^THEIR
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AF7en. * riAM HA S
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POLITICAL orator is a man
of verbal luxuriance, and
nearly always Ihe shallow
eat of sophists There is
usually little to lie gained
In what ho says, hut, to "the
groundlings." there is a deep sig
n i Ilea nee In the way lie says
but, to "the groundlings," there is a
dorp significance in Ihe way he says
It. We had orators in the ward and
in the city, the common, native gar
ilen variety of "windjammers," and
the exotic, or imported variety of
"jaw smiths." Oratory at its best is
rather a lost art, and the political ora-
tor Is a good example of a lost artist.
We never expected t  Influence voting
in the ward on account of speech male
ing. The Republicans went to llepub
llcan meetings and Ihe Democrats
went lo Democratic gatherings, and
the applause that the speakers re-
ceived was tiinply the jolly" that
their own crowd was handing them,
and there you had it.
Occasionally a man might drifl in
where some really willy and able
talker was rousting out the chln-mu
sic." and be impressed a little, hill af
(er he had gone home anil slept over
It, and appeared at the polls, he would
get the same old ticket and vote it in
the same old way. I heard the orators
In an early day who wi re orators, but
did not hear them in the political cam
palgns. "Boh" Ingersoll and Emory
Btorrs were orators the like of whom
I shall hardly hear again, but it was
not for me to bo dazzled by I lie gill
terlng generalities or clumsy plati-
tudes of Ihese "silver-tongued" orators
of the hustings, no matter whether
they were of my own parly or not. I
liked a good, sensible talk, but the
average lino of "bunk" handed out by
the ground and lofty tumblers of Ihe
city campaigns was something to
make a mail laugh.
And yet the custom had grown so
strong that nothing could apparently
stop It. There was always the com
mlttee on halls, and the committee on
ppoakers, and there was a racing and
ihasing of cans and a mounting of
platforms by anxious candidates, and
n great desire to present lo the citi-
zens the "issues of Ihe day" and so
licit their suffrages on election dir.
And who attended those meetings?
Why, mainly, the "boys." The pre
cinct captains, the members of the
ward clubs, the hangers-on that only
knew Andrew Jackson as the name of
a cigar, the men 011 the pipe-extension
gangs, the ward superintendent, the
men down In the clly ball, the sewer
diggers, laborers, ele, who are work
lng for the city, and the pay-roll bri
gade" in general.
And where was the private citizen?
Why, he was at home, reading the
evening paper, playing with the cat.
having a quiet little game of "cinch"
at ten cents a "corner," five cents
a "set-up" and Tommy around to the
Dutchman's with Ihe big white pitcher. 1
Much he cared for oraiory If lie got
a letter from the managers of the c.uu,
paign, or maybe a letter from a may j
oralty candidate, he opened it and
lead It, and possibly speculated a lit
tie as to the truth of II, but, us a rule,
he did not bother himself much as to
the meetings.
There was an exception to this,
however, when Ihe candidate for al-
derman or the candidate for mayor
appeared in a ward. Then the citizens
generally went to the meetings llut
not to hear what were glibly termed j
"issues" discussed. Hill to look at the
candidate, size him up, and see wheth-
er they liked him, and if he looked
Use a man who could fill the Job.
They didn't care for his oratory," un-
less he could toll them a good story,
or "roast" the opposition candidates
wittily, and then he was Indeed a
"star."
The appearance of the may-
oralty candidate was, of course,
the great event of a ward
campaign, and filled the halls
to overflowing. Hoys and women in
the galleries, and even the aisles
jammed. Perhaps some "silver
tongue" would be making the welkin
ring with a passionate declamatory
burst about "the thirteen struggling
colonies," "these arc ihe times that
try men's souls," when in the course
of human events," or some other
"guff" borrowed from a school history,
a war parhphlet or the declaration of
Independence, when all at ouco thtre
a
a
KCHEA KJ/A/a A7j" JPEtc./i
would be a shufllo at the other end of
the hall.
"Here he comes," and "there he Ib"
would he Ihe whispers and signals,
and the great man or great men would
approach through the center aisle at-
tended by a cordon of followers like
the attendant pilot fishes to his majes
ty the shark, or more properly speak
ing, like the attendant porpoises on
I lie whale.
The "silver-tongued" "bunk-sliooter"
would then grasp the hands of the
great men, to show how close he was
to Ihe throne, and would gently hut
firmly subside, and "the Ileal Thing"
would proceed to address the meeting.
Close attention was always shown to
the mayoralty and aldermanic candl
dates and to 110 one else. And what
ihe audience was always trying to
ilgure out was "what kind of a man
is lie?" and not "what are the issues?"
And so the orators soared in and out
of tile issues like a swallow's flight
shove a river, their analysis of the
questions of the day left as much an
impression 011 their hearers' minds as
the bird's flight does in the air above
the river's current.
But they were watching him, and
shrewdly or otherwise making up
their minds as to his sincerity, his
courage, his honesty and bis general
:i bliity lo fill the office he was seek-
ing. The main issue was always some-
thing that no one, not even the origl
nators of it, really understood. II was
usually based on a strictly scientific
degree of accuracy. It started from
self-evident and bitterly contested con-
clusion, and arrived in a labyrinth of
contradiction from which there was
110 outlet. The celebrated traction is
sue, for instance, was one on which
several campaigns were fought, and
110 honest man ever really pretended
10 understand it. The question had
as many angles to it as three-cushion
carom billiards, and as fast as one
perfect solution to the puzzle was of-
fered, something would bob up that
would change the status of affairs and
make it as much of a mystery as be-
fore.
The main uses of campaign oratory
in Ihe wards was to enthuse the work-
ers, lo get the "hustlers" in the vari-
ous precincts busy in getting out the
votes. To do this required that the
speaker descend from the high trap-
eze of flowery declamation and talk
ah 111 the practical benefits lo be de-
!•;. i by a party victory. "The tliir-
t , 1 tripling colonies'' were all
llfci, 1i I'r.r place, but that was
several «vs oliiick, and what the
workers wanted to hear about was the
patronage to be distributed, the pos-
sibility of jobs and positions when Ihe
victory was gained, and "what there
was in It for them."
The business and professional men
of thg ward followed their callings
011 precisely the stjiine plan. I hey,
also, were looking in their line for pe-
cuniae nwards and emolument. ^'I't
I hey sneered at the politicians. What
difference did it make to a fellow who
was out of a place In thy city; col-
lector's office, whether a measure of
public policy smacked of Hamiltonian-
ism or Jeffersonianism? WThat he
wanted was the job. So a great deal
of the local political oratory was prac-
tical to a degree.
At the political banquets, however,
the real oratory was supposed to be
uncorked, and we always attended
these banquets, usually at from three
to five dollars "a throw," or a plate,
as the more polite termed It. But the
science of after-dinner speaking—post-
prandial oratory, as It is called, is
largely dependent upon extraneous
conditions; and particularly as to the
slate of receptivity on the part of the
audience. After a man has drunk,
say two or three glasses of sauterne,
a couple of glasses of claret, and four
or five or eleven glasses of cham-
pagne, he is usually in a very uncriti-
cal condition. And almost any
flowery "bunk" goes with him as some-
thing grand.
llut just let a man stick to "little
old aqua pura" all during the banquet;
let him up-end his glass and say:
"Nay, nay, Pauline" to the teetering
waiters who hover near with the Bac-
chanalian fluids, and "what a change
is there, my country-men," in his
judgment of the post-prandial slush
that is ladled out to him. The Joe
Miller jests and learned by heart or-
namentations of the speakers fall on
an Inattentive ea'r; and he cannot be
lured into wild and unreasoning ap-
plause over some well known quota-
tion which has been delivered by an
orator with the air of "I've just
thought of that."
Political oratory Is composed of the
usual two classes of all oratory, to-
wlt: prepared and Impromptu. Pre-
pared oratory is oratory which has
been admittedly gotten up beforehand
and which the speaker is ready to
hand out to the reporters on type-writ-
ten sheets before the banquet. Im-
promptu oratory Is oratory which the
speaker has learned by heart and re-
fuses to give copies of, although it
has been written out carefully. This
compels the attendance of short-hand
reporters to take it down. When the
stenographers take it down, the im-
promptu orators will sometimes give
a favored paper an exact copy of the
speech, so as to have It printed cor-
rectly.
It may be hinted that all this sa-
vors of the cynicism of the man who
esvies the accomplishment of oratory
to the "silver-tongued" tribe. Far
from it! I have "been there," Hora-
tio, and have on occasion aroused the
plaudits of the banqueteers myself.
The most pronounced success I ever
had in that way was a little impromp-
tu gem that I delivered before a "stone
sober" crowd one time. I had been
given my subject six months before,
and had written and re-written my
talk all out, at least a dozen times. I
had polished it, and adorned it with
slavish care, and had blended with it
various thoughts and quotations from
Ihe poets and the philosophers. You
don't have to use quotation marks in
oratory, and anyway, I did not know
where these gentlemen had stolen
their stuff from.
I type-wrote this talk, and let it
lie a couple of months, and then went
over It again, shortening some of the
long sentences, and rearranging and
shifting until I got it down as fine as
it was possible for me to do. Then
I learned it absolutely by heart. I
could say it backwards or forwards,
begin in the middle and recite it eith-
er way. I knew it better than the mul-
tiplication table or the alphabet. I
"orated it" until I had, as I thought,
all the proper inflections, even to a
little stumble, a little "eloquent pause"
where I was supposed to be overcome
by the strength of my emotions. It
was really a very hard job, the getting
up of this little "impromptu," and one
which I should hardly care to tackle
again just for the sake of doing some-
one a favor.
Finally I had the thing down letter
perfect, and the day and occasion ar-
rived for my "setting it off." Now
some '^mpromptu" speakers make the
mistake of "spieling" their piece
right off "the hooks" without giving
themselves any time for "inspiration."
This is a fatal mistake, and even the
most obtuse will not be deceived if
you begin at top speed with your "fire-
works." But I had heard too many
impromptu speakers to be lured into
such a false position. The proper
way is to select something about the
particular occasion which may strike
your fancy and then start in with a
few halting sentences about that.
Something of this sort, for instance:
As I stand on this spot to-day, I feel
incapable of adequately voicing the
feelings that the time and the occa-
sion would call up in the breast of a
real orator," or "I am glad to be with
you here, my friends, to-day; and this
audience, and the event which we are
called upon to celebrate, only makes
me feel my shortcomings as a speak-
er," or "As I entered the hall to-day I
caught sight of," etc., etc.
And then, when you have edged in
with one or two airy common-places
you can come in with your "siss, boom,
AH" verbal pyrotechnics, and give the
audience a sure enough "impromptu"
exhibition.
The uninitiated will say: "Ain't he
a corker?"
The man that "is next" will reply!
"G'wan; I'll bet it took him six months
10 frame that up."
ERNEST M'OAFFRT.
(Copyright, 1908, by Joseph B. Bowles.)
CHILDREN WITHOUT 8CHOOL.
AN EARLY VICTIM.
Five Live on Island In Ocean Off Mas-
sachusetts Coast.
Boston.—Alone cn an Island In the
ocean, with five children to educate,
js the predicament in which the su-
preme court's decision leaves Henry
B. Davis, the sole resident of "No
Man's Land."
This little island lies four miles
south of Martha's Vineyard, it is«in
eluded in the town of Cliilmark, and
Mr. Davis pays taxes on property as-
sessed at $7,000.
In 1904 he moved to the island.
His children are 4, 12, 17, 19 and 24
years old. The 12-vear-old child Is
the only one of whom attendance at
school is legally required.
In its decision the court regretted
that the children should go unedu-
cated, but stated that the petitioner
cannot expect the town to furnish and
maintain a school for his sole bene-
fit.
Had Mr. Davis' petition been
granted, he would likely have had the
contract for erecting the school build-
ing. One of the scholars would have
been appointed janitor, and when a
graduate of the school became teach-
er the educational short circuit would
have been complete. In the town of
Chilmark there are several school
buildings and a library.
In answer to Mr. Davis' petition the
court said: "The situation of the pe-
titioner and his children is an unfor-
tunate one. The statute requires him
to cause at least one of them to at-
tend school; he pays taxes to the
town to a considerable amount; there
are no regular means of communica-
tion between the island upon which
he has fixed his residence and the
main island upon which the public
schools of the town are situated; com-
munication is often difficult and some-
times impossible. But we can pass
only upon the question of law raised
by the report. Petition dismissed "
rr M.
"What is the matter, Jack?"
"Boohoo! Catherine says she's de-
cided I ain't her affinity after all!"
MAN BUYS WOMEN'S GLOVES.
And Wears Them—Surprise for Girl
at Glove Counter.
New York.—He sat at the women's
glove counter in the department store
waiting patiently until the struggling
women buyers would release a sales-
woman. Finally one came to him.
"I want a pair of tan gloves," he
said.
"For yourself?" the girl inquired
"Certainly," he said.
"Gents' gloves third counter to the
right," she announced.
"I know that," said the man, "but
please won't you let me buy them
here? You see, I've got a small hand
and I can get a much better fit in
women's gloves."
"Certainly," said the salesgirl, and
she brought out gloves and gloves un-
til she found what he wanted.
"We never had a man buy his
gloves at this counter before," she
said in the intervals of trying on, "but
I'm sure I don't see why more men
don't buy women's gloves. You can
do ever so much better in the small
sizes, seven or under. Now, there you
have a perfect fitting glove, and I
know they don't keep them that small
at the gents' counter here."
"I learned the trick a long while
ago," said the man as he waited for
his change. "A young woman suggest-
ed it. She was a sensible girl, and if
there were more like her you would do
a big business with men here."
SUFFERE3 TWENTY FIVE YEARS.
With Eczema—Her Limb Peeled and
Foot Was Raw—Thought Amputa-
tion Was Necessary—Believes
Life Saved by Cuticura.
"I have been treated by doctors for
twenty-five years for a bad case of
eczema on my leg. They did their best,
but failed to cure it. My doctor had
advised me to have my leg cut off. At
this time my leg was peeled from the
knee, my foot was like a piece of raw
flesh, and I had to walk on crutches.
I bought a set of Cuticura Remedies.
After the first two treatments the
swelling went down, and in two
months my leg was cured and the new
skin came on. The doctor was sur-
prised and said that he would use
Cuticura for his own patients. I have
now been cured over seven years, and
but for the Cuticura Remedies I
might have lost my life. Mrs. J. B.
Holland, 277 Mentana St., Montreal,
Que., Feb. 20, 1907."
Her Explanation.
Otto E. Schaar, president of the
Waiters' club of New York, In a re-
cent argument on tipping, said to his
opponent, sharply: "Your reply re-
minds me of a woman's reply in a
German court. This woman was ac-
cused of poisoning her husband. The
prosecuting attorney said to her:
'You have heard the evidence. The
body contained enough arsenic to kill
ten persons. What have you to say?'
'My husband,' the woman answered,
'was a big eater.'"
ONE POINT JN OUR FAVOR
LOCK OF HAIR IS ESTATE.
Hamilton (O.) County Enriched That
Much by Coroner.
Cincinnati. — Coroner Cameron
turned over to the county treasurer
$158.33 unclaimed money found among
the effects of deceased persons from
June 1, 1904, to June 1, 1907. Besides
the money, several bushels of trinkets
were turned over to Probate Court
Judge Malsbury, who will administer
the various estates, sell the valuables
and turn the money over to the county
treasurer.
The property the probate oourt will
be asked to dispose of Is worth prob-
ably several hundred dollars. The
smallest estate consists of a lock of
hair which was found on the body of
an unknown white woman. Two head-
ache powders comprise another estate.
There is one diamond ring of value
found on an unknown body and sev-
eral watches are of considerable value.
Eight estates consist of seven cents.
In all there were about 200 cases.
George llelouche, whose brutal niur-
' der aroused all of Cincinnati In Oc-
tober of 1905, was one of those whose
relatives never claimed his effects,
llelouche was killed by thieves and a
red-hot poker was run through his
body at his home on Walnut Hills.
Ten dollars in gold and five cents were
found in his clothing. It is supposed
the murderers overlooked this money,
as the motive of the crime was said
by the police to have been robbery.
Laundry work at home would be
much more satisfactory if the right
Starch were used. In order to get the
desired stiffness, it is usually neces-
sary to use so much starch that the
beauty and fineness of the fabric is
hidden behind a paste of varying
thickness, which not only destroys the
appearance, but also affects the wear-
ing quality of the goods. This trou-
ble can be entirely overcome by using
Defiance Starch, as it can be applied
much more thinly because of its great-
er strength than other makes.
Monotony of Home Life.
So many wives complain of Ihe mo-
notony of marriage. They envy wom-
en who write, paint or act, because
they imagine all Ihese callings spell
Infinite variety. But any life can be-
come monotonous if people allow it
to be so. Wives who grumble at the
dreary sameness of home routine for-
?et that their husbands have to face
the same tiresome monotony at tho
.iffice. The only way to get out of the
"rut" for wife or bachelor maid alike
Is to cultivate interests and hobbles.
Marriage Is monotonous only for those
who make it so.
The extraordinary popularity of fine
White goods this summer makes the
choice of Starch a matter of great im-
portance. Defiance Starch, being free
from all injurious chemicals, is the
only one which is safe to use 011 fine
fabrics. Its great strength as a stiffen-
er makes half the usual quantity of
Starch necessary, with Ihe result of
perfect finish, equal to that when the
goods were new.
Not Recorded.
Bill—Did they record that politi-
cian's speech?
Jill—I believe not. They hadn't a
wind gauge, I believe.—Yonkers States-
man.
Many a girl is relegated to the Rpln-
ster class because her mother acted
as her campaign manager.
IP YOU I SU IJAM, 111,1 E,
Got Rod Cr0K8 Ball Blue, the best Ball
Blue. Large 2 oz. package only 5 cents.
Jealousy is the trading stamp given
with each case of true love.
Might Not Build Cars, But America
Has the Railroads.
At BrlarcIifT Manor, the day before
the great motor race, Barney Oldfleld
said to a reporter:
"Here is a good one on the foreign
cars. Do you see that young million-
aire with the strap and buckle ar-
rangement on his low shoeS? Well, he
was doing the south last month in a
French limousine.
"Between 4wo towns there was a
steep, rough, soft hill. With his heavy
limousine the millionaire got stuck on
It. lie had to turn back.
"Well back there in the town they
advised him to ship the limousine on
in a flat car of the local freight that
wus Just aboilt to pull out. ilo wise-
ly did so. During the slow, steep
run the conductor and brakeman of
the freight gathered about him and
his limousine on the flat car. He gave
them large, gold tipped Egyptian cig-
arettes, and to please him the conduc-
tor said:
" 'Fine car you've got there.'
" 'Yes,' said the millionaire. 'It's
a French car. We can't build them
like that in this country.'
" 'No, maybe not,' said the conduc-
tor, a bit nettled; 'we can build rail-
roads, though, to tako them up Chfc
hills.' "
o  
Hlghef VharB Monarch.
He who reigns within himself, and
rules passions, desires and fears. Is
more than a king —Mlltoa.
He Straddled State Line.
Cumberland, Md.—Frank Nickola of
Garrett county, who had a saloon on
Ihe Maryland-Pennsylvania state line,
and who was wanted by both states
for selling liquor without a license,
pleaded guilty at Oakland, Md., and
was fined $200.
Nickola evaded arrest by going on
the Pennsylvania side whenever the
Maryland authorities wanted him, and
to the Maryland side when the Penn-
sylvania officers looked in.
Last February officers of both states
^ent to his place, and when the Penn-
sylvania officers ateppofl inside Nick-
ola went ovep $0 $he Maryland sldo,
only to be arrested b# it, Maryland t£-
The
General Demand
of the Well-informed of the World has
always been for a simple, pleasant and
efficient liquid laxative remedy of known
value; a laxative which physicians coulil
sanction for family use because its com-
ponent parts arc known to them to bo
wholesome and truly beneficial in effect,
acceptable to tho system and gentle, yet
prompt, in action.
In supplying that demand with its ex-
cellent combination of Syrup of Figs anil
Elixir of Senna, tho California Fig Syrup
Co. proceeds along ethical lines and relies
on the merits of the laxative for its remark-
able success.
That is ono of many reasons why
Syrup of Jigs and I.lixir of Senna is givi n
the preference by the Weil Informed.
lo get its beneficial cfT>-(*ts always buy
the genuine- -manufactured by the Cali-
fornia Fig SjTupCo., on!jv an<! for salo
by all leading tfruggista, I'ricc lifty cents
Der bottlo.
-S