man must be disappointed with
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Learn to depend not on another, but
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"DeadI" Repeated Her Husband.
minnit I expect to see it with its white
face stuck up agin the winder-pane
staring in at me."
"You mustn't 'ave such fancies,"
said his wife.
"I see it as plain as I see you," per-
sisted the trembling fireman. "It was
prancing up and down in just the same
stuck-up way as it did when it was
alive."
"I'll draw the blind down," said his
wife.
She crossed over to the window, and
was about to lower the blind when she
suddenly drew back with an involun-
tary exclamation.
"Can you see it?" cried her husband.
"No," said Mrs. Pinner, recovering
herself. "Shut your eyes."
The fireman sprang to his feet.
"Keep back," said his wife, "don't
look."
"I must," said the fireman.
His wife threw herself upon him,
but he pushed her out of the way and
rushed to the window. Then his jaw
dropped and he murmured incoherent-
ly, for the ghost of the red policeman
was plainly visible. Its lofty carriage
of the head and pendulum-like swing
of the arms were gone, and it was
struggling in a most fleshly manner to
lead a recalcitrant costermonger to the
station. In the intervals of the wres-
tling bout it blew loudly upon a
whistle.
"Wonderful," said Mrs. Pinner,
nervously. "Lifelike, I call it.'
The fireman watched the crowd pass
up the road, and then he turned and
regarded her.
"Would you like to hear what I call
it?" he thundered.
"Not before the baby, Charlie,"
quavered Mrs. Pinner, drawing back.
The fireman regarded her silently, j
and his demeanor was so alarming i
that she grabbed Charles Augustus
Pinner suddenly from his cradle and :
held him in front of her.
"You've kep'me here," said Mr. Pin-[
ner.in a voice which trembled with self-1
pity, "for near three week. For three i
weeks I've wasted my time, my little
spare time, and my money in making
pei ambulators and whitewashing and
papering, and all sorts of things. I've
be
and I've been worked like a convict.
Wot 'ave you got to Bay for yourself."
"Wot do you mean?" Inquired Mrs.
Pinner, recovering herself. "I ain't
to blame for what's in the paper, am
I? How was I to know that the po-
liceman as died wasn't your police-
man?"
Mr. Pinner eyed her closely, but she
met his gaze with eyes honest and
clear as those of a child. Then, real-
izing that he was waBting precious
time, he picked up his cap, and as
C 49 turned the corner with his prize,
set off in the opposite direction to
spend in the usual manner the brief
remnant of the leave which remained
to him.
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Lindsay, J. H. The Paden News. (Paden, Okla.), Vol. 1, No. 3, Ed. 1 Friday, October 16, 1908, newspaper, October 16, 1908; Paden, Oklahoma. (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc139650/m1/3/: accessed April 19, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.