Cashion Advance. (Cashion, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 1, Ed. 1 Thursday, June 6, 1901 Page: 1 of 8
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CASHION, OKLAHOMA. THURSDAY. JUNE 6, 1901.
A, L. HOUSEWORTH and
J, L. HOUSEWORTH,
All calls answered promptly
day or night.
Officii— North Main-st.
THE TIME TO EAI UII. H°" to_ DVEIITIM.
SOME GOOD JOKES. ORIGINAL
Home A in unlit c An«Cdot«« and Infl-
dioti Taken froiu Ke: l <•"** Just
What He K*i ect«d—Not Kutliu*ia tie
— Little <
Attorneys at LaW
Plans, and Estimates furnished on
All work guaranteed first-class.
CASHION, - - o. T.
talk of' klondike luck.
"You simply go it blind in staking
out a claim," said a returned Klon-
diker, "and brains don't count foi any-
"1 wt£ with a crowd up thore about
a year ago. We all heard that there
was gold in a certain section not far
from our camp and accordingly there
was a prompt exodus. It was a case
of first tome first served, and soon
i we all had our claims staked out,
1 quotes the New York Mail and Ex-
press. "Two fellows who were chums
had tried to get claims side by side,
but another man got between them.
They proposed an exchange to hi in.
" 'It's all luck,' they said, 'and we
want to work our claims togethei
Now you take either one of ours, it
won't make any difference to you and
; will help us out.'
"The other man said it was all a
; gamble anyway, so he chose the right-
I hand claim in exchange for his own.
! That was a year ago. The two men
who are working their claims together
haven't made a thing, while the other
has already taken over a million dol-
! lars out of his. Queer, isn't it, but
that's the Klondike."
Clilnr** TruilMuivn and Doctor#
Mattered tlie Art.
The advertising columns in Chinese
newspapers are characteristic of a pe-
culiar people—verbose, grandiloquent ,
ami chlldisti. Here is how a jilted lover j
advertises his broken heart to tho |
world: "1 cannot control my wratn :
and bitterness. My loved one has, it j
is plain, been enticed away by tins I
rascal's deceit. How, 1 wonder, can a |
mere tailor's dummy like this succeed j
in winning her? Surely he ha.s not
law or justice before his eyes.
It Is I
a rKtvrra s kbror.
(From Jlidy.) IVttlfei I'odgc (glanc-
ing up from a perusal of the Mornlus
Mushroom! Surely there is some mis-
take here, Catherine?
Mrs. Pettlfer-Podge (anxiously) -
Where, dear? Where?
Pettlfer-Podge- Baa hero: The Mush-
room says: "The dress worn by Mrs.
Pettifer-Podge last night simply beg-
.Mrs. lVitifer-l'odge--Well? (Re-
iPettlfer-Podge—Shouldn't that be
beggars her husband"'.'
A. C. HOl'STON. HOI STON.
I,. i„ WOODS, Mauager.
All Work Warranted.
Repairing Neatly Done.
E Z Shave
W. |V1. Gf?A|NT
Aleo agent for Wichita Steam Laun-
dry. All work guaranteed.
A. M. FOLLETT,
The following, which, we are sure,
is an exceptional case, is narrated of
a certain Mr. and Mrs. Caliift, of No-
Mrs. Cabiff's education in the art
of cookery had been somewhat neg-
lected, but she did her best, and her
husband struggled manfully and un-
I coinplainingly with the tough steaks
and sour bread she set before him day
One morning, about three years af-
ter their weddiftg, she said to him.
j "Oliver, you don't love your wife as
you dlii once!'
i "Why do you say that?" he asked
! "Because you don't eat the things
1 I cook any more."
' "Phillida," rejoined Oliver, with all
the earnestness he could command, I
love you as fondly as ever, but my di-
gestion is ruined!"
just what uk expkctt'fc
on this account that 1 am advert is |
ing." A mother writes to a son who
has run away from home "If you de-
lay longer aud do not return 1 cannot,
cannot bear it, and shall surely seek
an end to my lifp. and then you will
stand in peril of death by thunder. I
am now at my last gasp, and the fam-
ily has suffered from insults most
grievous. If you come, no matter how.
everything is sure to be arranged. I
have thought of a plan by which your
father may still be kept in ignonmee.
My life or death hangs on the issue of
these few days. Only 1 pray that all
good people everywhere will spread
this message abroad so that the right j
person may hear of it. So will they
i lay up for themselves a boundless store
of secret merit."
Quacks in China advertise in mora
beauteous language than their kind in
America. One such "ail" runs: "One
recipe has come down to us from a
physician of the Ming dynasty. A
certain mandarin was journeying
in the hill country when he saw a
woman passing southward over the
mountains, as though flying. In her
hand she held a stick, and she was
pursuing an old fellow of 100 years.
The mandarin asked: "Why do y-u
beat that old man?" She answered:
'He is my grandson, for I am 500 years
old and he is 111. He will not purify
himself by taking his nvdicin \ and so
I am beating him.' The mandarin
alighted from his horse and knelt
down and did obeisance to her, say-
ing: 'Give me, I pray vou this drug,
that I may hand it down to posterity
for the salvation of mankind.' Take I
it for five days and the body will fec-l
light; take it for ten days and v jur |
spirits will became brisk: for twenty
days and the voice will be strong and
clear and the hands and feet supple;
for "one year and white hairs will be-
come black again and you move as
though flying. Take it constantly and
;«11 troubles will vanish, and you will
pass a long life without growing old."
NOT I.M Kl SlAM IC.
The following, from Short Stories,
recalls W. M. Hunt's definition of a
critic as "somebody who stands in the
way and snubs":
A small darky and his sister wero |
in the back yard of a wealthy south-
erner's house. The girl was admit ing
things, and exclaimed:
"Wouldn't you lA*e to live here.
Sonny dug around the hydrant in
silence. Presently he replied:
"Some pretty good fish bait heie.
Cement, Paints, Oils, Varnishes,
All Kinds of Building Material/
— AND —
Cashion, - Oklahoma.
Are You Going to Build ?
Try The Long-Bell Lumber Co.
Sash, Doors, Moulding, Paints and Oils.
C.W. LlJDWICK. Local Agt. Cashion, O. T.
HICJH PRICES FOR EQC3.
Arch Caves and Cisterns a Specialty.
W. E. WARWICK,}
All work in this line prompt- i.
ly attended to.
J. R. LYNDS,
Cholly—"Oti, i say, Matidie. here's
full! I'll bet you anythl" that the
old geeeer Will walk right into the
> Builder . . .
Plans and specifications furnished
Denial Work a Specialty.
Satisfaction guaranteed on all work.
Will be at McMahan's Barn it
Cashion every Saturday.
Postofiice address, Nagle, Okla
\ promptly procured 0RN0FEE Bend model, iketa*.
Cor photo f.,r free report on patentability. Book•
Q to Obtain U S and Foreign l'atentaand Trade-Murkp. W
C FREE Fairest t.rmi ever oflered to invented ^
PATENT LAWYERS OF 26 TEARS' ***CT1CE $
) 20.000 PATENTS PROCURED THROUGH THEM.
n All btuiiMM corfidontial. Bound advice. Faithful
n norviae, Moderate charged
,«C. A. SNOW & CO.
[j 0pp. U. S. Patent Office, WASHINGTON. 0. C.
See, don't mis" It, here he come*!
A feiuth American Collector Garo 99.50
for n Klnfft* Hpeclwii.
In winter tin)* housekeepers are
likely to grumble about the price of
eggs. As a solace to thorn tho price
list of some sort* of egg—and not
necessarily fresh ones, either—should
be quoted. The frigate btrd, while not
an uncommon bird, lays its eggs in
such out-of-the-way places t'nnt orni-
thologists are not yet agreed upon what
the egg looks like. A South American
collector is said to have given $250 for
a specimen of the frigate bird's egg,
but the egg he bought is described as
being white, clouded with gray, where-
as, according to the "authorities," tho
egg is of a "ptnky-whtte" color. A
supposed specimen was sold in Dondon
recently by a sailor tor $50. Tho
sailor said ho got It txz South America,
but there waj no guaranty of Its gen-
uineness. It was of grpviih white,
1 with faint mouiings at the thick end,
The eggs of the great northern diver
are becoming scarcer every year. For
I a good shell $25 is by no means e fancy
price. If the birds decrease in numbers
for the next few years as rapidly aa
| they have been doing in the last few,
j the prtce of diver eggs will go up to
such a point that they will >>e placed
tar beyond the reach of "cramon peo-
ple." These eggs of the great north-
ern dicer are large in proportion to
the size of the bird, some of them
measuring three feet in length. Iii
color they are a tawny white, usually
1 unspotted and generally of a symmetrl-
l cal shape. The eggs of the nut-crack-
er crow, If found in England, are worth
$5. and a bustard's egg, If found on
| British soil, Is worth Its weight in gold.
A raven's egg is wo-th about <2,
though some especially fine specimens
have brought $5.
Smmggs—"Why. I thought Robinson
fasted through Lent, lie seems to
look Very fit!"
Baggs- "Yes, his wife made him
deny himself her home-made pic and
DKIIIIEULY Till: KI.VI:iiSK.
I'ncle Wellington de Bergh, a retired
English merchant, who occasionally
came to visit his relatives in this coun-
try, was an enthusiastic bicyclist, not-
withstanding his age, which was over
His other passion was a fondness for
Walker's Dictionary. Which, he main-
tained. was superior to all others, of
whatever date, and ho Seemed to know
it by heart.
"Your uncle," said a caller one day,
"appears to be a walking cyclopedia,
"On the contrary," responded one of
t'ncle Wellington's American nieces,
"he's a cycling Walkcrpedia. '
TI IK MAN AM) TI1K !>1 lC'ftOIlK.
At this point in the fable the Man
marveled greatly in that lie had not
met the Microbe long since.
"In what guise have yot' traveled,
pray?" asked the .Man.
"Why, for the most part in the
guys who didn't botl thei drinking
water!" replied the Microbe, candidly.
Of course, hygienic science was des-
tined to change all this.—New York
J. c. ROBB.
Grain and Coal
Are prepared to handle any grain ofiered
at goinc market prices.
Also handle McAlester Coal, and respect-
fully solicit your patronage.
W. H. Pettit. Manager.
_ i -mmmimi~m
Pioneer Drug" Store,
BROOKS & STONE, Proprietors. CASHION, ^ ^
§3E Drugs li~
WallPapr, Paints, Oils and Hard Oil.
Patent Medicines, Toilet Articles,
A full line of School Books and Supplies.
JOHN 1,0^'CNECKKR. c- ENGLAND.
Longnecker & England,
Almost it K e.-k-Out.
Hlx—Say, old mart, lend me $10, will
Dix I never thought -on would
strike a friend such a mi' blow.
Hix—What do you means by foul
Dix—Why, a bit below the belt.
From Pick-Me-Up: Downer—I am
%lad it is good form not to wear a
watch with a dre?R suit.
| Downer—Because I never htive my
I watch and my chess suit at t-.e sama
Aft * Hone.fT'oon
Old CurniU'^eon (.:°rrle(* at Isst)—
Well, that's mv wife; what do you
think of her?
Confidential Crony Don't like her
Old Curmudgeon—Neither do I,
Also Insurance on City and
Auction sales cried on reasonable terms.
Office at Hotel Maine, Cashion, O. T.
ONALDSON, The Blacksmith
I^EPTUR Y/OKK. PLOW WORK
A first class wagon maker in connection with this shop.
What dtfl 1 tell you?"
Servicss by the Methodist people
Sunday at Clark s Hall as follows
Sunday School at 10 a.m. Proaoh-
img at S.0O o'clock p. m. Prayer
iV>9etiBf Thurst1#'' tver'inff at 8:00.
H « Fought Mar-T Duol .
A story which is going the rounds
of the European press ilustrates the
absurdities of the French duel. Tt/o
men of Paris arranged to fight a dual
at Calais. They were highly pleaded
at least one of them was at the pros
pect. for if meant public, proclamation
of their brAvery at the cost of only a
scratch or two, and, what was more
serious, a few coppers for coffee. But j
one of the duelists, as it turned out, j
really wanted to kill and be killed, for j
he had made up his mind to commit
suicide. On learning this the other
man fainted and had to be carried off
to bed. This seemed to be a great dis-
I appointment to the one with suicidal
intentions, and after vainly trying to
' pick a quarrel with his second he went
and drowned himself.
Foley's Kidney Cure
makes kldheys and hlad'ler right.
Wedderly—Why, my old friend .Jack,
how are you? It's fifty years since we
were boys together. ,
Slngl ton—S-h-h-h! Don't speak so
loud, that wealthy young widow is
in the next room.
It Wonld Se«m So
pati1Pr_i wonder what's the matter
with Ne'ilie this morning? She acts
like one possessed.
Mother—She probably is. i noticed
a new ring on her finger when shu
Not a Fly: Only Dirt
From an Exchange: Angry Oiner—
Confound you. waiter! There s a fly
In my glass.
Waiter (examining glass)—LOr' bless
your 'art, sir. that ain'f a fly it's a
bit of dirt.
D. F. S (VI I T H,
Real Estate Agt.
Money on Farms and
Well located town lots a specialty.
'our tuo returned it' w fail. Any one sending .ketch and description of
any invention will promptly receive our opinion f?ee concerning t e pa env
ability o? same. "How to obtain a patent" sent upon request. 1 ateuts
(secured through us advertised for Hale at our expense.
Patents taken out through us receive special notice, without charge, in
The Patent Kkcoed, an illustrated aud widely circulated journal, rtonsmltetf
f y Manufacturers and Investors.
Send for sample copy F REE. Address,
VICTOR J. EVANS & CO,,
Evans RuMdinti' * WASHINGTON$
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Cashion Advance. (Cashion, Okla.), Vol. 2, No. 1, Ed. 1 Thursday, June 6, 1901, newspaper, June 6, 1901; Cashion, Oklahoma. (gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc102644/m1/1/: accessed October 19, 2018), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.