The El Reno Democrat. (El Reno, Okla. Terr.), Vol. 7, No. 46, Ed. 1 Thursday, December 12, 1901 Page: 1 of 8
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The El Reno Democrat
F. HEA'SLE V, Proprietor.
BED EVERY THURSDAY.
$1.25 PER YEAR
Vol xii.
El Reno, Oklahoma Territory, dec
12. 1901.
no. 46.
walked
arose
slowlv
reply, 'Oh. I thank you. Mr. Sheriff, for
Now.
rat. what is tlie depth of the
oceanv uiv«'. In. ■■ i „ ' " "" > ^our very kind consideration; but sir. i
J!S# ' SSS 1 quite bus, today, and!
iy
Gathered In and About
Halls of Congress.
Anecdote cf Two Mischievous Coys In
a Missouri School—How Ready Irish
Wit Saved Them From a Thrashing.
Governor Cookery's Pursuit of the
James Gang—The Barber Who Pre-
ferred Business to Pleasure—A Cu-
rious Country.
[Copyright. 1901, by Champ Clark ]
Almost any man could write an in-
teresting book or tell an interesting
story if be would write or tell what be
knows about. The trouble, however,
is that the average person who under-
takes to write or talk seeks the unat-
tainable by choosing an unfamiliar
theme. The witty Sidney Smith once
said, "In the beginning God created
round boles and three cornered holes
and made round people and three cor-
nered people to put Into them; but.
unfortunately, most of the round peo-
ple get into three cornered holes and
the three cornered people Into round
holes, and nobody fits." These cloak-
room stories have at least one virtue-
each man tells what he knows best;
consequently he fits.
Pat and Mike.
Hon. John Dougherty of the Clay
county (.Mo.) district, known In his
county as "Handsome John" and
"Ilonest John," tells this story:
"In a certain public school taught In
one of the counties of the Third con-
gressional district of Missouri two Irish
boys were pupils. Their names were
Tat and Mike.
"They were uncommonly bright lads;
but, as it not infrequently happens
with boys who give great promise of
future merit and usefulness, they were
given occasionally to innocent mischief,
which sometimes interrupted the good
order of the school. Upon such occa-
sions, however, they were invariably
able to avoid positive detection and
consequent punishment. These boys
occupied seats at the same desk. Be-
ing twins, they bore such a striking
resemblance to each other that the
teacher and even their best friends
were frequently unable to distinguish
I'at from Mike. One day just before
the noon hour Pat, feeling in a frolic-
some mood, indulged in the practice
of throwing paper wads at his neigh-
bors, drawing comic pictures on his
slate, etc., for the amusement of those
who sat near and by this conduct cre-
ated much disorder in his Immediate
locality. The teacher observed the dis-
order and was unable to locate the dis-
turber of the peace. lie nevertheless
had a well defined suspicion that Tat
was the culprit and called him for-
ward to his desk. In the presence and
hearing of the whole school the teach-
er said to him: 'Pat, I have observed
more or less disorder in that section of
the schoolroom where you sit, but I
must confess that I have been unable
to positively Identify the culprit—that
Is, I am unable to say beyond all rea-
sonable doubt that you are the guilty
person, yet I really believe you are. 1
must maintain order in this school, and
I have concluded that it is best to
make an example of you. But before
I proceed to chastise you I will offer
you an opportunity to escape punish-
ment. I will therefore propound to
you three questions which I will re-
quire you to answer immediately after
school convenes after the noon hour.
These are tlie questions: "What is the
depth of the ocean?" "What is the dis-
tance around the earth?" "What am I
thinking about?"'
"School was adjourned for dinner.
The boys Tat and Mike, with their
friends, repaired to their accustomed
place to eat the dinners their good
mothers had prepared for them. Tat,
who was usually the life of the crowd,
was on this occasion silent and thought-
ful. His affectionate twin brother, ob-
serving the distressful countenance of
Pat and knowing the cause of ft, re-
marked: 'Pat, I am equally as guilty as
you are and deserve punishment as
well as you. I realize that the teach-
er's questions are hard to answer, but
I think I can do It. So when "school
takes up" and the teacher calls for you
I will go In your stead. You know' ho
can't tell us apart, and he will think I
am you.' After some objection Pat
agreed. School was convened in due
time. The teacher, standing at bis
desk, provided with a good 'apple
sprout,' called, 'Pat, come forward.'
slowly raised until be looked the teach-
er In the face, and he replied. 'A stone's
throw, because when you throw a
_ stone Into the ocean it sinks to the bot-
k,!l6 tom. thereby measuring the depth.
'Well. Pat, that may not be entirely
correct, but I'll accept that for the first
answer. Now. sir, what is the dis-
tance around the <erth?' Pat showed
more confidence and quickly answered,
'A day's Journey of the sun.' This was
also accepted because the teacher
thought the third question a 'poser.'
and, mechanically reaching for the
switch and advancing one step nearer,
the boy, he asked, 'Now. sir, what am
i 1 thinking about?" Mike's eyes gleam-
ed In triumph, and he fairly shouted,
'Be gorry. sir. you are thinking this is
Pat: but. bedad, sir. it is Mike just the
same." which mollified the teacher and
convulsed the pupils."
Dockery and Jesse James.
Dougherty s immediate predecessor
in congress. Governor Alexander Mon-
roe Dockery, served 10 consecutive
years In the house and preached econ-
omy under the leadership of Judge;
William S. Holman of Indiana, who
tr,: stly and fa; > tlie sobriquet
of "the watchdog cf the treasury." j
Dockery, as well as Dougherty, is a
good looking man. The Globe-Demo-
crat once contained this editorial squib:
"Alexander Monroe Dockery possesses
more personal pulchritude than any
other member of congress."
Before coming to the national capi-
tal as a representative Dockery, after
being for years a country physician,
was a banker in Gallatin, ne was also
mayor of that little city, which was
the scene of one of the most far famed
of the exploits of the James boys. One
morning In the cloakroom several
members were relating hairbreadth es-
capes by flood and field when Dockery
came in with this: "When I was may-
or of Gallatin, there was a great deal
of petty thievery in and about the
town. Tramps were numerous and
troublesome. People got tired of it
and resolved to clear the neighbor-
hood of Weary Willies and thieves.
One day a farmer came into town and
said that four suspicious looking men
were lurking in the woods about a
mile from the suburbs. We all laid
ou' beads together and concluded to
g( o;.t, capture them and at least make
them give an account of themselves."
One of bis companions asked, "Did
you go?" "You bet we did. and we
came very near never getting back.
We gathered up six or eight men, arm-
ed with rusty old shotguns, squirrel
rifles and muskets, and boldly rode
forth to take in the 'tramps.' We found
the spot where they had been loiter-
ing in the woods; but, as good luck
would have it, they were gone; other-
wise I might not be here to tell tbe
tale. I use the words 'good luck' advis-
edly, for we learned afterward that
the four supposed 'tramps' were Jesse
James, Frank James. Dick Liddell and
Bob Ford! By gum, it makes me sweat
even unto this day to think of that
narrow escape from death!" And as
he said this the future governor of im-
perial Missouri wiped the cold per-
spiration from his brow and pulled
harder on his cigar.
"Business Before Pleasure."
Dougherty capped Dockery's Jesse
James story with this one on the same
fertile theme:
"There resides in my home town in
Missouri one of the most uncommuni-
cative, diflident, modest and withal
unique characters who ever owned and
operated a tonsorial parlor. He sticks
strictly to his trade. lie goes nowhere
except from his barber shop to his res-
idence and from his residence back
again to his barber shop. It is doubt-
ful if he has been on the opposite side
of the street from his place of busi-
ness in the last ten years. His reti-
cence and timid nature are proverbial.
On a certain occasion some years ago,
when the James boys, of national fame
for deeds of lawless daring unprece-
dented In fact or fiction, were suppos-
ed to be at their home in Clay county.
Mr. Oscar Thomason, then sheriff of
the county and one of the most truly
brave and lion hearted sheriffs the
state ever had, organized a posse com-
Itatus to raid the James home and
capture or kill the renowned bandits.
While passing along the street In front
of the shop of the barber above men-
tioned he chanced to meet the aforesaid
barber and thus accosted him: 'Gus, 1
have credible information that the
James boys will be at their home to-
night, and I am < rganizing a posse to
go out there and take those fellows
dead or alive. 1 hereby summon you
to go along." Our barber friend, who
Is a Chesterfield In manner, made this
you know. sir. that it's business before
pleasure.""
"I Have Lost No Robbers."
1 once heard a fellow slate the same
idea in different language. The sheriff
wanted him to go and help capture
some robberR. The yokel rubbed his
chin thoughtfully for a moment and Burford's name
said laconically, "I have lost no rob- tail savs:
berm." _ , ,"
„ _ 1 Information ba>
A Curious Country.
Hon. Asburv
nection of the governor with the
sanitarium deal were little favors es-
| tended and courtesies exchanged in
A Washington associated press re- ''ie nature of official reciprosity.
port on the Oklahoma situation con- ^'1C of Governor Jen-
tains some very unpleasant gossip ia ^ins *or an ''indiscretion" has let
connection with Associate Justice t',c 'lars "'ie official pastures down
in Oklahoma. As long as a solid
<ociate
The report in de-
. C. Latimer of South
Carolina is not only one of the most
prominent agriculturists, but also one
of the best story tellers. In congress
We were discussing the question of
personal freedom in the cloakroom,
when Latimer chimed In with the fol-
lowing: "Judge Jim Brown of Georgia,
brother to Senator Joe Brown, used to
tell iWs tale illustrating and illuminat-
ing tlie problem of Ind.vidnal freedom:
An Irishman wbti at home in the Em-
erald Isle had heard a good deal about
the great measure of freedom enjoyed
by the citizens of this country and de-
siring to secure those blessings for
himself and posterity came to Ameri-
ca. Shortly after his arrival he was
walking down a street in New York,
when a pack of dogs took after him.
He tried to pull up a cobblestone in the
street to hurl at his canine pursuers.
He couldn't pull the stone loose, so he
hastened on, muttering, 'Bedad, this is
a devil of a free country, where the
dogs are permitted to run at large aud
the rocks are chained fast to the
ground!' "
"Sawyer."
Later Latimer reeled off this one:
"A young man and woman who were
engaged were riding In a railroad train.
There were no other passengers. So
the young man, taking advantage of
the propitious circumstances, persuad-
ed bis sweetheart to give him a kiss,
which was not a matter of great diffi-
culty. Just as they bad concluded the
esculatory performance the brakeman
poked bis head in at the door and an-
nounced the name of the station, which
happened to be 'Sawyer.' As he bawl-
ed 'Sawyer! Sawyer!' the young fel-
low, thinking he had been caught at
the kissing caper, said defiantly, 'I
don't care a darn if yon did see us, for
we are going to marry next week any- 1
way, and it makes no difference." "
Champ Clakh.. i
A Cure Effecteil.
William J. Bryan says that lie lias
fully recovered from the attack of
presidential fever. lie made this
statement to an agent of the New-
York Life Insurance Company upon
the signing of an application for ten u,
thousand dollars on his life- On
signing the instrument, he said "1
have suffered twice from presidential
fever followed by a severe attack of
chills, but I have fully recovered.'
been received
hereof a curious nature, that lias a
tendency to connect Chief Justice
Burford. indirectly with the Norman
sanitarium scandal. The report has
it that some time last spring one K.
C. Cheek, who lives on a farm in
Pottawatomie county, and who is
the father-in-law of Chief Justice
Burford, quarreled with a tenant on
his farm. and. in a great passion,
went to his house aud got a shotgun
and returned to the scene of the row
and proceeded to till the hide of tlie
tenant with buckshot. Tlie wounds
were dangerous, but the tenant sur-
vived. and when he was able to go
before the grand jury, he had Cheek
indicted for assault with intent to
kill.
Now here are some curious cir-
cumstances. In September it be-
came known that Governor Jenkins
had become mixed up in the sanitari-
um deal and that charges had been
preferred against him at Washington.
Ou October 2. Governor Jenkins is-
sued to E. C. Cheek, the father-in-
law of Chief Justice Burford. a com-
plete and full pardon, before lie ever
came to trial, for the shooting of his
tenant, llicn when the Logan coun-
ty grand jury met in November, and
the county attorney of that county
offered to produce the evidence, and
had the witnesses subpoenaed to
show that Governor Jenkins had
been interested in the sanitarium
contract at the time he let the same,
which interest constituted a misde-
meanor under the laws of Oklahoma.
Chief Justice Burford refused to al-
low the grand jury to investigate the
same and in almost direct terms told
;e grand jury to pass al
by.
front was maintained there was hope
for all the present officials; but if an
exact code of morals is to be the key
to holding place in the territory,
there may be vacancies soon that
are not thought of at the present
time. This information, as well as
all other alleged records of officials,
will be investigated before official
action is taken.
BAD BREAK NO I
Last night in the lobby of the
Hotel Royal at Guthrie, Gov. Fergu-
son used t his language;
"I am under obligations to uo one
in Oklahoma for my appointment."
There is Tom Fergusons for you.
He is the big "I" now and every-
body else is the little "you." Such
boasts are always prompted by the
self assumed greatness of the man
who utters them. The governor is
under obligations to someone in Ok-
lahoma for his appointment; yes,
more than one. It is ridiculous to
suppose that the president selected
Ferguson out of his own mind with-
out somebody urging the appoint-
ment. It was very bad aud indis-
creet language to use at the begin
ning of a new administration.—Enid
Wave.
A RARE EVENT.
1'or lo ! these many years no one
has ever noticed the name of a west
side, or a central, Oklahoinan, named
as good timber for desegate to con-
gress in an east side paper of either
party. I his simple fact shows the
( high strung prejudice of the east
siders against this section of the
territory. It would not hurt them
; to mention somebody iu these premi-
ses occasionally; not for the nomi-
nation but as an evidence of good
h mat- Jefferson Club faith. On the other
hand there are many west side
The Fair has compressed air tovs
I lie state of facts caused curious | papers who arc continually harping
persons to wonder if the pardoning on the names of east side men and
of the father-in-law of the chief! no other. However, such editors
justice by the governor, and the re- j are spellbinders, ever hunting, hunt-
fusal of the chief justice to allow | ing for favors at the pie counter—
the grand jury to investigate the con-1 Enid Wave.
ate
Hairing*
Superlative
in strength
and purity
Improves the flavor and adds
to the healthfulness of the food.
PRICE BAKING POWDER CO.,
CHICAGO.
Noth.—There are imitation linking powders sold cheap by
many grocers. They are made from alum, a poison-
ous drug, which tenders the food injurious to health.
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Hensley, T. F. The El Reno Democrat. (El Reno, Okla. Terr.), Vol. 7, No. 46, Ed. 1 Thursday, December 12, 1901, newspaper, December 12, 1901; (https://gateway.okhistory.org/ark:/67531/metadc112260/m1/1/: accessed April 19, 2024), The Gateway to Oklahoma History, https://gateway.okhistory.org; crediting Oklahoma Historical Society.